Are kids an excuse?
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Oh my gravy Jen, I'd give alot alot to have that option....alot alot. :noway:See I'm different. I mean my sister and roommate are my sitters if not my ex MIL. But once the kids are asleep I don't see what the issue is with going out. Its not like they ever even know I'm gone. Also since my sitters are family and they live with me its no biggie for me to ask my sister to watch them once they are asleep and go out for a few hours.
i don't have that option either. no family. i have friends, but they ALL have kids of their own. the only good thing is that most of my church friends have daughters that are old enough to baby sit. and a lot of those girls will babysit as service or for like 2.00/ hr. i try to use them infrequently. i don't want to take advantage of their hospitality. ya know?
jen, how old are your kids??0 -
I don't plaster all over my profile that my kids are my number one priority (call me horrible or whatever) but I've found that some, NOT ALL, moms that do that are insecure about thier parenting abilities in the first place, it's a given in my house, I'm a mom, I am not a soccer mom however, my kids don't do alot of sports and such because if they can't participate in at least 50% of the games etc, it's a waste of money/time. I sleep in on Saturday mornings, this is a rule, the kids know it, they get thier own snacks and turn the TV on until I get up around 8. It's fine, the house hasn't burned down yet.
Here's my kicker, I have zero family around, I have a few sitters now and then but my life persay has to be semi planned... I love doing things on a whim,but when it comes to kids and introducing them to a new guy, that's a no fly zone for me. I have to have someone to watch them, you aren't going to see them for a while. Now keep in mind, every other weekend, from Friday night to Sunday afternoon, take me away and do compeletely unedited horrible non mommy things to me. That is your dedicated absolute time to spend with me. If you waste that time. Your problem not mine.
The one thing I've found that super pisses me off...is guys with no kids that expects on a random Tuesday night for me to drop everything and go do XYZ, or catch a little nookie.
I tell them on the first date that this is not an option, and if it's a deal breaker it's a deal breaker. Sorry, I don't have time to listen to you whine about how "I'm not putting you first and that if I'm not willing to do that then I'm not into you" If I hear that phrase again I may unfortunatley punch that manchild in the throat.
It's a matter of I am a good mother and I'm not going to have my kids believing that our house is a revolving door for strange guys. I know that it's like for them to ask "Where did Tom go?" "Did he not like us"
No man is worth that.
Ever.
Said this mom.
My two cents worth.
I agree with you, said this single mom of 2 kids who doesn't get every second weekend to myself 0 -
Oh my gravy Jen, I'd give alot alot to have that option....alot alot. :noway:See I'm different. I mean my sister and roommate are my sitters if not my ex MIL. But once the kids are asleep I don't see what the issue is with going out. Its not like they ever even know I'm gone. Also since my sitters are family and they live with me its no biggie for me to ask my sister to watch them once they are asleep and go out for a few hours.
i don't have that option either. no family. i have friends, but they ALL have kids of their own. the only good thing is that most of my church friends have daughters that are old enough to baby sit. and a lot of those girls will babysit as service or for like 2.00/ hr. i try to use them infrequently. i don't want to take advantage of their hospitality. ya know?
jen, how old are your kids??
My girl is 9 and my son is 60 -
The last guy I dated, his son was 12/13 and he treated his son like he was more along the lines of 5/6. He used his son for excuses to not be able to do a lot of things with me. I always got, "Oh but rumplestilskin is to call me and I need to be here", or "Oh he has soccer practice 4 days a week." He would not even let me come watch his sons soccer games. I don't care if I am introduced, I just want to watch. That never happened. I was never made to feel like I fit in his life because of his son. I never asked to be placed first, because I know kids should always come first, especially before me. But geez make me feel like I fit in your life somewhere....
But, how long were you dating? I won't let men come to my kids games unless they've been introduced to my kids either. Why? Because my kids aren't stupid. "Who's that guy mom?" My kids don't need to be subjected to every bit of my dating life. My heart breaks enough when a relationship ends, theirs' should not as well.
We had been dating 8 months. I just wanted to watch a flippin soccer game (did not realize that was a crime - especially since he said he was coaching a team) I never once asked to meet his son at the game. I just wanted to go watch - not meet the family. Then again I never in those months had been to his house. I never requested to meet his son, because I get that happens with time and when they are ready. I do not demand someone to do something they are not ready for.0 -
I am a single Mom, I do mention that I have a 3 year old in my profile. I want to weed out anyone who doesn't want kids, or to be around anyone else's kids. I think it is just being open and upfront. I don't mention that he is my first priority because I think most people understand or expect that.
XH takes him every other weekend, so that is when I am free to go out on dates. I keep my son away from anyone I am dating because I think I need to get to know someone before my child does. So that limits the time I am available.
I am dating someone that has kids, and it has helped that we both understand the kids are first priority. I have been canceled on in favor of his kids, and I have had to turn down dates for the same reason. It doesn't happen often so I don't see it as an excuse.
I was fully prepared when I joined Match that I wouldn't get a lot of attention because I know having a 3 year old is a tough age to be dating, but I hoped that the men that were interested would be understanding because they knew what they were getting into.0 -
The last guy I dated, his son was 12/13 and he treated his son like he was more along the lines of 5/6. He used his son for excuses to not be able to do a lot of things with me. I always got, "Oh but rumplestilskin is to call me and I need to be here", or "Oh he has soccer practice 4 days a week." He would not even let me come watch his sons soccer games. I don't care if I am introduced, I just want to watch. That never happened. I was never made to feel like I fit in his life because of his son. I never asked to be placed first, because I know kids should always come first, especially before me. But geez make me feel like I fit in your life somewhere....
But, how long were you dating? I won't let men come to my kids games unless they've been introduced to my kids either. Why? Because my kids aren't stupid. "Who's that guy mom?" My kids don't need to be subjected to every bit of my dating life. My heart breaks enough when a relationship ends, theirs' should not as well.
We had been dating 8 months. I just wanted to watch a flippin soccer game (did not realize that was a crime - especially since he said he was coaching a team) I never once asked to meet his son at the game. I just wanted to go watch - not meet the family. Then again I never in those months had been to his house. I never requested to meet his son, because I get that happens with time and when they are ready. I do not demand someone to do something they are not ready for.
8 months is too long to be dating someone and not meet their kids, let alone go to their house. I would have cut ties well before that for fear that he was hiding something or afraid of commitment. My comment about even being at the games.....Kids are observant. They notice when new people are at a game and if you had not been introduced that could do more harm to the father's relationship with the child than good. It's also hard, because there are ex's that will use against their children. I would go to my ex-bf's daughter's cheerleading events and his ex-wife would go crazy. She'd become ultra clingy with the daughter, more demanding and try to pick fights. It went away after a couple, but it was a sad thing to see. So, this may have been something he was trying to avoid as well. I don't know..... But, considering you were dating for so long, he should have given you more consideration.0 -
The last guy I dated, his son was 12/13 and he treated his son like he was more along the lines of 5/6. He used his son for excuses to not be able to do a lot of things with me. I always got, "Oh but rumplestilskin is to call me and I need to be here", or "Oh he has soccer practice 4 days a week." He would not even let me come watch his sons soccer games. I don't care if I am introduced, I just want to watch. That never happened. I was never made to feel like I fit in his life because of his son. I never asked to be placed first, because I know kids should always come first, especially before me. But geez make me feel like I fit in your life somewhere....
But, how long were you dating? I won't let men come to my kids games unless they've been introduced to my kids either. Why? Because my kids aren't stupid. "Who's that guy mom?" My kids don't need to be subjected to every bit of my dating life. My heart breaks enough when a relationship ends, theirs' should not as well.
We had been dating 8 months. I just wanted to watch a flippin soccer game (did not realize that was a crime - especially since he said he was coaching a team) I never once asked to meet his son at the game. I just wanted to go watch - not meet the family. Then again I never in those months had been to his house. I never requested to meet his son, because I get that happens with time and when they are ready. I do not demand someone to do something they are not ready for.
Sounds like he was married and you were the other woman.0
