Newbie in tears and confused. please help me :'(

CaliforniaSweetheart

I'm so upset and I have been so confused on how to lose weight and nobody on general boards is answering my questions. Thankfully, I was directed here. This is going to be long so please bare with me as I feel like this is my last hope before I just stick to what I have been doing which was unhealthy. Now to start, I am 5'3 and 146 pounds and 31 years old. My goal weight is 130-135 pounds. I have been on a very low calorie diet for about 6 weeks and have been netting between 450-600 calories with 1 or 2 days a week at 900 cals. I have lost 20 pounds this way. My problem is that I know its unhealthy to eat this low of calories so I know I need to eat more to lose but I'm scared to gain weight. I am very sedentary and am not working out. For now, I prefer to leave it that way as I have a hard enough time getting calories in as it is anyway. Maybe further down the line I will but for now I want to focus on diet only. I have trouble getting in calories because I am a very plain and picky eater who doesn't like a lot of variety and would be happy eating the same stuff. I have been comfortable eating at my low calorie levels and havemt struggled with it but know I should eat more. If I increase my cals, can I do it with things like adding in extra bread or ice cream etc? Does it have to be healthy food necessarily? Also, since I haven't been eating at this low calorie level long, do I need to reset or can I just up my calories? How much should I increase them to? I have read and read through the stickies but everything seems so complicated and I'm overwhelmed. Should I only increase to my &!4 for now? How much weight might I gain from all of this? I'm afraid I will gain 20lbs as I am just now starting to like my body and don't want to throw it all away. I'm sorry if I'm rattling on and asking too much of anyone to simplify this for me, but I'm so overwhelmed and need support so desperately. I just don't know how to get in all. the calories eating the way I do without it being junk food in the beginning...or is that ok as long as I stay in my caloric limits? I just desperately need a plan of action. I really don't want to reset if I don't have to

CaliforniaSweetheart

If I calculated correctly, my BMR is 1430 and my TDEE is 1716 but I may be off on this. Should I jump up to my BMR or just jump up to 1200 cals? How much weight gain should I expect? I feel like I have asked a lot and please no any and all help will be appreciated more than you know.

CaliforniaSweetheart

Bumo

Momwasix

i just guessing reset is a first place to start while reading all the info before doing a cut. Eating at bmr is a good start.

Momwasix

i just guessing reset is a first place to start while reading all the info before doing a cut. Eating at bmr is where you can begin in reset and if you decided to exercise eat those back.

mareeee1234

Sorry to hear you're stressed! I was the same!

I've only been at it for a week, so I can't give any "success" stories haha buuttt I was told..

to wait 4-6 weeks to see results - stick to higher calories for a minimum of 4 weeks
to ditch cardio everyday and do strength training (i'm doing stronglifts 5x5 program now)

I increased straight away from 1200/1300 to 1750, and a few days later 1900.. and will bring it back down to 1750 after a couple weeks.
I don't feel "fat" or anything yet, but I was definitely pre-warned about temporary gain, before the 4-6 (or more) weeks are up. DON'T weigh yourself, don't be discouraged by gains, stick to it. Your body needs to adjust. We will feel bloated and all.. but we can't let it get us down.

also, personally I am using these calories as FUEL for my body, and AM eating healthy!!!! No cakes, no ice-cream no chocolate... these extra calories are all healthy! Cause I also think , eating so many calories everyday, as well as everyday eating unhealthy foods within these calories would make me feel fat..
I want to be able to say "I DESERVE good results at the end of this, cause I upped my calories and ate well".. you know? Instead of saying "I ate so much more..and so much crap"..
But thats just me..

Upping calories is scary for everyone - I was petrified.
But I KNOW eating low and doing cardio everyday wasn't working for me anymore as I stalled.
I keep thinking in the long term, I will reap rewards

Good luck!
Hopefully someone with more experience also replies haha!

whenday

I am new to this but wanted to get in here and respond since you are so frustrated with this. More knowledgeable people will be along to answer anything that I may have told you that is a little off.

First I want to ask how many calories have you been eating daily? And when you say net I am assuming you are subtracting the exercise calories from the amount of calories you've eaten to get that number? I really think you should be eating much more. You should actually eat at your TDEE not your BMR and if you have calculated all the exercise in you won't need to subtract those exercise calories from that number.

Yes you may gain weight but I think you need to do a reset since you are netting way too low now. This will be a slow process.

victoriannsays

I actually responded to your post last night with helpful information.

Greenrun99

If I calculated correctly, my BMR is 1430 and my TDEE is 1716 but I may be off on this. Should I jump up to my BMR or just jump up to 1200 cals? How much weight gain should I expect? I feel like I have asked a lot and please no any and all help will be appreciated more than you know.

Since you have been eating at 900 or less calories daily, I would try eating 1200 for about 2-3 weeks until you can eat that.. then up your calories to 1430 and eat there for a few weeks then try to get around 1500-1600.. if you jump immediately you have a higher chance to gain more weight quickly.. but you will gain weight.. Can't tell you how much as thats up to your body.

I would try different foods to see what you like, and you can eat the samething everyday if you want to as long as its something that fits your macro's and is somewhat healthier option.. I wouldn't fill calories with ice cream and soda, or junk food.. Processed foods (can foods, frozen) have alot of sodium as well so you can hold water longer at times eating just that kinda stuff.. You can look at most of our diaries to get a general idea of foods to try to see if you like them.. I mean we all love ice cream, chocolate, pizza, but it doesn't mean we can eat them everyday and lose weight (unfortunately!!!).

CaliforniaSweetheart

I misused the word "netting", I went back through my logs and I only consumed on average between 500/630 calories with 1 or 2 days a week at 900 calories. I was hoping since it has only been 6 weeks roughly that I could just up calories without a reset. I am a very picky and plain eater and not sure how I can get all that food in yet, but was easily managing my lower calorie level. Should I go up to 1,000 cals for 2 weeks and if no weight gain jump to my BMR of 1430 for 2 weeks? Or should I just jump to what I *think* is my correct and jump to my TDEE of 1716? I may add in strength training in the future, but right now I want to focus all my effort into eating properly and adjust calories when I start working out. If I see weight gain at 1,000 or 1,430 calories, should I stay at whatever calorie level made me gain weight until the weight stops? How much weight gain is typical? I have lost 20/21 pounds already and am finally starting to be happy with how I look and don't want to lose all my progress. I want to start upping today but I'm not sure where to start at. I wish I wasn't such a picky/plain eater, it makes it much more difficult. I'm so scared.

CaliforniaSweetheart

I really appreciate all the replies and am feeling much less "alone". I'm sorry I had a meltdown during my post last night, I just felt like I was heading down a slippery slope to an eating disorder and want to lose weight off of a healthy amount of calories. Hopefully this program will work for me even if I don't end up doing cardio and strength training. I have a full care special needs child and when I say I don't have much time, I truly mean I don't have time. That's how I gained a lot of weight was late night fast food as he slept. I'm trying my best.

nellyett

I can only tell you what has worked for me....I was originally on the 1200 cal per day diet, working out and netting anywhere from 400 -1200 cals per day. Lost 7 lbs very quickly, and then sat on a plateau for months! Couldn't figure out why.

I did a whole bunch of research, found this group, knew that I should be eating more, but was terrified to do so!

I bumped up my calorie intake to 1430 per day (BMR) and ate back all of my exercise calories. That got the scale moving again, and I felt a whole lot better. Since then, i've been tweaking my numbers and activity level and have now set my calorie goal for 1800 cals per day whether I exercise or not. I am averaging a loss of 0.5 lbs per week. I only have a couple to go.

During the month of December, I was unintentionally eating around my TDEE on average of 2100-2300 cals per day. I gained about 2 lbs, but if you really understand the numbers, then you will know that it is most likely water retention. I was only eating at my maintenance level so shouldn't be gaining fat. After a couple weeks, I leveled off and even started dropping a bit. As soon as I went to a 15% cut, the extra lbs fell off and then some!

Also, I keep my diary hidden from public view because I am not the healthiest eater in the world! LOL I will probably be chastized for saying this, but if you have a hard time getting your calories in, then just get them in with whatever food you enjoy. As time goes on and your body gets used to the calorie increase, then add in healthier options.

I am a chocoholic, and at the moment, eat quite a bit of it each and every day. I just fit it in. I try to eat fruit when I can, and have started adding a 'green smoothie' to my diet every day. Frozen mixed berries, lots of spinach, half banana and some protein powder. I'm able to get some nutrients in that way.

Take it a step at a time, and readjust as you go along. The hardest part of all of this for me has been staying patient and trust the process. It is working, I don't stress about it and for the first time in my life, food is NOT bad, or untouchable. I enjoy everything in moderation

CaliforniaSweetheart

Thanks for the reply, I am prepared for some weight gain, but am worried about gaining over 10lbs. For me, that is just the end of the world whereas regaining 2-5lbs doesn't bug me. I will try and make all my calories as healthy as possible, but I'm so picky that I'm not sure I can do it.

SOOZIE429

Great advise above ^

Also, to get in more calories, without eating junk, eat nuts, peanut butter, full fat dairy like milk and cheese, even heavy cream, avocados, olive oil.

You can do this. Adding calories incrementally each week (maybe a couple hundred at a time) will be easier on your mind and body.

Good luck!

timvet

I am so sorry you are having a hard time, but I understand. I agree that you need to up your calories slowly, and trust the process. Please feel free to friend me if you would like to have some friends who are eatting more and doing well. I was also doing about 1200 calories a day for over a year and the difference now is remarkable. I have concentrated on my macros, lifting (heavy for me), and eatting healthy. I don't feel so weak anymore, I have energy, I don't binge like used to, and I don't punish myself for slipping up once in a while. Please put that scale away for a little while. I only weigh myself when curious now and take measurements and pictures. Find the food you do like that is healthy. Don't be afriad to try some new things new ways. I discovered I love brussel sprouts, but only roasted not any other way. Durring my reset I gained about 5 pounds, but my clothing fits different (better) and I just overall feel great! Make sure you read all the information on here about the program, I alos found the youtube videos very helpful!:flowerforyou:

CaliforniaSweetheart

Can I add a certain amount of chocolate to the full fat milk? I hate plain white milk...I'm truly picky. What about Clif bars? Are those ok for breakfasts? Its only after 8am right now and today is my first day of upping calories! I'm just conflicted on starting at 1,000, 1,200, or BMR of 1,430. I'm scared! I don't remember what eating breakfast is like....I was using all my calories for dinner/dessert. Should I use slim fast shakes to start just to up calories? Or instant breakfast? I like instant breakfast.

SOOZIE429

Sure, you can add chocolate! Cliff bars are great and also protein shakes. Slim Fast and Instant Breakfast will work as well. Make sure you are also eating fruits and vegetables. Plenty of protein too is great. Do you like steak? Lol.

Don't be scared. We are all here for you.....

nellyett

Can I add a certain amount of chocolate to the full fat milk? I hate plain white milk...I'm truly picky. What about Clif bars? Are those ok for breakfasts? Its only after 8am right now and today is my first day of upping calories! I'm just conflicted on starting at 1,000, 1,200, or BMR of 1,430. I'm scared! I don't remember what eating breakfast is like....I was using all my calories for dinner/dessert. Should I use slim fast shakes to start just to up calories? Or instant breakfast? I like instant breakfast.

I don't eat breakfast until about 10:30 or 11am. I can't eat first thing in the morning. I feel like I'm wasting calories if I'm not enjoying it. haha

I noticed that snacking in the evening is one of your habits, and I'm like that too. I just shifted my meals to times that work for me. I save enough calories in my day to have something at night. It hasn't hindered my weight loss at all.

Make it work for you and your lifestyle!!

Gapwedge01

Can I add a certain amount of chocolate to the full fat milk? I hate plain white milk...I'm truly picky. What about Clif bars? Are those ok for breakfasts? Its only after 8am right now and today is my first day of upping calories! I'm just conflicted on starting at 1,000, 1,200, or BMR of 1,430. I'm scared! I don't remember what eating breakfast is like....I was using all my calories for dinner/dessert. Should I use slim fast shakes to start just to up calories? Or instant breakfast? I like instant breakfast.

Eating breakfast should be a must. You want to keep your furnace fueled. After 7-8 hours of sleep your body needs to be fueled. If you not like to eat a lot then eat more often - 5-6 times a day. Lifting will actually burn calories around the clock not just during the lifting session. You really should get your macros configured such as 30% protein, 30% fat, and 40% carbs. Learn to log EVERYTHING that goes into your mouth. Many underestimate their food consumption and overestimate their calories burned from exercise.
If you calculate your BMR and then choose your activity level honestly then your TDEE will have your exercise calories built in to your week. Take a cut from that to get your daily calories to eat.
I cannot tell you if you need to reset or not. You could gradually increase your calories and see how that is working. This should be done over a period of weeks not days.

gatorginger

My suggestion is to slowly increase your calories by 100 more each day and try to make it something nutritious like nuts, or fruit or yogurt. I am not the healthiest eater since I hardly like many veggies so you can lose weight on any kind of food as long as your not consuming more calories then your burning.

I was used to skipping meals before coming here so once I got to my goal weight what I did was increased my calories slowly by 100 more a day and stayed that way for 2 weeks and then if I kept losing I would increase again by 100. I took baby steps. You have to experiment and see what works for you. I am now up to 1700 calories a day maintaining. Hope this helps

CaliforniaSweetheart

I just adjusted my macros as suggested and ate my first breakfast in a long time...a mandarin and a small banana. Not very much, but I will go to the store today and dig around for more portable breakfast foods. Perhaps the Cliff bars or Instant Breakfast with whole milk for now since I struggle to get my calories in being a picky and plain eater. I will raise my calories over weeks and watch what my body does. I only ate at an extreme deficit for 6 weeks, so I'm hoping my metabolism will adapt quickly with little backlash. My main issue is, I don't know which calorie level to go to...1,000-1,200 cals for a small raise? Jump to my BMR of 1,440? I don't want to dive in to my TDEE. Where is my best calorie level for starting? I will be sending out friend requests shortly as I get all of my profile and figuring redone. I just don't know which calorie level to start at for the first 2 weeks! Advice???

SOOZIE429

Gradually add your calories as suggested every week, not every day. Try 1200 for next week or two, see how you feel. Gradually work up to your BMR and then your TDEE.

heybales

And since you have already lost some muscle from the 6 weeks, yes, easily 2-3 lbs of muscle, you need to really hit that protein goal. That will assist in retaining in the face of a badly severe deficit.

And since your BMR (what calc, where?) is probably based on average fat to non-fat ratio of healthy weight person, that ain't you anymore. You were on your way to skinny fat, and a lifetime of eating next to nothing, any big meals would have packed on weight, and your metabolism would be pretty wimpy at movement.

So I sense you really got to make your mind over, since you are still so concerned with weight gain, because you will gain water weight for sure. The same water that was part of the bigger than normal initial loss. You were going to gain that back eventually anyway. So accept that fact.

Stick at 1000 or 1200 until there is no weight gain. That means your metabolism was willing to move up to a new point.
Then move up to BMR level until nothing there again. Then half between BMR and TDEE.

And that BMR would be best estimated using bf%. If you can get caliper measured by experienced person for one estimate, hand-held device at gym or scale with it for another estimate, and measurement calculators.

And you might want to rethink the idea of focusing on food only right now and you don't want to do any exercise.

This is the prime time to do some heavy for you lifting. Because during any initial increase of calories before the metabolism increases, your body is viewing them as extra calories - do you want them as extra to be stored as fat, or extra to be used for building muscle?

Cardio isn't going to help, that mainly burns carbs, you'll just be spending and replacing carb stores. Excess will still be fat.

You can use the BF calcs in here as one estimate, but if you have lost much LBM already, they may be off, hence getting caliper measured too and avg them all together.

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/813720-spreadsheet-bmr-tdee-deficit-macro-calcs-hrm-zones

CaliforniaSweetheart

Thanks for the info! I calculated my TDEE and BMR on the Scooby site and used the "Accurate calculator" to get my figures. Last night, I went over my long and I ate between 1200 and 1400 calories since I didn't know where to start, and will aim for 1200 tonight or at least not below 1000. I will take it for a week or two until I don't notice anymore weight gain, and then bump up to my BMR of 1430 until I see no more weight gain. Next, I go half way between my BMR and TDEE correct. I got the plan in order now, but what happens when my body adjusts to between my BMR and my TDEE? will I just start noticing the scale drop and begin my proper weight loss maintaining at that weight? Or at some point do I make a cut? I'm just glad I am getting a plan together and feeling more empowered instead of helpless. Thanks for all the support. I was at my lowest low last night. I'm aware that there will be some weight gain, I was just worried it would be an astronomical 15-20 pounds. I am finally more happ with my body and my clothes are fitting, and I am just so scared. I guess we will see how it goes! I'm just glad I only dieted in an unhealthy way for 6 weeks, hopefully the damage I have done to myself won't be overly severe.

CaliforniaSweetheart

Oops, accidently posted the same thing twice.

heybales

Thanks for the info! I calculated my TDEE and BMR on the Scooby site and used the "Accurate calculator" to get my figures. Last night, I went over my long and I ate between 1200 and 1400 calories since I didn't know where to start, and will aim for 1200 tonight or at least not below 1000. I will take it for a week or two until I don't notice anymore weight gain, and then bump up to my BMR of 1430 until I see no more weight gain. Next, I go half way between my BMR and TDEE correct. I got the plan in order now, but what happens when my body adjusts to between my BMR and my TDEE? will I just start noticing the scale drop and begin my proper weight loss maintaining at that weight? Or at some point do I make a cut? I'm just glad I am getting a plan together and feeling more empowered instead of helpless. Thanks for all the support. I was at my lowest low last night. I'm aware that there will be some weight gain, I was just worried it would be an astronomical 15-20 pounds. I am finally more happ with my body and my clothes are fitting, and I am just so scared. I guess we will see how it goes! I'm just glad I only dieted in an unhealthy way for 6 weeks, hopefully the damage I have done to myself won't be overly severe.

You are probably going to need to go to estimated TDEE.

You'll see at each level prior, how long and how much weight do you really gain. In other words, how long before metabolism has come up to that new level.

When eating at estimated TDEE level, expect the same thing for same time. If it continues, you are likely eating more than estimated TDEE, drop 100, confirm nothing there for a week or two.

Then take deficit of 15%.

If you go straight to that deficit amount from estimated TDEE, you may be high and have less deficit than you could have. You may be low and too much deficit and body just balances there with no loss or gain.

But that is another between spot to spend some time at until you go to estimated TDEE.