How to fake it, until you make it

sura987

I find it easier to be good diet-wise while I'm at home, but once I leave home...it gets harder. Formal events (weddings, parties, etc.) especially are challenging. It's not just an over abundance of food, drinks, sweets, and the fellow attendees egging me on to over-indulge. Or the waiters, who zero in on me with their tray of food that they are trying to get rid of.
It's really hard for me, first off....I feel very self-conscious about my weight/appearance, I feel very uncomfortable in the tight pantyhose, girdles, and heels and as the night goes on I'm even in alot of pain (feet, legs, back). Then, next there are these aquaintances who make me feel so low by coming to ask me why am I so fat?? Are they have just the thing to sell me to lose weight with. Or other insulting things...too numerous to mention or dwell on.
If I'm good food-wise, then I usually have more to drink then I would have, just to help me "fake having a good time" or "fake acting like people's comments don't bother me" or "fake like I'm more confident than I really am" or "fake like I'm not really in alot of pain and I can keep dancing all night"..
I guess this is where having a support system can really help out. Until I become stronger, more confident, and self-assured...I guess I'll just keep faking it until I make it.

mrudick74

just remember the people that make you feel bad about yourself are just pointing at the flaws they feel about themselves. when you are at these funtions just tell yourself you are there to see the ones you love and the ones that love you. ignore the ones, are only there to bring you down. as for the food and drink, if you feel the need for a drink, take one and sip on it all night. those are empty calories that quickly get away from you. i dont drink anymore, so if i did go where there was drinking, i would get a diet coke and say i had a rum and diet coke, or cranberry juice and say there was vodka in it. as for the food, do the same nibble on sommething. dancing is good excerise but, it does no good if it hurts you. its ok to sit one or two out. what helps me in those situations where i feel the need to fake happiness, i try and think of something funny to myself. it could be something goofy i did or someone else did, which isnt hard to do when we are like the 3 stooges around here. if you try those tricks you may find that pretty soon your not faking, but, you are really having a good time. as for the pain if you find something that works let me know. i hope this helps you feel better. hope you had a great weekend. loves and hugs.

sura987

Thanks for your comment. My post was part venting, part an experience of being weighed down by my weight. This extra weight I'm carrying and my poor physical condition really affects me in such a negative way. I'm probably not even a good faker!! (ha, ha) I'm convinced that if I was even 10 or 20 lbs. lighter I would have been in a much better and more positive mindset, and therefore I would have easily deflected the negative people and had a much better time. Hopefully I can use each experience to propel me forward to achieve my goals.

mrudick74

your doing better then me. i dont even like to leave my house because of the way i look. again the whole i don't always practice what i preach. hahaha. im even trying to get out of going to my 20th high school reunion, just because ive gained so much weight. i love to go and see a few people but, im afraid of having to deal with the bullies from my past that made my life a livivng hell in school. i know i shouldn't care what they think and i really don't its just when i think of seeing them i go back to being the fat kid that was always made fun of for not being related to everyone, being poor and being the fat kid in class. not a fun kid to be in a small town, especailly since looking back about 95% of my so called freinds just used me for the things i did have or because their other freinds were busy. feel free to vent, thats what we're here for is to vent, cry and get things out, so we dont have to cry in the corner eating a whole tube of raw cookie dough. lol. sorry that was my vent of the day. i think we need to remind ourselves its ok to do that sometimes. it helps me not blowing up at the people i deal with that drive me nuts durning the day. love and hugs. hope you have a great day.

sura987

I go by force....my husband, kids, and other family members start working on me, weeks in advance....telling me all kinds of things, from come on it will be fun, don't be a stick in the mud, why am I so unsociable, they just keep on until I cave..and give in.
Then I try to psych myself up and say...well maybe I will have fun, maybe I will see some old friends I haven't seen in awhile, etc. , etc.
If I could wave a magic wand, and automatically be at my goal weight, with a nice outfit on, I would gladly want to go, want to enjoy myself and dance all night....so it's got to be my weight that holds me back and ruins my self-confidence. I look at my daughter, and she's in such great shape, when she goes shopping, everything she tries on looks amazing. I believe she could put on a burlap sack and look fantastic. I see how confident she is and how great she feels about herself. I'm very happy for her, I'm glad she is like that, and not jealous of her, nor do I compare myself to her, but I would like to feel happy and confident about myself, too.
I'm the same way as you, I don't like to leave the house, even to go to the grocery store. I went to my last high school reunion because my friend begged me to go with her. I felt the same way as you, too. I went to an all girls highschool and I didn't really fit in. I wasn't one of the rich girls, or the pretty girls, or the atheletic girls, or even the smart nerdy girls, I just was a "loner" who was extremely shy. I discovered drinking, and it did open me up and people thought I was hysterically funny, so I then became known as "the life of the party". People all of a sudden wanted to be my friend. That core group, that sincerely liked me, I'm still friends with today. There were alot of others that had their own interests I no longer have contact with. Still others fell away when I got married and had children. So....I'm glad I went to my last reunion, yes... I'm glad I got up enough confidence to go.
You'll see if you go, people change over the course of 20 years ,your fellow students have grown older, some might even be completely gray, some wiser, most have gained weight and aged, nobody really stays the same, some of mine even died and were no longer with us. A very few of mine, looked way better then highschool and there was gossip going around suggesting "plastic surgery". I would encourage you to go if you can, at least try, and if you're not having a good time, it's always better to make an excuse and leave early.
Part of my "Faking it, until you make it" strategy is to act as if I'm my goal weight already, so that means living life like I've already met my goal. The strategy is that if a person acts that way, then that person will make choices such as exercise and watch what they eat, and start living life like the person that they want to become" (if I'm explaining this so it makes sense).
I basically psych myself out with this "thinking" and act like the person I want to be. Maybe you could try it, envision yourself already being how you want to be, then practice, leave the house and go somewhere. Pretend you're at your goal weight, you look and feel fantastic about yourself, you're happy and full of life. Try it a few times. (I know it seems silly) but it might help you like it does me.
There is a saying that goes something like.....if you keep doing things the same way then you keep getting the same results, so you have to do things differently to get different results....or something like that???

mrudick74

i saw that quote on facebook awhile back. lol. i will try that again, i've tried that in the past. the only problem is i catch myself in the mirror and my postive turns to a negative instantly. the funny thing about me in school was the people who didnt know me or thought i was a dork and didnt like me, thought i was shy and quiet. of course those who knew me thought i was insane and a little scary. lol. but, they didnt see the inscure me. that was only for my 2 closest friends and only 1 of which really knew of my dark places i went to. i am glad that you dont compare yourself to your daughter, cause your not her. you are who you are, a beautiful person who is surrounded by love and people who want you to get out and live life so you don't sink into a dark place. i do need to get out more and my husband and son is always trying too. but, i always make excuses why i cant. but, what kind of friend would i be if i can't help by standing beside you and practice what i preach. i think i will start by next week going to the muesum with him and getting up and around more around the house on days when its not freezing. im also going to get back to my goal of getting to my short term weight goal by my birthday. thats about 47 pounds, by april. i know i can do it if i just get moving. gotta have faith in ourselves and we can do anything! hope you have a great day!

sura987

We all have our "comfort Zone" where we feel the safest at. Sometimes it's the hardest thing to give yourself a little push to get out of that box, that comfort zone, sometimes it's so uncomfortable. Do you ever ask yourself, who do you want to be? What kind of a wife, mother, friend, or woman do you want to be? I think that it is so much more important how we view ourselves now where we currently in our lives? Discover how do we envision where we are and where and how we want to be? Do you see yourself as wanting to be that really cool wife/mom who goes to the museum and has a fun, awesome time? Because, you know what....you deserve it... you deserve to be with your husband and son, go somewhere....really enjoy the moment...just relax and have a good time. Just try, every once in awhile, step out of your comfort zone and try something new, or try going somewhere....little by little, you might grow to enjoy it!! Little by little you will grow more comfortable doing it....little by little...you might tell yourself...hey why wasn't I doing this before??
As for your birthday, your goal is totally do-able!! You can do it!!! And what better gift can you give yourself .....a healthier "'you''