How to Tell You're Just a Booty Call
JanieJack
Posts: 3,831 Member
Guys, I know this may cramp your style of hitting on the MFP honies, but if you don't mind, pls share some tips (here or via PM) with the ladies on how to know "the amazing guy" they're getting to know is just looking for a booty call.
From another thread:
From what I've read, even a lot on this forum, seems like most guys are hesitant to do all the dates, meet the parents, talk every day UNTIL the woman has had sex. If she waits for "Anything at all relationshipy" like Roadie wrote, it's "NEXT" because so many people (not just guys) think that having sex is PART of determining whether you should be in a relationship with someone. Seems to me a Catch-22. A woman just can't win unless she's purely seeking physical enjoyment.
How does someone know a guy only thinks of her as a booty call? If a young lady reading this forum wants to avoid being treated like a booty call, what should she do (or not do)?
From another thread:
I guess I would have to ask them why they thought they were bf/gf. Did they ever go on dates, did they meet the parents, did they talk every day, invite them to hang out with their friends? Anything at all relationshipy? Or did they just carry on having sex with them whenever it was offered?You guys can recolor it how you want, but what I've seen is most of the females I talk to who are having sex with someone think that means they are dating or at the very least gf/bf. And they are hurt later to find out that the guy didn't see it that way. I appreciate that this hasn't been your experience, but I suspect it happens more often than people here are willing to admit.
Sorry but if they put up with being treated like a booty call than guys will keep treating them like booty calls. And for some reason women usually seem to choose these guys over the "nice" guys.
From what I've read, even a lot on this forum, seems like most guys are hesitant to do all the dates, meet the parents, talk every day UNTIL the woman has had sex. If she waits for "Anything at all relationshipy" like Roadie wrote, it's "NEXT" because so many people (not just guys) think that having sex is PART of determining whether you should be in a relationship with someone. Seems to me a Catch-22. A woman just can't win unless she's purely seeking physical enjoyment.
How does someone know a guy only thinks of her as a booty call? If a young lady reading this forum wants to avoid being treated like a booty call, what should she do (or not do)?
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LOVE this question. Waiting in anticipation!
Hmm.. first step is probably not participating in boobie Friday.. lol0 -
Ask him. My last gf made it very clear that she wasn't going to be a Friend with Benefits. I do beleive on date number 2 she flat out asked me if I was just looking for a "fling". She wasn't against having sex but wanted to make sure that I was looking for more than just sex.0
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lol... I got reprimanded today for looking at cleavage at work. My boss was upset bc all the guys were sneak peaking my computer instead of getting their work done and some were irritated that I could look at boobies (as if!) and they couldn't. If it would have been one of the guys looking, he probably would have had formal counseling despite the argument (like I used) "It's a fitness site."0
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Ask him. My last gf made it very clear that she wasn't going to be a Friend with Benefits. I do beleive on date number 2 she flat out asked me if I was just looking for a "fling". She wasn't against having sex but wanted to make sure that I was looking for more than just sex.
In theory I love that advice, but in practice I've not ever had a guy tell the truth about it.
Lots of women "make it clear" they aren't gonna be FWB or have sex w/o a relationship, but then they do it anyway (anyone remember that thread here?)0 -
Don't do it guys. Resist the urge to reply.0
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For me it's part of the natural progression. I have sex early on, but I don't think that having sex makes us bf/gf. Sometimes the "dating" evolves into that, sometimes it stays "dating" until we move on to other people and sometimes it becomes an established FWB situation. It's part of determining if I am compatible with that person. Do I like his personality? Are we good in bed? Am I impressed with his mindset? Do I like spending time with him? It all flows together and makes the relationship what it is.
There was only one time where I literally had to ask "What are we?" but that was because I was a young girl being used by a manipulative game playing @sshat.
I guess all I can say is if you aren't okay with maybe becoming a booty call, don't have sex early. And if you don't want to have sex early be prepared to have guys that don't want to wait, so they move on. It just means you aren't compatible regardless and you didn't have to compromise your morals to figure it out later after you invested emotionally. There's nothing wrong with either method.0 -
Ask him. My last gf made it very clear that she wasn't going to be a Friend with Benefits. I do beleive on date number 2 she flat out asked me if I was just looking for a "fling". She wasn't against having sex but wanted to make sure that I was looking for more than just sex.
In theory I love that advice, but in practice I've not ever had a guy tell the truth about it.
Lots of women "make it clear" they aren't gonna be FWB or have sex w/o a relationship, but then they do it anyway (anyone remember that thread here?)
Well I can only speak for me and I wouldn't lie about that. The conversation with my ex-gf came up becuase she ask me my number which setup the follow up question. Again, I realized some guys are going to lie lie lie so they can get laid. However, I do beleive this is more of a "younger" mans move I think the older men get the more hoenst about "sex" and "relationships" they become...again I can only speak for me and for what I gather from my male friends. Maybe we are just the last of the good guys...0 -
I have a friend who told me time and time again that she wanted to stay a virgin until she married...and then she met her first boyfriend. They actually dated for a few months before they did it, and they're broken up now and he's her only partner. I would have termed it more as "I want to wait to have sex until a relationship." That is how I am. I would love to have sex, but I want to have in the terms of a relationship.
If you don't want to be treated as a booty call, you have to make that clear and follow through with your actions. YOU set up how you are going to be treated. If you don't want that late night text, don't answer it and make it clear that you don't want those texts. If you want sex within commitment, don't have sex without commitment, even if it feels good at the time, and make it clear that is what is going to happen. Make him actually take you out and treat you well (and that goes both ways), and that doesn't just mean ordering in Jimmy Johns and watching a movie on the couch. He actually must take you somewhere and show you off. He must tell his friends about you.
If you're just having sex and not doing anything else, it's a booty call .
I had a guy tell me all the time when he was drunk that he liked me, wanted to have sex with me. that I was so hot. All those times, I was flattered...but it never matched up to his daytime persona. He was always nice to me during the day but never followed up any of his late-night confessions with any daytime action. And that is when I knew he basically just wanted me for sex/booty call. I had a problem with that. Many girls wouldn't, but I did. I want sex within a relationship. If he had asked me out sometime I would've said yes because I was practically in love with him and we would probably be having sex right now. But he didn't.0 -
I do beleive this is more of a "younger" mans move I think the older men get the more hoenst about "sex" and "relationships" they become...again I can only speak for me and for what I gather from my male friends. Maybe we are just the last of the good guys...
I'm glad you are honest.
I became single at 34, and since then all of the guys I've gone out with are older up to 15yrs older. Not sure what you mean by older, but I'm guessing the guys I've dated probalby qualify.
You konw what's funny? Last weekend I was talking to a friend's aunt who is widowed in her 60s and had a wonderful marriage. She was frustrated with the dating scene and told me, "These men in their 70s and 80s! You'd think they are teenagers because all they want is NSA sex!!!" So maybe at THAT age they're more honest, lol!0 -
I do beleive this is more of a "younger" mans move I think the older men get the more hoenst about "sex" and "relationships" they become...again I can only speak for me and for what I gather from my male friends. Maybe we are just the last of the good guys...
I'm glad you are honest.
I became single at 34, and since then all of the guys I've gone out with are older up to 15yrs older. Not sure what you mean by older, but I'm guessing the guys I've dated probalby qualify.
You konw what's funny? Last weekend I was talking to a friend's aunt who is widowed in her 60s and had a wonderful marriage. She was frustrated with the dating scene and told me, "These men in their 70s and 80s! You'd think they are teenagers because all they want is NSA sex!!!" So maybe at THAT age they're more honest, lol!
Shoot, if I'm 70 or 80 and I find myself available I hope I have so much unprotected sex it would make porn stars blush!0 -
Shoot, if I'm 70 or 80 and I find myself available I hope I have so much unprotected sex it would make porn stars blush!
I suppose, but in her 60s she's sitll got a few decades left in her. She said the guys are just looking for the next pieca or a nurse, no relationships. She wants to recreate what she had with her deceased husband. I feel bad for her, bc it's slimmer pickins the older you get and I suspect in that age bracket no one wants to be burdened down with a wife if they don't have to.0 -
Shoot, if I'm 70 or 80 and I find myself available I hope I have so much unprotected sex it would make porn stars blush!
I suppose, but in her 60s she's sitll got a few decades left in her. She said the guys are just looking for the next pieca or a nurse, no relationships. She wants to recreate what she had with her deceased husband. I feel bad for her, bc it's slimmer pickins the older you get and I suspect in that age bracket no one wants to be burdened down with a wife if they don't have to.
Well, I was being more tongue in cheek. Realistically I can't really predict what my mindset would be in 50+ years :flowerforyou:0 -
Well, I have to say, I've never been confused by the two scenario's:
1. Dating/Relationship = go out on dates one2one, talk a lot, text a lot, romance, sex, cuddle, breakfast, drive to market, walk around, have lunch, chat, meet each other's friends, chat, go cineama, hold hands, ask for advice, tell secrets to, share life's ups and downs........ etc
2. FWB = sex, sex, sex, sex, cuddle, possible movie, sex, text (about sex), calls/text at 10pm-2am on a Friday night, mooch home after pub after being with mutual friends, to have sex!! Wake up, have sex, go home.........time lapse of 2 days to 2 months - rinse, repeat!
A guy that is treating a girl like 1 but just wants his leg over, is a player/liar/chancer!
A girl that is being treated like 2 but thinks she's in a relationship, is deluded.
ETA: I'm sure it can work the other way too ie girl treats guy like b/f but just wants sex or girl treats guy like booty call and guy thinks she wants relationship.0 -
Anna you are friggin incredible!
From what I have seen is that men want to sample everything that is available with the mind set variety is the spice of life. maybe brunets are better? maybe asians feel different? maybe a small tiny girl will make him "look" bigger? Maybe a slightly bigger girl he can be rougher?. Mind sets of men and sex it seems more like curiosity than anything else.
So to not be a booty call maybe let the mystery that is you build until they have to get to know your heart. Then bam Amazing sex!!! So yeah suggestion is wait and have him prove he really likes you and not just your female parts. Men and women will get away with what ever they can.
Bottom line is if the relationship or booty call make you feel good about who you are then it isn't wrong. If you feel bad about it don't do it. Can't change people, the only change you can make is in yourself.0 -
Well, I have to say, I've never been confused by the two scenario's:
1. Dating/Relationship = go out on dates one2one, talk a lot, text a lot, romance, sex, cuddle, breakfast, drive to market, walk around, have lunch, chat, meet each other's friends, chat, go cineama, hold hands, ask for advice, tell secrets to, share life's ups and downs........ etc
2. FWB = sex, sex, sex, sex, cuddle, possible movie, sex, text (about sex), calls/text at 10pm-2am on a Friday night, mooch home after pub after being with mutual friends, to have sex!! Wake up, have sex, go home.........time lapse of 2 days to 2 months - rinse, repeat!
A guy that is treating a girl like 1 but just wants his leg over, is a player/liar/chancer!
A girl that is being treated like 2 but thinks she's in a relationship, is deluded.
ETA: I'm sure it can work the other way too ie girl treats guy like b/f but just wants sex or girl treats guy like booty call and guy thinks she wants relationship.
^^^ This. 100%0 -
A great emotional connection and great sex with someone beats hand down a relationship with just the emotional connection. This is not even mentioning the fact that a sexually frustrating relationship leads to resentment and sometimes adultery.it's "NEXT" because so many people (not just guys) think that having sex is PART of determining whether you should be in a relationship with someone. A woman just can't win unless she's purely seeking physical enjoyment.
I think a woman who isn't interested in "physical enjoyment by itself" can win by accepting the fact that she can end up in a "sub-optimal committed relationship" on the sole basis of "emotional connection" (and she could have gotten much more).
I guess this is OK if both partners aren't too sexual though, but you've got to be sure of that before committing.
So then I'm joining Kit in saying that this should ultimately just be another criterion for the selection of your partner. These days, you can find people who are ready to wait and people who don't want to wait. So it's (still) OK either way.
What Annapixel said is accurate. That's how you can tell: how much do you get from it.How does someone know a guy only thinks of her as a booty call? If a young lady reading this forum wants to avoid being treated like a booty call, what should she do (or not do)?
And if the guy is lying to you (and he is good at lying) then it should look real enough so that you won't be suspecting anything anyway. So don't try to second guess him, and just enjoy the relationship either way.0 -
Here's one:She could always wait to have sex until she has talked about being monogamous. If that's a dealbreaker then she was just going to be a booty call.0
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ok must chime in here.....
1 a booty call and a FWB are different..... Think of it this way BF/GF next step down is FWB ,next is Booty call and then One night stands....... Booty calls get no hang out time and literally are someone you call after midnight to come over and have sex.. Then you get them to leave... Or you go to their house do it and leave.....
FWB usually have the discussion going in that this is no strings attached fun( and if not you should) The one thing I do agree with JJ is you should have a talk some where in there (preferably before you have sex) about what kind of relationship/nonrelationship it is.... Personally I don't do booty calls because I like to be more involved in the people I'm sleeping with0 -
How does someone know a guy only thinks of her as a booty call? If a young lady reading this forum wants to avoid being treated like a booty call, what should she do (or not do)?
evan marc katz writes about this A LOT. i'd have to find the news letters and blog posts, but because to boil it down. if you are looking for a relationship and you sleep with a guy, the way to tell if he's feeling the relationship and not just a booty call or FWB thing is his level of interaction with you after you start sleeping together.
does he call you daily? does he make dates for the weekends days out? does he contact you friday night FOR friday night? does he ONLY text periodically? if this pattern continues for a couple weeks you can tell if he's just looking for sex or if he's looking at you as a girlfriend. in a relationship, things should escalate. in a booty call/ FWB situation they won't escalate, they might even decrease.0 -
It all depends for me. I usually date after we've become somewhat friends. The times I've had FWB/NSA it just happened. She gave it up right away, was purely sexual at first and I was fine with that. After meetig three or four times for just sex and no date or any other plans, then it becomes that. If after all we've done is just have sex and she later asks why I don't take her out, I will just say that I thought that's all she wanted, because that's all she has wanted from the start. To me, she should have communicated what she wanted from the start.
Once someone is classified as a NDA/FWB, I will not go out with her.0 -
Ask him. My last gf made it very clear that she wasn't going to be a Friend with Benefits. I do beleive on date number 2 she flat out asked me if I was just looking for a "fling". She wasn't against having sex but wanted to make sure that I was looking for more than just sex.
usually when you ask a guy he goes running in the opposite direction. I know I know, you don't wanna be with a guy like that anyway, but at the same time I feel like nowadays girls are labeled as clingy or demanding if they ask or say anything about defining the relationship.0 -
I pretty much think this boils down to staying true to yourself. You will never be "just a booty call" if you don't allow yourself to become one. I think men take most of the blame for the "he just used me for sex" predicament, but it takes two to tango.
If you're the kind of woman who doesn't take sex lightly and wants to be in a committed relationship before it happens, then DON'T sleep with a guy until you have that level of commitment from him. If he walks, consider yourself lucky to have avoided becoming emotionally invested in someone who has drastically different views on sex. It's not that he's a horrible person for having a more casual attitude about it; he's just not the right person for you.
On the other hand, there are truly despicable guys who will tell you that he considers the two of you to be in a committed relationship, sleep with you, and then disappear. And those guys are really not hard to spot. They're the ones who try to speed everything up and fake their way to "commitment" just to get you into bed. I know it's frustrating, as a woman, when a man moves more slowly than you'd like, but I count my blessings when I meet a guy who actually tries to get to know me before he hands over his brain to his penis.0 -
From what I've read, even a lot on this forum, seems like most guys are hesitant to do all the dates, meet the parents, talk every day UNTIL the woman has had sex. If she waits for "Anything at all relationshipy" like Roadie wrote, it's "NEXT" because so many people (not just guys) think that having sex is PART of determining whether you should be in a relationship with someone. Seems to me a Catch-22. A woman just can't win unless she's purely seeking physical enjoyment.
This hasn't been the case in my experience - I won't have sex with a guy I see future potential with until we are in a relationship. If he has a problem with that, clearly he is not the type of man I want to be with - but I haven't encountered to many of those.0 -
If he doesn't plan, doesn't talk daily, ignores you, plays "hard to get" and keeps you from his social life you're booty call. FWB is different0
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Guys lie to get sex, so it usually doesn't matter what they say/do before the hookup. I mean, they will actually say anything to get you in bed, including making promises they don't intend to keep and making "future" plans that aren't going to happen. Even if a girl makes him wait and work for it, there's no guarantee she isn't just a conquest. It's hit or miss, sadly. Sometimes, I think they don't even know they're lying about this potential future they talk about. Then again, maybe I just want to give them the benefit of the doubt.0
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Guys lie to get sex, so it usually doesn't matter what they say/do before the hookup. I mean, they will actually say anything to get you in bed, including making promises they don't intend to keep and making "future" plans that aren't going to happen. Even if a girl makes him wait and work for it, there's no guarantee she isn't just a conquest. It's hit or miss, sadly. Sometimes, I think they don't even know they're lying about this potential future they talk about. Then again, maybe I just want to give them the benefit of the doubt.
Agreed us guys are all lying manipulative sex hungry monsters.0 -
Guys lie to get sex, so it usually doesn't matter what they say/do before the hookup. I mean, they will actually say anything to get you in bed, including making promises they don't intend to keep and making "future" plans that aren't going to happen. Even if a girl makes him wait and work for it, there's no guarantee she isn't just a conquest. It's hit or miss, sadly. Sometimes, I think they don't even know they're lying about this potential future they talk about. Then again, maybe I just want to give them the benefit of the doubt.
Agreed us guys are all lying manipulative sex hungry monsters.
Yay for sweeping generalizations!0 -
Guys lie to get sex, so it usually doesn't matter what they say/do before the hookup. I mean, they will actually say anything to get you in bed, including making promises they don't intend to keep and making "future" plans that aren't going to happen. Even if a girl makes him wait and work for it, there's no guarantee she isn't just a conquest. It's hit or miss, sadly. Sometimes, I think they don't even know they're lying about this potential future they talk about. Then again, maybe I just want to give them the benefit of the doubt.
Agreed us guys are all lying manipulative sex hungry monsters.
Yay for sweeping generalizations!
You're just mad because you are one of the ones that doesn't know he's lying. Seriously. All men lie for sex and then scram. There's no such things as real long term commitment, he's just in it for the conquest.0 -
I did say I wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt. I guess I should have thrown a "many" in front of "guys" for clarity.0 -
According to you (and I agree, generally) girls make guy wait and work for sex. Can't you see anything wrong with that?Guys lie to get sex, so it usually doesn't matter what they say/do before the hookup. I mean, they will actually say anything to get you in bed, including making promises they don't intend to keep and making "future" plans that aren't going to happen. Even if a girl makes him wait and work for it, there's no guarantee she isn't just a conquest. It's hit or miss, sadly. Sometimes, I think they don't even know they're lying about this potential future they talk about. Then again, maybe I just want to give them the benefit of the doubt.
So what do you expect then? That men are going to comply gently and do what they are told to do so that they can "work" to deserve a night of sex with a woman?
Well... Yes, guys will comply actually. But only because deep within the woman has already been barred as a potential long term relationship for "annoying and manipulative behaviour" which puts her in the box "only good for sex, avoid for LTR seems too much trouble".
Also... Stop complaining. Sex was never intended as a punishment.0
