How to Tell You're Just a Booty Call
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P.S. The OP said the exact same thing, just a little more delicately.0
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I did say I wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt. I guess I should have thrown a "many" in front of "guys" for clarity.
Eh, I wouldn't even go that far. I'd say "some"0 -
P.S. The OP said the exact same thing, just a little more delicately.
No, not really. She was saying how a lot of men consider sex to be part of the consideration for getting into a relationship - not that they lie and cheat to get there so they can dump her later because they're all manipulative meanie pants.0 -
In theory I love that advice, but in practice I've not ever had a guy tell the truth about it.
So, wait...she's saying she "never" had a guy tell her the truth in response to being asked if he just wants sex?
(I'm going to bow out now) lol0 -
In theory I love that advice, but in practice I've not ever had a guy tell the truth about it.
So, wait...she's saying she "never" had a guy tell her the truth in response to being asked if he just wants sex?
(I'm going to bow out now) lol
That's probably for the best, because someone exaggerating her personal experiences is not comparable to saying "ALL MEN LIE". One just insinuates that she's only encountered sh*tty men, another says there's no such thing a man that's not sh*tty.
It sucks that you've had the experiences that lead you to holding such beliefs. I hope that you meet someone decent someday that can help you see otherwise. Maybe re-examine the guys you are attracted to and try to find someone outside of that paradigm.0 -
I'll tell lies to lead to sex but it's not for the sex. I just want a woman to make me a sammiche afterward. During sex, if I get mine and don't worry about whether she gets hers, she should feel complimented. It means it's a damn good sammiche.0
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I'll tell lies to lead to sex but it's not for the sex. I just want a woman to make me a sammiche.
Well, who doesn't do that?0 -
Even if a girl makes him wait and work for it, there's no guarantee she isn't just a conquest.
Depends on how long she makes him wait. If all a guy wants from you is sex, he isn't going to wait that long. There are plenty of women out there who will have sex on the first date (and plenty who don't even require a proper date), so unless a guy is particularly deceitful and gets some kind of twisted pleasure out of faking serious interest in a woman just to get her in bed, I can't see him waiting around for months, only to have sex with her once and then dump her.
I also don't like the term "making him work for it." Not all women abstain from sex for the purpose of making a man "earn" it, like it's a trophy. For some, it is a matter of safety (i.e. waiting for monogamy so as to lessen the risk of STIs). For some, it's a matter of self-protection (i.e. knowing you become emotionally attached after sex and not wanting to take that risk with a guy who is seeing other women). And for some, it's as basic as religious beliefs. A grown-up, honest conversation can take the guesswork out of this so that the woman knows what the man's expectations are, the man knows he is not being manipulated just for the hell of it, and both of them can decide for themselves what they are willing to deal with.0 -
Even if a girl makes him wait and work for it, there's no guarantee she isn't just a conquest.
Depends on how long she makes him wait. If all a guy wants from you is sex, he isn't going to wait that long. There are plenty of women out there who will have sex on the first date (and plenty who don't even require a proper date), so unless a guy is particularly deceitful and gets some kind of twisted pleasure out of faking serious interest in a woman just to get her in bed, I can't see him waiting around for months, only to have sex with her once and then dump her.
I also don't like the term "making him work for it." Not all women abstain from sex for the purpose of making a man "earn" it, like it's a trophy. For some, it is a matter of safety (i.e. waiting for monogamy so as to lessen the risk of STIs). For some, it's a matter of self-protection (i.e. knowing you become emotionally attached after sex and not wanting to take that risk with a guy who is seeing other women). And for some, it's as basic as religious beliefs. A grown-up, honest conversation can take the guesswork out of this so that the woman knows what the man's expectations are, the man knows he is not being manipulated just for the hell of it, and both of them can decide for themselves what they are willing to deal with.
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So I would like to report on something interesting relating to this thread.
I've had 3 dates now with someone who has a personal rule that if he feels there is real relationship potential he will not have sex with them for at least a month. Now.. he is (more than) willing to please his partner during this time, but there is to be no reciprocation at all - so that she knows he is not looking for just a booty call and that it is more meaningful. He believes it shows respect, intent and a desire to connect intimately at many levels.
Interestingly, it does not in any way mean that he isn't sexual. In fact it is quite the opposite. I also think he enjoys the element of control..which does seem to correlate with his fairly un-vanilla persuasion.0 -
So I would like to report on something interesting relating to this thread.
I've had 3 dates now with someone who has a personal rule that if he feels there is real relationship potential he will not have sex with them for at least a month. Now.. he is (more than) willing to please his partner during this time, but there is to be no reciprocation at all - so that she knows he is not looking for just a booty call and that it is more meaningful. He believes it shows respect, intent and a desire to connect intimately at many levels.
Interestingly, it does not in any way mean that he isn't sexual. In fact it is quite the opposite. I also think he enjoys the element of control..which does seem to correlate with his fairly un-vanilla persuasion.
I would roll my eyes because that rule and his reasoning seems kind of silly to me, but if it's what works for him then as long as I get mine I'm good XD
I do like the ones who take control :devil:0 -
So I would like to report on something interesting relating to this thread.
I've had 3 dates now with someone who has a personal rule that if he feels there is real relationship potential he will not have sex with them for at least a month. Now.. he is (more than) willing to please his partner during this time, but there is to be no reciprocation at all - so that she knows he is not looking for just a booty call and that it is more meaningful. He believes it shows respect, intent and a desire to connect intimately at many levels.
Interestingly, it does not in any way mean that he isn't sexual. In fact it is quite the opposite. I also think he enjoys the element of control..which does seem to correlate with his fairly un-vanilla persuasion.
LOLZ...I giggled inside a couple of times reading this (inside because I'm in my school lobby waiting on a student to be picked up), but my initial thought when reading was, "Hmmmm...is he hiding some kind of sexual inadequacy behind his willingness to please his partner while refusing to be pleased himself?" Take into account that I tend to analyze everything, probably more than I should, but I think it's a legitimate thought. Depending on the inadequacy (real, or not), one may be more apparent than another prior to a mutual melding.0 -
So I would like to report on something interesting relating to this thread.
I've had 3 dates now with someone who has a personal rule that if he feels there is real relationship potential he will not have sex with them for at least a month. Now.. he is (more than) willing to please his partner during this time, but there is to be no reciprocation at all - so that she knows he is not looking for just a booty call and that it is more meaningful. He believes it shows respect, intent and a desire to connect intimately at many levels.
So during this time, he goes down but wants nothing in return?
Yeah my monogamy only rule only applies to real relationship potential. If there is none of that then I'll do him whenever I feel like it. I also don't like "making him work for it" - I hope most grown women have grown out of those kinds of games!0 -
I was wondering the same thing: inadequacy or control issues ?So I would like to report on something interesting relating to this thread.
I've had 3 dates now with someone who has a personal rule that if he feels there is real relationship potential he will not have sex with them for at least a month. Now.. he is (more than) willing to please his partner during this time, but there is to be no reciprocation at all - so that she knows he is not looking for just a booty call and that it is more meaningful. He believes it shows respect, intent and a desire to connect intimately at many levels.
Interestingly, it does not in any way mean that he isn't sexual. In fact it is quite the opposite. I also think he enjoys the element of control..which does seem to correlate with his fairly un-vanilla persuasion.
LOLZ...I giggled inside a couple of times reading this (inside because I'm in my school lobby waiting on a student to be picked up), but my initial thought when reading was, "Hmmmm...is he hiding some kind of sexual inadequacy behind his willingness to please his partner while refusing to be pleased himself?" Take into account that I tend to analyze everything, probably more than I should, but I think it's a legitimate thought. Depending on the inadequacy (real, or not), one may be more apparent than another prior to a mutual melding.
ETA: not that I don't respect a guy who takes intimacy seriously but the give without receiving thing would freak me out or atleast would be a red flag0 -
Okay good! So it isn't just me who internally rolled eyes!
Yeah, I've already thought through pretty much every possibility on this one..but I've decided not to be a cynic.
It actually is kind of sweet in a way, although I personally don't feel that my honour or virtue would be besmirched in any way should I decide to have sex with him on day 28 instead of day 32. But I really get the sense he wants me to know that I am not just a booty call to him.
Now the only issue I'm fighting with is whether or not to test this and see how far I can push him. I do enjoy that game. Then again, maybe I should "respect" his wishes?
To be fair - he did tell me if this was just about sex for me then we didn't have to wait.
And as for control..um.. yes. :blushing:0 -
I was wondering the same thing: inadequacy or control issues ?So I would like to report on something interesting relating to this thread.
I've had 3 dates now with someone who has a personal rule that if he feels there is real relationship potential he will not have sex with them for at least a month. Now.. he is (more than) willing to please his partner during this time, but there is to be no reciprocation at all - so that she knows he is not looking for just a booty call and that it is more meaningful. He believes it shows respect, intent and a desire to connect intimately at many levels.
Interestingly, it does not in any way mean that he isn't sexual. In fact it is quite the opposite. I also think he enjoys the element of control..which does seem to correlate with his fairly un-vanilla persuasion.
LOLZ...I giggled inside a couple of times reading this (inside because I'm in my school lobby waiting on a student to be picked up), but my initial thought when reading was, "Hmmmm...is he hiding some kind of sexual inadequacy behind his willingness to please his partner while refusing to be pleased himself?" Take into account that I tend to analyze everything, probably more than I should, but I think it's a legitimate thought. Depending on the inadequacy (real, or not), one may be more apparent than another prior to a mutual melding.
ETA: not that I don't respect a guy who takes intimacy seriously but the give without receiving thing would freak me out or atleast would be a red flag
Yeahhhh the last experience with a guy (my ex) that was all about giving at first and wanted to hold off on sex....micropeen. Like actually a serious medical problem type micropeen. Fullofwhimsy, make sure you feel out the situation
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Yeahhhh the last experience with a guy (my ex) that was all about giving at first and wanted to hold off on sex....micropeen. Like actually a serious medical problem type micropeen. Fullofwhimsy, make sure you feel out the situation
Done! A visual and tactile examination has been completed and found more than adequate.
The fact that you call it micropeen has me literally laughing out loud in my office.
As for red flags - oh yeah, there are lots - he is a guy after all and I'm not really ready to date.. LOL.. but we'll see.0 -
Dani - I agree with Kits...but, I'd also be the one that would be completely pushing his buttons to see how far he'd go. Not out of disrespect but curiosity....LMAO0
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Yeahhhh the last experience with a guy (my ex) that was all about giving at first and wanted to hold off on sex....micropeen. Like actually a serious medical problem type micropeen. Fullofwhimsy, make sure you feel out the situation
Done! A visual and tactile examination has been completed and found more than adequate.
The fact that you call it micropeen has me literally laughing out loud in my office.
Yay!! Unfortunately for me, "mini" would have been too generous
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So...there's no problem "standing at attention"? >,>0
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Dani - I agree with Kits...but, I'd also be the one that would be completely pushing his buttons to see how far he'd go. Not out of disrespect but curiosity....LMAO
Um yes. I have done and plan to continue doing so.. mostly out of curiosity and a little ego! He has a very..hmm.. dominant side (in a good, good way). I doubt he'll give in.. and to be honest, I might be disappointed if he did. I mean I want him to..and yet..
Aaaaaaaand this is why as a public service I shouldn't date anyone.
Why am I putting clearly crazy thoughts out into the internet abyss?
Did I mention he's nearly 6"5, with a big frame and I get to feel all cute and small and girly?
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Dani - I agree with Kits...but, I'd also be the one that would be completely pushing his buttons to see how far he'd go. Not out of disrespect but curiosity....LMAO
Um yes. I have done and plan to continue doing so.. mostly out of curiosity and a little ego! He has a very..hmm.. dominant side (in a good, good way). I doubt he'll give in.. and to be honest, I might be disappointed if he did. I mean I want him to..and yet..
Aaaaaaaand this is why as a public service I shouldn't date anyone.
Why am I putting clearly crazy thoughts out into the internet abyss?
Did I mention he's nearly 6"5, with a big frame and I get to feel all cute and small and girly?
Wait, those are crazy thoughts?
Fuck I thought I was normal for once 8<0 -
Something that's occurred to me is that the same women who are afraid to be a booty call are the ones who think men like the pursuit and challenge. It seems reasonable that if all the players want to do is pursue you for the challenge and conquest you should be as easy as possible. That way the players won't be interested.0
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On the other hand, there are truly despicable guys who will tell you that he considers the two of you to be in a committed relationship, sleep with you, and then disappear. And those guys are really not hard to spot. They're the ones who try to speed everything up and fake their way to "commitment" just to get you into bed. I know it's frustrating, as a woman, when a man moves more slowly than you'd like, but I count my blessings when I meet a guy who actually tries to get to know me before he hands over his brain to his penis.
Agree 100%, been on this crappy end myself. Learned alot and made myself a whole new set of boundaries.0 -
I also don't like the term "making him work for it." Not all women abstain from sex for the purpose of making a man "earn" it, like it's a trophy. For some, it is a matter of safety (i.e. waiting for monogamy so as to lessen the risk of STIs). For some, it's a matter of self-protection (i.e. knowing you become emotionally attached after sex and not wanting to take that risk with a guy who is seeing other women). And for some, it's as basic as religious beliefs. A grown-up, honest conversation can take the guesswork out of this so that the woman knows what the man's expectations are, the man knows he is not being manipulated just for the hell of it, and both of them can decide for themselves what they are willing to deal with.
I agree, can't women has some self worth too and want to be in a committed relationship (and ensure it is one) before giving it up?
I always seem to agree with you - thanks for just writing it all for me 0
