How to Tell You're Just a Booty Call
Replies
-
Ask him. My last gf made it very clear that she wasn't going to be a Friend with Benefits. I do beleive on date number 2 she flat out asked me if I was just looking for a "fling". She wasn't against having sex but wanted to make sure that I was looking for more than just sex.
usually when you ask a guy he goes running in the opposite direction. I know I know, you don't wanna be with a guy like that anyway, but at the same time I feel like nowadays girls are labeled as clingy or demanding if they ask or say anything about defining the relationship.0 -
I pretty much think this boils down to staying true to yourself. You will never be "just a booty call" if you don't allow yourself to become one. I think men take most of the blame for the "he just used me for sex" predicament, but it takes two to tango.
If you're the kind of woman who doesn't take sex lightly and wants to be in a committed relationship before it happens, then DON'T sleep with a guy until you have that level of commitment from him. If he walks, consider yourself lucky to have avoided becoming emotionally invested in someone who has drastically different views on sex. It's not that he's a horrible person for having a more casual attitude about it; he's just not the right person for you.
On the other hand, there are truly despicable guys who will tell you that he considers the two of you to be in a committed relationship, sleep with you, and then disappear. And those guys are really not hard to spot. They're the ones who try to speed everything up and fake their way to "commitment" just to get you into bed. I know it's frustrating, as a woman, when a man moves more slowly than you'd like, but I count my blessings when I meet a guy who actually tries to get to know me before he hands over his brain to his penis.0 -
From what I've read, even a lot on this forum, seems like most guys are hesitant to do all the dates, meet the parents, talk every day UNTIL the woman has had sex. If she waits for "Anything at all relationshipy" like Roadie wrote, it's "NEXT" because so many people (not just guys) think that having sex is PART of determining whether you should be in a relationship with someone. Seems to me a Catch-22. A woman just can't win unless she's purely seeking physical enjoyment.
This hasn't been the case in my experience - I won't have sex with a guy I see future potential with until we are in a relationship. If he has a problem with that, clearly he is not the type of man I want to be with - but I haven't encountered to many of those.0 -
If he doesn't plan, doesn't talk daily, ignores you, plays "hard to get" and keeps you from his social life you're booty call. FWB is different0
-
Guys lie to get sex, so it usually doesn't matter what they say/do before the hookup. I mean, they will actually say anything to get you in bed, including making promises they don't intend to keep and making "future" plans that aren't going to happen. Even if a girl makes him wait and work for it, there's no guarantee she isn't just a conquest. It's hit or miss, sadly. Sometimes, I think they don't even know they're lying about this potential future they talk about. Then again, maybe I just want to give them the benefit of the doubt.0
-
Guys lie to get sex, so it usually doesn't matter what they say/do before the hookup. I mean, they will actually say anything to get you in bed, including making promises they don't intend to keep and making "future" plans that aren't going to happen. Even if a girl makes him wait and work for it, there's no guarantee she isn't just a conquest. It's hit or miss, sadly. Sometimes, I think they don't even know they're lying about this potential future they talk about. Then again, maybe I just want to give them the benefit of the doubt.
Agreed us guys are all lying manipulative sex hungry monsters.0 -
Guys lie to get sex, so it usually doesn't matter what they say/do before the hookup. I mean, they will actually say anything to get you in bed, including making promises they don't intend to keep and making "future" plans that aren't going to happen. Even if a girl makes him wait and work for it, there's no guarantee she isn't just a conquest. It's hit or miss, sadly. Sometimes, I think they don't even know they're lying about this potential future they talk about. Then again, maybe I just want to give them the benefit of the doubt.
Agreed us guys are all lying manipulative sex hungry monsters.
Yay for sweeping generalizations!0 -
Guys lie to get sex, so it usually doesn't matter what they say/do before the hookup. I mean, they will actually say anything to get you in bed, including making promises they don't intend to keep and making "future" plans that aren't going to happen. Even if a girl makes him wait and work for it, there's no guarantee she isn't just a conquest. It's hit or miss, sadly. Sometimes, I think they don't even know they're lying about this potential future they talk about. Then again, maybe I just want to give them the benefit of the doubt.
Agreed us guys are all lying manipulative sex hungry monsters.
Yay for sweeping generalizations!
You're just mad because you are one of the ones that doesn't know he's lying. Seriously. All men lie for sex and then scram. There's no such things as real long term commitment, he's just in it for the conquest.0 -
I did say I wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt. I guess I should have thrown a "many" in front of "guys" for clarity.0 -
According to you (and I agree, generally) girls make guy wait and work for sex. Can't you see anything wrong with that?Guys lie to get sex, so it usually doesn't matter what they say/do before the hookup. I mean, they will actually say anything to get you in bed, including making promises they don't intend to keep and making "future" plans that aren't going to happen. Even if a girl makes him wait and work for it, there's no guarantee she isn't just a conquest. It's hit or miss, sadly. Sometimes, I think they don't even know they're lying about this potential future they talk about. Then again, maybe I just want to give them the benefit of the doubt.
So what do you expect then? That men are going to comply gently and do what they are told to do so that they can "work" to deserve a night of sex with a woman?
Well... Yes, guys will comply actually. But only because deep within the woman has already been barred as a potential long term relationship for "annoying and manipulative behaviour" which puts her in the box "only good for sex, avoid for LTR seems too much trouble".
Also... Stop complaining. Sex was never intended as a punishment.0 -
P.S. The OP said the exact same thing, just a little more delicately.0
-
I did say I wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt. I guess I should have thrown a "many" in front of "guys" for clarity.
Eh, I wouldn't even go that far. I'd say "some"0 -
P.S. The OP said the exact same thing, just a little more delicately.
No, not really. She was saying how a lot of men consider sex to be part of the consideration for getting into a relationship - not that they lie and cheat to get there so they can dump her later because they're all manipulative meanie pants.0 -
In theory I love that advice, but in practice I've not ever had a guy tell the truth about it.
So, wait...she's saying she "never" had a guy tell her the truth in response to being asked if he just wants sex?
(I'm going to bow out now) lol0 -
In theory I love that advice, but in practice I've not ever had a guy tell the truth about it.
So, wait...she's saying she "never" had a guy tell her the truth in response to being asked if he just wants sex?
(I'm going to bow out now) lol
That's probably for the best, because someone exaggerating her personal experiences is not comparable to saying "ALL MEN LIE". One just insinuates that she's only encountered sh*tty men, another says there's no such thing a man that's not sh*tty.
It sucks that you've had the experiences that lead you to holding such beliefs. I hope that you meet someone decent someday that can help you see otherwise. Maybe re-examine the guys you are attracted to and try to find someone outside of that paradigm.0 -
I'll tell lies to lead to sex but it's not for the sex. I just want a woman to make me a sammiche afterward. During sex, if I get mine and don't worry about whether she gets hers, she should feel complimented. It means it's a damn good sammiche.0
-
I'll tell lies to lead to sex but it's not for the sex. I just want a woman to make me a sammiche.
Well, who doesn't do that?0 -
Even if a girl makes him wait and work for it, there's no guarantee she isn't just a conquest.
Depends on how long she makes him wait. If all a guy wants from you is sex, he isn't going to wait that long. There are plenty of women out there who will have sex on the first date (and plenty who don't even require a proper date), so unless a guy is particularly deceitful and gets some kind of twisted pleasure out of faking serious interest in a woman just to get her in bed, I can't see him waiting around for months, only to have sex with her once and then dump her.
I also don't like the term "making him work for it." Not all women abstain from sex for the purpose of making a man "earn" it, like it's a trophy. For some, it is a matter of safety (i.e. waiting for monogamy so as to lessen the risk of STIs). For some, it's a matter of self-protection (i.e. knowing you become emotionally attached after sex and not wanting to take that risk with a guy who is seeing other women). And for some, it's as basic as religious beliefs. A grown-up, honest conversation can take the guesswork out of this so that the woman knows what the man's expectations are, the man knows he is not being manipulated just for the hell of it, and both of them can decide for themselves what they are willing to deal with.0 -
Even if a girl makes him wait and work for it, there's no guarantee she isn't just a conquest.
Depends on how long she makes him wait. If all a guy wants from you is sex, he isn't going to wait that long. There are plenty of women out there who will have sex on the first date (and plenty who don't even require a proper date), so unless a guy is particularly deceitful and gets some kind of twisted pleasure out of faking serious interest in a woman just to get her in bed, I can't see him waiting around for months, only to have sex with her once and then dump her.
I also don't like the term "making him work for it." Not all women abstain from sex for the purpose of making a man "earn" it, like it's a trophy. For some, it is a matter of safety (i.e. waiting for monogamy so as to lessen the risk of STIs). For some, it's a matter of self-protection (i.e. knowing you become emotionally attached after sex and not wanting to take that risk with a guy who is seeing other women). And for some, it's as basic as religious beliefs. A grown-up, honest conversation can take the guesswork out of this so that the woman knows what the man's expectations are, the man knows he is not being manipulated just for the hell of it, and both of them can decide for themselves what they are willing to deal with.
0 -
So I would like to report on something interesting relating to this thread.
I've had 3 dates now with someone who has a personal rule that if he feels there is real relationship potential he will not have sex with them for at least a month. Now.. he is (more than) willing to please his partner during this time, but there is to be no reciprocation at all - so that she knows he is not looking for just a booty call and that it is more meaningful. He believes it shows respect, intent and a desire to connect intimately at many levels.
Interestingly, it does not in any way mean that he isn't sexual. In fact it is quite the opposite. I also think he enjoys the element of control..which does seem to correlate with his fairly un-vanilla persuasion.0
