A "Guy's Girl" I have no advice for her... do you?

christine24t

So this brings up the ongoing discussion about why men and women can't just be friends. I had a good female friend a while back, we never did anything romantic, just drank beer and went to sporting events. It was great, we actually had a lot in common but I never knew if she wanted something more and I didn't want to bring up the fact that I liked being friends with her but wasn't attracted to her unless I had to. Finally she got drunk and admitted she had a crush on me, I told her I didn't like her like that, she was hurt, and now we don't hang out anymore. But I always felt bad about it like somehow I handled things poorly, but I don't really know what I could have done differently to save the friendship. Did I lead her on in any way?

Just drinking beer and sporting events? In what context? Just the two of you or in a group?

Thinking about the guy friends I've had - I easily could have developed feelings for any of them, given the chance. To me, it's only natural expectations of putting a man and woman together, and then everyone acts surprised when one person develops feelings. That is why I think most male-female friendships implode.

AnnaPixie

So this brings up the ongoing discussion about why men and women can't just be friends. I had a good female friend a while back, we never did anything romantic, just drank beer and went to sporting events. It was great, we actually had a lot in common but I never knew if she wanted something more and I didn't want to bring up the fact that I liked being friends with her but wasn't attracted to her unless I had to. Finally she got drunk and admitted she had a crush on me, I told her I didn't like her like that, she was hurt, and now we don't hang out anymore. But I always felt bad about it like somehow I handled things poorly, but I don't really know what I could have done differently to save the friendship. Did I lead her on in any way?

Roadie, I have male friends that I hang out with, go cinema, meals, play sports, go to events/gigs, met parents etc.

I love hanging out with men! Always have. I see nothing wrong with it.

I agree that this thread is all sounding rather one sided, like men shouldnt do this, as a woman will take it the wrong way!! All very strange when I've always had both male and female friendships.

As I said, the only person that changed the dynamic of the relationship was the woman. If she's now developed feelings for the guy then that is hardly his fault. If a guy isn't kissing me, holding hands with me and whispering sweet nothings in my ear, then he's my friend. I have no idea how she confused the two.

But if she now wants him, no harm in asking if he feel the same

TheKitsune6

Two of my best friends are men. And things are strictly platonic. Ironically they both started out as crushes for me, but one turned out to be married but we were neighbors so I would babysit for him and then we'd get drunk and play Magic for hours every night (he's now my roommate) and the other actually really hated me at first until he got used to me and he's one of my most precious friends. No romance, and we've been close for the past 5-6 years.

kimad

He likes her. Just not enough to officially settle down. I've said it before and I'll say it again. If a guy truly wants something he will ask for it. As for going back to "friends?" I don't think it'll happen.

I totally agree... if you want something from a guy that he hasn't made official yet, on his own, you need to play 'hard to get' and back the frick off.. Make him chase you again, and don't settle for the same rules. Set your boundaries and don't give in until you get that relationship.

meshashesha2012

but the point isnt whether or not men and women can be friends. isn't it whether or not men and women can be friends IF one of the people actually want something more.

sorry but with most topics that end up being discussed in this forum i think most of you miss the bigger implications of the discussion in favor of wanting to argue about your own personal issues and then wonder why stuff gets heated.

TheKitsune6

but the point isnt whether or not men and women can be friends. isn't it whether or not men and women can be friends IF one of the people actually want something more.

sorry but with most topics that end up being discussed in this forum i think most of you miss the bigger implications of the discussion in favor of wanting to argue about your own personal issues and then wonder why stuff gets heated.

I feel like in this instance there was a misunderstanding that was noted and corrected... then the conversation evolved.

jenbit

Well if men and women can't be just friends looks like all my boys that have been my friends since high school are lieing to me lol...

Men and women can be friends.. However I have never had a just friend male refer to me as his wifey like she says this guy did....

nolachick

I think the friend zone thing vs. her being used depends on what, ahem, intimacy they had.
if there was none, she was just a friend not to say he didnt care about her but maybe just wasnt attracted to her and didnt see her that way.
also did he talk about dating other people? you h aven't talked about that. most of what you talked about sounded like a pure friendship, not that there was anything wrong with that, but may you (the girl) misinterpreted his actions to be one of a boyfriend.

girls tend to do this a lot.

just my two cents, don't get mad.

if u wanna save the friendship just pick back up where u left off and ignore that incident, or tell him that u like him and ask him if he sees u that way.

u have to address it at some point dont u think?