A lesson from the guys?
Replies
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The point is rejection is a part of life, but some people will do everything in their power to avoid it.Well in my 30 years on Earth (Mars was much friendlier) I found that rejection is part of life... I don't think you really have to go looking for it or practice unless you have been hiding in a cave... Think I'll write a convincing article on how the sky is blue.
I encourage you all to go out and get rejected as much as possible... This group will get a lot more interesting that's for sure!
My point is, how do you avoid it?? If the author of the article makes money on this stuff I'm in the wrong field.
Anyway, this one isn't for me.
People are TRYING to avoid it because they fear it. Stop trying to avoid it, embrace and accept it, live life more fully, good things will happen and the bad won't seem so bad.0 -
People are TRYING to avoid it because they fear it. Stop trying to avoid it, embrace and accept it, live life more fully, good things will happen and the bad won't seem so bad.
Yeah, I think that is the intended take-away. Not to let the fear of it to stop you. At least, that's the best take-away I can see.0 -
I am super friendly and will talk to anyone, pretty much anytime or anywhere. I meet tons of men on a friend/casual basis, but I don't ask anyone out. For me the tough part is when they express interest and pursue, we get to know each other a bit and THEN I get rejected. In that case I am pretty much horrible at not taking it personally..because at that point, it IS actually personal.
My response is basically to find fault in myself and try and figure out what is wrong with me, while also simultaneously thinking "DON'T YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME I AM?" and F YOU then! It almost doesn't even matter if I actually wanted them (and often I don't!), but the rejection piece pretty much takes over.
Any thoughts? Or should I just go straight to booking a therapy appointment...
It IS personal, but it doesn't mean you aren't awesome. It doesn't mean that other person isn't awesome too. It just means your two awesomes aren't vibing together. So it's okay to be bummed out and hurt and angry... then you just keep being awesome and try to vibe that awesome with someone else. You can't know if it's going to work or not until you try and fall down a few times.
You've scraped your knee. Put some hydrogen peroxide and a band aid on it, then go try that wheelie again. When you pull it off you'll be so cool, all the other kids will want to be like you.0 -
The point is rejection is a part of life, but some people will do everything in their power to avoid it.Well in my 30 years on Earth (Mars was much friendlier) I found that rejection is part of life... I don't think you really have to go looking for it or practice unless you have been hiding in a cave... Think I'll write a convincing article on how the sky is blue.
I encourage you all to go out and get rejected as much as possible... This group will get a lot more interesting that's for sure!
My point is, how do you avoid it?? If the author of the article makes money on this stuff I'm in the wrong field.
Anyway, this one isn't for me.
People are TRYING to avoid it because they fear it. Stop trying to avoid it, embrace and accept it, live life more fully, good things will happen and the bad won't seem so bad.
I totally get that... What I don't get is how people can avoid it as much as possible and still live a productive life?? I'd be holding a tin cup with a witty sign begging for money if I didn't face the challenges of life. Unless we have a lot of trust fund peeps??0 -
I am super friendly and will talk to anyone, pretty much anytime or anywhere. I meet tons of men on a friend/casual basis, but I don't ask anyone out. For me the tough part is when they express interest and pursue, we get to know each other a bit and THEN I get rejected. In that case I am pretty much horrible at not taking it personally..because at that point, it IS actually personal.
My response is basically to find fault in myself and try and figure out what is wrong with me, while also simultaneously thinking "DON'T YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME I AM?" and F YOU then! It almost doesn't even matter if I actually wanted them (and often I don't!), but the rejection piece pretty much takes over.
Any thoughts? Or should I just go straight to booking a therapy appointment...
If you're successful in getting rejected by asking out more guys, you'll inevitably get more guys that will go on 2-5 dates and decide they aren't interested after that. So inevitably, you'll face more of that "personal" rejection too. By the logic of this article, you'll get more used to it and it won't be so crippling either.0 -
The point is rejection is a part of life, but some people will do everything in their power to avoid it.Well in my 30 years on Earth (Mars was much friendlier) I found that rejection is part of life... I don't think you really have to go looking for it or practice unless you have been hiding in a cave... Think I'll write a convincing article on how the sky is blue.
I encourage you all to go out and get rejected as much as possible... This group will get a lot more interesting that's for sure!
My point is, how do you avoid it?? If the author of the article makes money on this stuff I'm in the wrong field.
Anyway, this one isn't for me.
People are TRYING to avoid it because they fear it. Stop trying to avoid it, embrace and accept it, live life more fully, good things will happen and the bad won't seem so bad.
I totally get that... What I don't get is how people can avoid it as much as possible and still live a productive life?? I'd be holding a tin cup with a witty sign begging for money if I didn't face the challenges of life. Unless we have a lot of trust fund peeps??
It's not just about life in general, this article is specifically about dating and how women have been trained to not go out and risk asking guys out. It's about fear of being rejected as a person, not fear of being rejected after a job interview.0 -
The point is rejection is a part of life, but some people will do everything in their power to avoid it.Well in my 30 years on Earth (Mars was much friendlier) I found that rejection is part of life... I don't think you really have to go looking for it or practice unless you have been hiding in a cave... Think I'll write a convincing article on how the sky is blue.
I encourage you all to go out and get rejected as much as possible... This group will get a lot more interesting that's for sure!
My point is, how do you avoid it?? If the author of the article makes money on this stuff I'm in the wrong field.
Anyway, this one isn't for me.
People are TRYING to avoid it because they fear it. Stop trying to avoid it, embrace and accept it, live life more fully, good things will happen and the bad won't seem so bad.
I totally get that... What I don't get is how people can avoid it as much as possible and still live a productive life?? I'd be holding a tin cup with a witty sign begging for money if I didn't face the challenges of life. Unless we have a lot of trust fund peeps??
It's not just about life in general, this article is specifically about dating and how women have been trained to not go out and risk asking guys out. It's about fear of being rejected as a person, not fear of being rejected after a job interview.
I guess my awesomeness is blocking my ability to understand... :blushing: This happens all the time0 -
It's not just about life in general, this article is specifically about dating and how women have been trained to not go out and risk asking guys out. It's about fear of being rejected as a person, not fear of being rejected after a job interview.
I guess my awesomeness is blocking my ability to understand... :blushing: This happens all the time
A plight the rest of us will never know. We are so fortunate in our less-awesomelessness. 0 -
this is encouraging atleast in the sense of putting myself out there. me doing the pursuing will probably never happen lol.
i'm too shy as well as traditional. I do believe guys should do the courting. that's not to say i won't drop some hints, flirt, smile, etc.
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I totally get that... What I don't get is how people can avoid it as much as possible and still live a productive life?? I'd be holding a tin cup with a witty sign begging for money if I didn't face the challenges of life. Unless we have a lot of trust fund peeps??
It's not just about life in general, this article is specifically about dating and how women have been trained to not go out and risk asking guys out. It's about fear of being rejected as a person, not fear of being rejected after a job interview.
I guess my awesomeness is blocking my ability to understand... :blushing: This happens all the time
Have you ever met a woman, or rather NOT met a woman, because she had a wall up in public? Ever known people who go about their daily professional lives and then 'hide' from the world when it comes to their personal pursuits? It's EASY to avoid rejection... you just don't try to find someone. You close yourself off and don't try.
To use myself as an example... because I readily admit that I'm horrible about this myself: I work on campus 2 days a week. The other 5 days a week, you MIGHT catch me at Walmart if I need groceries... but otherwise I don't leave the house except for my trail run/walks. I don't have local friends. I don't have a social life that exists outside of chat rooms (or MFP message boards ). When I AM out and about, I'm either the super-nerd in my PhD coursework on campus, or I'm aggressively proficient and zoned in during my shopping. I'm NOT approachable. That is my way of avoiding rejection. "I don't have a whole lot of time for a relationship while I'm working on my PhD." At least that's what I tell myself to justify the avoidance. In reality, what I don't have time for is the depression and self-sabotage that I experience after a rejection.
The OP was about putting an end to this kind of behavior. Encouraging women to TRY, to be aggressive, to be vulnerable; to develop the capacity to handle rejection, you have to experience rejection; to overcome any fear, you have to face the fear.0 -
I totally get that... What I don't get is how people can avoid it as much as possible and still live a productive life?? I'd be holding a tin cup with a witty sign begging for money if I didn't face the challenges of life. Unless we have a lot of trust fund peeps??
It's not just about life in general, this article is specifically about dating and how women have been trained to not go out and risk asking guys out. It's about fear of being rejected as a person, not fear of being rejected after a job interview.
I guess my awesomeness is blocking my ability to understand... :blushing: This happens all the time
Have you ever met a woman, or rather NOT met a woman, because she had a wall up in public? Ever known people who go about their daily professional lives and then 'hide' from the world when it comes to their personal pursuits? It's EASY to avoid rejection... you just don't try to find someone. You close yourself off and don't try.
To use myself as an example... because I readily admit that I'm horrible about this myself: I work on campus 2 days a week. The other 5 days a week, you MIGHT catch me at Walmart if I need groceries... but otherwise I don't leave the house except for my trail run/walks. I don't have local friends. I don't have a social life that exists outside of chat rooms (or MFP message boards ). When I AM out and about, I'm either the super-nerd in my PhD coursework on campus, or I'm aggressively proficient and zoned in during my shopping. I'm NOT approachable. That is my way of avoiding rejection. "I don't have a whole lot of time for a relationship while I'm working on my PhD." At least that's what I tell myself to justify the avoidance. In reality, what I don't have time for is the depression and self-sabotage that I experience after a rejection.
The OP was about putting an end to this kind of behavior. Encouraging women to TRY, to be aggressive, to be vulnerable; to develop the capacity to handle rejection, you have to experience rejection; to overcome any fear, you have to face the fear.
Can't say I have met anyone like that.0 -
My response is basically to find fault in myself and try and figure out what is wrong with me, while also simultaneously thinking "DON'T YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME I AM?" and F YOU then! It almost doesn't even matter if I actually wanted them (and often I don't!), but the rejection piece pretty much takes over.
Read a good article just yesterday about this.... how rejection isn't about your worth but their interest in you... here is the link.
http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/why-does-someone-not-being-interested-have-to-be-about-your-worth/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed:+BaggageReclaim-TheGuideToSingleLivingDatingRelationshipsAndOfCourseManTaming+(Baggage+Reclaim+Relationship+Blog)0 -
hell online is basically a #s game and most people here know what a nightmare it is. I nearly lost all faith in humanity online dating!!
Agree 100%0 -
My response is basically to find fault in myself and try and figure out what is wrong with me, while also simultaneously thinking "DON'T YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME I AM?" and F YOU then! It almost doesn't even matter if I actually wanted them (and often I don't!), but the rejection piece pretty much takes over.
Read a good article just yesterday about this.... how rejection isn't about your worth but their interest in you... here is the link.
http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/why-does-someone-not-being-interested-have-to-be-about-your-worth/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed:+BaggageReclaim-TheGuideToSingleLivingDatingRelationshipsAndOfCourseManTaming+(Baggage+Reclaim+Relationship+Blog)
Good article!
I admit I am all about the self-blaming, etc. If I make eye contact and smile at a cute guy and he doesn't seem interested, I immediately assume something is wrong with me. I wonder "my back fat looks awful today, right?" or "i must not look that good today" instead of the obvious answer which if you think about it, is more like: "he probably has a girlfriend or wife" "he didn't see me." etc.
Even today, I texted a friend and she didn't say anything back the whole night...felt like *kitten*, wondered if I made her mad...just looked at FB, she said she isn't feeling well tonight. Stupid me, she's probably already asleep.0 -
My response is basically to find fault in myself and try and figure out what is wrong with me, while also simultaneously thinking "DON'T YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME I AM?" and F YOU then! It almost doesn't even matter if I actually wanted them (and often I don't!), but the rejection piece pretty much takes over.
Read a good article just yesterday about this.... how rejection isn't about your worth but their interest in you... here is the link.
http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/why-does-someone-not-being-interested-have-to-be-about-your-worth/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed:+BaggageReclaim-TheGuideToSingleLivingDatingRelationshipsAndOfCourseManTaming+(Baggage+Reclaim+Relationship+Blog)
Good article!
I admit I am all about the self-blaming, etc. If I make eye contact and smile at a cute guy and he doesn't seem interested, I immediately assume something is wrong with me. I wonder "my back fat looks awful today, right?" or "i must not look that good today" instead of the obvious answer which if you think about it, is more like: "he probably has a girlfriend or wife" "he didn't see me." etc.
Even today, I texted a friend and she didn't say anything back the whole night...felt like *kitten*, wondered if I made her mad...just looked at FB, she said she isn't feeling well tonight. Stupid me, she's probably already asleep.
I think we are all the same way at some point or another. Definately with men, especially moreso in person. Probably becuase online seems so anonymous anyways, but in person the courage to do it is hard. It's all about 'deserving what you want' I have been told over and over. I am trying, overall, to be more open and making some sort of contact with people. If I notice someone glance my direction I will look and smile...I may hold their gaze. Doesn't matter who it is, but I am trying to do this. To be more open and inviting. I know when my twins were babies we were a side show lol, It got to the point I got in the store and got out - no facial contact, I had my head down and moved. Now I am trying to open up to my surroundings more.
I also think that is our nature and who we are. We have big hearts and we care about the way we may make people feel (ie moreso your friend not men we haven't met).0 -
Well in my 30 years on Earth (Mars was much friendlier) I found that rejection is part of life... I don't think you really have to go looking for it or practice unless you have been hiding in a cave... Think I'll write a convincing article on how the sky is blue.
I encourage you all to go out and get rejected as much as possible... This group will get a lot more interesting that's for sure!
I think you are proving the point - it is a part of life for men, but not for most women. I never ever used to put myself out there with men, so I never got rejected - I always waited for them to approach, to make moves etc. Started revamping my whole dating strategy and yeah, now I've been rejected. It wasn't a part of my life before because I was never even in that position.0
