Women "speaking their mind"?

Moe4572

I am talking to a new guy, and the other night we were discussing what each of us is looking for in a partner.....and he stated he "wants a woman that speaks her mind" and my response was "really????" and he said "yes, especially when he is wrong" and sounds like he was being facetious, but he was serious, and we discussed it and he asked "don't men want women that speak their mind?" and I said "I'm not really sure-maybe about some things?" and he said he would have to ask his buddies what they think.......so I am asking you all?

zachatta

Lol, I am not him and I am not sure.

However the only thing I can think of is this:

He is implying that sometimes women (inb4 kit) have a hard time of just coming out and saying what they MEAN. Maybe he means that?

If he doesn't mean that, then I have no idea.

kristen6022

I think it's something men say to get in a woman's pants. In my experience, men don't want women to tell them they are wrong. And if they do, they are wet wash clothes.

RosscoBoscko

I agree with him, it's something I would definitely look for. I wouldn't want to be with a wall flower.

In a partner I am looking for someone with intelligence, who knows her own mind and is happy to say what she thinks. That being said someone who forces their opinions on others is completely different but that is bad irrelevant of whether its a man or woman.

jesusHchris

I think it's something men say to get in a woman's pants. In my experience, men don't want women to tell them they are wrong. And if they do, they are wet wash clothes.

Eh, it's more like NO ONE likes being called out on an error in a disrespectful fashion - abruptly, in front of their friends or coworkers, etc. That applies to men and women, I would assume.

I like a woman who speaks her mind. In this, I mean one that has her own opinion and shares it with me as opposed to someone who nods their head and agrees with all of my stupid ideas. Maybe he means this?

Edit: Although I do appreciate a head nod for a stupid idea here and there.

pa_jorg

How long has this guy been on the dating scene? He might just mean that he's tired of the games that people play in the dating world (although both genders do that equally imo).

edit for spelling

ItsCasey

I think what he meant was that he appreciates a woman who respects herself enough to disagree with him when she believes she is right. It's not about being contrary and argumentative all the time. He's just saying don't be the doormat girl who either won't speak her mind at all or who will argue with him and then apologize for it, like she doesn't have the right to a different opinion.

In the beginning, I think most people prefer not to have to deal with disagreements at all, but at some point, when a woman/man never offers an original thought, you start to wonder "Where is your personality? Don't you have your own ideas and opinions and beliefs?" Frankly, this is also why "nice guys" finish last. People who are afraid to speak up out of fear of upsetting the other person are just boring.

flimflamfloz

I agree with him, it's something I would definitely look for. I wouldn't want to be with a wall flower.

In a partner I am looking for someone with intelligence, who knows her own mind and is happy to say what she thinks. That being said someone who forces their opinions on others is completely different but that is bad irrelevant of whether its a man or woman.

This.

If I were with someone who cannot take a comment or be shown they are wrong without getting upset or "violent", I would seriously reconsider the relationship.

he "wants a woman that speaks her mind" and my response was "really????"

This "really????" exclamation is a bit appalling.
This makes me wonder what you were doing in your previous relationships...
Re-imagining the conversation in your mind, silently, at night, where you could freely contradict your man to your content to keep your sanity while silently nodding to everything he says during the day during the real conversation? (only joking obviously... well... I hope!)
While there is no need to be rude to show someone they are wrong, I think I learnt at age 3 that I wasn't always right. I would assume most people have, and if not, it's never too late I'm sure.

kristen6022

I think it's something men say to get in a woman's pants. In my experience, men don't want women to tell them they are wrong. And if they do, they are wet wash clothes.

Eh, it's more like NO ONE likes being called out on an error in a disrespectful fashion - abruptly, in front of their friends or coworkers, etc. That applies to men and women, I would assume.

I like a woman who speaks her mind. In this, I mean one that has her own opinion and shares it with me as opposed to someone who nods their head and agrees with all of my stupid ideas. Maybe he means this?

Edit: Although I do appreciate a head nod for a stupid idea here and there.

I'm not talking about in public and rudely, I'm talking in your home. My boyfriend is the master of "dreamy ideas". Things that would never work in a million years he thinks are brilliant. Typically, even though I know he's wrong I just nod, leave him be because typically, he'll never try, it's just some rambling that comes out his mouth. If I was to shoot down every stupid idea he has ever had all I would be doing would be disagreeing with him. This doesn't make him stupid, unrealistic, etc, it's the way he thinks. He's the dreamer, I'm the realist. Some of the time we have long conversations about things he comes up with and I spend hours trying to make him realize it won't work. Most of time I just leave him be.

julesboots

The only reason I can imagine that would cause someone to seek another who wouldn't "speak their mind" is insecurity.

RosscoBoscko

I think it's something men say to get in a woman's pants. In my experience, men don't want women to tell them they are wrong. And if they do, they are wet wash clothes.

Eh, it's more like NO ONE likes being called out on an error in a disrespectful fashion - abruptly, in front of their friends or coworkers, etc. That applies to men and women, I would assume.

I like a woman who speaks her mind. In this, I mean one that has her own opinion and shares it with me as opposed to someone who nods their head and agrees with all of my stupid ideas. Maybe he means this?

Edit: Although I do appreciate a head nod for a stupid idea here and there.

I'm not talking about in public and rudely, I'm talking in your home. My boyfriend is the master of "dreamy ideas". Things that would never work in a million years he thinks are brilliant. Typically, even though I know he's wrong I just nod, leave him be because typically, he'll never try, it's just some rambling that comes out his mouth. If I was to shoot down every stupid idea he has ever had all I would be doing would be disagreeing with him. This doesn't make him stupid, unrealistic, etc, it's the way he thinks. He's the dreamer, I'm the realist. Some of the time we have long conversations about things he comes up with and I spend hours trying to make him realize it won't work. Most of time I just leave him be.

But then you are speaking your mind.

It doesn't have to be all the time or on every subject, but you are willing to do so when you want to, and don't hold back in case it doesn't go down well or upset him, just if you feel like it or not.

jesusHchris

Some of the time we have long conversations about things he comes up with and I spend hours trying to make him realize it won't work.

Yeah, this I would not like. I mean, unless these are really hair-brained ideas like him jumping off the roof with an umbrella and expecting to fly to Neverland. I don't know your situation of course, so can't comment specifically on your relationship, but I would love a girl who would dream with me.

Edit: Even with the umbrella idea, I'd prefer a "Yeah that would be so cool. But don't do it."

I know this isn't the type of thing you are referring to, it just reminds me of an ex who always had to say something negative, and I am basis my reply more on her than you.

kimad

I think what he meant was that he appreciates a woman who respects herself enough to disagree with him when she believes she is right. It's not about being contrary and argumentative all the time. He's just saying don't be the doormat girl who either won't speak her mind at all or who will argue with him and then apologize for it, like she doesn't have the right to a different opinion.

In the beginning, I think most people prefer not to have to deal with disagreements at all, but at some point, when a woman/man never offers an original thought, you start to wonder "Where is your personality? Don't you have your own ideas and opinions and beliefs?" Frankly, this is also why "nice guys" finish last. People who are afraid to speak up out of fear of upsetting the other person are just boring.

I agree with this!!

MissingMinnesota

I think what he meant was that he appreciates a woman who respects herself enough to disagree with him when she believes she is right. It's not about being contrary and argumentative all the time. He's just saying don't be the doormat girl who either won't speak her mind at all or who will argue with him and then apologize for it, like she doesn't have the right to a different opinion.

In the beginning, I think most people prefer not to have to deal with disagreements at all, but at some point, when a woman/man never offers an original thought, you start to wonder "Where is your personality? Don't you have your own ideas and opinions and beliefs?" Frankly, this is also why "nice guys" finish last. People who are afraid to speak up out of fear of upsetting the other person are just boring.

I agree with this!!

x3

fullofwhimsy

For the record, I am a people pleaser, ego-stroker, positive supporter and general adore-er of my partner.

But you really wouldn't want me speaking my mind 100% of the time.

Things I never told my ex (admittedly, towards the end and demise of the relationship):

" Your penis is really quite underwhelming..and nope, I didn't orgasm but thanks for not bothering to check"

" That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard..but sure, I'll nod and smile like you are a genius because I know your ego is fragile"

" I am utterly repulsed by you when you have a man cold and are whiny and leave your snotty tissues in a trail around the house"

Just saying..be careful what you wish for. :laugh:

kristen6022

Some of the time we have long conversations about things he comes up with and I spend hours trying to make him realize it won't work.

Yeah, this I would not like. I mean, unless these are really hair-brained ideas like him jumping off the roof with an umbrella and expecting to fly to Neverland. I don't know your situation of course, so can't comment specifically on your relationship, but I would love a girl who would dream with me.

Edit: Even with the umbrella idea, I'd prefer a "Yeah that would be so cool. But don't do it."

I know this isn't the type of thing you are referring to, it just reminds me of an ex who always had to say something negative, and I am basis my reply more on her than you.

Chris, some are just as ludicrous as that...LOL Those are the ones I nod, say "that would be cool" and leave it. The ones I argue on affect household decisions like "Hey, hon, wouldn't it be awesome to have this elaborate plant growing - lighting system in our guest room so we can grow all our own produce" (Yes, this is something he came up with). Even though our money never crosses hands and we pay different things for the household, I had to put my foot down on this because #1: Pie in the sky #2 It's expensive and it won't work. I love to dream too and we do on occasion come up with some far off hair brain skemes, but I have come to know which ideas he will follow through on and which are just ideas. The ones that he would follow through on I need to talk him out of. I don't say "that's dumb, it won't work". I say "That's really cool and it would be fun, but I really don't think it's practical for everyday life". Sometimes he fights me on it, and sometimes I just let him spend the boatloads of money to see he's wrong. It's all a delicate balance that I like to call "living together".

Tube_socks

It takes a confident woman to speak her mind. And confidence is sexy. I would say this is what he meant.

I also agree with this fella about being with someone that can tell me when I'm wrong and I have told guys this when I was dating and they asked what I looked for in a man. I'm an assertive woman and speak my mind. Sometimes I lead with emotion rather than logic and this has led me to make mistakes with men. I want to be with a man that can call my bluff/ BS. I've been with men that let me walk all over them and that was just a disaster!!

ItsCasey

Some things are worth speaking your mind about, and some things aren't. I don't think any man wants a woman who is going to nag about him absolutely everything he does or says that she doesn't like. But if it's something important and you can't summon enough self-respect to say what you think, then he's not going to have any respect for you either. Or, if he asks for your input on something and you won't give an opinion because you're afraid it may differ from his (even something as simple as where to go for dinner), that just shows an annoying lack of confidence and personality. At some point, you're just going to become tiresome to be around.

dbrightwell1270

There are two things I've experienced that I don't like. First, is the woman who won't say what is really bothering her. I said, did or failed to do something that upset her and she said nothing but didn't really let it go. Instead, she lets it fester and then gets disproportionately mad upset about other things. This usually manifests as something like "you knew I was coming and you didn't mop the kitchen floor. Do I mean nothng to you?" This is generally the insecurity thing othrs have mentioned.

The other is the damned Silent Treatment. Speak your mind for goodness sake.

christine24t

I think he means he doesn't want a doormat but realistically he probably doesn't want a girl who argues all the time. A middle ground - willing to speak up but compromise when needed.

Roadie2000

I think he means he doesn't want a doormat but realistically he probably doesn't want a girl who argues all the time. A middle ground - willing to speak up but compromise when needed.

Pretty much this. I definitely don't want a doormat but I also don't want her arguing with me and correcting me in front of my friends. But if she can speak her mind and still be respectful, that would be preferred.