Needing Some Encouragement

sheldonbe

The last two days have been very challenging for me. My inner voice has been busy trying to talk myself out of my belief in the higher power, my need to control my eating and eating practices, my buying into the "one day at a time" approach, my need to establish and stick to an action plan, and pretty much everything I've been working hard at establishing since starting OA a month or so ago. I'm even telling myself that I am being too rigid with my eating, that I can control it (no self-denial there lol), that I am over-doing everything else (reading literature, writing, working out too much, etc) and burning myself out It is kind of scary how logical and convincing I can be when talking myself into relapse.

I have had 3 pretty major binge sessions in the last two days, including one during the day yesterday....that is pretty abnormal for me, as I traditionally binge in the evening. Also unusual was the fact that my first binge occurred on Wednesday night after a pretty intense workout with my trainer. That is surprising in that I am usually "pumped" after a good workout.

I know I need to get back on track, as I recognize this slippery slope and know from experience where it leads.

Any encouragement or advice would be most welcome.

jensweighingin

Ditch the "stinkin thinkin". You can do this and you have all the tools to do it. And it sounds like you're working them admirably.

I had to be less "rigid" with my food plan. I would "write out" what I was going to eat that day and then have a better offer and go off the rails. Now I plan my day and if I get invited out to dinner (I'm single and when people want to go out, I'm there, it keeps me out of my own head and strapping on a feed bag feeling sorry for myself) but when I "had" to eat something when out I rebelled. Now I plan what fits into the calories I have left and am satisfied. It's my "food police" rebellion and I'm not saying it works for everyone.

I also find when that voice tells me something "wrong" I try to kindly speak to it like I would a 5 year old. "I know you don't wanna, but we really need to do this for....." I've learned the hard way, I don't respond to the "drill sergeant" tone back, but maybe you do.

FR sent. Hugs.

sheldonbe

Thanks Jen. I am back on track today.

I've mulled over what has been working for me, and what hasn't been and I am going to relax my self expectations a little, use what works for me, and not worry about what doesn't work for me. This is somewhat in line with what you've suggested. Its a little off the beaten path for me, previously being more responsive to the "drill sergeant" methodology, but clearly that isn't working for me right now.

And thank you or the friend request. Can never have too many friends!

Terri_Wickwire

Thanks for the thread. I've been "incognito" the last 2 or 3 days. Food has been WAY off. The new supplement I've been taking has a "re-tracing" period that happens with the body, beginning a healing process on areas that have experienced a lot of trauma. And I fit that bill to a tee. I was able to handle it for about a week and a half, and then it just got to me and I ate to numb. I was trying to walk through it so I wouldn't have to start from scratch again, and it was just too much. When I go off, the big thing for me is flour and sugar, which sets off an entire chain reaction of aching, pissed off joints from head to toe.

I've also been reading a pair of novels in a trilogy, and haven't been on the computer much. I have been totally lost in them -- and in food. Painful, dumb combo. No meetings. No phone calls. No MFP. No literature. Just vampires, witches, daemons, about 1,000 pages and me. Haven't slipped into that in a LONG time.

But, books are now done (until 3rd one comes out!), and I can get back on the horse tomorrow and Just Do My Best.

I'm also feeling sad; I have been estranged from my birth father since I was a baby, but found him on the internet a couple of years ago. We've never talked, but exchanged some photos and emails. He had a lung removed in 2011. My Mom called me the other day and told me that her school alumni bulletin mentioned that he had passed in May 2012. A man I never knew, that caused me so much grief over the years ... and I am mourning.

kamuas

Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired

HALT.... Usually when I find myself wanting to throw in the towel and give up on what I've been working so hard on, there's something else at work. I eat to bury my emotions, my problems. Somehow I was programmed to think eating would make me feel better, although we all know it just triggers an emotional rollercoaster and ends up making everything even worse.

Maybe you are trying to do too much at once. I am definitely an "all or nothing" type of personality, and I feel like if I am unable to give 110% then I am failing. I have really been forcing myself the last few weeks to try to relax that a little. This morning I didn't get in a "real workout" because the house was trashed and I knew I needed to clean. But I counted that time as "exercise" because I was still moving and active, and fit in a nice little 20 minute walk on my break tonight at work. Small steps lead to big changes over time.

Remember.... the weight didn't come on over night. And it's not going to leave over night. Think of how long it's taken you to put on the weight and learn the bad habits. Think of how long it's going to take to change all of that. Keep your chin up, you're right where you need to be!!!!! Hugs!!!!!

sheldonbe

eating [...] just triggers an emotional rollercoaster and ends up making everything even worse.

I don't think I've heard it said like that before. Truer words have never been spoken!

My eating was like a yo-yo the days following my original post. This morning my wife and I had a serious talk about our current state and agreed that we were both not "on" with our eating and exercising,and we acknowledged its been like that for several months. We re-affirmed that we truly didn't want to go back to our old habits for oh so many reasons, and committed to each other, and to ourselves, to get back into the swing of things till the end of May and then re-evaluate (our version of Just Today).

There is no doubt this journey we are on is difficult; it's damn hard really. But hey, if it was easy everyone would have the bodies of fitness models right?

Thanks for the support! It really means a lot.

Terri_Wickwire

Love coming in to this "room" and seeing my OA family. Feels good. Been better today; much closer on track than the last few days but chose not to log. Sometimes, when I know I'm off the mark, logging makes it worse. I feel good about today. Thanks God!

Going North tomorrow to see my oldest daughter, and meet my grandboy for the first time. It's a stressful experience for a lot of reasons, and I have really been putting it off because it is often not a pleasant experience. Most certainly a place to overeat. But my youngest wants to see her sister and her 2 yr old nephew, so off we trudge. And it really does feel like trudgery -- if that's a word.

I'll pack some literature, have my cell and pray. Will let ya'll know tomorrow.
:flowerforyou:

sheldonbe

Sounds like a lot of stressors for you lately Ptown I hope your trip goes better than anticipated and your Higher Power provides you with guidance and support along the way.

Above all else, know that you are not alone. <hugs>

mhcook

Our thoughts are with you. Be strong and believe in yourself. WE are all with you.