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Full-time single parents out there?

veggiehottie

Hi guys!

It has been me and only me raising my son since I was 2 months pregnant with him. He is now a whopping 9 years old and is my most favorite person in the world.

I love him dearly, but sometimes it is just... so... hard. Dealing with everything on my own. Financial, discipline (LOTS of problems at school), food & exercise. I find myself wishing I had a regular break from him. I mean, my family helps out when I ask. But I need something... "more".

Anyone else out there in my shoes?

Replies

MelodyinGa

Raising hand! I've been alone with my 7 yo daughter for 4 years now. Though she's my world...I'm ready to date again, but it's scary dating as a solo parent.

Z_I_L_L_A

Been there done that, yes mam. I totally agree. If not for my kids I would go insane. But you need adult time too. At least every now and then. Hard to hold an adult conversation when there are no adults around.

veggiehottie

I'm ready to date again, but it's scary dating as a solo parent.

Yes! I have only had one serious boyfriend since my son was born... And the reason he broke up with me? Because he did not want to be around my kid. Go freakin figure. It was pretty traumatic for myself and my son.

After him, I have just decided to focus on my son for awhile. The right one will come along when we are all ready. Well at least I tell myself that. lol.

Been there done that, yes mam. I totally agree. If not for my kids I would go insane. But you need adult time too. At least every now and then. Hard to hold an adult conversation when there are no adults around.

Adult time? What's that? lol

I agree with the insane part, though. My son gave me a purpose that I never had before him.

RunIntheMud

Me... I have 2 little ones. To make it worse, my closest family is 19 hours away. We moved out here almost 4 years ago and the first couple years were really rough in regards to my sanity. I was able to date, but had to be creative about it and was fortunate to meet patient men (for the most part).

In the last couple years I've made great friends that have become family. This helps so much! I joined my gym last year and they have kids programs that my 2 love. My son has also started babysitting in the last year. You have no idea how wonderful this is.

Things have definitely gotten a lot better, but it's still hard to deal with the discipline. I want to be the nurturer, but my son is at the point where he wants to test his boundaries on a lot of issues. It's also just draining....I help one with homework and then the other is ready to sit and read, finish with that and the first wants to play a game. Then the normal household chores, baseball practices, games, etc. Luckily, they are both pretty awesome. I just feel like they deserve more sometimes.

larsensue

Hi guys!

It has been me and only me raising my son since I was 2 months pregnant with him. He is now a whopping 9 years old and is my most favorite person in the world.

I love him dearly, but sometimes it is just... so... hard. Dealing with everything on my own. Financial, discipline (LOTS of problems at school), food & exercise. I find myself wishing I had a regular break from him. I mean, my family helps out when I ask. But I need something... "more".

Anyone else out there in my shoes?

this is me exactly!!! my daughter is 10 and I have been on my own since I was 7 months pregnant. I hear ya girl!!!

kendrafox

I know what you mean. The only adult interaction that I get is at work for a short period of time during lunch. It has been just me and my son since he was 2 months old, and now he is 7. I am lucky enough to have my mom an hour away and if I really need her, she will come and help out, but when it comes to the day to day issues (discipline, finances, homework, etc.) it is just me. I am lucky to have a bf who adores my little man, but we only get to see each other a few times a month b/c he lives over an hour and a half away.

fp64

Been raising my two pre-teens on my own, for two years, since I ditched their drunken mother. One thing that's helped me is lowering my expectations. And red wine. As for dating, I'm not ready and most days I hope I never am.

Pinkkfrost

Single mom of a 14 year old hooligan. Sigh...It can be rough sometimes.(Lots of times). I'm blessed that I recruited my disabled father to help out so I'm not entirely alone.

Getting attention from other adults is pretty key to not having full fledged breakdowns.

JennaNevada

Oh yeah, I am in this boat. I have two kids, an almost 11 year old daughter who is with me full-time, and a 2 year old son who is on a 50/50 timeshare with me & his dad. I have pretty much given up on trying to get any workouts in when Junior is home. Luckily, my daughter is old enough that she manages better when I try to get out to the gym. I really struggle with planning meals and getting enough sleep, too. In a big way.

All I can say is that single parenting is an incredible amount of work, and there will be times you just can't keep juggling everything. Try to be as kind to yourself as possible when you can.

veggiehottie

I am so glad to hear you guys are out there, and understand my situation.

I find myself feeling guilty when I wish I had some alone time.

He is old enough to put things together now... Like last weekend, he went away with a friend, and he looked me right in the eyes and said "you are happy I am going away for awhile". And to be honest, I was! I was looking forward to going to the gym, and going shopping, and lounging in my pajamas, and reading a book, all on my own schedule.

I just explained to him that sometimes adults need breaks, too. And that I would really miss him and would cuddle with him when he got home. He accepted that answer. lol.

kimad

I am a single mom to 7 year old twins. I have them in my home full time but sometimes as a special treat their dad takes them for a sleepover. He's involved but he works away so it's nothing set in stone. So really everything falls on my shoulders.. I also have no family nearby for help.

I've never shied away from me time ever. Even when I was with their dad we went out alone twice a month. It's super important for your sanity, to maintain who you are as a person and also I think it is good for the kids too. I have been dating, and while its an annoying process

and things have changed over the years I don't regret it and hope my time will come again. The kids help keep it all in check for me too. Now you have all of you to look out for.

What I do feel guilty about sometimes is how rushed the days are.. Sometimes lack of extra time for them. I work out 3 days a week, sports 2 days and among all other mom duties it can get busy. The kids tag along for it all just feels overwhelming at times but you need a balance for you and for the kids.

I also find my personality Is a little les patient. I wish at times I had their dad to help deal with discipline when I need to cool down but I guess that is life.

SkimFlatWhite68

Ah yes. My DD is 13, and I parent 100% of the time, work full time and don't have much family support. I rarely go out, except for work but have friends over to my place for dinner, or go out for Saturday or Sunday lunch. Most of the time I get most of my adult needs met at work, and the other needs.... Well... They'll have to wait...

Yep, it's tough. But my DD is the best thing that happened to me, I love her so much, she's growing into a beautiful young lady. And I'm going to take the credit!!

jamandyisme

Me me me!!! This is my first official post EVER. And I'm slightly excited to be here and to find this group. I have been a single and only parent since January 2007. My son is 16, and it has been a struggle at times. I have no life LOL Everything I do involves work, parenting, or church. But the way I see it, my boy is my focus....well has been my only focus. Now it is time for me to focus on me again, that is what this year has been for me. It does get better when they get a little older.

Christinichka

I can relate to all of you. I've been solo parenting for a little over 4 years now. My son is 6 years old. I have sole responsibility for everything including financially. I work full-time. Was going to school part-time as well but finally got burned out and decided to take some time off (I have a bachelor's degree but I was working toward a second one as prereqs for a masters). I finally decided my son is more important and that the time I have now with him I can never get back. I love him soooooo much. Some days I wish I co-parented because let's face it we all need a break. But most of the time I am really glad I don't co-parent because I know I'd be a mess while he was with his dad because I don't trust him. I do have a sister who lives nearby but she is super busy so she helps if I really need it but I try not to ask. I have been fortunate to form some good friendships and switch off with some other single moms and families. I don't date, I don't have money to pay sitters all the time as I barely make it on what I am making. Most of the time my little man goes with me wherever I go, he's my sidekick. I do feel lucky that we have a really close bond. I wish working out were a little easier. I'd love to just go for a run or something but never can because what would I do with him. So for now I settle for exercise dvds and walks. Although I have to say I have a proud mama moment today when my son finally mastered the starting and stopping on his bike (he knew how before but his bike was too small and this new one is a little too big) so I am tossing around the idea of taking up running with him biking. I usually like to do my workouts at 5AM though so I don't slack off. Anyways hang in there single moms and dads. We can do it!

djeffreys10

My kids visit their mom a couple weekends per month, so I can't really relate. But honestly, I think I would prefer to just have them 100% of the time. All my friends are either married or dating someone, and I don't date. So I usually just end up sitting at home alone when they are gone anyway.

Christinichka

My kids visit their mom a couple weekends per month, so I can't really relate. But honestly, I think I would prefer to just have them 100% of the time. All my friends are either married or dating someone, and I don't date. So I usually just end up sitting at home alone when they are gone anyway.

I have some really good friends who do share custody and switch weekends and stuff and they tell me the same thing. They also say most of the time their kids are with the other parent they are worried about them or missing them so it's not a true break.

fShaw86

I have sole custody of my son, and I kinda get mad at my ex for just not wanting in on his own son's life

If it hadn't been for my family, I'd have died! :O

Kudos to all you full time-single parent heros! Its a really rough and tough road. I'm a little worried about finding a normal adult who will actually include my son in their own lives too. Hmm...

kaylaodoms

Hello,
new to this group i am a single mother to a 27 month old girl . I am on a new lifestyle change once i get use to this i will be putting my daughter on the same path as myself. Not that that she eats bad just the grandparents like to give her cookies,sweets a lot which i don't really like. I wish i could get her to eat vegtebles but she does like fruit !

kaylaodoms

I also have full custody of my daughter 100% which sometimes gets stressful especially with terrible 2s

LisaO_84

I am in the same boat as you only my girls are 4 and 11! I have noticed that before this lifestyle change of mine that my bad habits where rubbing off on them. Also, grandparents sure take that spoiling stuff to another level with the treats. Its so nice to get a break from the grandparents but how do you tell them not to give the kids sugary treats?

Shsmith55

I am new to the group...and it looks like I have a combination of everyones situation. I have full custody of my daughter (4) and her father tries to see her when he can (1 day here, a weekend there) and it gets very stressful especially when trying to eat right and exercise. A lot of times I eat the wrong things and neglect to workout due to my stress and sadness about the situation.

Hopefully we can all motivate each other to continue to be tough as nails single parent rockstars and navigate through healthy living at the same time!!

larsensue

I am in the same boat as you only my girls are 4 and 11! I have noticed that before this lifestyle change of mine that my bad habits where rubbing off on them. Also, grandparents sure take that spoiling stuff to another level with the treats. Its so nice to get a break from the grandparents but how do you tell them not to give the kids sugary treats?

My Parents do that too so I took my duaghter over to their house once all hopped up on sugar and left her with them for a few hours and was "unavailable" for the entire time. I came to pick her up and they were shoving her out the door. I took a minute to say "mom, dad, now you know what she is like when you send her home to me after spending a sugarry good time with you. do not let it happen again."

rmkramer003

I had to deal with that from my mom's boyfriend once. He told me that since he didn't have any grandkids of his own, he was going to spoil my kids and feed them cake everyday. Since his daughter watched my kids at night when I worked he had to deal with all the fallout from the sugar highs. That didn't last terribly long.

LisaO_84

My mom always say its her right to gives the kids anything they want. I just luv her anyways!!!!

VanillaWishes

Hi,
Yes, it's always just been me with my twins, they are 9 now, both classically autistic with related issues so quite a handful, but I love them to bits and wouldn't change a thing - even if I am shattered <yawn!>. I also attempted one relationship but he couldn't cope with the amount of attention my boys need so turned his attention elsewhere. It can be very tough but so rewarding too.

Really pleased to have found this group :-)

laurenrenee1025

I applaud you! I was single when I was pregnant also and still am...my daughter is two and a half. I don't have enough room left in my heart to let a man in right now as it emotionally really messed me up. I think only someone who has gone through any of this could understand. Stay strong, you are a role model for the rest of us.

Jenkay76

This would be me also. Have a little mix of everything. My daughter is 7 and high functioning autistic. I had her through artificial insemination so I have no idea if her"father" was autistic also or not. My Mom watches her while I work (when she is not in school). I don't really have any friends that I hang out with. Would love to meet someone but they have to be as interested in me as I am in them. Which is why things went no where with the last guy I was interested. I can't be the only one to put forth the effort. My "me" time is after my daughter goes to bed at 7:30. That's when I workout, watch something on tv and then crash for the night.

Beckboo0912

I have my son all the time, I love him but working and going out once in a while is a saving grace. I love him, he's 2.5 and great but let's be honest kids can be tough. Sometimes I think it would be nice to have that special someone but really I enjoy being single, I enjoy being a mom...someday it will happen and that's great but right now I have too much going on, raising a kid in itself is enough .

Jendusi

It is defintely nice to hear there are other people out there who can relate to your situation. I have been a single parent for 3 years to a 13 year old boy and 8 year old daughter. Though it seems like much longer than that bc their father was never much of a parent or partner. My daughter excels in school and my son struggles. I had lost 55 pound prior to seperating from their father which I have gained back. I allowed a busy schedule of sports and 2nd job to interfer with my eatting and workout habits. I told myself I have my children adn do not need anyone else and let myself go. I am not happy being overwieght and have come to the realization that anything worth having requires sacrifice and that if you care about something enough you will make the time. I have been working out again for 3 weeks and dieting for about 6 weeks. It is time to make a change. No more excuses.

LM2909

I am single mom to a soon to be 2 year old. It has been challenge but very rewarding. I am now just trying to be in better physical and mental state for me and my son. He is more active than ever and I want to be able to keep up with him. He is showing signs of interest in baseball, so I need to make sure I will be able to keep up with him!