Full-time single parents out there?

veggiehottie
veggiehottie Posts: 590 Member
Hi guys!

It has been me and only me raising my son since I was 2 months pregnant with him. He is now a whopping 9 years old and is my most favorite person in the world.

I love him dearly, but sometimes it is just... so... hard. Dealing with everything on my own. Financial, discipline (LOTS of problems at school), food & exercise. I find myself wishing I had a regular break from him. I mean, my family helps out when I ask. But I need something... "more".

Anyone else out there in my shoes?
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Replies

  • MelodyinGa
    MelodyinGa Posts: 202 Member
    Raising hand! I've been alone with my 7 yo daughter for 4 years now. Though she's my world...I'm ready to date again, but it's scary dating as a solo parent.
  • Z_I_L_L_A
    Z_I_L_L_A Posts: 2,401 Member
    Been there done that, yes mam. I totally agree. If not for my kids I would go insane. But you need adult time too. At least every now and then. Hard to hold an adult conversation when there are no adults around.
  • veggiehottie
    veggiehottie Posts: 590 Member
    I'm ready to date again, but it's scary dating as a solo parent.

    Yes! I have only had one serious boyfriend since my son was born... And the reason he broke up with me? Because he did not want to be around my kid. Go freakin figure. It was pretty traumatic for myself and my son.

    After him, I have just decided to focus on my son for awhile. The right one will come along when we are all ready. Well at least I tell myself that. lol.
    Been there done that, yes mam. I totally agree. If not for my kids I would go insane. But you need adult time too. At least every now and then. Hard to hold an adult conversation when there are no adults around.

    Adult time? What's that? lol

    I agree with the insane part, though. My son gave me a purpose that I never had before him. :D
  • RunIntheMud
    RunIntheMud Posts: 2,645 Member
    Me... I have 2 little ones. To make it worse, my closest family is 19 hours away. We moved out here almost 4 years ago and the first couple years were really rough in regards to my sanity. I was able to date, but had to be creative about it and was fortunate to meet patient men (for the most part).

    In the last couple years I've made great friends that have become family. This helps so much! I joined my gym last year and they have kids programs that my 2 love. My son has also started babysitting in the last year. You have no idea how wonderful this is.

    Things have definitely gotten a lot better, but it's still hard to deal with the discipline. I want to be the nurturer, but my son is at the point where he wants to test his boundaries on a lot of issues. It's also just draining....I help one with homework and then the other is ready to sit and read, finish with that and the first wants to play a game. Then the normal household chores, baseball practices, games, etc. Luckily, they are both pretty awesome. I just feel like they deserve more sometimes.
  • larsensue
    larsensue Posts: 461 Member
    Hi guys!

    It has been me and only me raising my son since I was 2 months pregnant with him. He is now a whopping 9 years old and is my most favorite person in the world.

    I love him dearly, but sometimes it is just... so... hard. Dealing with everything on my own. Financial, discipline (LOTS of problems at school), food & exercise. I find myself wishing I had a regular break from him. I mean, my family helps out when I ask. But I need something... "more".

    Anyone else out there in my shoes?

    this is me exactly!!! my daughter is 10 and I have been on my own since I was 7 months pregnant. I hear ya girl!!!
  • kendrafox
    kendrafox Posts: 111 Member
    I know what you mean. The only adult interaction that I get is at work for a short period of time during lunch. It has been just me and my son since he was 2 months old, and now he is 7. I am lucky enough to have my mom an hour away and if I really need her, she will come and help out, but when it comes to the day to day issues (discipline, finances, homework, etc.) it is just me. I am lucky to have a bf who adores my little man, but we only get to see each other a few times a month b/c he lives over an hour and a half away.
  • fp64
    fp64 Posts: 128 Member
    Been raising my two pre-teens on my own, for two years, since I ditched their drunken mother. One thing that's helped me is lowering my expectations. And red wine. As for dating, I'm not ready and most days I hope I never am.
  • Pinkkfrost
    Pinkkfrost Posts: 29 Member
    Single mom of a 14 year old hooligan. Sigh...It can be rough sometimes.(Lots of times). I'm blessed that I recruited my disabled father to help out so I'm not entirely alone.

    Getting attention from other adults is pretty key to not having full fledged breakdowns.
  • JennaNevada
    JennaNevada Posts: 25 Member
    Oh yeah, I am in this boat. I have two kids, an almost 11 year old daughter who is with me full-time, and a 2 year old son who is on a 50/50 timeshare with me & his dad. I have pretty much given up on trying to get any workouts in when Junior is home. Luckily, my daughter is old enough that she manages better when I try to get out to the gym. I really struggle with planning meals and getting enough sleep, too. In a big way.

    All I can say is that single parenting is an incredible amount of work, and there will be times you just can't keep juggling everything. Try to be as kind to yourself as possible when you can.
  • veggiehottie
    veggiehottie Posts: 590 Member
    I am so glad to hear you guys are out there, and understand my situation.

    I find myself feeling guilty when I wish I had some alone time.

    He is old enough to put things together now... Like last weekend, he went away with a friend, and he looked me right in the eyes and said "you are happy I am going away for awhile". And to be honest, I was! I was looking forward to going to the gym, and going shopping, and lounging in my pajamas, and reading a book, all on my own schedule.

    I just explained to him that sometimes adults need breaks, too. And that I would really miss him and would cuddle with him when he got home. He accepted that answer. lol.
  • kimad
    kimad Posts: 3,011 Member
    I am a single mom to 7 year old twins. I have them in my home full time but sometimes as a special treat their dad takes them for a sleepover. He's involved but he works away so it's nothing set in stone. So really everything falls on my shoulders.. I also have no family nearby for help.

    I've never shied away from me time ever. Even when I was with their dad we went out alone twice a month. It's super important for your sanity, to maintain who you are as a person and also I think it is good for the kids too. I have been dating, and while its an annoying process :) and things have changed over the years I don't regret it and hope my time will come again. The kids help keep it all in check for me too. Now you have all of you to look out for.

    What I do feel guilty about sometimes is how rushed the days are.. Sometimes lack of extra time for them. I work out 3 days a week, sports 2 days and among all other mom duties it can get busy. The kids tag along for it all just feels overwhelming at times but you need a balance for you and for the kids.

    I also find my personality Is a little les patient. I wish at times I had their dad to help deal with discipline when I need to cool down but I guess that is life.
  • SkimFlatWhite68
    SkimFlatWhite68 Posts: 1,254 Member
    Ah yes. My DD is 13, and I parent 100% of the time, work full time and don't have much family support. I rarely go out, except for work but have friends over to my place for dinner, or go out for Saturday or Sunday lunch. Most of the time I get most of my adult needs met at work, and the other needs.... Well... They'll have to wait...

    Yep, it's tough. But my DD is the best thing that happened to me, I love her so much, she's growing into a beautiful young lady. And I'm going to take the credit!!
  • jamandyisme
    jamandyisme Posts: 11 Member
    Me me me!!! This is my first official post EVER. And I'm slightly excited to be here and to find this group. I have been a single and only parent since January 2007. My son is 16, and it has been a struggle at times. I have no life LOL Everything I do involves work, parenting, or church. But the way I see it, my boy is my focus....well has been my only focus. Now it is time for me to focus on me again, that is what this year has been for me. It does get better when they get a little older.
  • Christinichka
    Christinichka Posts: 171 Member
    I can relate to all of you. I've been solo parenting for a little over 4 years now. My son is 6 years old. I have sole responsibility for everything including financially. I work full-time. Was going to school part-time as well but finally got burned out and decided to take some time off (I have a bachelor's degree but I was working toward a second one as prereqs for a masters). I finally decided my son is more important and that the time I have now with him I can never get back. I love him soooooo much. Some days I wish I co-parented because let's face it we all need a break. But most of the time I am really glad I don't co-parent because I know I'd be a mess while he was with his dad because I don't trust him. I do have a sister who lives nearby but she is super busy so she helps if I really need it but I try not to ask. I have been fortunate to form some good friendships and switch off with some other single moms and families. I don't date, I don't have money to pay sitters all the time as I barely make it on what I am making. Most of the time my little man goes with me wherever I go, he's my sidekick. I do feel lucky that we have a really close bond. I wish working out were a little easier. I'd love to just go for a run or something but never can because what would I do with him. So for now I settle for exercise dvds and walks. Although I have to say I have a proud mama moment today when my son finally mastered the starting and stopping on his bike (he knew how before but his bike was too small and this new one is a little too big) so I am tossing around the idea of taking up running with him biking. I usually like to do my workouts at 5AM though so I don't slack off. Anyways hang in there single moms and dads. We can do it!
  • djeffreys10
    djeffreys10 Posts: 2,312 Member
    My kids visit their mom a couple weekends per month, so I can't really relate. But honestly, I think I would prefer to just have them 100% of the time. All my friends are either married or dating someone, and I don't date. So I usually just end up sitting at home alone when they are gone anyway.
  • Christinichka
    Christinichka Posts: 171 Member
    My kids visit their mom a couple weekends per month, so I can't really relate. But honestly, I think I would prefer to just have them 100% of the time. All my friends are either married or dating someone, and I don't date. So I usually just end up sitting at home alone when they are gone anyway.

    I have some really good friends who do share custody and switch weekends and stuff and they tell me the same thing. They also say most of the time their kids are with the other parent they are worried about them or missing them so it's not a true break.
  • fShaw86
    fShaw86 Posts: 878 Member
    I have sole custody of my son, and I kinda get mad at my ex for just not wanting in on his own son's life :(

    If it hadn't been for my family, I'd have died! :O

    Kudos to all you full time-single parent heros! Its a really rough and tough road. I'm a little worried about finding a normal adult who will actually include my son in their own lives too. Hmm...
  • kaylaodoms
    kaylaodoms Posts: 12 Member
    Hello,
    new to this group i am a single mother to a 27 month old girl . I am on a new lifestyle change once i get use to this i will be putting my daughter on the same path as myself. Not that that she eats bad just the grandparents like to give her cookies,sweets a lot which i don't really like. I wish i could get her to eat vegtebles but she does like fruit !
  • kaylaodoms
    kaylaodoms Posts: 12 Member
    I also have full custody of my daughter 100% which sometimes gets stressful especially with terrible 2s
  • LisaO_84
    LisaO_84 Posts: 9
    I am in the same boat as you only my girls are 4 and 11! I have noticed that before this lifestyle change of mine that my bad habits where rubbing off on them. Also, grandparents sure take that spoiling stuff to another level with the treats. Its so nice to get a break from the grandparents but how do you tell them not to give the kids sugary treats?