let's talk ... texting etiquette
Replies
-
Is that an American thing, to call a man a boy?? Do men like it? :huh:
In my experience it doesn't phase them. I'll say, "I'm going out with boys" or "I was hitting on a boy" or "I saw a cute boy" ... it's just how we say it. You do use the word "boyfriend" not "manfriend" right?
I had some British friends tell me to stop using the word boy before because they said it sounded like I was talking about a son I don't have, haha.0 -
Is that an American thing, to call a man a boy?? Do men like it? :huh:
In my experience it doesn't phase them. I'll say, "I'm going out with boys" or "I was hitting on a boy" or "I saw a cute boy" ... it's just how we say it. You do use the word "boyfriend" not "manfriend" right?
I had some British friends tell me to stop using the word boy before because they said it sounded like I was talking about a son I don't have, haha.
Yes, he's universally called a 'boyfriend'......lol And men here would say 'this is my girl'. But women wouldn't say 'I'm seeing a boy'. I dunno, it's just another cultural difference. A man wouldnt like to be called a boy here. But I dont mind being called a girl.
Do you mind being called a girl? I think a female in America took offence to that one on here before........ :flowerforyou:
And yes, if a woman is saying boy, it's usually in reference to her son or a male kid under the age of 16.0 -
Is that an American thing, to call a man a boy?? Do men like it? :huh:
In my experience it doesn't phase them. I'll say, "I'm going out with boys" or "I was hitting on a boy" or "I saw a cute boy" ... it's just how we say it. You do use the word "boyfriend" not "manfriend" right?
I had some British friends tell me to stop using the word boy before because they said it sounded like I was talking about a son I don't have, haha.
Yes, he's universally called a 'boyfriend'......lol And men here would say 'this is my girl'. But women wouldn't say 'I'm seeing a boy'. I dunno, it's just another cultural difference. A man wouldnt like to be called a boy here. But I dont mind being called a girl.
Do you mind being called a girl? I think a female in America took offence to that one on here before........ :flowerforyou:
And yes, if a woman is saying boy, it's usually in reference to her son or a male kid under the age of 16.
I use them all interchangably and don't think twice about it... I also don't mind a guy saying 'this is my girl'
Funny boy says 'atta girl' all the time...
I mean 'in the moment' of ahem, I don't think I'd say boy... you'd wanna pump him up! but generally I don't think twice about using man, boy, etc.0 -
Kim, classic example of me forgetting a text question. My sister text me about 10 days ago to go to a show with her. I read it, then went to work, and I've only just remembered about it!! :noway:
I've actually text her about other things in between!! :huh:
So yeah, I think with me (can't speak for anyone else), that I can have a whole conversation in text but then i get distracted and don't necessarily come back to it.
And I'm certainly not being intentionally rude or lacking interest.......I'm just busy and stressed and a bit forgetful :bigsmile:0 -
I hate to admit fault, again.... but I did that again this AM
I was texting with someone I had never met yet (costa rica boy) and I just got busy and forgot... so yes, it's hard for me to say he is rude becuase I have done it. I also think maybe it bothers me more with him becuase I like him and want to talk!!! haha!! but jq said it well, if it bothers me I should address it
ETA: I am surprised your sister wasn't like WTH Anna? I would have been like 'umm you didn't answer me?' becuase I am comfortable with my sisters, friends, etc. moreso than a new man,0 -
ETA: I am surprised your sister wasn't like WTH Anna? I would have been like 'umm you didn't answer me?' becuase I am comfortable with my sisters, friends, etc. moreso than a new man,
Oh, she's probably stopped talking to me!! :laugh: :noway: :ohwell:0 -
If you are really into someone..do you look forward to their texts and calls and answer promptly?
Do you attempt to put your best foot forward by asking and answering questions?
If something or someone matters to you, do you put the effort into letting them know they are important?
I can be a jerk about responding to texts and calls...but when it matters to me...I am prompt and attentive...and expect the same. Otjerwise I feel it safe to assume he isn't into me, is lazy or too busy for a relationship.0 -
If you are really into someone..do you look forward to their texts and calls and answer promptly?
Do you attempt to put your best foot forward by asking and answering questions?
If something or someone matters to you, do you put the effort into letting them know they are important?
I can be a jerk about responding to texts and calls...but when it matters to me...I am prompt and attentive...and expect the same. Otjerwise I feel it safe to assume he isn't into me, is lazy or too busy for a relationship.
You said it well!!! That's what's been on my mind most of today... I have made up my own mind, without wondering what he is thinking.0 -
I'm with Anna. Texting is casual. Its what you do when you are doing other things and if the other person stops responding you assume they are busy until stated otherwise. I have forgotten questions people asked me and people have forgotten questions I asked them. Each time, if it was something I actually wanted an answer to I brought it up again. If it was just chit chat I moved on to the more interesting topic at hand.
I don't spend my time agonizing over texts, messages, whatever. If I don't understand what someone is saying or why they're saying it, I straight up ask for clarification. Most of my communication is done via text because I have an audio processing disorder, it's fairly mild, but the mechanical quality of phones does not help. I also spend my life doing things that I would otherwise have to put on hold to chit chat with someone on the phone. I will ignore calls and get irritated when friends call me just to chat because they know I hate it.
Kim, this is a symptom of your insecurity. You are annoyed with behaviors in someone else that you yourself display. You are anxious about him poofing. Instead of confronting him about it and analyzing his messages, analyze your feelings and remind yourself that it's unfair to treat him like he's going to do something wrong, because that becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.
Christine, texting cannot be compared to having a conversation in person. It's a false comparison, they are two completely different means of communication.
Establish what kind of communication you expect, then ask yourself if something like this is really gonna be so annoying that it's a deal breaker. I'm communicating online with someone that I like, and even then I usually drop off on the weekends or if work vets busy. He does the same with me. Even though it sucks a little I like to think it's better since we can each understand we got our own shut goin on.0 -
Kim, this is a symptom of your insecurity. You are annoyed with behaviors in someone else that you yourself display. You are anxious about him poofing. Instead of confronting him about it and analyzing his messages, analyze your feelings and remind yourself that it's unfair to treat him like he's going to do something wrong, because that becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.
You are 100% right. I don't doubt your comments for a moment. I spent most of today analyzing how me, myself, and I felt, and I realized a lot. I've never been in this type situation before, I have never moved forward from my past, still highly affected by something. I don't think I even realized how much I was affected by 'date 5 guy' until 'funny guy' came along. It's really too bad, becuase he was a nice guy, but at the end of the day it wasn't meant to be - I learned a lot. I have been hurt so much in my past, that I am so scared to missed the signs again, I am causing the signs myself & sabotaging. It's really a crappy feeling to sit here and realize this about yourself. Today was a day of discovery for me, and while I have no proof the guy has poofed on me, I have decided for myself that I need to move on.
Thanks guys....0 -
Kim, I am so proud of you for realizing all this
I cried too, but tears of happiness because you are growing so much inside and learning how amazing and great and wonderful you are 0 -
Kits I definitely weren't saying they were similar! In fact on the first page I said its not a real conversation. But I was using the word "conversation" because it's easier than writing "exchanging texts with" lol0
-
Just to preface...I didn't read through the 2 pages of back/forth responses yet.
If I am texting friends/gf's, then that means I am probably doing something else that makes me busy enough to not just call and hold a convo with them.
So with my friends/gf, I will leave conversations without a 'sign off'. Of course I don't just drop the topic there either. When I text them again, it is usually in follow up to the last text sent. I guess I just figure that is the easiness of texting, I can come and go and only give it part of my attention.
Conversely, if I want to actually hold a full, non-interrupted conversation, I will just call and talk to the person.0 -
I prefer talking over texting and I always let the guy know beforehand. I dont want to spend energy on trying to figure out someone's tone, waiting on responses, etc. if you can't talk, well call me when you can.
With my bf we talk and text every now and then but usually just to confirm plans or if I know he's at work but not sure if he's busy and it's something I need to tell him.
One thing I disliked was guys asking me out on a date via text. I always responded with "I'm sorry, but I prefer to be asked out on a date over a call vs text."
I'd get a call within minute every time and most guys were impressed. If you can't pick up the phone to ask me out, eh. I must not seem that valuable.0 -
I've skimmed through some of the replies...
I like texting because I'm busy, but if I'm really interested in someone I've found I prefer to talk with them. During the work day, a text here or there is great (nonstop texts drive me crazy, though). Outside of work, I'm busy.... between sporting events, school events, volunteering, the gym, grocery shopping, playing with the kids, homework, etc. In those cases, texts are nice until the kids go to bed. Talking is great after they're asleep. I can give my undivided attention to whoever I'm talking with. If he wants to talk before then, I explain that it will be short, and possibly interrupted (although I do try to lock myself away).0 -
'becuase I am scared too, am I allowed to call him without permission?' This is case in point what texting has done to some of us!
I will text my friends, "can I call you?" haha
OMG I do too when I NEED to call someone - usually when I have a lot I want to spit out and it woudl be too hard to text lol
I do that when I want to talk to someone and I want to make sure they are alone so no one will over hear our conversation.
I text 99% of the time though because it is easier to do when others are around.0 -
I hate the phone. First of all, I'm hard of hearing and sometime have trouble understanding people over the phone. Also, I'm at work for like 10 hours a day and I really don't like other people to hear my phone conversations. I hate when my friends call me during the day to ask me something stupid, half the time I'm in the middle of something and don't answer it if it's not work related. Contrary to what people may think, it's not that I'm lazy, emotionally unavailable, or an assclown, I'm just not that talkative of a person. I especially hate when people call me and have nothing to say.
I for one don't expect people to text me back within a certain amount of time. Text me back when you're not busy, if it was an emergency I'd call or tell you it was an emergency. You don't need to explain to me that you were too busy to text me back, it's assumed. I don't text people back when I'm driving, at the gym, out walking the dog, etc. and I don't feel the need to explain myself every time I leave the house.
My girlfriend and I both understand that if we don't hear back from each other at night then one of us probably fell asleep. We don't need to end conversations via text, they are an ongoing conversation and can wait until the next day usually. If I want to have an actual conversation I would call her.
I might have missed out on some dates in the past because I asked them out by text rather than calling them, than so be it. I don't put up with needy or demanding women. I don't see them picking up the phone to ask me out. If they are too old school like that, I have no problem with it, we probably just wouldn't be a good match.0 -
If you are really into someone..do you look forward to their texts and calls and answer promptly?
Do you attempt to put your best foot forward by asking and answering questions?
If something or someone matters to you, do you put the effort into letting them know they are important?
I can be a jerk about responding to texts and calls...but when it matters to me...I am prompt and attentive...and expect the same. Otjerwise I feel it safe to assume he isn't into me, is lazy or too busy for a relationship.
It's kind of a misconception and faulty reasoning to think everyone is just like you or has the same attitude as you. When playing poker a major mistake players make is to analyze a hand by asking "what hands could I have that I would play the way that this hand has been played." The better question to ask is, "Given what I've seen of my opponent's play, what hands is he/she likely to play this way?"0 -
There's no excuse for asking a woman (or a man, as the case may be) out via text. There just isn't. It's not about needs or demands. It's about preferences, and I prefer to date men with proper manners.
This is something Janie has talked about a lot on here before, and it bears repeating: men talk a good game when it comes to not wanting to date women who have standards for how they expect to be treated, but the truth is that when you meet a woman who blows you away, you will forget all about the "I don't like needy and demanding women" crap. You will court her in whatever way she expects you to because you realize she's the exact opposite of needy, that she actually has a measure of self-respect that is uncommon among women today, and that she has CHOSEN you. And you will rise to the occasion because that's what men do for women they truly want to be with.0 -
If you are really into someone..do you look forward to their texts and calls and answer promptly?
Do you attempt to put your best foot forward by asking and answering questions?
If something or someone matters to you, do you put the effort into letting them know they are important?
I can be a jerk about responding to texts and calls...but when it matters to me...I am prompt and attentive...and expect the same. Otjerwise I feel it safe to assume he isn't into me, is lazy or too busy for a relationship.
It's kind of a misconception and faulty reasoning to think everyone is just like you or has the same attitude as you. When playing poker a major mistake players make is to analyze a hand by asking "what hands could I have that I would play the way that this hand has been played." The better question to ask is, "Given what I've seen of my opponent's play, what hands is he/she likely to play this way?"
I think she's exactly right. When you like someone, when you're concerned about him/her liking you, you don't treat that person the same way you treat some random acquaintance you don't really care if you ever see again.0 -
If you are really into someone..do you look forward to their texts and calls and answer promptly?
Do you attempt to put your best foot forward by asking and answering questions?
If something or someone matters to you, do you put the effort into letting them know they are important?
I can be a jerk about responding to texts and calls...but when it matters to me...I am prompt and attentive...and expect the same. Otjerwise I feel it safe to assume he isn't into me, is lazy or too busy for a relationship.
It's kind of a misconception and faulty reasoning to think everyone is just like you or has the same attitude as you. When playing poker a major mistake players make is to analyze a hand by asking "what hands could I have that I would play the way that this hand has been played." The better question to ask is, "Given what I've seen of my opponent's play, what hands is he/she likely to play this way?"
I think she's exactly right. When you like someone, when you're concerned about him/her liking you, you don't treat that person the same way you treat some random acquaintance you don't really care if you ever see again.
If there is someone I don't want to see again, I don't keep their phone number and I don't text them, email them, call, them, etc. I fully recognize I am saying "I don't" which is contrary to the theme of the message you quoted. I've been left analyzing texts and wondering why I haven't heard from someone and generally the problem was me and how I was feeling about myself and not how much respect others had for me.
That idea serves as a nice passage to say that I also disagree with your notion about texting being lazy and disrepectful. It's a new technology and has changed the options that are available. Imagine how absurd an argument similar to yours would sound regarding the telephone. At some point the phone was a new technology. Can you imagine hearing, "There is no excuse to call someone to ask them on a date. A proper gentleman will show up at a lady's house to ask her out?" At some point in history such a mindset may have occured but as time went on, it would now be considered laughable.0 -
Manners? So it's rude for me to ask someone out if I do it the wrong way? This is exactly what I'm talking about. If I'm asking someone out I'm putting myself out there, saying that I would like to see them and get to know them better, probably pay, yet I'm the *kitten* hole. Whatever. That's like saying "Thanks for rescuing me from that burning building, but it was awfully rude of you to not take your hat off first."There's no excuse for asking a woman (or a man, as the case may be) out via text. There just isn't. It's not about needs or demands. It's about preferences, and I prefer to date men with proper manners.
This is something Janie has talked about a lot on here before, and it bears repeating: men talk a good game when it comes to not wanting to date women who have standards for how they expect to be treated, but the truth is that when you meet a woman who blows you away, you will forget all about the "I don't like needy and demanding women" crap. You will court her in whatever way she expects you to because you realize she's the exact opposite of needy, that she actually has a measure of self-respect that is uncommon among women today, and that she has CHOSEN you. And you will rise to the occasion because that's what men do for women they truly want to be with.
Really the major turn off for me is this sense of entitlement. I have little respect for women that can't open their own car doors, unless they are disabled or elderly. I actually find that slightly demeaning. The only women I've met that have blown me away didn't expect any of that needy or demanding crap.0 -
Manners? So it's rude for me to ask someone out if I do it the wrong way? This is exactly what I'm talking about. If I'm asking someone out I'm putting myself out there, saying that I would like to see them and get to know them better, probably pay, yet I'm the *kitten* hole. Whatever. That's like saying "Thanks for rescuing me from that burning building, but it was awfully rude of you to not take your hat off first."There's no excuse for asking a woman (or a man, as the case may be) out via text. There just isn't. It's not about needs or demands. It's about preferences, and I prefer to date men with proper manners.
This is something Janie has talked about a lot on here before, and it bears repeating: men talk a good game when it comes to not wanting to date women who have standards for how they expect to be treated, but the truth is that when you meet a woman who blows you away, you will forget all about the "I don't like needy and demanding women" crap. You will court her in whatever way she expects you to because you realize she's the exact opposite of needy, that she actually has a measure of self-respect that is uncommon among women today, and that she has CHOSEN you. And you will rise to the occasion because that's what men do for women they truly want to be with.
Really the major turn off for me is this sense of entitlement. I have little respect for women that can't open their own car doors, unless they are disabled or elderly. I actually find that slightly demeaning. The only women I've met that have blown me away didn't expect any of that needy or demanding crap.
Really? I hate to be called so a guy asking me out via text is 100% acceptable to me.0 -
There's no excuse for asking a woman (or a man, as the case may be) out via text. There just isn't. It's not about needs or demands. It's about preferences, and I prefer to date men with proper manners.
This is something Janie has talked about a lot on here before, and it bears repeating: men talk a good game when it comes to not wanting to date women who have standards for how they expect to be treated, but the truth is that when you meet a woman who blows you away, you will forget all about the "I don't like needy and demanding women" crap. You will court her in whatever way she expects you to because you realize she's the exact opposite of needy, that she actually has a measure of self-respect that is uncommon among women today, and that she has CHOSEN you. And you will rise to the occasion because that's what men do for women they truly want to be with.
I agree100%.0 -
It's kind of a misconception and faulty reasoning to think everyone is just like you or has the same attitude as you. When playing poker a major mistake players make is to analyze a hand by asking "what hands could I have that I would play the way that this hand has been played." The better question to ask is, "Given what I've seen of my opponent's play, what hands is he/she likely to play this way?"
Good point. I don't think everyone is just like me or has the same attitude..but I look for the same communication style and manners. The more similarities in that, the better for me, personally. Someone could be a great individual, but if they don't pay me attention and express interest the way I prefer...I am not sure that I would continue honestly.0 -
If I mainly talk to someone via text I am not going to expect or require them to call and ask me out. I think it should be done in the manner which communication has already been established.0
-
I don't mind being asked out via text and definitely don't find it to be rude. It's just all dependant upon the person and the situation. Since it's harder for me to get on the phone during the day, I do communicate via text quite frequently. A lot of men I date are single fathers and do the same. They realize that my time is limited and that they need to ask me out early, so a lot of times, I'll get a text or email in the middle of the workday asking if I have plans for the weekend. If I don't, we make arrangements or he calls later that night to set something up. I'm good either way, but much rather worry about the timing than the "how" it was done.0
-
I agree, I am not offended to be asked out in text.... atleast they asked you out! As a single parent I get the time constraints.. I don't mind texting either, but I think I am realizing that texting has caused some misinterpretations that could have otherwise been avoided, if we just took the time to talk on the phone.... things I need to change as well.
I think 'fullofwhimsy' says it well, you have what you prefer, and sometimes the compramise to how they communicate or act or what have you is just too much and doesn't suit your fancy!
In my current situation, I just think I sat around analyzing, wondering when I'd hear again, if he was going to firm up a date, or whatnot that it drove me nuts... and that isn't ok (whether it be my problem or his) it's apparent we weren't a match that way!0 -
I love being asked out by text. I can read it again and again and relive the moment. I've got time to think and react. I find texts really quite cool for confirming all sorts of engagements :bigsmile:
Agree with DavidB & Roadie - its 'new' technology (well, actually, it's getting old now) get with the 21st century ladies!! Your knight no longer wears shining Armour nor rides a white horse. He now carries a smart phone on his way to the gym where he can text you whiles he's running on the treadmill and thinking of you. Why is that such a bad thing??
And then, when I get home from work at about 10.30pm and cook something to eat, and he's fallen asleep on the sofa, I can text my acceptance and he has a nice text to wake up to in the morning.
Manners??? Sounds perfectly civil and mannerly to me :flowerforyou:
Perhaps the problem here is some people have more time on their hands than others??0 -
Agree with DavidB & Roadie - its 'new' technology (well, actually, it's getting old now) get with the 21st century ladies!! Your knight no longer wears shining Armour nor rides a white horse. He now carries a smart phone on his way to the gym where he can text you whiles he's running on the treadmill and thinking of you. Why is that such a bad thing??
Texting while on a treadmill? This would be me if I tried to text while running on a treadmill
Actually, that's me on a treadmill even without texting and just running...or walking even.0
