My family SABOTAGES me! :(

xvegivorex

HELP-

my family sabotages me i live with 3 people who are NOT CURRENTLY trying to lose weight (individual situations vary) - and they are constantly buying/bringing triggering foods into the house, it seems like every chance they get lol

they take so long eating the 'treats' and before long i have devoured and demolished them all!

what do i do - i am trying to sick to an ovo-lacto veggie diet but even *i* find myself eating meat or fish when I run out of things to binge on -

HELP! D':

Sari

angelaengbrecht

Hi Sari! I am vegetarian (although I usually consume a vegan diet), and I know what it's like to breach your own values during a binge. It's really hard, but you need to learn to forgive yourself. When you are binging, you are not in your right mind. Don't beat yourself up for these choices. Eventually, you will beat the binge, and at that time, you will have to decide if you want to eat meat or not. It's also good to remember that one does not have to be ALL or NOTHING as a vegan, vegetarian, pescitarian, etc. No one is perfect ALL the time! : )

Regarding your family:

1) Be honest with them. Tell them that you are trying to lose weight, and that seeing them eat snacks is really hard for you. Ask if they could eat the snacks at times when you are not present. Many people here even ask their significant others to hide goodies, so they are less tempted. IMO it's essential to success that your home is a SAFE place, especially when you are just starting to tackle an ED like BE.

2) I know this is hard, and I don't mean to sound harsh, but here it goes: You MUST accept responsibility for your own eating. I don't mean that you should be hard on yourself. Accept what you have done, forgive yourself, and move on. Your eating is NO ONE's to control but your own, and as long as you feel like it is, there will ALWAYS be an excuse to eat.

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Some ideas for coping in the meantime:

+ When the snacks come out, leave. Get out of the house until they are gone.

+ Plan these snacks into your day. If you know you can't resist a food, don't. Just plan for it a day (or two) ahead of time. Even if this means that you spend a day or two eating your calorie goal in pure chocolate, do it. Eventually, your body will get satiated on junk. Just make sure that you plan it, log it all, and that you stay under your calorie goal.

+ Keep healthy food items prepared and ready to go. When your family brings out their junk food, bring out your healthy items, (I like to include hot beverages like tea w/o sugar) and eat with them.

I HOPE THIS HELP!

Angela

dladisheff

Hi
My husband doesn't sabotage me but he is definitely an enabler. He always eats huge portions and brings me huge portions as well. Then, he wants snack food constantly. I don't buy it, but I will give in during the evening and he will go out and get it. I realize, as the previous poster said, that what I eat is my responsibility. It may be harder but it's still my choice to eat or not. If I ask him, he will hide his snacks....I just have to stop asking him to go out and get some for both of us. And re: the portion sizes, I need to tell him/show him beforehand exactly how much meat I can eat. He's got the potato/rice portion thing down now and the vegetables usually don't matter too much. What I need to do is serve my own portions.

I just read a good book on the subject called "Brain over Binge" by Kathryn Hansen that talks about the fact the it is our ultimate responsibility re: what goes into our mouth.

Try the above suggestions and I know you can do it! And, you're worth it!
Donna L.

xvegivorex

Thanks Angela- sometimes my mom hides goodies but I should tell her she needs to do it on a consistent basis. The idea of leaving the room/house when binge foods are out appeals to me, since that is often a tactic that I have employed in the past during stressful or argumentative times or when I needed an excuse to go out and do something healthy like go to the gym or the library to study my early childhood ed courses or just for a 20 minute or so walk to clear my head.

my family is going to a fish-themed restaurant tomorrow for my bro's birthday dinner but it's tuesday night and for now I'm just going to stick to being (ovo-lacto) vegetarian on Mondays only as a transition and something manageable for me. I started a Twitter Page/blog themed around Meatless Monday and was inspired by today being that and Earth Day at the same time.

Basically I just want to focus on healthy eating and living true to my principles, binge free, but not to beat myself up if i go %0, 100 or even 200 or 300 cals over my calorie goal in a day if i enjoyed my food, was generally active, drank my water, and if it was maybe not a binge but "mildly" eating one or two bites more than i planned - then i wont fly off the handle and eat 10 pieces or slices or cups of whatever just to "eat forwards cuz i can't eat backwards" - crazy i know but i do it - how do you think i got to be 164 lbs. at 4'9? but enough 'body bashing' that accomplishes worse than nothing-

i am here to get healthy and live binge free, and tbqh if i plateaued at 115-120 without bingeing instead of reaching my goal of 100 but always living in fear of the binge monster, id rather be 1-6 lbs. overweight and HAPPY than at my 'ideal' weight' and constantly struggling with an ED, alternating 600 with 900 with 1,200 with 4,000 with 6,000 with 300 etc. calorie days!

i just dumped my 'diet' pills (green tea thingies) i the trash two nights ago and poured something disgusting on them so i wouldnt fish them out again - i have septic tank so cant flush them unfortunately. ironically they were keeping me up at night and exacerbating my 'night eating' syndrome, or, NES.

next are the fiber and papain pills and the laxatives and suppositories if things get really bad they are going out too- you mentioned hiding things? my mom has also hidden laxatives and diet pills from me… anyway i digress…

thank you so much for your support Angela… i will add you as a friend if you dont mind? xSari

xvegivorex

Hi Donna-
Thanx, it is really nice to get some support of MFP I feel so alone sometimes!

Ive heard more than one poster on this group's forums mention "Brain over binge" - will definitely check it out- is it available on AmazonKindle® do you know?

also what you mentioned about serving yourself- very key! my dad always serves me what he considers small portions but many times they are HUGE. and anyway if im counting the calories shouldn't i be weighing and measuring my own food lol i know you and Angela both said take charge of what I MYSELF put in MY mouth- well serving myself at the dinner table is all part and parcel of that! also i mentioned to Angela that i am going out for seafood tomorrow night with my family for my bro's bday dinner-i think planning ahead and only ordering small portions like apps and salad is good, nothing fried. im going to order (pickled, with sesame seeds) Asian calamari salad and field greens salad sherry vinaigrette on the side and just dip my fork tines.

thank you guys both for being so supportive- Donna I'm adding you if you dont mind? xSari

angelaengbrecht

Sari,

I'm glad to hear that you think that some of these strategies will work for you. Of course, I know that my advice is 'easier said than done,' otherwise I wouldn't be here myself! : )

I think that it's a good idea to pick a select day to start out holding yourself to a stricter dietary standard. Meatless Monday's sound like a great idea.

We have a few things in common other than our vegetarianism:

1) I too often times engage in 'eating forward, because I cannot eat backward' as you put it. Sometimes, it feels like I can almost 'uneat' by eating more, which of course makes no sense. I used to do this a LOT more, but it's still something that I battle with. For instance I might binge on a sugar snack and then wish I had made a healthier choice, so then I'll go eat that "healthy" thing, when the bottom line is that I don't really need any more food, healthy or not.

For me, something that has helped to clean this behavior up is running. I find that as a runner, I am much more careful about what (and when) I eat. I also find that I don't have to be as restrictive with myself because I am burning so many calories, AND it gives me something to do other than eat, which is really helpful, because too much down-time triggers binges for me.

2) We're both shorties. I've got a couple of inches on you (I'm 5'3) but not many. My starting weight was about 165 as well.

3) I've also spend a lot of days yo-yo dieting and restricting calories to unhealthy levels (100-600 calories per day) and taking diet pills. I've also done binge/purge, chewing/spitting, and abusing laxatives just to name a few of the TERRIBLE ideas that I somehow convinced myself were necessary, or sometimes "what I deserved."

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I saw that you added me, and I have added you back!

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Have a nice evening.

Angela

dladisheff

Hi

"Brain over Binge" does not appear to be available on Kindle....I would've like that too.

How did you make out last night at the restaurant?

Donna L.

xvegivorex

Hi Angela,

Thanks for the add!

I can't run due to my arthritic feet and knees, unfortunately, but I do a lot of walking in the nice weather and I do NEED to start going back to the gym which has more modified equipment for me.

So glad you seem to be 'winning the war' on your ED - I know I will get there eventually; One Day At A Time.

Thanks again for your continued support!

~Sari

xvegivorex

Hi Donna,

That's too bad about 'Brain Over Binge' not being on Kindle- maybe I can get it cheap off Amazon? I'll have to check… ;-)

Thanks again for your continued support!

~Sari