MEN....Is this true?
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I have been told before that if a man really wants a girl he will make the effort to see her, spend time with her, etc.
I have a "friend" that likes to pop in and out of my life. A text here and there and an occasional lunch date. He always wanted to hold hands and kiss. NO sex! We stopped talking for a while at one time and I met someone and started dating him. When that ended, the "friend" and I were friends again but he expressed that he was bothered by me dating someone else. I have told him that I care about him but have had no response in regard to that. Fast forward....
This "friend" now works out of town and we haven't seen each other in a month or better and have had the occasional "good morning" text etc. Now he is in town to visit his kids and I'm getting all of these texts with hearts and kissy faces. I'm "baby doll" and "sweety" all of a sudden!! I don't get it! Please help me understand..... Am I being used when it's convenient or does he really care about me? He doesn't communicate at all and I am not really sure what he is after. Are we friends or more?
Any insight from a guys point of view would be awesome? Thanks
P.S. Please go easy on me. I am still fairly new at this dating "game".
No, this is not true for me. If I feel she is not easily attainable, I don't even try. I'm apt to downplay my interest in this case. Most common reasons for this are that I don't see her enough to get to know her well, or she has a lot of guy friends, or she doesn't seem interested. Also, I'm at the point now where I've learned the secrets (which some guys never learn) about how to behave when you're first getting to know a woman, why some women appear "hotter" than others, etc. The answers to these questions have been quite refreshing and humbling, and I now realize I can't go after a girl just because I like her look. That is simply not a valid reason for being interested in a girl by itself, so I don't obsess over girls because of their look anymore. Unfortunately, most of the girls I like (the nice ones) and who like me and are good matches for me always seem to already have boyfriends. I don't like girls who are truly "badass" and mean. I will flirt if I really like a girl, but I don't play games, and hate it when girls do that to me.
Are you insecure? I am not trying to be rude, but how do you classify that a girl is unattainable if you don't put the work in to find out? Some girls hold back a little because they are worried about being used by men or have been hurt in the past.0 -
Wow.
Nola- You now know what it feels like to be a guy. Suck it up and wait until she...I mean he is ready.
EBFNP- That's a very bold prediction, he is out for sex. Most guys think sex first and relationship second, don't act so surprised. But if we want to have sex with someone it doesn't mean that we don't want a relationship with them. It means we are attracted to them, and that is needed for any relationship.
Christine- Some people play games, and some guys actually have a tough time making a move on a girl. I know lots of guys who will not contact someone too much because they don't want to come off as needy, or they are just shy. Some are just lazy. If guys don't make a move it doesn't always mean that they don't like you.
tx_angel- Guys are jealous creatures. Sometimes when we see you with someone else it raises your stock. When we see other people that want you it makes us want you more. We can't help it. I'm not saying he only likes you because you were with someone else but it may have made him look at you different.0 -
Wow.
Nola- You now know what it feels like to be a guy. Suck it up and wait until she...I mean he is ready.
EBFNP- That's a very bold prediction, he is out for sex. Most guys think sex first and relationship second, don't act so surprised. But if we want to have sex with someone it doesn't mean that we don't want a relationship with them. It means we are attracted to them, and that is needed for any relationship.
Christine- Some people play games, and some guys actually have a tough time making a move on a girl. I know lots of guys who will not contact someone too much because they don't want to come off as needy, or they are just shy. Some are just lazy. If guys don't make a move it doesn't always mean that they don't like you.
tx_angel- Guys are jealous creatures. Sometimes when we see you with someone else it raises your stock. When we see other people that want you it makes us want you more. We can't help it. I'm not saying he only likes you because you were with someone else but it may have made him look at you different.
Ok- This is guy is obviously not shy. Therefore, at the very least he is insecure if he is worried about her dating other men. Secure men and women don't get routinely jealous of potential other suitors. If he wants to date her, then he should pursue her like a gentlemen. Most guys who like a girl is nervous in their interactions and will do things to IMPRESS her not send random text messages. My verdict is he is just stringing her a long just in case another situation doesn't work.0 -
Yep. That's what I do. Works every time. :laugh:oh he KNOWS! he just wants to take it slow, be friends first. I never thought I would say this but what the hell lol.
when u want a sensitive guy all I got was *kitten*. now.... IDK! lol
Eh, just show him your boobs and get it over with XD
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Yep. That's what I do. Works every time. :laugh:oh he KNOWS! he just wants to take it slow, be friends first. I never thought I would say this but what the hell lol.
when u want a sensitive guy all I got was *kitten*. now.... IDK! lol
Eh, just show him your boobs and get it over with XD
^^^^ yup yup :flowerforyou: .. Listen to the ladies on the board who actually get some will ya :bigsmile:0 -
Yep. That's what I do. Works every time. :laugh:oh he KNOWS! he just wants to take it slow, be friends first. I never thought I would say this but what the hell lol.
when u want a sensitive guy all I got was *kitten*. now.... IDK! lol
Eh, just show him your boobs and get it over with XD
^^^^ yup yup :flowerforyou: .. Listen to the ladies on the board who actually get some will ya :bigsmile:
hahahah I will try this approach and report back hahaha.0 -
Wow.
Nola- You now know what it feels like to be a guy. Suck it up and wait until she...I mean he is ready.
EBFNP- That's a very bold prediction, he is out for sex. Most guys think sex first and relationship second, don't act so surprised. But if we want to have sex with someone it doesn't mean that we don't want a relationship with them. It means we are attracted to them, and that is needed for any relationship.
Christine- Some people play games, and some guys actually have a tough time making a move on a girl. I know lots of guys who will not contact someone too much because they don't want to come off as needy, or they are just shy. Some are just lazy. If guys don't make a move it doesn't always mean that they don't like you.
tx_angel- Guys are jealous creatures. Sometimes when we see you with someone else it raises your stock. When we see other people that want you it makes us want you more. We can't help it. I'm not saying he only likes you because you were with someone else but it may have made him look at you different.
Ok- This is guy is obviously not shy. Therefore, at the very least he is insecure if he is worried about her dating other men. Secure men and women don't get routinely jealous of potential other suitors. If he wants to date her, then he should pursue her like a gentlemen. Most guys who like a girl is nervous in their interactions and will do things to IMPRESS her not send random text messages. My verdict is he is just stringing her a long just in case another situation doesn't work.
Yes, agreed. If you have the balls to say these things you're not shy.
Roadie, good to know.0 -
^^^^ yup yup .. Listen to the ladies on the board who actually get some will ya
yep!! Indeed!! :bigsmile:0 -
Wow.
Nola- You now know what it feels like to be a guy. Suck it up and wait until she...I mean he is ready.
EBFNP- That's a very bold prediction, he is out for sex. Most guys think sex first and relationship second, don't act so surprised. But if we want to have sex with someone it doesn't mean that we don't want a relationship with them. It means we are attracted to them, and that is needed for any relationship.
Christine- Some people play games, and some guys actually have a tough time making a move on a girl. I know lots of guys who will not contact someone too much because they don't want to come off as needy, or they are just shy. Some are just lazy. If guys don't make a move it doesn't always mean that they don't like you.
tx_angel- Guys are jealous creatures. Sometimes when we see you with someone else it raises your stock. When we see other people that want you it makes us want you more. We can't help it. I'm not saying he only likes you because you were with someone else but it may have made him look at you different.
Ok- This is guy is obviously not shy. Therefore, at the very least he is insecure if he is worried about her dating other men. Secure men and women don't get routinely jealous of potential other suitors. If he wants to date her, then he should pursue her like a gentlemen. Most guys who like a girl is nervous in their interactions and will do things to IMPRESS her not send random text messages. My verdict is he is just stringing her a long just in case another situation doesn't work.
Yes, agreed. If you have the balls to say these things you're not shy.
Roadie, good to know.
It's possible to make overtures like that and still be too shy to take the leap.0 -
To the op, sounds to me like the guy is on a power trip. He sounds like he just wants to have all the power and control. By kissing he is trying to hook you in and then not pushing it further keeps you hooked. As soon as you start lessening his control, dating etc. he gets pissed off and disappears. Once he sees an opportunity to put the hook back in again he reappears. Wouldn't be surprised if he is keeping tabs on you through a mutual friend.
In terms of moving from friends to more, from a guys perspective or at least mine its not as easy as people make out. If you value the friendship you already have then it is a hard decision whether to risk that. There are plenty of people on this site, and in the real world, who claim guys and girls can't be friends, so a guy friend trying to switch things up to them would be massive proof of this fact, and the girl involved could take it that this was all their friendship was based on all along. Then the guy ends up nowhere, no relationship, no friend. Was it worth the risk? Things that seem obvious to everyone external of these friendships are not always as easy to read from the 2 peoples perspective, and actions can be read differently. But in the case of a genuine friendship there is not usually any middle ground "playing" with the person mentally which seems to be going on in the ops case. A true genuine friendship would (if its gonna happen) switch from friendship to relationship with nobodies head being intentionally messed with. And for those who say shyness is causing the middle ground, speaking as that shy guy, if you're too shy to push things, you're too shy to be doing any of it, not stopping halfway, if he got that far shyness wouldn't stop the next step.
Nola, sounds to me like the guy might be in to you but not confident about going headlong into a relationship too quick, guessing he's probably been badly burnt in a previous relationship, but if you follow Kit, Jen and Anna's advice I very much doubt he'll be able to resist.
Fithealthyfor, i agree with a lot of what you say, but I don't think its rocket science to say that you shouldn't go after someone just cos they're initially hot. maybe for a fling, but if your looking for a relationship then its always got to be about a connection on some deeper level.0 -
I have been told before that if a man really wants a girl he will make the effort to see her, spend time with her, etc.
yes.0 -
I'm in a similar situation. This thread has helped though.
To the OP - I think maybe you should just let it evolve and see what happens. He may not yet know what he wants. It sounds to me like he hasn't yet decided to take the risk. The reality is, like someone else said, that moving from friendship to a relationship means you are putting the friendship at risk. Just don't over-analyze it. Spend some time with him while he is in town, see what happens, and when he goes back, wait for him to call you.0 -
He's not sure what he wants. I'd leave him alone.0
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He's not sure what he wants. I'd leave him alone.
this. I think when a guy wants something he will go out and get it. and0 -
He's not sure what he wants. I'd leave him alone.
this. I think when a guy wants something he will go out and get it. and
*Ideally
**For women who don't want to do the same0 -
You know, this reminds me of that movie "One Day". Guys never know what they want when it comes to friends/romance. You only really have two choices here, OP, wait him out or move on.0
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As an update, ...
I actually confronted him on this issue and straight up asked what he wanted. Dating? Friends? It caused a very uncomfortable series of back and forth via text...of course...lol...not so friendly comments from him. I mentioned that another man (a friend) had asked me to dinner but I told him that I wanted to clarify my "friend" relationship first. This only caused him to accuse me of always having one on the hook and he wished he had such a pool to chose from and other lovely insults. I'm not that kind of woman. I just told him that I guess some men recognize a good woman when they see one. He said yes and you are that... followed by other various unkind words. ?????? And he never answered my question.
Bottom line is he said I didn't owe him anything and good luck. This was about 1pm yesterday. I woke up this morning with a text..... a kiss and sweet dreams!!!! OMG this guy is killing me. I give up!!!
I think I will move on and thanks to all of the good advice and insight from you guys.0 -
^^ Why would you have that kind of discussion via text? You talk about how mean some of his comments were. You don't think refering to telling another guy you had to resolve your "friend" situation doesn't come off as belittling and condescending? You probably both insulted each other more than you would have in a phone or in-person conversation.0
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^^ Why would you have that kind of discussion via text? You talk about how mean some of his comments were. You don't think refering to telling another guy you had to resolve your "friend" situation doesn't come off as belittling and condescending? You probably both insulted each other more than you would have in a phone or in-person conversation.
I agree. That's not a conversation to have by text. The decision is yours but all is probably not lost either, in case you change your mind. Don't be so impatient and accusatory. And don't bring up other guys. Guys hate when you bring up other guys. No conversation ever goes well when you mention other men... EVER! Even in a relationship.0 -
^^ Why would you have that kind of discussion via text? You talk about how mean some of his comments were. You don't think refering to telling another guy you had to resolve your "friend" situation doesn't come off as belittling and condescending? You probably both insulted each other more than you would have in a phone or in-person conversation.
I agree. That's not a conversation to have by text. The decision is yours but all is probably not lost either, in case you change your mind. Don't be so impatient and accusatory. And don't bring up other guys. Guys hate when you bring up other guys. No conversation ever goes well when you mention other men... EVER! Even in a relationship.
Now that's not entirely true. It depends on the context and subject matter in which the conversation is presented.0
