How do I stop over-analyzing it!!
UsedToBeHusky
Posts: 15,228 Member
This is my downfall. I'm not quite sure how I ever actually managed to get in a relationship (divorced and a couple of long terms) before because I study every little thing the guy does trying to get in his head and figure out what is going on in there.
I know it annoys the guy.
Hell, it annoys me.
But I just can't seem to stop myself. Thoughts? Suggestions?
I know it annoys the guy.
Hell, it annoys me.
But I just can't seem to stop myself. Thoughts? Suggestions?
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Replies
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Is it just curiosity or OCD?0
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Is it just curiosity or OCD?
I'm pretty sure its curiosity... I'm too flaky to be OCD. LOL!0 -
percoset and tequila or just find a guy who is so weird you are afraid to figure out what is going on in his mind.0
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percoset and tequila or just find a guy who is so weird you are afraid to figure out what is going on in his mind.
Good suggestions! LOL!0 -
Redirect your thoughts. It's not easy, and a very conscious process. When you think you are over analyzing something then go on your phone and google baby animals or look up new workouts. Pick up a book and read a chapter, then think about the chapter. If you're at work put on some music and FOCUS on the lyrics. It's hard but eventually you'll get pretty good at ignoring things - or at least not acting on irrationalities.0
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- People are either good at "getting in people's head", understanding the motives of other people and do it properly, so that it doesn't hinder them and their relationships (i.e. people that are good at judging people)This is my downfall. I'm not quite sure how I ever actually managed to get in a relationship (divorced and a couple of long terms) before because I study every little thing the guy does trying to get in his head and figure out what is going on in there.
But I just can't seem to stop myself. Thoughts? Suggestions?
or
- People have to ask questions to "figure out" what is going in there.
So:
- Suggestion 1: improve your judgement/analysis to second guess properly.
- Suggestion 2: communicate and ask questions rather than second guess.
I will let you figure out which one is easiest...0 -
haha i know just how u feel. i have to cut off communications when it gets too difficult. if i'm having to over analyze things and things arent defined and we've had "the talk" and i'm driving myself crazy. yup going through this very thing at the moment.0
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haha i know just how u feel. i have to cut off communications when it gets too difficult. if i'm having to over analyze things and things arent defined and we've had "the talk" and i'm driving myself crazy. yup going through this very thing at the moment.
Ditto to this. I guess I'm super single - as opposed to just "regular" single. Ive been talking with someone whom I met here in the States months ago and he's Canadian. Just told me he had a date on Sat. I asked him why he didn't mention it before and I still don't have a problem...sorta. I thought we were cool and talked it over if we met or had plans to met someone we'd let them know before hand. I feel so lost now. And he's avoiding me. Grrrrr.0 -
I do this a lot...which is probably why I'm single.....:yawn: good luck!0
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I dunno for a while I used to over analyze everything. One time when I was a teen my father came home drunk. Seemed angry didn't really know what was up. Nothing bad ha0
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- People are either good at "getting in people's head", understanding the motives of other people and do it properly, so that it doesn't hinder them and their relationships (i.e. people that are good at judging people)This is my downfall. I'm not quite sure how I ever actually managed to get in a relationship (divorced and a couple of long terms) before because I study every little thing the guy does trying to get in his head and figure out what is going on in there.
But I just can't seem to stop myself. Thoughts? Suggestions?
or
- People have to ask questions to "figure out" what is going in there.
So:
- Suggestion 1: improve your judgement/analysis to second guess properly.
- Suggestion 2: communicate and ask questions rather than second guess.
I will let you figure out which one is easiest...
Communication is definitely the challenging part. Men aren't very forthcoming about their feelings. If they would be, then they might rule the world instead of us ladies! :laugh: Just kidding about that last part.0 -
If you want to know what's going on in a mans head it's usually:
boobs/sex
food
beer
sports
If you don't want to think about it so much try to give yourself something else to think about.0 -
If you want to know what's going on in a mans head it's usually:
boobs/sex
food
beer
sports
If you don't want to think about it so much try to give yourself something else to think about.
I'm not talking about what he generally thinks about. I'm talking about what he thinks of me.
I thought that was obvious.0 -
Of you...... Ok.If you want to know what's going on in a mans head it's usually:
boobs/sex
food
beer
sports
If you don't want to think about it so much try to give yourself something else to think about.
I'm not talking about what he generally thinks about. I'm talking about what he thinks of me.
I thought that was obvious.
Then the answer is probably:
What do her BOOBS look like right now?
When are we going to have SEX?
What FOOD is she making for dinner?
I wonder if she's going to bring me a BEER?
I wonder how long she's going to let me sit here and watch SPORTS???
Hope that helps. :flowerforyou:0 -
Of you...... Ok.If you want to know what's going on in a mans head it's usually:
boobs/sex
food
beer
sports
If you don't want to think about it so much try to give yourself something else to think about.
I'm not talking about what he generally thinks about. I'm talking about what he thinks of me.
I thought that was obvious.
Then the answer is probably:
What do her BOOBS look like right now?
When are we going to have SEX?
What FOOD is she making for dinner?
I wonder if she's going to bring me a BEER?
I wonder how long she's going to let me sit here and watch SPORTS???
Hope that helps. :flowerforyou:
I mean, I would get all that if we were already a couple.
So far, I think only the first two questions apply.0 -
Of you...... Ok.If you want to know what's going on in a mans head it's usually:
boobs/sex
food
beer
sports
If you don't want to think about it so much try to give yourself something else to think about.
I'm not talking about what he generally thinks about. I'm talking about what he thinks of me.
I thought that was obvious.
Then the answer is probably:
What do her BOOBS look like right now?
When are we going to have SEX?
What FOOD is she making for dinner?
I wonder if she's going to bring me a BEER?
I wonder how long she's going to let me sit here and watch SPORTS???
Hope that helps. :flowerforyou:
I mean, I would get all that if we were already a couple.
So far, I think only the first two questions apply.
Why don' t you just ask him?0 -
There are two reason why people over think:
1. Their own insecurity
2. They dont communicate very well with their partner.
But usually, it's No.1. !! You need to work on your own self esteem and realise that you're worth your weight in gold. Then you won't have to question what someone thinks of you, cos you'll already know you're awesome!0 -
Of you...... Ok.If you want to know what's going on in a mans head it's usually:
boobs/sex
food
beer
sports
If you don't want to think about it so much try to give yourself something else to think about.
I'm not talking about what he generally thinks about. I'm talking about what he thinks of me.
I thought that was obvious.
Then the answer is probably:
What do her BOOBS look like right now?
When are we going to have SEX?
What FOOD is she making for dinner?
I wonder if she's going to bring me a BEER?
I wonder how long she's going to let me sit here and watch SPORTS???
Hope that helps. :flowerforyou:
You get a gold star AND a banana sticker.0 -
I just want you guys to know that in my tab, the preview of this page shows "How do I stop over-anal..."
That is all.0 -
Overanalyzing is human nature. A lot of guys do it, too. I had a male friend call me when he got home from a date one night to ask me why I thought his date hugged him instead of kissing him at the end of the night. He said "Is it because she wasn't into me or because she wanted to drive me nuts by pressing her boobs against me and then leaving?" He was really agonizing over it.
So I don't think it's a male-female thing. I think, stemming from what Anna said, this happens when you like someone more than they like you because that's the only time you would even need to analyze anything. Consider the other two scenarios:
A) You go on a date with someone, and he seems really into you. You think he's nice, and you enjoy his company, but you're not picking out china patterns or anything. In that case, you're not analyzing anything at all; you're just going with the flow. You wouldn't mind seeing him again, but you'll survive without him, too.
You go on a date with someone, and there are fireworks. You're both really into each other, and it's obvious you're going to see each other again. You're not analyzing anything because his behavior clearly says "I really like you."
I know when I'm sitting around brooding about the fact that a guy isn't showing enough interest, it means I'm more invested in it than he is. And if it happens to be someone I know is a decent guy, I try even harder to justify keeping myself available for him, when what I should be doing is moving on and making myself open to meeting someone else.
The one thing I have learned is to not make myself the center of a guy's issues. A guy can not want to be in a relationship with me and still be a good guy. It's not a reflection on me, it's not a reflection on him; it's a reflection on the fact that we do not work together as a couple. And the great thing is, once you accept it and move on, you are free to meet someone else, but you are also free to try again with the first guy if circumstances bring you together again later on.0 -
Okay well if you want an honest answer...If you want to know what's going on in a mans head it's usually:
boobs/sex
food
beer
sports
If you don't want to think about it so much try to give yourself something else to think about.
I'm not talking about what he generally thinks about. I'm talking about what he thinks of me.
I thought that was obvious.
I'm not sure what you mean in your original post by "it annoys the guy" but he probably likes you but thinks you're needy and annoying. What he thinks of you is most likely directly dependent on how you act around him. If you act cool than he will think you're cool, if you constantly ask questions about how he feels about you he will think you're insecure.
Again, if you want to stop thinking about it, give your brain something else to think about. Get a hobby, do a project, try to focus on work, working out, whatever. Just find a way to deal with it yourself and whatever you do don't ask the guy about it. There is seriously no bigger turn off than when someone you're just getting to know starts asking you about where this is going and how you're feeling.0 -
Okay well if you want an honest answer...If you want to know what's going on in a mans head it's usually:
boobs/sex
food
beer
sports
If you don't want to think about it so much try to give yourself something else to think about.
I'm not talking about what he generally thinks about. I'm talking about what he thinks of me.
I thought that was obvious.
I'm not sure what you mean in your original post by "it annoys the guy" but he probably likes you but thinks you're needy and annoying. What he thinks of you is most likely directly dependent on how you act around him. If you act cool than he will think you're cool, if you constantly ask questions about how he feels about you he will think you're insecure.
Again, if you want to stop thinking about it, give your brain something else to think about. Get a hobby, do a project, try to focus on work, working out, whatever. Just find a way to deal with it yourself and whatever you do don't ask the guy about it. There is seriously no bigger turn off than when someone you're just getting to know starts asking you about where this is going and how you're feeling.
Yeah, I'm not needy. I'm just really into him and have been for a long time. I keep trying to get close and then I start thinking and **** it up. I realize all this. I really just posted to this to remind myself that I'm doing it again and maybe get some tips on how to reign my stupid brain in.0 -
And the great thing is, once you accept it and move on, you are free to meet someone else, but you are also free to try again with the first guy if circumstances bring you together again later on.
Yeah, you pretty much hit the nail on the head. This last sentence sums up the point that I'm at with this guy. I could so easily fall head over heels for him, but I really just need him to give me the cue.0 -
Right on, well I hope your brain cooperates in the future, I know mine gets in the way half the time too.Yeah, I'm not needy. I'm just really into him and have been for a long time. I keep trying to get close and then I start thinking and **** it up. I realize all this. I really just posted to this to remind myself that I'm doing it again and maybe get some tips on how to reign my stupid brain in.0 -
Okay well if you want an honest answer...If you want to know what's going on in a mans head it's usually:
boobs/sex
food
beer
sports
If you don't want to think about it so much try to give yourself something else to think about.
I'm not talking about what he generally thinks about. I'm talking about what he thinks of me.
I thought that was obvious.
I'm not sure what you mean in your original post by "it annoys the guy" but he probably likes you but thinks you're needy and annoying. What he thinks of you is most likely directly dependent on how you act around him. If you act cool than he will think you're cool, if you constantly ask questions about how he feels about you he will think you're insecure.
Again, if you want to stop thinking about it, give your brain something else to think about. Get a hobby, do a project, try to focus on work, working out, whatever. Just find a way to deal with it yourself and whatever you do don't ask the guy about it. There is seriously no bigger turn off than when someone you're just getting to know starts asking you about where this is going and how you're feeling.
Yeah, I'm not needy. I'm just really into him and have been for a long time. I keep trying to get close and then I start thinking and **** it up. I realize all this. I really just posted to this to remind myself that I'm doing it again and maybe get some tips on how to reign my stupid brain in.
^^^ awesome advice roadie and anna.
you guys are awesome! :flowerforyou:0 -
One more quick question... when we do finally go out, should I be direct about what I really want... or just wait for the cue?0
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One more quick question... when we do finally go out, should I be direct about what I really want... or just wait for the cue?
Depends. What is it that you really want?0 -
One more quick question... when we do finally go out, should I be direct about what I really want... or just wait for the cue?
Depends, do you want to know for sure or waffle in uncertainty?0 -
One more quick question... when we do finally go out, should I be direct about what I really want... or just wait for the cue?
Depends, do you want to know for sure or waffle in uncertainty?
I want to know for sure, but being direct hasn't worked with this guy in the past. He likes to chase. He chased me for two years before he turned my head. The timing wasn't right for either of us. Then when it was right, I over-analyzed it, made an assumption, and it shut things down. I really didn't talk to him much for the last year. But he has agreed to meet for dinner next week, and I desperately want out of the friend zone.0 -
One more quick question... when we do finally go out, should I be direct about what I really want... or just wait for the cue?
Depends, do you want to know for sure or waffle in uncertainty?
I want to know for sure, but being direct hasn't worked with this guy in the past. He likes to chase. He chased me for two years before he turned my head. The timing wasn't right for either of us. Then when it was right, I over-analyzed it, made an assumption, and it shut things down. I really didn't talk to him much for the last year. But he has agreed to meet for dinner next week, and I desperately want out of the friend zone.
Be direct.0
