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MyFitnessPal Community

Is it wrong not to tell I have had WLS?

CruellaClo

I don't tell everyone that I have had WLS. For example people at work don't know. I think I don't want to deal with the negative opinions about surgery.

I am on a high all time now because I feel so much better. I am worried that negative opinions will take away from the positive results and feelings.

So when people ask what I have been doing I tell them:
1. Protein then veggies then fruit
2. I track every bit I take
3. I work with a nutritionist.
4. I walk walk walk.

All those things are true. Just don't tell about the WLS all the time. Sometimes I feel bad for holding it back.

How do others handle it?

Replies

puttingmyselfoutthere

I think you will surprised at all of the positive that you will receive. I told everyone at work and now they walk with me, check up on me, and ask me what I am eating. They are all so supportive. I haven't heard a negative thing! Its really great to know that I have that support all day..not just at home.

I believe you should tell those people that you are close to.. whoever you feel comfortable telling. There isn't a rush on that. Its not wrong to wait until you feel comfortable but It is kind of obvious that I am doing more than just working out.. I mean the change is so drastic! Its so obvious!

Take your time dear and don't feel like you are wrong for doing what your instinct tells you to do! xox

JfMarrs

I see no problem in you wanting to keep it to yourself. I tell anyone that really wants to know because it may actually get them curious about if it would work for themselves, a friend or family member. Most people at work know because I took four weeks off for recovery. Outside of work not a lot of people know but that's mostly because I don't talk to a lot of people outside of my immediate family and couple of close friends. Some people may think that surgery is the "easy" way to lose weight, as if any such thing existed and may let you know that they think that way. Those people don't know what is involved and to be honest I could care less what those people think.

CruellaClo

JF
I ran into someone I hadn't seen in over a year. She was amazed at my weight loss. When she asked I told her about the bypass. She said, "ohhhhh you took the easy way out". I thought EASY???? are you kidding....

This is hard work plain and simple. The surgery helps and limits intake. But what I put in my mouth is my decision and it's hard to make the right choices.

I need the positive energy to keep flowing to support the new me I am becoming.

Thanks for the input.

BringingSherriBack

I totally understand not telling some people. I didn't tell very many people that I was have surgery before I had it done. I started telling people when they started noticing really noticing the weight loss. I emphasize to people that WLS is a tool that must be combined with diet and exercise. Most everyone I work with now knows (before surgery I only told my boss, immidiate co-workers, and HR). Of course I told my family including parents and siblings. I did not tell my in-laws and still haven't. I only see them 2 or 3 times a year and they did notice that I had lost weight, but just think I am eating properly and exercising. However, I had several meals with them and they didn't seem to notice that I didn't drink while I was eating and only ate a very small portion.
I don't always tell everyone else either, it depends on how I think they will react. Some people just think it's an easy way out and I have had a few people make that comment to me which is why when I do tell people I emphasize that it is a tool that must be combined with proper diet and exercise.
I don't think you are obligated to tell anyone that you aren't comfortable telling but in general, I will tell almost everyone that specifically asks what I have done to lose the weight.

cbferriss

I struggle with this issue. I often feel guilty and like I cheated. It often feels like the accomplishment isn't really mine. I really don't like the compliments because of this inner struggle.

On the other side of my brain, I know I've increased the odds of me keeping my weight off from 5% to 65%. I know without the surgery, I'd never gotten the weight off or kept it off for any amount of time. Without it, I'd never been able to run on a regular basis as I do now.

I wish I hadn't told everyone. I think once they hear I had surgery, they stop trying to work whatever weight loss program they are on. If they thought I was doing without this tool, they'd work harder on their own weight loss.

minkakross

I have only told a few people, I have mostly excluded family because for me they tend to be the least supportive and the most likely to say things that will stir up my emotions and piss me off. They are also very good at taking credit for things they have nothing to do with, so since my mother has had the surgery I didn't want her thinking this was about her and simply haven't mentioned it. Those in the know also know how hard I'm working out and how careful I'm eating; those that don't just find out I'm calorie counting and exercising my butt off, literally.

crosa527

This is a tough one. I didn't tell anyone but my husband, initially, that I was planning surgery because I felt like a failure, like I should have been able to do this on my own. Once I relayed this fear to two of my closest friends (who have never been heavy a day in their lives) they both said the same thing to me, that I was brave. Wow, I had never been called that before. I don't tell people lightly, I tell them with background information. I tell them that I have thought about this for 3 years while still trying to lose weight; that I prayed about it for the past year, and that this is a tool that I am using to reach my goal.

Guess what? When I started to tell some of my family, they called me brave too. I have been overwhelmed by the support. And through all of this, I've said that just like two people that I know who had surgery 3 years ago inspired me to start thinking about it as an option, I hope to pay it forward and inspire some others.

When you tell people, you put yourself out there in a vunerable way. They may say it was the easy way out, I asked that question to my friend and she told me there was nothing easy about it and how she has to (3 years later) workout and track her food everyday.

BUT... you might just be inspiring someone else. It happened for me just this week. I was picking up my dog at the groomers yesterday and Kelly, the groomer, went to hand me the dog. I told her I just had surgery and couldn't pick the dog up. She didn't ask, but said, "I hope you are okay." There is was.... for a fleeting moment I thought 'tell her you had a hernia fixed' (which I did while he was in there). But Kelly is a big girl and I knew she would appreciate the struggle, so I said, "I had weight loss surgery." She proceeded to ask me all kinds of questions, one of which was who was my doctor.

Kelly called me today to tell me that she made an appointment for an informational session and also to see the surgeon. I thought, there you go... I paid it forward to one.

The bottom line is, you need to know your audience. It if is someone who really doesn't have a vested interest in you, or is going to give a snarky remark, then probably better to keep it to yourself. If it is a fellow member of the overweight club, I say, throw it out there. You might just be inspiring them to use the WLS tool also, and you might just be saving their life.

Jcoco79

I don't tell everyone that I have had WLS. For example people at work don't know. I think I don't want to deal with the negative opinions about surgery.

I am on a high all time now because I feel so much better. I am worried that negative opinions will take away from the positive results and feelings.

So when people ask what I have been doing I tell them:
1. Protein then veggies then fruit
2. I track every bit I take
3. I work with a nutritionist.
4. I walk walk walk.

All those things are true. Just don't tell about the WLS all the time. Sometimes I feel bad for holding it back.

How do others handle it?

I have done the same as you. I have only told 4 people in my life that I've had wls. My work colleagues get the same anwsers that you give when they question my weight loss. It is actually true, I do all those things and with my treadmill in my frint room they don't seem suspicious. Its not that I'm ashamed of my wls. Its just that I had so much negative feedback when I was researching it I feel that it was better for me to go it almost all alone- and I'm glad I did it.

trud72

:drinker: The only ones that know is hubby and and my 3 kids!

no one elses buisness to be honest and then you dont have to be judged! totally up to you honey x

spfldpam

I haven't told many people either about my sleeve surgery. I told a co worker who had sleeve surgery last year and then I did tell one other co worker via email right after surgery. My Mother knows and my hair stylist knows since I was asking her what to do to prevent hair loss. That is it. I haven't told my closest friends who live out of town/state yet. I am sure when I see them Labor Day weekend I might have too. I lost 47 pounds pre op so I guess I could just continue to say its from my lifestyle change of diet and exercise.
The one co worker I told right after surgery via email asked me last week when I was going to tell everyone else in the office. I thought it was strange she would ask me that since it really isn't anyones business. I told her I might not tell anyone else at the office about it. It's my choice and my personal business. I was taken aback she asked me that and kinda bothered by it. The other co worker who had sleeve surgery told everyone at work before her surgery. I told her I wasn't for sure who to tell and she agreed that it is a tough decision. I am a pretty private person anyways at work and do not share alot of personal things with my co workers even though I have worked there over 13 years. That is just the type of person I am I guess.
It really is your own personal choice who to tell

Onaughmae

I don't think its wrong not to tell anyone. It is your business and yours alone. I have been very open about it from the beginning, but that's just me. I work with several women that have had it done so I am not the first. Besides, I thought it would be pretty obvious that I took a 3 week medical leave and then came back dropping weight quickly. My opinion is that more people need to be educated that this is not the "easy way out". I have received nothing but positive feedback, even from those that initially thought that it was the easy way to lose weight. I had someone tell me the other day that they have actually learned a lot from me just by observing how I now live a healthier lifestyle. She said she was impressed that she always saw me eating something healthy and in good portion sizes. She was also impressed that I work out at least 4 days a week at the gym and also at home. She had changed her idea of WLS being a lazy way to lose weight. So, for me, if I can be an example and maybe even inspire someone watching that had considered surgery but was afraid to do it, then I am able to "pay it forward" from the ones that inspired me.

IsMollyReallyHungry

There is not a right or wrong on this matter. It is a matter of your decision. I personally feel more people should tell it so others who are obese know about the surgery and the success of it since there is so much negativtiy about the surgery out there. People are not well educated on the matter and it is also a form of deceit or shame in my opinion.

When I had the surgery I told people and I am still a big advocate of the surgery because it helped to change my life and if it can help someone else then I do so by making it public. One of my MFP friends is getting ready to have his surgery this month. He has battle with this decision for 2 years and finally he is going to do it. If he had not met me he may would have kept putting it off.

He decided to keep trying and he did and was not succeeding. If would be one thing if the surgery was not available to us but it is and it is like any other surgery we have for different medical problem. Obesity is a medical problem. That is my 2 cents.

and please I am not critizing you for not making it public. It is your decision. I am just telling you why I have decided to go public and that is basically to help other morbibly obese peoples to see it as an option if they have tried and tried for years to get weight off and they have not succeeded.

IsMollyReallyHungry

and if everyone had kept it a secret about the surgery none of us would know about it today and we would not have had the choice to do it.

phinners

I have kept my mouth shut about my surgery at work. I work with all women,. And they like to chatter and gossip! I dont want them watching everything I put in my mouth, and questioning everytime I eat something. sod that

TriciaAllen7251

I have a VERY supportive work enviroment. That being said, everyone knows I had the lapband surgery. But, if I didn't work with such supportive people I would not have been so forthcoming. I also took the time to educate the people I work with. They know that there is NOTHING EASY about the route I took. They also are aware that I can cheat and how and they help to keep me in check. I count my blessings everyday that I work where I do with the people I do. I could not do this without them.

Good luck and do what works for you.

cbbarge

Only told family and a few close friends before surgery which is why my co-workers sent me a gift card to Texas Roadhouse as a get well gift LOL! I had been losing prior to surgery and was down almost 40 pounds at surgery time but after surgery I had no problem telling anyone I had surgery. I didn't primarly get the tool to lose the weight, I got the tool to help me keep it off and that's what I tell people. I haven't had much negative feedback when I do tell someone.

Laura8603

I tell everyone. Heck, I'd shout it from the rooftops. It saved my life and can save so many more. But if you choose not to tell I respect you for that. We all have our own path. But if you don't think people will figure it out, they just might. We bypassers and DSers lose it quickly. We sometimes lose it unevenly (looking lumpy bumpy until we can get plastics) and we sometimes get a gaunt bug-eyed look untl the loss settles (around year 2-3). I can pretty much spot people from a distance and just know they have had it.

I'm almost 4 years out, at goal, and have had tons of plastics. I can pretty much "pass" for someone who has always being thin. I don't "have" to tell anyone, but a lot of tmes I do. I want to educate people. I want more people to stop beating themselves up and consider surgery.

MrsCassieThreatt

I try not to say...It's no one's business anyhow. Plus, it was and has been and always will be the toughest thing to do deal with in my life. I get so annoyed when ignorant people say things like "you took the easy way out". For that reason alone I try not to say anything. I stopped using my card the first time I tried using it to get a kids meal. The waiter made a HUGE deal about it with the manager and they let me have the kids portion but charged me the adults price. I had management at my table and two waiters trying to come to a decision on my meal. Attracted way too much attention. So stupid....I don't eat out often anyhow and if I do I usually don't eat I pick at my kids left overs if there's any protein left. Anyhow, Me personally I just don't like to advertise it.

Arthemise1

It's your own business who you tell. I've told everyone. If they're not supportive, they're going to get a piece of my mind and they can GTFO.

mercina22

No one knows except for my wife who helped me recover. I chose not to tell any friends or family because i have seen them critisize others who had WLS. I everyone that i had cysts on my stomach that had to be removed. It explained the surgery and time off from work. No further questions from them.

I lost 10 Lbs pre surgery and up to 75 lbs post. I still have about another 50 to go. I tell them that I eat clean excersize. no secret potions or magic. All true with the exception that i cannot eat more thana cup of food at a sitting. My wife has lost 50 lbs just by changing the way we eat.

Honestly i dont think ill ever tell them. First its none of their business second. Second people like to put others down because they feel bad about themselves. I dont need that kind of drama.

IsMollyReallyHungry

I try not to say...It's no one's business anyhow. Plus, it was and has been and always will be the toughest thing to do deal with in my life. I get so annoyed when ignorant people say things like "you took the easy way out". For that reason alone I try not to say anything. I stopped using my card the first time I tried using it to get a kids meal. The waiter made a HUGE deal about it with the manager and they let me have the kids portion but charged me the adults price. I had management at my table and two waiters trying to come to a decision on my meal. Attracted way too much attention. So stupid....I don't eat out often anyhow and if I do I usually don't eat I pick at my kids left overs if there's any protein left. Anyhow, Me personally I just don't like to advertise it.

Many people are opting for the kid meals becasue the kid meals are the normal amount anybody should eat anyways so not sure why you had a problem with that. but I order kids size because of the size alone and was doing it before I had WLS. I got the idea from one of my skinny friends who always did this for years. She would order a kids frosty from Wendy's, and McDonald's happy meals for herself. and I thought wow and tried it and it was enough food for me along with an additional fruit or something. That is what she did so I follow her example and that is one of the ways she told me she keeps her weight in check.

Kmags66

I want to thank you for posting this question. I have also personally struggled with this decision. It is nice to hear from the WLS community and to know alot of us are struggling with the same issue. I personally initally told my immediate family. Unfortunately my mother in law told the rest of the extented family against my wishes. I wasn't ready to discuss at first. I also haven't told anyone from work. I am finding that as I run into extended family that know they are very supportive but I do find I am constantly justifing and defending myself by telling all my hard work at the gym etc. And they always ask what is my weight etc. I would never ask somebody what their weight is, but for some reason with WLS people feel they have the right to all info. I am not sure why my mother in law insisted I tell everyone because if this were any other surgery I feel most would respect my privacy.

However all that being said, It is now 6 months out for me and I like people knowing now, and regret keeping it from coworkers as sometimes I almost slip and feel it is something I am hiding. But a few coworkers asked me if I had the surgery months ago and I said no, so I would rather just deal with them not knowing and hope eventually it won't be a topic anymore.

Mrbusterb

I haven't told many people also

African_Safari

I agree not telling people, but telling some. I've been 4 years out and still to this day some people just don't get it. Of course my best friend and my family knows but that's about all. When I did tell one of my friends (best friend at the time) she saw me as a threat and needless to say, don't talk to me anymore. The people who knows are there for support and motivation and that helps a lot too.

ZenRach

It's difficult to tell people about WLS because there are a lot of different opinions out there, and some people just don't get it. I thought my family would be supportive until the day I was sitting at my kitchen table surrounded by my mom, sister and brother and they were telling me that they thought it was a terrible idea. My mom was convinced I'd die on the operating table (even though I endured 2 C-Sections prior - I mean c'mon, that's pretty major surgery too). My brother and sister thought it was crazy to modify my own body just to lose weight, and they assured me that lots of people have problems with weight and everyone has to work at it.

I went forward and got the surgery anyway

I'm glad I had the surgery, and I'm sure people can tell that I've had it, but I don't tell people about it unless they really push me to tell them. My co-workers all figured it out, and I think people I don't even know in my small town know about it too. It seems all of my extended family has heard about it (not from me, in most cases). I guess you don't have to tell people about your WLS but sometimes it ends up getting out regardless...

hmm33502

I tell everyone! I have had 2 people get surgery that I recommended! I have a very supportive friend and family network and I don't really care about any negative comments. If I can help to educate someone about the upside of getting surgical help, I'm all in. I think it is ultimately your decision. Let's face it, sometimes having to defend your decision for surgery is more burdensome than omiting the surgery details all together.

Don't let anyone discourage you about your methods....you are going to live a longer and healthier life and no opinion is going to change that!

Heather

danne32339

Hey there,
You should do whatever you are comfortable with. Just remember that there is nothing about having WLS to be ashamed of. I do understand being careful whom you choose to share this with. Some people do not understand that WLS is not taking the easy way out in the least. But most people are supportive. Either way, you need to what feels right to you.
Take care and God bless,
Doni

MSWDiet

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH VALUING YOUR PERSONAL PRIVACY. WE DON'T OWE ANYONE AN EXPLANATION. I HAVE YET TO ENCOUNTER EXPLANATIONS OF OTHER HEALTH OR COSMETIC PROCEDURES AS THOUGH FOLKS HAVE A RIGHT TO KNOW. WHAT MAKES WLS DIFFERENT? IT IS EQUALLY PERSONAL.

I AM VERY OPEN ABOUT MY RNY. IT IS LIKE A BADGE OF HONOR TO ME. HOWEVER, IT IS NONE OF ANYONE'S BUSINESS. I CHOOSE TO FLAUNT IT AND OPENLY SHARE THE BENEFITS OF WLS INCLUDING TAKING ON THE BULLSH!T DIET AND EXERCISE ARGUMENTS.

MOST FOLKS I KNOW PICK & CHOOSE WHOM THEY SHARE THIS INFO WITH. MAKES SENSE TO ME. IT IS WHAT WE DO WITH OUR PERSONAL INFORMATION. WE GET TO DECIDE WHO KNOWS OUR BUSINESS IN ALL AREAS OF LIFE.

I'M NOT YELLING AT YOU I'M JUST HARD OF SEEING ;-)
MSW

HealthyDeb

I don't think it's wrong. I personally haven't told many. Not even some of my close friends. I'm embarrassed & ashamed that I had to go to such drastic measures to limit my food intake. I'm sure some figured it out since I too went out on medical leave for several weeks and came back slimmer. (202 lbs total when done) The problem with not telling my coworkers was that when they asked me about it I told them I was eating less, exercising and that was all true but I felt bad for holding back and the old philosophy of "when you tell one lie you have to tell more to cover." Not really a lie just evasive:) I just didn't want the negative feedback but I realize now (14 yrs post op) I was also limiting myself to some possible support.

Whatever you decide is your business. I'm now going through the same difficult decision in choosing who to and not to tell regarding PS on the skin removal now. I feel dishonest in not telling some but also wish I had to balls to not give a **** to others. It's nobody's biz unless they want to help fork over some $$$ to cover it:) Good luck with your decision!

cinnygirl38

It's your story to tell or not tell. Do you feel the need to explain anything in your personal life to others? How is it any of their business. I, personally, told nobody at work because I heard too many gossips already talking about one co-worker who had lapband and then failed to lose weight. I was asked outright if I had a lapband, and I was able to say NOPE, because I didn't. Now, had I been asked it another way, I might have felt uncomfortable lying, but I would not have felt the need to share my business. You don't need the food police (which people love to become) and you don't need the constant barrage of questions which are sure to come, unless that's what you want.

Also, be careful who you tell. You tell one co-worker and they ALL will know - no matter how much you trust them.