Help!!
graelwyn
Posts: 1,340 Member
I can remember a time I would happily have a mcflurry most days, or a chocolate bar, or maybe even 2-3 cookies, but I did not binge.
Now, I am at a point where I regularly go round various shops, buy all the different bakery products and chocolate I am craving, whether for the texture (crunchy) or the taste, so I end up with a bag packed full of different things, and I feel compelled to have some of each. It seems that some sort of all or nothing mentality has taken over, as if, I must have it all at once. Of course, even with the best intention of just having a small bit of each, I end up eating enough that I hit 3-5k calories, feel horribly bloated and end up purging it because I still have the anorexic mindset of wishing to remain at a lowish weight.
I don't know a solution. Whether I should just accept an all out binge once a week, and eat clean the other days, or allow a more balanced approach and try for having one of those items per day, and rotating them so I get a bit of each,
Ultimately, it is beyond me why I crave this crap at all, as it contains nothing but sugar, and is everywhere and I understand the marketing behind it etc etc, yet that doesnt seem enough to stop me craving it most days. Short of locking myself in my flat (which I am feeling like doing so that I cannot eat), I am at a loss as to what to do about this.
It is not something I have been doing for years, it is something that has started up since starting mfp. And what isn't helping is that I think I have hit a spot of depression(which I am prone to) as I find myself exhausted from when I wake, and not having any desire to even do the cycling I used to love. I find myself staying up late, because I don't want to be awake in the daytime anymore. And this binge eating adds to the sense of not wanting to face the world as I don't feel I am me anymore afterwards, without that self control and 'cleanness'.
Help! I need supportive friends badly, who will keep a check on me and remind me each day not to binge or buy the foods.
Now, I am at a point where I regularly go round various shops, buy all the different bakery products and chocolate I am craving, whether for the texture (crunchy) or the taste, so I end up with a bag packed full of different things, and I feel compelled to have some of each. It seems that some sort of all or nothing mentality has taken over, as if, I must have it all at once. Of course, even with the best intention of just having a small bit of each, I end up eating enough that I hit 3-5k calories, feel horribly bloated and end up purging it because I still have the anorexic mindset of wishing to remain at a lowish weight.
I don't know a solution. Whether I should just accept an all out binge once a week, and eat clean the other days, or allow a more balanced approach and try for having one of those items per day, and rotating them so I get a bit of each,
Ultimately, it is beyond me why I crave this crap at all, as it contains nothing but sugar, and is everywhere and I understand the marketing behind it etc etc, yet that doesnt seem enough to stop me craving it most days. Short of locking myself in my flat (which I am feeling like doing so that I cannot eat), I am at a loss as to what to do about this.
It is not something I have been doing for years, it is something that has started up since starting mfp. And what isn't helping is that I think I have hit a spot of depression(which I am prone to) as I find myself exhausted from when I wake, and not having any desire to even do the cycling I used to love. I find myself staying up late, because I don't want to be awake in the daytime anymore. And this binge eating adds to the sense of not wanting to face the world as I don't feel I am me anymore afterwards, without that self control and 'cleanness'.
Help! I need supportive friends badly, who will keep a check on me and remind me each day not to binge or buy the foods.
0
Replies
-
Ultimately, it is beyond me why I crave this crap at all, as it contains nothing but sugar, and is everywhere and I understand the marketing behind it etc etc, yet that doesnt seem enough to stop me craving it most days. Short of locking myself in my flat (which I am feeling like doing so that I cannot eat), I am at a loss as to what to do about this.
I can relate with having intense cravings where I feel out of control and hitting 3-5000 calories in a bad day, the remorse and self-hate, despair, depression and fear and not knowing what to do and everything else that goes along with bingeing. (I know that's a run-on sentence but whatever, LOL.)
It is not beyond me why you, or I, crave the crap. It is loaded with sugar which is highly addictive, in that it floods our brains with seratonin and other chemicals that cause us to feel better and want more! Then, sooner or later, the blood sugar dips and cravings return and it's a vicious cycle. I believe it is addictive because because of that and because a tolerance is developed with continued use (like other addictive substances) and it takes more and more food to "satisfy" the cravings. If I can stay off of it for a few days, I find my cravings are much less. When I eat certain foods (mostly sugar-filled and highly processed) I get immediate cravings for more.
I also can relate to it not being as bad before being on MFP. Somehow I think I have regressed a bit and unhealthy, old beliefs and behaviors have crept in since being on MFP. I sometimes wonder if MFP might be doing more harm than good for some people with eating disorders. But I'm still here because I believe the people here are wonderful and their support is very helpful and it definitely helps keep my weight in check, which my head thinks is the most important thing in the world. I'm trying to work on that because in the grand scheme of things, it's not the most important thing. Basically I have a good life, I just have an ED, so I try not to let myself get too depressed when I'm feeling stuck and hopeless from bingeing.
Anyway, try to hang in there. I find it comes in waves. Remember you had a week or so of no binges - that is huge!! I haven't binged since last Thursday and that is amazing! I think the odds are against us as eating disorders are hard to recover from. Just my opinion, but even one day not bingeing is a success!
You will be ok! keep reaching out for support - we are here for you!
0 -
I too am struggling with this issue. I am trying to be honest with myself and recording all my binges to myfitnesspal food diary. Looking at the list of all the food I consumed and the total calories is a real eye opener. I know binges can be large, but my estimates were way off.
Recently I've done just as you said, visited random stores and fast food places to "get my fix." I felt like I could not function unless I bought a pint of ice cream, bought that donut, or bought my favorite peanut butter cookie.
My binges usually happen after work. To tackle this issue, my plan is to clean out the stockpiles of "binge food" at work, bring only my intended lunch with me, nothing more, and leave my money at home. Usually once I get home, I don't have the desire to venture out again, and will hopefully find something healthier in the cupboard.
I also want to stop buying trigger foods for awhile, until I can get this under control. I've noticed that since I'm running low or out of some of those foods, I don't follow through with a full binge.
I don't know that I would allow myself to have one binge a week, because in my mind that would trigger me to think why can't I have that food now, I don't want to wait. I think a better approach is to allow yourself to have one treat a day, and leave it at that.
I wish you luck with your fight against BED, everyday is a new day, just remember that.0
