I thought I'd share my thoughts on feelings.

When I came back to OA the second time; I knew I would have to face a lot of issues and pain that I didn't want to deal with before. This disease is not just about the food it's more about why we eat or what we are running from.

In the beginning as I was getting abstinent and working the steps those feelings that I tried to avoid and ignore came back with a vengeance . Anger being the first. My first reaction use to be to lash out, yell, stomp my feet and throw a temper tantrum. I knew this wasn't the way so my favorite tool I use is writing. I write constantly. I learned to sit through that anger cause anger is a reaction to the more deeper feelings.

The next thing I did was cry. I cried all the time, I didn't even know what I was crying about, cause I couldn't label my feelings yet. I had to have a sheet a paper with all the emotions listed so I could figure out what I was feeling. I am grateful now for crying, before OA I stopped crying. I was so numb and dead inside, no feelings, good or bad, just dead. Feelings remind me that I am still alive and I'm a human being.

It's amazing what you will get out of the process of your feelings. You may write poems, songs, a book, paint etc.... I believe our creativity comes from feelings, emotions, and passions. And creativity comes from our Higher Power. When we are abstinent and aware of our feelings we are connected to our H.P.

At first you may feel like this is going to kill me. It's not the feelings that will kill you, it's what this disease will do if you don't deal with them. Feelings are like a river flowing through us and sometimes we want to put boulders in place to stop the flow, but like a river the feelings have to get around somehow. Find the blocks that stop your river and free the water and feel the river flow through you. Hang in there, this too shall pass and feelings will stabilize in time.