Hot for Neighbor.
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I am thinking she is just treading carefully right now but is probably interested. She dressed up for you, she danced with you in the privacy of her house. If she was thinking of you as just friends she probably would have meet you at the door in just jeans and a t-shirt and would not have initiated contact with you by dancing with you. You already know on here some girls don't like to kiss on the first date so maybe she is one of them. See how the next date goes.0
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*** UPDATE ***
On Saturday late afternoon, I was about to run some errands and who do I see.. Gilda (the hot neighbor). She was listening to music in her garage and putting together this wire shelving thing for her wine. I went over to say hi and asked her if she needed some help (in my mind, I was thinking this is exactly how I envisioned it playing out.. and this is how most porno's start!). So I helped her for about an hour and I suggested that we celebrate the finished project and pop a bottle of wine. She told me to pick up crackers and cheese and stop by later that night.
Fast forward to 9:00, I stopped by and she is looking great (wearing a dress and looking nice). We opened a bottle of wine and the cheese and crackers and ended up talking from about 9:00 - 12:30 at night. The conversation was flowing and she even taught me to salsa dance a little. Dancing isn't my thing, but I totally gave it 100% to impress her and try to win her over. If I'm interested in someone, I can talk for hours and hours, so there definitely wasn't any awkward silences or anything. She completely opened up about how she was married for almost 20 years and it was a completely loveless marriage etc. She also told me about guys she dated recently, which I thought was weird, but she reassured me that she's definitely single now. She asked me if I was single and my dating history. The date ended with a hug and kiss on the cheek as I made my 15 second walk back to my place.
OK, here's the kicker. Even though conversation was flowing and we both had a nice time, I'm just not 100% sure if she's interested or not. I flirted in a couple of subtle ways. For instance, we were both sitting at her kitchen table and I made foot contact.. she moved her foot away. I would complement her, telling her she was "really pretty and wouldn't have any problem meeting people here in south Florida". She smiled and said thanks, but didn't complement me back.
So in short.. she we did some flirty things (i.e. talk about dating, danced), but she was a kind of unresponsive to my other flirting attempts. So it's definitely up in the air. I texted her on Sunday night saying I had a nice time, she responded and said she had a great time as well. We made tentative plans to hang out again after work this week.. I just really hope she doesn't view me solely as being a friend.
What's your take on it?
My takes is this:
1. You didn't ask her on a date, so this wasn't a date. Not sure why you would call it that.
2. There is no significance to her not returning you a compliment after you gave her one. Do you always give compliments expecting one in return? I haven't had that expectation since high school, among girl friends. Perhaps she's just not a flirty person. I'm not and your compliments would have simply gotten a thank you, whether I was interested in you or not.
3. It's not really clear if she's interested or not.-So, did she kiss you on the cheek, you kissed her or both?
I will say that you did a great job going over and helping her out, and getting yourself an invitation to spend some time with her. You probably were both acting like it was kind of a date, but not too sure of that, so the foot thing might have been her worrying about that or it could mean she totally picked up on your flirting and is not interested in you. She could still be a bit overwhelmed from just moving in and not sure about dating the neighbor. Who can say? I'm not her.
I do think you can ask her out now and you need to do that to send a clear message that you want to go on a date... if you really feel like you want to do that now that you've actually spent some time with her. It would mean you're asking her out for more than you just like how she looks, so that's a good thing. You should do this when you hang out after work this week. If you just hang out from next door, it's going to be really confusing as to whether it's a friendly thing or a romantic interest, and I think you'll find yourself moving into the friend zone, especially if she has a worry about messing things up where she lives by dating a neighbor and making things awkward later. If she's not interested, you'll find out, but don't wait too long and risk getting stuck in the friend zone by being the guy who just keeps hanging around and hinting that he's interested.0 -
I see no issue in the "foot incident" at all. It's the first time you've spent any time with her, and you were in her house. In poker terminology, she was controlling the pot: making sure things didn't get too big too early. Based on what you've described, I'd say you're home free.
The real issue in my mind is what are your feelings for her? Again, it's going to get very uncomfortable very fast if you play around for a few weeks and then get bored with the entire project. I would focus more on this: can you see yourself dating her seriously? If the answer is probably yes, then full steam ahead. Enjoy your next encounter.
If you're not really sure, or if you know this will at best be a temporary thing until someone better comes along, I strongly suggest you back off.
--P0 -
2. There is no significance to her not returning you a compliment after you gave her one. Do you always give compliments expecting one in return? I haven't had that expectation since high school, among girl friends. Perhaps she's just not a flirty person. I'm not and your compliments would have simply gotten a thank you, whether I was interested in you or not.
I was going to comment on this as well. A return compliment was a little bit too much to expect at that moment.0 -
At the stage you are at, there's really one great indicator, and that's the kiss. If you have a kiss with a small degree of passion or more in it, then it is real. If not, then not so much.
I am just thinking out loud here, but doesn't it seem a little soon to be able to share a kiss with much real passion, taking into consideration how much time they have spent together? Or have I not spent enough time with my nose in a good romance novel?
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I was going to comment on this as well. A return compliment was a little bit too much to expect at that moment.
Maybe I was expecting a little too much. But for me, it's just natural to complement someone back if I'm interested, it's like second nature.I am just thinking out loud here, but doesn't it seem a little soon to be able to share a kiss with much real passion, taking into consideration how much time they have spent together? Or have I not spent enough time with my nose in a good romance novel?
You're probably right on this one as well. It would have been nice to get a little kiss on the lips just for her to send the vibe that she's interested. I wasn't expecting a 5 minute long make-out session or anything.0 -
My takes is this:
1. You didn't ask her on a date, so this wasn't a date. Not sure why you would call it that.
2. There is no significance to her not returning you a compliment after you gave her one. Do you always give compliments expecting one in return? I haven't had that expectation since high school, among girl friends. Perhaps she's just not a flirty person. I'm not and your compliments would have simply gotten a thank you, whether I was interested in you or not.
3. It's not really clear if she's interested or not.-So, did she kiss you on the cheek, you kissed her or both?
I will say that you did a great job going over and helping her out, and getting yourself an invitation to spend some time with her. You probably were both acting like it was kind of a date, but not too sure of that, so the foot thing might have been her worrying about that or it could mean she totally picked up on your flirting and is not interested in you. She could still be a bit overwhelmed from just moving in and not sure about dating the neighbor. Who can say? I'm not her.
I do think you can ask her out now and you need to do that to send a clear message that you want to go on a date... if you really feel like you want to do that now that you've actually spent some time with her. It would mean you're asking her out for more than you just like how she looks, so that's a good thing. You should do this when you hang out after work this week. If you just hang out from next door, it's going to be really confusing as to whether it's a friendly thing or a romantic interest, and I think you'll find yourself moving into the friend zone, especially if she has a worry about messing things up where she lives by dating a neighbor and making things awkward later. If she's not interested, you'll find out, but don't wait too long and risk getting stuck in the friend zone by being the guy who just keeps hanging around and hinting that he's interested.
Sure, it technically wasn't a date. But it was a few hours were we got the chance to know each other a bit better and spend time together. We could have done it over dinner and drinks, but given the whole scheme of events, it just worked out better that I went over and split a bottle of wine. Isn't spending time together the most important aspect of it all?
The kiss was me giving it to her on the cheek. I wish she gave me one as well.. but oh well.
What I thought was interesting was that she told me she never dated anyone who was younger or not Spanish. She grew up in Puerto Rico and went to college and optometry school down there, so pretty much all she knows are Spanish guys her own age or older. I think being so different would play to my advantage. What do you think?0 -
I see no issue in the "foot incident" at all. It's the first time you've spent any time with her, and you were in her house. In poker terminology, she was controlling the pot: making sure things didn't get too big too early. Based on what you've described, I'd say you're home free.
The real issue in my mind is what are your feelings for her? Again, it's going to get very uncomfortable very fast if you play around for a few weeks and then get bored with the entire project. I would focus more on this: can you see yourself dating her seriously? If the answer is probably yes, then full steam ahead. Enjoy your next encounter.
If you're not really sure, or if you know this will at best be a temporary thing until someone better comes along, I strongly suggest you back off.
--P
You make a great point. I'm very attracted to her and it's very convenient. I mean, we do get along great and have a strong interest in art, movies, and music. She's considerably older and has two teenage girls.
I would be fine solely dating her, but I could see the age thing being a problem years and years down the line.0 -
I am just thinking out loud here, but doesn't it seem a little soon to be able to share a kiss with much real passion, taking into consideration how much time they have spent together? Or have I not spent enough time with my nose in a good romance novel?
You're probably right on this one as well. It would have been nice to get a little kiss on the lips just for her to send the vibe that she's interested. I wasn't expecting a 5 minute long make-out session or anything.
A 5 minute long makeout session could be considered a bit of a stretch in terms of realistic expectation, but not completely far fetched.
Even small, 1-2 second kisses on the lips are not necessarily a sign of strong enough interest. There should be more to it.What I thought was interesting was that she told me she never dated anyone who was younger or not Spanish. She grew up in Puerto Rico and went to college and optometry school down there, so pretty much all she knows are Spanish guys her own age or older. I think being so different would play to my advantage. What do you think?
This all depends. How would you assess your cultural competency in Latin American cultures? How about your Spanish language fluency?0 -
This all depends. How would you assess your cultural competency in Latin American cultures? How about your Spanish language fluency?
My Spanish language proficiency is elementary at best. I can order Cuban food in Spanish no problem. I know some basic adjectives and nouns, that's about it though.
I hope my willingness to learn her culture (she taught me some salsa dance moves the other night) will be enough of a turn-on. I know if I was of a different background, it would mean the world to me if someone put themselves out there and made an effort to learn my culture.0 -
You make a great point. I'm very attracted to her and it's very convenient. I mean, we do get along great and have a strong interest in art, movies, and music. She's considerably older and has two teenage girls.
I would be fine solely dating her, but I could see the age thing being a problem years and years down the line.
You're a grown adult, seem like a nice guy. You no doubt have a lot of options in life. And of course who knows at the start if things will get serious? That's part of the fun, getting to know someone, figuring it all out, etc., etc.
I'm just saying you need to be a bit careful here because she's your neighbor, and she has two teenage kids. It's probably why she is being careful, as well.
As long as you're open and honest as things develop, I'm sure the awkwardness will be minimized. Don't pretend otherwise if it's really just a MILF complex and she's the latest conquest. If it is just a MILF thing, make sure she gets this and can base her decisions accordingly. For example, there's obviously nothing wrong with "neighbors with benefits," if that's where you both want it to go. If she feels you were never really serious, and that's what she had expected, well... that's when things can take a very unpleasant turn, since - again - you're neighbors...
In any case, good luck.
--P0 -
I see no issue in the "foot incident" at all. It's the first time you've spent any time with her, and you were in her house. In poker terminology, she was controlling the pot: making sure things didn't get too big too early. Based on what you've described, I'd say you're home free.
The real issue in my mind is what are your feelings for her? Again, it's going to get very uncomfortable very fast if you play around for a few weeks and then get bored with the entire project. I would focus more on this: can you see yourself dating her seriously? If the answer is probably yes, then full steam ahead. Enjoy your next encounter.
If you're not really sure, or if you know this will at best be a temporary thing until someone better comes along, I strongly suggest you back off.
--P
You make a great point. I'm very attracted to her and it's very convenient. I mean, we do get along great and have a strong interest in art, movies, and music. She's considerably older and has two teenage girls.
I would be fine solely dating her, but I could see the age thing being a problem years and years down the line.
Maybe she is hesitant because she doesn't realize you are generally atrracted to older women?0 -
I would complement her, telling her she was "really pretty and wouldn't have any problem meeting people here in south Florida". She smiled and said thanks, but didn't complement me back.
This makes me smile, because one of the "dating tips" I often see in women's articles is to resist the normal female response of answering a compliment with a return compliment; the reasoning being that men don't care as much and will think you're not sincere (just trying to build rapport, ego)What's your take on it?
My take on it is that she just moved in to the neighborhood, and the fact that she was open to you coming back for wine and cheese is a good indicator. I wouldn't get too physical/flirty with my new neighbor after just a couple hours of meeting him- especially if I wanted to have a good long term relationship (friendship, neighbor, or romantic).
I'd honestly be worried about a guy who was ok with dating only me after just that little amount of time spent together. If a man expected me to be "all into him" after just that little bit of interaction, I would think he was obsessive (or maybe creeper) and move on to someone who can better regulate his pace. But then, I move a little slower than most folks on this board, so take my opinion with a grain of salt.0 -
You were doing awesome until you got too subtle. I wouldn't worry about the foot thing, when someone touches me at first my first reaction is to flinch away. Even if I end up kicking myself later for possibly offending someone. The same is true for when someone compliments me - I may not be at the stage where I don't believe compliments but I'm still not always sure how to accept them so I generally say "Thank you", and smile while looking away.
You told her she was really pretty and in the same breath that she wouldn't have trouble finding someone. Leave that qualifier out next time, that comes across as though "I'm not interested, but someone else might be!" Like a pity compliment that someone tells you when they're breaking up with you.
Don't be subtle. Don't do hints. Be straight forward. Tell you her like her and want to go on a proper date out of the house.0 -
If a man expected me to be "all into him" after just that little bit of interaction, I would think he was obsessive (or maybe creeper) and move on to someone who can better regulate his pace.
Or full of himself (not suggesting that the OP is).0 -
That's a really good point. Perhaps the compliments and flirting wasn't being received in the way that the OP was intending to send these messages.You told her she was really pretty and in the same breath that she wouldn't have trouble finding someone. Leave that qualifier out next time, that comes across as though "I'm not interested, but someone else might be!" Like a pity compliment that someone tells you when they're breaking up with you.0 -
Well, she just texted me a few minutes ago. When we hung out on Saturday, she mentioned that she wants to hang some paintings and would like to do so on Monday night.
She texted me if I would be around later to help her later tonight. I told her I had a hammer and laser level and would like to help her out in exchange for more dance lessons. She responds "definitely".
This should give me a little more opportunity to feel her out and see what directions things will go. I should get a better indication tonight.0 -
I wouldn't worry about the foot thing. I work with all guys in my department and the question of which of them would let me kiss their toes came up one day at lunch. Some would and some thought it was disgusting. I think it's a good sign she wants your help for hanging pictures.0
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Nope. The most important aspect of it all is how you both perceive that time spent together. If she thinks it's just the friendly neighbor from next door welcoming her to the neighborhood while you think of it as a date, you aren't on the same page. Also, she could have pulled her foot away because she thought you were coming on a bit strong, or as a reflex... it's impossible to say since we weren't flies on the wall.Sure, it technically wasn't a date. But it was a few hours were we got the chance to know each other a bit better and spend time together. We could have done it over dinner and drinks, but given the whole scheme of events, it just worked out better that I went over and split a bottle of wine. Isn't spending time together the most important aspect of it all?
This could have been her way of hinting to you that she thinks you're too young and not Spanish enough for her. In another post, you said she is considerably older than you. I can't speak for her, obviously, but for me, I have never been interested in someone considerably younger than me. It feels creepy. I like men who are older than me or pretty close to the same age.The kiss was me giving it to her on the cheek. I wish she gave me one as well.. but oh well.
What I thought was interesting was that she told me she never dated anyone who was younger or not Spanish. She grew up in Puerto Rico and went to college and optometry school down there, so pretty much all she knows are Spanish guys her own age or older. I think being so different would play to my advantage. What do you think?
The more details you share, the more I think you could possibly be reading things into the night after having a little wine maybe? I would agree with the advice that you need to tread carefully. Have you considered that she might just want some help with stuff around her place and is the kind of woman that likes a big strong man to do things for her? She could be used to having men rush to help her out and now she has this nice new neighbor who seems ready to do so. I'm not so sure that she has given you any signs that she is interested in dating you.
I still would say you should just be direct and ask her out on a date and live with the consequences if you really think a relationship with her is worth pursuing (after careful consideration) rather than trying to turn hanging out with your neighbor into a date like Saturday night. This is all said as me being a very direct person and liking people to do the same - I don't tend to do subtle or pick up on it.
I suppose you could see if you get a kiss on the cheek after helping hang pictures, but that could still just be a thank you gesture.0 -
She texted me if I would be around later to help her later tonight. I told her I had a hammer and laser level and would like to help her out in exchange for more dance lessons. She responds "definitely".
This should give me a little more opportunity to feel her out and see what directions things will go. I should get a better indication tonight.
"Bring a hammer. More salsa. Come over later..." And you want to still see in which direction things will go? Huh?? As Dylan noted, you don't need a weatherman to tell which way the wind is blowing. And it's gusting good times.
Enjoy.
--P0
