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Hot for Neighbor.
Replies
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I suppose you could see if you get a kiss on the cheek after helping hang pictures, but that could still just be a thank you gesture.
Ummm, kiss on the cheek? After that invitation?
I think the bar is much higher now. No pun intended... :-)
--P0 -
"Bring a hammer. More salsa. Come over later..." And you want to still see in which direction things will go? Huh?? As Dylan noted, you don't need a weatherman to tell which way the wind is blowing. And it's gusting good times.
Enjoy.
--P
Thanks for the vote of encouragement.
It seems that all signs are pointing in the right direction, so I'm feeling pretty good. I certainly won't count my chickens before they're hatched though, but I'm having a good feeling about it after her text this afternoon.0 -
It seems that all signs are pointing in the right direction, so I'm feeling pretty good. I certainly won't count my chickens before they're hatched though, but I'm having a good feeling about it after her text this afternoon.
That is a good assessment of where things stand. Have fun!0 -
I would agree with the advice that you need to tread carefully. Have you considered that she might just want some help with stuff around her place and is the kind of woman that likes a big strong man to do things for her? She could be used to having men rush to help her out and now she has this nice new neighbor who seems ready to do so.
I would watch out for this too... I've moved a couple times while single and I generally refuse help from guys that I'm not interested in, but some women are more than happy to accept the help. Ever see that episode of Miss Advised where one of the ladies does exactly this? She feels lame for it after, but glad her boxes got carried up all those stairs.0 -
I would agree with the advice that you need to tread carefully. Have you considered that she might just want some help with stuff around her place and is the kind of woman that likes a big strong man to do things for her? She could be used to having men rush to help her out and now she has this nice new neighbor who seems ready to do so.
I would watch out for this too... I've moved a couple times while single and I generally refuse help from guys that I'm not interested in, but some women are more than happy to accept the help. Ever see that episode of Miss Advised where one of the ladies does exactly this? She feels lame for it after, but glad her boxes got carried up all those stairs.
Certainly a valid point.. but that's one of the perks of being a good looking girl. Guys will readily do stuff for you.0 -
I definitely think she's interested based purely on the fact that she answered the door in a dress and looking nice. Also the dancing and stuff. She's probably just treading slowly for personal reasons.
Tonight definitely ask her if you can take her out to dinner this weekend.0 -
2. There is no significance to her not returning you a compliment after you gave her one. Do you always give compliments expecting one in return? I haven't had that expectation since high school, among girl friends. Perhaps she's just not a flirty person. I'm not and your compliments would have simply gotten a thank you, whether I was interested in you or not.
I was going to comment on this as well. A return compliment was a little bit too much to expect at that moment.
Agreed. I save compliments for when they're true because they mean more. Also I would be freaked out if a guy who didn't ask me on a date started to touch my foot...0 -
*** UPDATE ***
So, last night I went over Gilda's house to help her hang a bunch of paintings and hopefully get a little one-on-one time with her to talk. I arrived at her door and she answered in a really cute nightgown. My jaw literally dropped to the floor and I thought to myself, this is probably one of the most beautiful women I've ever spent time with. Of course, I maintained composure and completely played it cool. I gave her a big hug and she invited me inside.
Initially, I thought it was just going to be her and I, but turns out that her aunt, uncle, nephew, and two daughters were all thrown in the mix. Basically, the scene was a bunch of Spanish people talking, Spanish music playing in the background, and a crazy dog chasing the cat all over the house... and then the gringo who stood out like a sore thumb. She introduced me as her "friend and neighbor" who lives next door. For the next two hours, I helped her decide where each painting should go and then her nephew and I did all the hanging. As I left, she gave me a little hug and I told her to call me if she needs any other help. She did send me an extra text message about a half hour after I left saying "Thank you once again!". I thought that was pretty sweet.
Unfortunately, I didn't get the romantic vibe at all when I was over there. This might have been because there were a lot of other people around or maybe she just wasn't interested. I'm not going to lie, I was a little let down when she introduced me as a her "friend/neighbor", because I have the feeling that she'll just view me as the "good guy neighbor". And being the "good guy" has never gotten me anywhere with anyone.
She still has to hang some more paintings upstairs, so I offered to help her out with that. Do you think I've fallen into the dreaded friend-zone with Gilda? It's certainly not the end of the world, but I think she just views me as a friend.0 -
Things have taken an ominous turn...
Although, if you're in it for the long haul, it's probably just a natural progression, and nothing to be too concerned about.
I'd skip the picture hanging, furniture moving, and/or gutter cleaning (in the literal sense) and go for a proper date. You're becoming the handy man, but in all the wrong ways... Time to force her hand and ask her out to dinner.
Good luck.
--P0 -
Things have taken an ominous turn...
Although, if you're in it for the long haul, it's probably just a natural progression, and nothing to be too concerned about.
I'd skip the picture hanging, furniture moving, and/or gutter cleaning (in the literal sense) and go for a proper date. You're becoming the handy man, but in all the wrong ways... Time to force her hand and ask her out to dinner.
Good luck.
--P
Agreed. I really wanted to ask her out last night, but the time/situation just wasn't right. There was people, music, and just utter chaos the entire time. I was expecting a sultry evening with wine, relaxed picture hanging, and good conversation/laughter. The scene more so resembled a Little Havana Quinceanera with the music and energy.
Next time I can get her one-on-one, like I had on Saturday night, I'm definitely asking her out for dinner.0 -
This.I'd skip the picture hanging, furniture moving, and/or gutter cleaning (in the literal sense) and go for a proper date. You're becoming the handy man, but in all the wrong ways... Time to force her hand and ask her out to dinner.
You get what you give to people.
If you're "friendly", you're going to be... guess what? A friend!
If you're "dating", you're going to be...
If you're "sexual" (or send hints), you're going to be...
Only thing you really risk at each of these steps is rejection and at least you'll know what to expect from her. Just don't make a big deal of the rejection (as long as she doesn't humiliate you publicly).0 -
I'm not going to lie, I was a little let down when she introduced me as a her "friend/neighbor", because I have the feeling that she'll just view me as the "good guy neighbor". \
What would you have preferred she introduce you as?0 -
I agree with porcelain doll---how did you want to be introduced at this point?
Also, nobody else thought it was strange that she had a "cute nightgown" on with a houseful of people?0 -
I agree with porcelain doll---how did you want to be introduced at this point?
Also, nobody else thought it was strange that she had a "cute nightgown" on with a houseful of people?
I totally did. I read that and was thinking "oh my is this turning into a Dear Penthouse letter?" and then the people were there. The whole thing is strange. Time to flat out ask her on a date.0 -
Also, nobody else thought it was strange that she had a "cute nightgown" on with a houseful of people?
First thing I thought!0 -
Also, nobody else thought it was strange that she had a "cute nightgown" on with a houseful of people?
Yes, very odd. You wouldn't catch me in a "cute nightgown" with lots of family/friends at my house......0 -
Yes Mike, sorry to hear about how things went downhill in a hurry last night. Here's how I would like to think I would approach a similar situation.
So it seems really awesome that she answers the door in a cute nightgown. You're thinking that good things are about to happen. Expectations have been raised.
But then, it seems to turn into chaos and a non romantic mood. This is when you should have high tailed it out of there. Nothing good can come of interacting with her family when it is likely that your primary goal was something different.
I'd say cease all contact with her for a while. Don't help her with any thing. The ol' silent treatment might bring out her passionate side, and passion breeds romance.0 -
Here are my takes on some other ancillary issues brought up.I'm not going to lie, I was a little let down when she introduced me as a her "friend/neighbor", because I have the feeling that she'll just view me as the "good guy neighbor". \
What would you have preferred she introduce you as?
A simple introduction as Mike with no label would have been sufficient. But given the whole course of events, this is really inconsequential.Also, nobody else thought it was strange that she had a "cute nightgown" on with a houseful of people?
I didn’t necessarily think that. I thought of that as one possible interpretation of many possibilities. First off, I didn’t see pics of the cute nightgown, so there’s an element of subjectivity.
Those from a United States cultural orientation are often more puritanical than Latin Americans. In Europe and Latin America, there’s a different perspective on issues of the human body and sexuality.0 -
You get what you give to people.
If you're "friendly", you're going to be... guess what? A friend!
If you're "dating", you're going to be...
If you're "sexual" (or send hints), you're going to be...
:drinker: Flimflamfloz, you are so very wise!!!
When you are 'attached' you think you are just friendly to everyone, but being thrown back into the dating scene the past few months has really taught me that this is absolutely true, it's all about how you approach and treat people.0 -
Also, nobody else thought it was strange that she had a "cute nightgown" on with a houseful of people?
Believe me, I was slightly caught off guard at first, but I certainly wasn't complaining. I think a lot of it is cultural, so it's really no big deal. And it wasn't ultra sexy and revealing, but it was kind of showy.
However looking back, I think the night was OK. I had enormous expectations going into last night and I think the events brought me back down to earth. This is not going to be quick and smooth like I thought, I'll definitely have to put in a lot of time into this one and work my way up. I just think getting her to go out on the first date is an absolute must.0 -
I still think the nightgown thing is strange, but that aside, I say definitely ask her out or you will torture yourself until you do
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Hmmm... the nightie is a bit odd.*** UPDATE ***
So, last night I went over Gilda's house to help her hang a bunch of paintings and hopefully get a little one-on-one time with her to talk. I arrived at her door and she answered in a really cute nightgown. My jaw literally dropped to the floor and I thought to myself, this is probably one of the most beautiful women I've ever spent time with. Of course, I maintained composure and completely played it cool. I gave her a big hug and she invited me inside.
Initially, I thought it was just going to be her and I, but turns out that her aunt, uncle, nephew, and two daughters were all thrown in the mix. Basically, the scene was a bunch of Spanish people talking, Spanish music playing in the background, and a crazy dog chasing the cat all over the house... and then the gringo who stood out like a sore thumb. She introduced me as her "friend and neighbor" who lives next door. For the next two hours, I helped her decide where each painting should go and then her nephew and I did all the hanging. As I left, she gave me a little hug and I told her to call me if she needs any other help. She did send me an extra text message about a half hour after I left saying "Thank you once again!". I thought that was pretty sweet.
Unfortunately, I didn't get the romantic vibe at all when I was over there. This might have been because there were a lot of other people around or maybe she just wasn't interested. I'm not going to lie, I was a little let down when she introduced me as a her "friend/neighbor", because I have the feeling that she'll just view me as the "good guy neighbor". And being the "good guy" has never gotten me anywhere with anyone.
She still has to hang some more paintings upstairs, so I offered to help her out with that. Do you think I've fallen into the dreaded friend-zone with Gilda? It's certainly not the end of the world, but I think she just views me as a friend.
I think my opinion is in the minority here, but I'll give it anyway because I'm like that. :bigsmile:
I think you are and have always been in the friend zone. She thinks you're too young for her and she's not interested. Your flirting and footsies from the first night made her want you to get the message that it's just friends. That's why she invited you over to help with stuff around the house while she knew she would have a house full of people and was very clear to introduce you as a friend and neighbor. She wants you to take the hint without confronting it directly because she's afraid that could make things awkward with her new neighbor.
Of course, all pure speculation on my part biased by my perspective.
I really don't agree with the advice about giving her the silent treatment. If someone did that to me, I would think they had the maturity level of an elementary school boy. It wouldn't bring out passion, just irritation and loss of respect. Sheesh! You're neighbors and if she's not interested in you romantically, does that mean you should be treating her rudely and play these games? I don't think she has shown any overt signs of interest to lead the OP on, so no reason to punish her.
I think you should try still being a good neighbor and giving her the help you've already offered. Otherwise, you'll look the kind of guy a woman can't rely on - someone who makes offers and promises, but doesn't follow through.Leave out the game playing and either should ask her out directly if you still want to (and risk getting shot down) or go on being her neighbor/friend, which could be a very good relationship that you might cherish even if it's not a romance... nothing wrong with that! You'd still be gaining something there.
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Hmmm... the nightie is a bit odd.
I think my opinion is in the minority here, but I'll give it anyway because I'm like that. :bigsmile:
I think you are and have always been in the friend zone. She thinks you're too young for her and she's not interested. Your flirting and footsies from the first night made her want you to get the message that it's just friends. That's why she invited you over to help with stuff around the house while she knew she would have a house full of people and was very clear to introduce you as a friend and neighbor. She wants you to take the hint without confronting it directly because she's afraid that could make things awkward with her new neighbor.
Of course, all pure speculation on my part biased by my perspective.
I really don't agree with the advice about giving her the silent treatment. If someone did that to me, I would think they had the maturity level of an elementary school boy. It wouldn't bring out passion, just irritation and loss of respect. Sheesh! You're neighbors and if she's not interested in you romantically, does that mean you should be treating her rudely and play these games? I don't think she has shown any overt signs of interest to lead the OP on, so no reason to punish her.
I think you should try still being a good neighbor and giving her the help you've already offered. Otherwise, you'll look the kind of guy a woman can't rely on - someone who makes offers and promises, but doesn't follow through.Leave out the game playing and either should ask her out directly if you still want to (and risk getting shot down) or go on being her neighbor/friend, which could be a very good relationship that you might cherish even if it's not a romance... nothing wrong with that! You'd still be gaining something there.
Well, I'm definitely not afraid of getting shot down. Believe me. I've dated and put myself out there enough where I know if I do get shot down, there's still millions of cute girls out there. I'm definitely going to ask her out and see what she says. If she gives me the line "you're a great guy, but I think we should just be friends", I'll accept it and be the best neighbor I can be. If she's anxious to go out with me, then I'll just take the ball and run with it.
I agree with you that I'm not going to give her the silent treatment. Even if I do sense myself falling into the friend-zone and I have no way of escaping, I'll still help her out if she needs a hand with the house. Maybe she even has a cute, single friend..? I don't know where things will end up, so I'm still going to be a helpful gentleman.0 -
Even if I do sense myself falling into the friend-zone and I have no way of escaping, I'll still help her out if she needs a hand with the house. Maybe she even has a cute, single friend..? I don't know where things will end up, so I'm still going to be a helpful gentleman.
Aw, you're such a good guy, Mike ( I started to type NICE, but that has such a bad connotation, haha). Good for you for getting out there, and I still think there is possibility but give it time. Clearly, culturally, there is a lot of difference there so it should be an interesting ride, ha! Good Luck!0 -
Well, I'm definitely not afraid of getting shot down. Believe me. I've dated and put myself out there enough where I know if I do get shot down, there's still millions of cute girls out there. I'm definitely going to ask her out and see what she says. If she gives me the line "you're a great guy, but I think we should just be friends", I'll accept it and be the best neighbor I can be. If she's anxious to go out with me, then I'll just take the ball and run with it.
I agree with you that I'm not going to give her the silent treatment. Even if I do sense myself falling into the friend-zone and I have no way of escaping, I'll still help her out if she needs a hand with the house. Maybe she even has a cute, single friend..? I don't know where things will end up, so I'm still going to be a helpful gentleman.
Good for you! He who dares wins! I like your attitude, and let's not forget the value of a good neighbor and friend if that is the best that comes of asking. Good luck! 0 -
Hmmm... the nightie is a bit odd.
I think my opinion is in the minority here, but I'll give it anyway because I'm like that. :bigsmile:
I think you are and have always been in the friend zone. She thinks you're too young for her and she's not interested. Your flirting and footsies from the first night made her want you to get the message that it's just friends. That's why she invited you over to help with stuff around the house while she knew she would have a house full of people and was very clear to introduce you as a friend and neighbor. She wants you to take the hint without confronting it directly because she's afraid that could make things awkward with her new neighbor.
Of course, all pure speculation on my part biased by my perspective.
I really don't agree with the advice about giving her the silent treatment. If someone did that to me, I would think they had the maturity level of an elementary school boy. It wouldn't bring out passion, just irritation and loss of respect. Sheesh! You're neighbors and if she's not interested in you romantically, does that mean you should be treating her rudely and play these games? I don't think she has shown any overt signs of interest to lead the OP on, so no reason to punish her.
I think you should try still being a good neighbor and giving her the help you've already offered. Otherwise, you'll look the kind of guy a woman can't rely on - someone who makes offers and promises, but doesn't follow through.Leave out the game playing and either should ask her out directly if you still want to (and risk getting shot down) or go on being her neighbor/friend, which could be a very good relationship that you might cherish even if it's not a romance... nothing wrong with that! You'd still be gaining something there.
Well, I'm definitely not afraid of getting shot down. Believe me. I've dated and put myself out there enough where I know if I do get shot down, there's still millions of cute girls out there. I'm definitely going to ask her out and see what she says. If she gives me the line "you're a great guy, but I think we should just be friends", I'll accept it and be the best neighbor I can be. If she's anxious to go out with me, then I'll just take the ball and run with it.
I agree with you that I'm not going to give her the silent treatment. Even if I do sense myself falling into the friend-zone and I have no way of escaping, I'll still help her out if she needs a hand with the house. Maybe she even has a cute, single friend..? I don't know where things will end up, so I'm still going to be a helpful gentleman.
@Mike-Your course of action depends on your goals. I like the idea of laying the cards out there, being direct and asking for what you want. Be truly honest with yourself on if you are really okay with being friend zoned. If you are, fine. If not, an abrupt ceasing of communication usually will result in the least amount of mental and emotional anguish for you. The title of “Hot For Neighbor” to me always suggested an interest in something more than just platonic friendship.
@Mellie-I did not say that the silent treatment was a guarantee. Hence, that is why I used the word ‘might’. The silent treatment can be a powerful play if used sparingly and correctly. The silent treatment I suggested of being aloof and not being available for her could work in the sense that by being perceived as unavailable, he could become more perceived as desirable. Human beings often want what they perceive that they can’t have. Some of what you suggested (sans the direct ask out) makes him out as the nice guy, and being the nice guy usually leads to frustration for men. The guys who are confident in what they want, who are challenging and not always available to women get her attraction more frequently than not, and guys want a woman to be attracted. Good things happen when attraction is high!0 -
The silent treatment is what immature girls do to get their way and all it ever does is piss people off.
Mike, it was recommended that for a first meeting you help her out with stuff. If you go and do it a third time you will have solidified yourself as the helpful neighbor who *sigh* I guess is never going to ASK HER OUT.
She had her family over and introduced you as her friend/neighbor - that's what you ARE right now. Call her up and ask her if she has dinner plans and if not would like to go out with you!
Enough games! Quit *****footing around and be straightforward!
EDIT: Oh, for crying out loud. They're editing pussyfooting
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The silent treatment is what immature girls do to get their way and all it ever does is piss people off.
Mike, it was recommended that for a first meeting you help her out with stuff. If you go and do it a third time you will have solidified yourself as the helpful neighbor who *sigh* I guess is never going to ASK HER OUT.
She had her family over and introduced you as her friend/neighbor - that's what you ARE right now. Call her up and ask her if she has dinner plans and if not would like to go out with you!
Enough games! Quit *****footing around and be straightforward!
EDIT: Oh, for crying out loud. They're editing pussyfooting
It is a shock but I actually agree with her.0 -
Mike I think you are doing okay so far, but you have to move at a speed comfortable for you both. She had no obligation to introduce you as anything different than a friend and neighbor so don't read into that too much. She clearly liked you in some capacity: friend, neighbor, handyman, or else wise. Just pay attention to the signs like someone said she might feel awkward rejecting you considering you're neighbors so be on the lookout for hints that will help you.0
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Sorry Mike, I dont think she see's you as a potential date AT ALL at this point.
I'm in my 40's, and if I just moved into the area, I would have been doing exactly what she's doing now. That is, thinking of you as a cool, young, helpful neighbour.
Also, she has the children to think of. I really dont think she's just going to pick up with the first young dude that shows an interest in her. I think we've talked about your attraction to older women before, and the lack of trust older women have in younger men? We just think you're after a shag!!
Anyway, I think you should ask her out before you get too friendly, as then it will be awkward. And make it known its a date. Cos at this stage, I would go out to dinner with you as a friendly neighbour too! You could even say something like "I dont want to cause any awkwardness between us, but I would love to take you out on a date." She should be honest with you and either say a) yes, b) Its too awkward to date neighbours, lets remain friends or c) I've just split up from xyz and am enjoying my singledom/new home/new job right now.........
Good luck :flowerforyou:0
This discussion has been closed.