Internet dating is killing my self esteem
Options
Replies
-
*le sigh*
Sure would be nice if online dating worked as well in practice as it does in theory.
To return to someone else's post, I am one of those guys who is single with no kids. Personally, I'm not looking for someone who already has kids for lots of reasons: Their priority will always lie with their kid before their new relationship. Obviously. Second, you're putting up with someone else's kid. I'd imagine it's hard enough dealing with your own, let alone someone else's. Third, possible ex drama. The kind of ex that is never truly gone. The kind who comes back on a regular basis to have their time with the kid. Also, I see a lot of profiles out there from women who already have kids that don't want any more. Well, I do, so next please.
Long story short, for me personally, I'd highly prefer to date a woman who doesn't have kids simply to avoid all of the issues that come with it. However, I'm not completely against it. But you better be a pretty damn good match if you want to make it work, know what I mean? You better be pretty ideal in every other aspect.
My $0.020 -
I agree. eHarmony is terrible. I'll never go back. I'm sticking with OKCupid in the near future. I got much more contacts in one week on OKC than I did in 6 months on eH. eH was soul-sucking!I would not reccommend eharmony. They match you with people that are NOT a match. Some people have found that after the initial, say, month, then only a couple matches a week come through. I always had many matches, but they had nothing in common with me, and the process is very slow. Try a free site first, and see how you like the whole thing......then try a pay site if you like. In my area, there are almost ALL the same people....with a few variations here and there.
Good luck!0 -
I was told and kept reading everywhere in order to internet date, you have to have thick skin. They were right.
One guy I met on POF, we had chatted/ flirted/ texted a lot before meeting. It was going good. Then we met and had 1 drink. It seemed rushed. I texted him later and thanked him and he responded nicely but I never heard from him again. Obviously, he wasn't physically attracted to me. How do you go from texting non-stop to nothing after meeting? Honestly, neither was I to him but the sting hurt nonetheless. I think I might have hid my profile for a while after that to work on myself.
In order to internet date, you have to be okay with rejection. It's a fact. Not every guy (or lady) will like you, apparently even after hours of talking beforehand.
When you get a date in the real world, you already know they're interested and attracted to you. In internet dating you don't have that luxury.
And I don't like that you said you're not beautiful.. you're a fox!!!! I think you're very pretty and you have a hot body. Nobody should make you feel less desirable. Ever!
Internet dating isn't for everybody, I don't think. Obviously, I have major issues with it since I keep doing it/ stopping it.
I agree with this.. You will send thousands of emails to people and no response. You will go on dates with people and no follow up. You will meet some one and go on 8 dates before they tell you they just wanted to be friends..
Internet dating is very hard and you have to have thick skin. Don't lose confidence... I've deleted OKC twice already and recently got back on to see what happens.
J0 -
Why online dating does not benefit men right there! Women are overwhelmed with messages, many of which are inappropriate. How's a good guy going to break through that clutter?
[/quote]
This is also true. Good point.0 -
I agree with this.. You will send thousands of emails to people and no response. You will go on dates with people and no follow up. You will meet some one and go on 8 dates before they tell you they just wanted to be friends..
Internet dating is very hard and you have to have thick skin. Don't lose confidence... I've deleted OKC twice already and recently got back on to see what happens.
J
I just looked at your profile here, and you are young and super cute! So, I'm going to be the one telling you not to lose confidence. I'm wondering if the struggle is more getting written responses or follow up dates?0 -
Oh this tread has been bump
I found the man of my dream on Eharmony.
0 -
Oh this tread has been bump
I found the man of my dream on Eharmony.
Congrats! :flowerforyou: Tell us more!0 -
UGH! I was on Match for a while. I'd rather shoot myself in the head than go through that again. A million people who don't want to date me because I'm not Barbie - gee thanks. I wouldn't even know where to find a man in the real world either so I'm screwed, but I'd rather be alone forever then be told on a daily basis how many men don't want to date me.0
-
In a way, the Internet reflects real life trends. Attractive, childless 20 something women are sitting on full inboxes, and in real life, that same group of women has plenty of options.0
-
I agree with this.. You will send thousands of emails to people and no response. You will go on dates with people and no follow up. You will meet some one and go on 8 dates before they tell you they just wanted to be friends..
Internet dating is very hard and you have to have thick skin. Don't lose confidence... I've deleted OKC twice already and recently got back on to see what happens.
J
I just looked at your profile here, and you are young and super cute! So, I'm going to be the one telling you not to lose confidence. I'm wondering if the struggle is more getting written responses or follow up dates?
Thanks!!
I think the issue could be the demographic as well. I live in a big city... so that means women are getting a lot more emails and will have to filter through good and bad emails.. perhaps my email is skipped.. Not sure.. Also, after a few dates.. maybe because no move was made... we end up putting each other in friend zone. Sometimes after the first date, we might have much in common. I wish I knew. It can be frustrating at times but that's dating in general.0 -
Oh, criminy, so glad I stumbled across this today. I've been struggling, too...on POF and match.com, and am finding that the primary issues are:
1.) They have a beautifully written profile, full of wit and spark and intrigue...so I send a witty opening correspondence, just to get back, "Hey baby wut u up 2?" Really? REALLY? Could you please redirect my email to whoever wrote your profile?!
2.) They insist that they think I'm beautiful, but then it's like a surprise when they discover I'm chubby. Hmm. Which part of "full-figured" gave you the impression I was a size 2? I'm afraid I'm one of those chicks who looks nothing like her profile picture.
3.) And that's another one...POF...doesn't give you the option to see what your prospective matches are looking for in terms of body size. Let's face it. I'm chubby. I'm a size 16, 5'3". Am I passionate and rollicky and FUN? Absolutely. But not many people are open-minded enough to want someone who's overweight when there's a slew (probably) of thin, attractive chicks out there. So why not tell me right off the bat (like match.com does) whether someone is looking for someone who is 'slender' or 'big and beautiful'? And having to pick which body type I was was a struggle, too...I put BBW first, because I wanted to own up to my size and give the impression that I was proud of it, but then friends suggested that that actually means something bigger than maybe my actual size. Another friend suggested going with 'a few extra pounds', but in my mind that equates to more like 3-4 pounds, NOT 30-40 pounds. Tricky, tricky.
At this point, I'm feeling a bit battered, kind of fugly, and totally unlikely to find a match anywhere in the cyber world. I like what one of you posted previously, about putting out feelers for a long-distance MFP relationship. I know that MFP isn't match.com, okay? But still, we have SOMETHING in common, at least, and people seem more open/honest about themselves on MFP than they do on match.com.
Exactly. You have pretty much described my Online Dating scenarios here. And at 54 years old to boot, it is even harder (Unless I want to become a Cougar, no thanks)! I actually got back on POF and OkCupid (cause they are free) these past few days, but I have already shut them down based on some of the same reasons I have read on this thread. Would LOVE to meet someone NOT on a dating site :yawn:0 -
So here's a OKStupid laugh. I met a guy about a year and a half ago on that site. We spoke on the phone all the time, we had terrific conversations, usually lasting about an hour or two. We set up two different times to meet up and both times, he made up an excuse not to go out with me. Then he disappeared, profile deleted and all. Just vanished. Fast forward to last month, I get an email from him on OKStupid after I had revamped my profile, added photos of the new 86-lbs down me, my accomplishments, etc and all of a sudden it's "WOW! Look at you! Don't know if you remember me but we used to talk all the time.. blah blah blah... you look phenomenal and I can't believe your transformation."
Yep, that's right buddy. Keep salivating. You aren't getting any of this. You had your chance. You didn't like me on the bigger side or want to meet me, you sure as hell aren't getting me on the smaller side. Screw that!0 -
Internet dating actually taught me a lot. At first I felt very similar to all of you, it killed what little self esteem I had, so I learned to grow thicker skin, accept rejection, and eventually became more confident because of it.
After you get past the first part, it's really no different than regular dating.
It taught me the world is superficial, but not as much as I once thought. I actually had more success when I changed my profile to make me sound like less of a douche than when I added more flattering pictures.
I learned that it is not an easy way or a shortcut. Just like in real life you have to put yourself out there, take chances, try new things, and try to have fun with it. Nothing worth having ever comes easily, it's actually pretty mentally draining and time consuming.
As I filled out my profile it made me aware of all of the things I didn't like about myself, and every time someone didn't reply, the more pronounced it got. It eventually gave me the motivation I needed to make changes in my lifestyle, and made it easier to look in the mirror. That's when I started getting more dates.0 -
I'd say I have tough skin, but online dating definitely made it thicker. I'd talk to a guy every now and then, he'd fall off the face of the earth. Then a few months later he'd contact me again trying to talk to me. It's like their first plan didn't work out and I was the fall back or something. No thanks.
I'd say attractive 20 somethings do get a lot of attention. I went out with my friend who is gorgeous and she got hit on every five minutes by a different guy. The guys just flocked to her. I found it amusing, even though I didn't get hit on at all. Hell, I wasn't even looked at! Although even if she wasn't with me I doubt I would've gotten that much attention anyway. Which is fine, because most of the guys creeped me out anyway. :laugh:0 -
I decided to try out pof.com because I actually meet an amazing guy there, that I believe I would have spent the rest of my life with had he not died serving in the Army. In less then 12 hrs. I was propositioned 32 times for sex, 20 of them were old enough to be my dad. I can't believe the disgusting things people will say to you either on that site! It kind of killed my self esteem to know that guys only see me as someone to have sex with and not someone to date. =(
This is exactly what I ran into. Guys wanting only one thing. Very disheartening.0 -
After trying to shack up with the Spanish cougar next door and not getting anywhere, I decided to give match.com another shot this week. Sent out 5 e-mails to girls I thought were attractive and got one reply. Not too bad at all in the online dating world, I'll take it. Not exactly a confidence booster, but not a self esteem killer either.
Speaking of serial daters, I noticed the SAME GIRLS that were on match.com over 9 months ago when I was on it are still on there. A lot of these girls are attractive and it's hard to believe they still haven't found anyone. Maybe they don't get as many e-mails as we think? Or maybe they just like to go on a lot of dates and have men buy them dinner/drinks?
Has anyone else noticed this?0 -
To Mike: I think a lot of people just dont quit their profile. I came across a neighbor on Match and when I showed my sister she said that it looked outdated. She knew he was older than that 25 listed on his profile. I know my profile is outdated as well.
And I've said this before but I personally believe that 99% of people are genuine of not using a date to get a free meal. I don't think serial daters are out for free food - its more about the thrill of dating and the thrill of attention. Not food.0 -
After trying to shack up with the Spanish cougar next door and not getting anywhere, I decided to give match.com another shot this week. Sent out 5 e-mails to girls I thought were attractive and got one reply. Not too bad at all in the online dating world, I'll take it. Not exactly a confidence booster, but not a self esteem killer either.
Speaking of serial daters, I noticed the SAME GIRLS that were on match.com over 9 months ago when I was on it are still on there. A lot of these girls are attractive and it's hard to believe they still haven't found anyone. Maybe they don't get as many e-mails as we think? Or maybe they just like to go on a lot of dates and have men buy them dinner/drinks?
Has anyone else noticed this?
It has been 9 months they could have had a guy they were serious about and broken up a couple times in the time frame. I think we were having a discussion on here before that we usually go through a couple 3 month long relationships in our lifetime.0 -
And I've said this before but I personally believe that 99% of people are genuine of not using a date to get a free meal. I don't think serial daters are out for free food - its more about the thrill of dating and the thrill of attention. Not food.
This was a big story last year that made the rounds (http://jezebel.com/5863621/woman-lets-matchcom-dates-pay-for-all-of-her-dinners). In the high cost of living Northeastern US cities and in California, this is done. However, I agree that this breed of woman is rare.Speaking of serial daters, I noticed the SAME GIRLS that were on match.com over 9 months ago when I was on it are still on there. A lot of these girls are attractive and it's hard to believe they still haven't found anyone.
Possible red flag that they are overly fussy if they are active. If not active, they probably found someone and forgot to take their profiles down. To me, taking the profile down (or hiding it for an extended period of time) is the most joyous moments for an online dater.0 -
This was a big story last year that made the rounds (http://jezebel.com/5863621/woman-lets-matchcom-dates-pay-for-all-of-her-dinners). In the high cost of living Northeastern US cities and in California, this is done. However, I agree that this breed of woman is rare.
Hilarious article. Really makes me second guess the whole online dating thing though.
I think a certain amount of this is expected though. If you are a good looking (a bonafide 9/9.5) 23 year old girl, why not date wealthy men and have them buy stuff for you?
Likewise, if you're an absolute stud, why not try to sleep with as many women as humanly possible?
I think the bottom line is.. if you're hot, you can get away with pretty much anything in this world.0
