I am there every time I go home.

I only go once a year because of it.

My boyfriend and I both decided to not tell our families to just make it easier. My family isn't that big of a deal, because they aren't THAT religious so it doesn't ever come up. My boyfriend's family (mostly the older members) on the other hand are pretty religious and it comes up in conversation quite frequently, and we just don't contribute. He doesn't want to upset them and otherwise they are very nice people. But this is a small part of the reason we haven't gotten married after being together 8 years. I would definitely not want a religious ceremony, but they would and the discussion of religion would probably come up more directly because of that.

My boyfriend and I are both Atheists, and his family is very religious.... but they divided amongst themselves in terms of their beliefs. They occasionally have these really bizarre old-fashioned feuds (between the Catholics and the Protestants, as if there's really much difference). Recently one of his sisters decided to convert to Catholicism because her boyfriend is a Catholic and is putting some pressure on her to convert before he will marry her. We were invited to her big celebration (put on by the Catholic members of the family, who were of course delighted to be "winning" another member of the family) which was a Catholic church service where she would officially convert, followed by a dinner. We respectfully declined, not getting into too much detail, but the idea of sitting through any church service turns our stomachs.... let alone a service where someone is adopting a new religion for superficial reasons. As if the church service weren't bad enough... the dinner was sure to be ripe with the Catholics and the Protestants poking each other, making demeaning comments about the other disguising them as cute banter. We simply weren't interested in that kind of setting. We wished his sister the best, but his mother was NOT HAPPY. She essentially stopped talking to my boyfriend for a while because she was so mad about it. As a fundamentalist, she just simply doesn't understand why anyone would abuse her in this way.

I'm not intending to hijack the thread, but I've always wondered about this. If it's possible for them to change religions for these reasons of boy/girlfriend, fiance, etc., do they really believe? My nephew is catholic and he was engaged to a muslim woman. He was taking classes to convert when they broke up. (Unrelated to the conversion--she was an *kitten*.) Now he's returned to the catholic church. I just think if it's that easy to change you don't REALLY believe, you know, so why not sleep in on Sunday??

My family, though they love me, do not understand me. They don't respect that I don't believe in a god. They think I am being a contrary teenager... I guess they forget I am in my 30's.

Yep, same issue here. My husband and I are both atheists; it was probably a little over a year ago that I realized it myself (grew up in a very strict "Christian" home). Turns out my husband was questioning as well and our communication, relationship, family life, etc has improved so much by taking church and god out of the equation. Yep, I was an atheist in a leadership position at a mega church and he was running their sound every Sunday.
Anyhow, we've yet to tell our families. Both are very religious. I've talked some to my sister in law about why we quit going to church but have yet to come out and say the A word. My husband's parents are not happy that we're no longer attending- mainly b/c they think it's incredibly important OUR two young boys (4 and 6) are in church. I'm glad we got them out when we did. They're still young and shaping their ideas about the world. They both know that when you die you go to sleep forever. It's tough to counteract stuff said by their cousins (already preaching "the word" at 5 and 7) and grandparents. It bothers me when they're together and want to pray over meals. I've tried to explain to my kids and cousins that people believe different things. My oldest knows that the idea of god and heaven is pretend. Of course I'll let him think for himself as he gets older and he wants to go to church, that's fine. But we've chosen to raise them religion-free and I doubt, seriously doubt, either set of parents could respect that.
Life is just easier without them knowing...I know it'd hurt them tremedously...eventually the truth will come out though, from one of our boys maybe. I'm hoping that it won't be a big deal and they'll all handle it like adults. We shall see...

Most atheists today do have religious families.

An atheist who was raised by atheists,
and has a mostly atheist family,
is still a relative rarity in USA anyway,
but not uncommon in other countries like Norway.


One place to get great support, and hear a variety of ways to deal with this, is AtheistUniverse.net.
Tons of subgroups there, even one called "Help! My family are theists!" and "Coming Out as an atheist"
many other subgroups for coping with families.

For me,
i found i can easily talk about my atheism with my family,
but
my family can NOT stay calm.
at all. Most theists have never ever had to explore or even think about the gods they were taught to believe as children, and quickly become frustrated and even feel threatened by it all.

so i decided,
that for me and my family,
we will only discuss it in clearly marked emails.
Not tacked onto a letter about Aunt Jill, or the family get-together next month,
but in an email with a subject line indicating this email IS about religion or atheism

This worked out great.
My family and i,
can choose to read such notes,
if and when we feel like it.

We can choose to reply to such emails,
if and when we feel like it.

Way less hostility, as with emails, one can take the time to decide what to say more thoughtfully then, etc.

Face to face, my family and i agreed to never discuss it. OH, it's fine if someone says, "At bible school last week, our baseball team was winning when ..."
or
"We had the priest over for dinner, and i burnt the lamb, so then we all..."
or whatever.

Just like i can say, "The speaker at our last atheist meeting was from Kenya, and he told a most interesting story of how they farm over there, they take the seeds and.."


One's religion,
or lack thereof,
can be mentioned as a backdrop in a story,
BUT
we no longer debate the gods,
the churches,
the crazy impact religion has on govt legislation,
etc
etc
etc
face to face

---

never again.

It is off limits, (cuz THEY go too ballistic).
ONLY via clearly-marked emails.


this works for us, anyway.

My Mom came from a very religious Roman Catholic family and my Dad has always been an Atheist. He has a very Christian friend that told him as a kid "You either believe all of it or none of it" and he chose not to believe, because there is too much based on fantasy and wishful thinking.


My sister and I were raised non religious, and were encouraged by our Dad to read about all religions and decide for ourselves if anything made sense, if it did, follow it with 100% of your being, because there's no purpose if you aren't fully invested.

My sister is a practicing Jew and converted many years ago. I am an Atheist. I don't discuss religion with my family except my Dad.

Yeah, I would love to argue with my family but its a no-win. And yet some are eclectic in that they seem to believe in all the new-age stuff as well as being Catholic (go figure). I have one ex-novice, one ex-nun, one loveable wacko and one who wants to be a religious teacher in the Catholic School board. I quietly sit through their saying of grace but have stopped doing the cross thing as I feel like a hypocrite. Religious events like weddings and baptisms are the worst. I will not kneel, recite, etc.

They all pretty much believe in ghosts, signs from dead loved ones and that the departed are in heaven. I don't dare tell them that the bible is clear that no one is there outside of Jesus (and three others, depending on which verse in John you read) and that its the second coming where the righteous will be resurrected join Christ in his 1000- year reign on earth. (Actually, I might not be able to hold back on this forever as I can be a **** disturber and if they try to preach I might just get carried away.)

I suppose if it comforts them fine, but I am quite comfortable with the knowledge that there is no life-after dead cause it makes me live today to its fullest. I'm sure they will freak knowing that my will is explicit - absolutely NO religious stuff when I die (celebration of life okay but no prayers, priests or such) and I want to be cremated and tossed (or maybe even one of the greener methods as they evolve into the future) no grave for me.

PS. I understand that atheism is the new "homosexuality" and that coming out is freeing but you can still expect to be treated like a pariah.