Student knowingly starting terrible eating habits...
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hiddenconflict
Posts: 6
Hi, I am hoping so hard that someone else there was in a similar situation as mine.
I have a background a bit different from the typical "not adjusted to college" freshman 15 weight gain. I lived on my own for the past four years at boarding school (high school) and was able to keep my weight in check. That has changed.
Some context:
It has been a month into freshman year of college and I am the unhappiest I've been in years and years (ever since my parents got separated when I was in high school). I went to a quite academically challenging "college preparatory" boarding school for four years, but unlike many of my classmates who also worked their a*ses off and went onto universities of their choice, I was waitlisted at my top choices and ended up in one of my "safety schools". After being devastated, I decided over the summer to accept the situation as it was and resolved to come into freshman year happy, forward facing, ready to do well.
Now:
My self motivated attitude quickly fell short of realities. I do not feel like I belong at my current school, both in terms of my studies and my non-class passions. It has been a month in and after going with it for the first two weeks, I've slipped hard these past two weeks. I procrastinate. I am not at all excited to go to my classes. I do the minimum amount of work. And I've turned to food. The sinful temporary satisfaction of food. Like any distressed eater, I've tried to make that sinful temporary satisfaction last longer by gorging on food alone in my room by the chip bag (literally a whole big bag of Doritos), ice cream, crackers, snack cookies etc. I KNOW that I should stay away from such terrible-for-you junk foods (etc the whole spiel etc) but I am obviously not rational in the mind at the moment. I am on my way to throwing away a first year of college education and ruining any chances of transferring to a better university more suited for me.
To give you an idea of a day in my past couple weeks. Today went down like this:
1) Skipped first lecture class on material I covered in high school.
2) Was in room alone and had to do work that I purposely procrastinated and put off because I didn't want to touch it over the weekend -- so I bought comfort food in the form of a hot bagel and a pastry...
2) Made it through first class. Felt like I wanted a slice of banana bread (which is more like cake) to "reward" myself/keep me going
3) Made it through second class. Bought chocolate bar, another slice of banana bread, granola bar (I guess those carbs are the best comfort emotional foods)
4) Made it through third class. Bought dinner in the form of salad with pasta, some fruit, bag of bagels to keep in room for grab on the go breakfast for the week. (Except I knew even at the time that they wouldn't last me the whole week.)
5) Stuffed myself in 10 minutes with my meal...then proceeded to gorge myself on three of the bagels.
6) Felt so sh*tty that I went to sleep in my room. Just woke up and showered to feel less disgusting. Decided in the shower to come onto this site to at least let SOMEONE know.
I am a short girl whose BMR is only around 1300. I've been gorging on upwards of 4000 calories daily (think an entire container of Haggen Dazs + an entire big bag of Tostitos + jar of creamy dip at 12 midnight after an entire day of eating already) -- I've gained close to ten pounds in the past three weeks. Please help. I know I am not living up to my potential. I did not go to four years of boarding school to knowingly f up my first year of college and eat myself fat. Please help.
I have a background a bit different from the typical "not adjusted to college" freshman 15 weight gain. I lived on my own for the past four years at boarding school (high school) and was able to keep my weight in check. That has changed.
Some context:
It has been a month into freshman year of college and I am the unhappiest I've been in years and years (ever since my parents got separated when I was in high school). I went to a quite academically challenging "college preparatory" boarding school for four years, but unlike many of my classmates who also worked their a*ses off and went onto universities of their choice, I was waitlisted at my top choices and ended up in one of my "safety schools". After being devastated, I decided over the summer to accept the situation as it was and resolved to come into freshman year happy, forward facing, ready to do well.
Now:
My self motivated attitude quickly fell short of realities. I do not feel like I belong at my current school, both in terms of my studies and my non-class passions. It has been a month in and after going with it for the first two weeks, I've slipped hard these past two weeks. I procrastinate. I am not at all excited to go to my classes. I do the minimum amount of work. And I've turned to food. The sinful temporary satisfaction of food. Like any distressed eater, I've tried to make that sinful temporary satisfaction last longer by gorging on food alone in my room by the chip bag (literally a whole big bag of Doritos), ice cream, crackers, snack cookies etc. I KNOW that I should stay away from such terrible-for-you junk foods (etc the whole spiel etc) but I am obviously not rational in the mind at the moment. I am on my way to throwing away a first year of college education and ruining any chances of transferring to a better university more suited for me.
To give you an idea of a day in my past couple weeks. Today went down like this:
1) Skipped first lecture class on material I covered in high school.
2) Was in room alone and had to do work that I purposely procrastinated and put off because I didn't want to touch it over the weekend -- so I bought comfort food in the form of a hot bagel and a pastry...
2) Made it through first class. Felt like I wanted a slice of banana bread (which is more like cake) to "reward" myself/keep me going
3) Made it through second class. Bought chocolate bar, another slice of banana bread, granola bar (I guess those carbs are the best comfort emotional foods)
4) Made it through third class. Bought dinner in the form of salad with pasta, some fruit, bag of bagels to keep in room for grab on the go breakfast for the week. (Except I knew even at the time that they wouldn't last me the whole week.)
5) Stuffed myself in 10 minutes with my meal...then proceeded to gorge myself on three of the bagels.
6) Felt so sh*tty that I went to sleep in my room. Just woke up and showered to feel less disgusting. Decided in the shower to come onto this site to at least let SOMEONE know.
I am a short girl whose BMR is only around 1300. I've been gorging on upwards of 4000 calories daily (think an entire container of Haggen Dazs + an entire big bag of Tostitos + jar of creamy dip at 12 midnight after an entire day of eating already) -- I've gained close to ten pounds in the past three weeks. Please help. I know I am not living up to my potential. I did not go to four years of boarding school to knowingly f up my first year of college and eat myself fat. Please help.
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Replies
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First of all: Yay for coming here!!! You're in the right place :-)
Second: Sounds like you're pretty miserable where you're at. It seems like there's probably only one of two things to do: change your situation (whether that means switching schools, taking a break from school, etc.) OR accept that this sucks and find new ways to deal with the stress and emotions that are coming up. Food isn't going to fill any voids—trust me, I've tried to fill lots and lots of voids with lots and lots of food, and while it seemed liked those Doritos worked in the short-term, in the long-term I just ended up more miserable. But the cool thing about being at a college is that there are lots of potential outlets—work out at the gym, get involved in an extracurricular activity that you feel passionate about (I did drama and the literary mag), or talk to a college counselor (which I have done/still do). Find people who feel the same way you do and lean on them (not banana bread) for support. And until you find those people, you can always come here.
I hope this helped a little. Feel free to friend me :-)0 -
Thanks girl, it really did help knowing that someone has responded as genuinely as you did!
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No problem—I hope today is a better day!! :happy:0
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Hi there!
When I was a freshman (I'm a junior now, but whatever), I know that for the first semester, I felt a lot of the same things that you seem to be going through! I don't make friends easily, and my roommate was never around, so I sat in my room, ate junk food and watched Cartoon Network until my eyes were about to pop out of my head. My course load was all stuff I'd done in high school, so I was totally unmotivated to go to classes or do my homework because I felt like I already knew it all.
Needless to say, all my lazy tendencies were becoming a major issue.
But, after first semester once my roommate's volleyball season was over, we bonded a lot and now were literally best friends. And even though for that first semester, my school didn't feel anything like where I wanted to be--I honestly came here because they had the best scholarship award and I just couldn't afford college without it--I couldn't imagine myself being happier anywhere else.
I guess the whole point of my little spiel is that as cliche as it sounds, it gets better. I totally agree that looking for groups around campus that might at least offer a distraction from food and get you out of room for a little bit might totally help. I also agree with the idea of checking into your school's counselling department if it has one (I seriously don't know where I'd be if it weren't for mine, but I guarantee you it would probably be an inpatient clinic). Feel free to message/friend/whatever me; I'm always happy to listen while you vent!
--Sarah.0 -
Well I think the most important thing is to eliminate the negative things in your life that make you turn to comfort food. I was in a similar situation for almost two(!!) years as I was studying to become a teacher and totally bored by my classes. My way out of this situation is/was (at least I hope so) to change my studies to medicine! I have not started yet actually, but I already feel a lot better knowing that I am going to study something that will interest me! Now you started college already, therefore I would advise you to let your main courses slide a little bit and try as many others as possible just to find what it right for you personally! Then you will be busy, have some perspective and hopefully not think about bad food as much as before:)0
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Freshman year of college is a huge adjustment. When I went through it, I went to a great school out of state and had a lot going for me. BUT, I isolated myself and didn't make any friends. I stayed up all night, slept all day and skipped classes, and got on a horrible eating schedule where I would raid the vending machines every night and just binge on junk food. So don't worry, you aren't alone. The good thing is that it's not too late to change things around!
My advice:
1) NEVER skip class. It may seem like a waste of time, but when the tests come you'll be surprised how much is from the lecture rather than the book. It also keeps you on a constant schedule, helps you meet people, and gives you a reason to get up, shower, and get dressed everyday.
2) Find healthy activities to take your stress out on. Right now you're bingeing due to stress. Does the school have a gym on campus? Go work out when you have a craving to binge. Go on walks around campus. Call home and talk to old friends or family. Whatever you can to vent without stuffing yourself.
3) Focus on your grades. My first semester grades were the worst of my whole college experience because I was depressed and reclusive. I ended up transferring back home to a local school after the first semester. Luckily my grades weren't too bad and I was allowed to do that. Remember that if you hate your school, you can always transfer. BUT, you can't if you have all F's. So if you truely are still upset about what school you're at, start looking into how to transfer and what grades you'll need. It's still so early in the semester that you should be fine.
4) Get support! What helped me the most when I went through this was calling my mom and talking to her. We talked more that first semester on the phone than we had the whole time I went to high school. Find someone you can connect with (friend, dorm mate, online buddy) and use that support. MFP is a great place for support by the way!
Good luck and remember that college is what you make of it. There was nothing wrong with my first school, there was something wrong with me. I think that no matter where you go if you get yourself sorted out first, you'll be happy.0 -
Thanks, all! I think I overstuffed myself to the point that I wasn't craving so hard today...
I'm definitely interested in transferring and you are all right - I have to get my act together and tough it out. Do potential colleges look at activities involved in during freshman year? There hasn't been much time to get deeply involved in anything but I'll stop by some club meetings next week.0 -
It depends what it is, dear. But, if you try to become an officer, or join something like student government or an organization committee, then you could definitely include it as "Leadership experience" or something similar on your transfer app. If you find a club or something that does volunteer work at all, that would also be a bonus.
I guess it kind of comes down to whether or not you can weave whatever the club's purpose is into what your own goals are, but a little creative wrangling and you can make any activity sound pretty useful for later life
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Maybe consider changing your major? I was enrolled in business my first semester and it wasn't until I accepted how much I loved science and changed to zoology that I became excited about class. You can definitely try getting into your old top school again, but I firmly believe that sometimes life takes us places we don't want to go initially but that ends up being the best for us in the end.
Also, one of the best things I did in college was enroll in a pilates class. It didn't really give me a huge amount of credit, but attendance was mandatory and it was so much fun and forced me to get into shape. So maybe try enrolling in fitness class where not going isn't an option and it will get you in the habit of exercising a couple of times a week. Once you've worked out for so long, it makes it hard to want to ruin it at the end of the day
Good luck with everything and I hope you find what you are looking for in life!0 -
It is absolutely crazy how similar your story is to mine. I got denied from my top school and I'm in my safety school and I almost break down crying everyday knowing that my college isn't the right place for me. If you're going to turn to food try to keep healthy, filling snacks to fill the void rather than chips and bagels. Also a lot of schools have free counseling and nutrition centers and I think it would be really beneficial to check those out. Don't skip class! It is not only beneficial to go but think about the amount of money that is being spent on tuition (my college breaks down to almost $50 a class!), get your butt and go and don't reward yourself with food. Take short walks throughout the day to keep your motivation going, and if you do overeat don't over think it- just start working it off slowly but surely.0
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Oh god, are you me?
My freshman year...was terrible. I didn't attend classes, I slept all day, and I gained 40 pounds over the year.
Does your college offer counseling? I went to my counseling at college and it was free. It helped a bit to have someone to talk to...who I knew didn't know my friends.0 -
The kinds of food you are eating, those carb-y, sugar-y, junky foods are feel good foods. You want them not necessarily because your hungry for food, but most likely something else, like friendship, acceptance and whatnot. I think you are feeling that because you didn't get accepted to the university you wanted that it ruined your plan, maybe?
But, not to diminish your feelings because I binge-ate the 2 years between high school and when I did start going to a local community college to make my family feel better, I did the reverse and ate very little just because it felt like "What's the point?" I didn't want to be there even though I was and I basically dropped all my classes in the 2nd semester and started working more however after some extenuating circumstances and a night in the hospital, I was diagnosed with bipolar depression, ocd, and social anxiety..
I eventually got into a school I wanted, but it was 500 miles where I didn't know anyone the first month and a half, but things got better.
Moral of the story was I talked to someone which helped me immensely, and I took a risk and asked one person to hang out and then more came. You should develop a routine. Your brain loves routines! You go to class (all of them because I've found that 1) it affects your college standing if you want to transfer down the line and 2) it gives you motivation for other things) and you eat structured meals that are filling, and you join a club or two (I joined marksmanship club where I shot a gun for the first time) and you get a good night's sleep. I would suggest talking to a counselor, or even your parents if you're close.0
