Healthy (+ Gay) Lifestyle
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Also, I think standards are changing a lot. There is a lot more pressure on men in general to be fitter, healthier, more produ..i mean attractive. Look at the huge changes in men's fashion - heck look at the fact that there IS so much men's fashion instead of the same basic pants, shirts, and jackets. In 30 years the same Match.com study could find totally different results. More women graduate from college than men and because of the "health" movement I think people in GENERAL are starting to feel like its ok to say they don't want partners that are overweight (as opposed to 'shallow' reasons like "no fatties").
Interesting concept too- Tighter fitting clothes are in style for men... definitely one piece of this motivation is to look good in the clothes you wear.0 -
120 is right lol! I have several friends that are 5'7 120-130. they stay that way to attract a certain type of man, Always starving to stay thin. I have been told I am ''gay'' fat. Bothered me at first but I wont ever be thin thin.0
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Just out of curiosity, What are everyone's reasons for making these lifestyle changes? Do any of them directly relate to the LGBT aspect of your life?
no, not for me but I admit i'm enjoying the attention. I've always been a iittle bit of an exhibitionist, so if they were offering a free beer at the bar to anyone who'd take off their shirt I went for it and pretty much didn't care. thinner,, that situation hasn't happened. hmmm...0 -
Well, I definitely think my weight gain was definitely connected to my orientation. I'm bisexual/pansexual. So I struggled like all non-straight people do in coming to terms with my sexuality, but then in the 90's when I came out, bisexuals were not really accepted in the G&L community. I think there was a combination of pressures: the pressure growing up to seem straight, and then for me the pressure once I came out to ever be "gay enough". In college all the gay people I knew would talk ad nauseum about how they would never date a bisexual and what slutty creeps we all were... which is fine, but like, talking about it at great length in front of me made me feel really unlovable. And I didn't want to date some straight guy who totally didn't understand something that was so important to my identity, or worse, who was like "score, let's have a threesome"... so I never really got the confidence to make the moves on anyone or see myself as a desirable partner in my own right. The only protection I had against feeling like everyone saw me as this predatory sexual evil, or just a slutty toy to play with, was to be kind of frumpy and I spent a lot of my teenage and young adult years abstinent and overweight. It seemed like I would never find a place where I could just be myself, and have that be okay.
The change for me came around the time my mom was diagnosed with diabetes. My mom is incredibly supportive, I should say, and acceptance was never remotely an issue for her. She has in the last couple of years hinted started talking about being genderqueer, which is no surprise to me. But her lifestyle choices about food and fitness, which have been very connected to her own disconnect with her body, have made her really ill. I started seeing that this wasn't a role I should follow, despite the fact that my mom is such a wonderful role model for me in pretty much every other way. I lost weight, but then I put it back on. Now I am in a really stable healthy long term relationship and I am ready to make a big change in how I approach my relationship to my body. I think this has to do with the fact that I got married and now I feel like I have that as a layer of protection against being seen as a negative bisexual stereotype, so I am ready to address my issues where I am really down about my relationship to my body and my relationship to my sexuality. The culture has also become a lot more accepting of BTQ people and that support has been really important to me. I think it was hard for me to feel like it was okay for me to be healthy and attractive because if I was attractive that would be like admitting I had a sexuality which was obviously problematic everywhere I went. Its been a really emotional journey for me. I still feel really sad about my experience when I was younger. I wish I had had more confidence and felt stronger in myself. But I think I am getting there now. That's had a lot to do with acceptance and starting to feel like there is a place for me in this world and in someone's heart, which also has to do with my identity. So, yeah, I think both the gain and the loss have been very connected to that. And it's been a story with a happy ending for me.0 -
Wow Spire, that's pretty powerful. Is it fair to say that you purposely made yourself "frumpy" to not deal with your sexuality? That's the opposite of what a lot of other responses were.
And that's a great story as well- family's important. A lot of the LGBTQ community has had negative experiences with family- I wonder if that's had a negative impact on health (nutrition-wise) as well.
Congrats on your happy ending- and good luck in the future!0 -
Yes, thanks, spiregrain!0
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For me it is about 25% looks - I would love to take my shirt off and feel comfortable with who I am. (I agree with the others that Derek should run with the shirt off! Ha!) I would also like to be checked out by guys, even though I have a partner. The attention never hurts. My partner is already in incredible shape, so he gets checked out all the time.
The other 75% would be for health. I see a lot of patients with diabetes and I know that it is a very difficult disease to control. I have seen hundreds of diabetics with ulcerations that won't heal or that are slow to heal and have amputated many toes of diabetics. It does scare me to be over weight and live that life. I also want to be a good role-model for my patients and have had many comment on the weight loss and I tell them about this site and how I did it.0 -
120 is right lol! I have several friends that are 5'7 120-130. they stay that way to attract a certain type of man, Always starving to stay thin. I have been told I am ''gay'' fat. Bothered me at first but I wont ever be thin thin.
I am looking at your profile picture. You are not any kind of fat. Anyone who tells you you are fat is wrong. Listen only to me. Everything I say is true, except when I am lying, but I am not lying about this.0 -
I didn't get serious for any specific LGBT+ reasons, but I was recently single and did accept I'd probably need to improve myself somewhat to catch another woman's eye again. So, a low priority reason. Most of my friends were healthy/fit so there was some pressure to at least look like I could "compete" with them.
And, lo and behold, I have recently started catching a lot of women's (and straight men's) eyes. Been a nice confidence booster. :bigsmile:0 -
Wow Spire, that's pretty powerful. Is it fair to say that you purposely made yourself "frumpy" to not deal with your sexuality? That's the opposite of what a lot of other responses were.
And that's a great story as well- family's important. A lot of the LGBTQ community has had negative experiences with family- I wonder if that's had a negative impact on health (nutrition-wise) as well.
Congrats on your happy ending- and good luck in the future!
Thank you so much! Yes, that is fair to say. I wish I'd had a teenage/college era of being super confident-hot though! Whatever -- I think I am one of those people that grows into their face more as they get older, so I've still got time.
I think family acceptance definitely has an impact on health. I can think of so many examples in people I know, but those stories aren't mine to tell.0 -
This is an interesting discussion. I think my answer to this is that my sexual orientation and sexuality in general is contected somewhat to my wanting a more healthy lifestyle.
When I was in my twenties I was more physically active then I am now. I'd hit the gym between an hour to two hours everyday. I use to get guys noticing me all the time. When I was about 32 years old I got laid off at work and got really depressed. I stopped working out and slowly gained weight. For some reason I never could get back to having an active and healthy lifestyle. Frankly, I wasn't performing as well in bed as I was in my twenties, but I chalked that up to age rather then my physical condition.
What kicked me in the rear to start getting to a more healthy weight was when I was determined to have high cholesterol level. I was at a high risk of heart disease if I didn't change my habits. I didn't want to be on medication my entire life and the cost of the medication was more then a gym membership. So, I thought I would invest my money into more preventative medicine and got a membership at the local gym.
I do notice myself performing better in bed now. The looks that I get from other guys and girls makes me feel attractive and desired. This has been great motiviations for me to keep doing what I'm doing, but it isn't what got me to start this path towards a healthy lifestyle.0 -
Hmm this is an odd one. 75% of my choice is for health reasons, but there is a small part of me that just doesn't want to be a niche. I have never felt unsexy being a bigger guy at all, i have usually been comfortable in my skin. However, when you fit into one of those awful gay stereotypes (In my case a cub/bear) you tend to attract people who are almost exclusively attracted to that 'type' indeed almost fetishize it. I have only had 3 serious relationships, but in each case I was never 100% sure they were with me because of ME or because I fit their type. In fact seeing ex and future partners of theirs, they all looked a bit like me.
I know this is probably similar for most people, but I feel like if I had a more 'average' build then there is a greater chance of people liking me for myself. It's weird I know, but I genuinely feel uncomfortable being labeled a bear/cub, not because I hate who I am, but more because of the expectations that people layer on you for looking like that.
Does that make sense? Sorry to ramble.0 -
Health is the number one motivator for me. It's hard to get as much done as I'd like when I'm constantly tired. I've been checked for diabetes and thyroid, and nothing there. So I'm covering my bases with diet and fitness.
From the genderqueer standpoint though, it wouldn't bother me at all if these lumps on my chest decided to shrink. I never wanted them in the first place. I used to wear baggy clothes in high school to hide behind. The face in the mirror didn't really look like me, so why bother? Spend an hour on hair and make up? No, thank you. Since I'm not completely FtM, it didn't occur to me until I was older what the problem was.
Now that I'm getting more comfortable in my identity, I think it wouldn't be so bad to look better too. I'm currently in two(!) stable relationships. Finding someone new is not on my list of priorities at all. I'm just doing this for me.0 -
You are not rambling, and yes you make perfect sense. I feel the same way. Not only is there an expectation for being a bear/cub/chub but there is an expectation just for being gay. There is also an expectation we place on ourselves to fit the label. I am at a point in my life where I no longer want to be a gay man/bear/cub/chub first, and Michel second. I just want to be Michael. I want to allow myself to let the labels go, and expectations of behavior in those labels. Is not easy but I work at it. Ultimately I will love me and accept me for me, as me. Not as Michel the gay bear/cub/chub/man.
Oh, and yes I know my picture is a bear claw...I said I am working on it. That is still a part of my whole.0 -
The first reaction I had to a recent poor health screening... significantly elevated weight (of course I knew that), but also high blood sugar levels including a high A1C was that something had to change. So, health reasons kicked the weight loss desire into full throttle.
I've thought, though... over the past few months/years as my weight steadily rose that I'd like to look more attractive to my partner of 8 years. If I'm not attracted to myself, why should I expect him to be? Of course we love each other, but I've felt the attraction fade on his part. I feel this is more of a human condition rather than just a gay one.
So, to sum this up, I want to be healthier for the sake of being healthier. Teetering on the edge of Type II Diabetes is scary as hell, and it just so happens I'm a gay man. It doesn't hurt the whole motivation/end goal that by the time I reach my goal (or thereabouts), I could possibly legally marry my sweet man, and look good doing it. On a scale from 1 to Gay, THAT is pretty gay.
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Far from trying to live a healthy lifestyle, I'm much more interested in looking good. And if that's shallow or vain, so be it. I know I'm vain and I'm okay with it. However, I don't think being vain and being gay are inherently associated. I'm just a vain man who happens to be gay.
I guess to add a little depth, I'm not trying to look good to pick up guys. I just got married to the man I've been with for 6 years.0 -
I was warned that with my family history, that I was looking at being diabetic in 15 years if I didn't lose weight (and I wasn't even mega obese). At the age of 37 that was frightening: In just over two months I have gone from pre-diabetic state to normal, very high blood pressure to safely normal, and dropped 4 BMI points. Still a little more to go.
So my motivation was that I didn't want to be diabetic. That had nothing to do with my sexuality.
Would I like to turn from bear to otter? Well I guess that wouldn't be a bad thing in abstract - but happily married (with dog!), it's not about trying to look good for anyone else.0 -
I want to say my first reason was health, and it is a big part but vanity also plays just as big of a part. I can't tie it to sexuality mostly because I am in a hetero marriage, but that's a whole other story!
I do want to get to the shape I used to be in, and feel good when I am at the beach.
My family has health issues due to being overweight dad, mom, brothers, heart attacks, type 2 diabetes etc. I dropped my cholesterol 31 points last year and it felt great!
Plus I'd love to rock a cute skirt one day!!0 -
This is a great thread. The honesty is beautiful!
I've been with my partner for over 20 years. We have both had major health challenges (I had cancer, she has an immune disorder and we are both diabetic). So, yes, health is a huge part of why I want to lose weight, but also as Michigan moves closer to gaining Marriage Equality (come on 6th circuit court, make a good decision already!), my partner and I went shopping for wedding clothes that aren't fancy, things we can also wear to church later, or out on the town. We had to shop at fat girl shops, and most of the clothes there are frumpy or just plain ugly. I could have made our outfits, but we bought them on the day after it was legal to get married here (Saturday-the ruling didn't come down until Friday evening) and by the time Monday rolled around, we were barred from getting married again. I didn't make the outfits because we knew our time was probably very limited. We did finally find beautiful outfits, but it would have been easier if we could have walked into any shop to find clothes that fit.
She is an insulin dependent diabetic, and so far I'm just on glucophage, but my A1c has been creeping up and I hate needles. So, it was time.0 -
Far from trying to live a healthy lifestyle, I'm much more interested in looking good. And if that's shallow or vain, so be it. I know I'm vain and I'm okay with it.
Listen, I was just thinking this! Yeah, I do want and need to lose weight for health reasons, but I really want to look good. I want to turn heads. I want to look awesome in shorts. I want people to be jealous of my wife. Someone made a comment earlier about lesbians typically being larger than straight women. It seems to be true, and I don't want to fit that stereotype anymore. I've never been seen as that "fine friend", and I want to be it.
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