Is he immature or am I being too picky?
Options
Replies
-
I think you've answered your own question about him. You have been embarrassed multiple times. Is that something you want to continue with?
Definitely not...I think I just needed some un-biased perspective. I know you're only getting my side, and you don't know either of us, but I am telling you the things that have been said and even though you don't have his side, these events occurred and regardless of any of his positive qualities, these things just feel like too much of a deal breaker this early on. I guess I was just looking for perspective from others as to whether or not these things would bother them. Not looking for anyone to bash the guy because to each their own and some other woman might find it hysterical and might even join in, I just don't and never have appreciated the sarcastic personality type.0 -
There are women who might find that type of humor really fun. I personally wouldn't. Yes, we are only getting your side but he does seem a bit jerky. lol0
-
double post :noway:0
-
This behavior is totally turning me off and making me question my feelings for him....he is 35, I doubt he will change even though he says he WILL filter himself for me. I don't want him to feel like he has to, and honestly I don't think he CAN. As it is he says he has been filtering himself for me - I can only imagine what he'd say if he wasn't!
The fact that he's turning you off is enough to know that this guy isn't right for you. I think he's socially inept and that would bug me too! There are certain modes of behaviour that we all expect from a partner, and I'm afraid he's not going to change. Quite frankly, he's old enough to know better :noway:
The fact that you've called him on it and he's got all sarky and petulant about that is another failing as far as I'm concerned.
I've ended briefer encounters cos the guy just doesnt gel with my personality, be it too much sarcasm or sexual innuendo or aggression, or whatever!
You can be as picky as you like!! Its your life and you should be with a partner that compliments you, not embarrasses you!
All the best :flowerforyou:0 -
I dunno, my dad would have thought that was hilarious. Like I said, it's hard to make a judgment as to whether or not this guy is a loser/jerk/etc from this one perspective, but they are not compatible if this is his sense of humor and she doesn't like it.
Your point is moot. How would her boyfriend know that beforehand? Of course he wouldn't, and hence should just zip it. Had her dad and her bf known each other for some time, and both found this kind of humor endearing (God help them), then OK, I get your point. But until you know that, only a jerk makes comments like this in front of the parents of a woman he is dating.
--P
We'll just have to agree to disagree, I think there's a lot more than could have come into play as far as setting up that type of humor. We don't know the dynamic of everyone involved. Like I said, my dad would have found that hilarious because he makes jokes like that all the time. If boyfriend overhead someone making an inappropriate joke that opens the way for all the "That's what she said"'s they could handle.I think you've answered your own question about him. You have been embarrassed multiple times. Is that something you want to continue with?
Definitely not...I think I just needed some un-biased perspective. I know you're only getting my side, and you don't know either of us, but I am telling you the things that have been said and even though you don't have his side, these events occurred and regardless of any of his positive qualities, these things just feel like too much of a deal breaker this early on. I guess I was just looking for perspective from others as to whether or not these things would bother them. Not looking for anyone to bash the guy because to each their own and some other woman might find it hysterical and might even join in, I just don't and never have appreciated the sarcastic personality type.
These things would not bother me, because I'm a different person than you are. That doesn't mean you are "too picky" it just means you guys aren't meshing. That's my point. As far as my comments on us only having the one perspective, that's more geared toward all the peeps hauling off and calling this guy names simply because he makes some pervy jokes. He didn't hit her, he didn't call her names, he didn't tell her she should go get a boob job, and he didn't tell her to shut up and get back in the kitchen. He said "this is who I am take it or leave it." which is completely 100% fair - and it's completely 100% fair for you to now turn around and say "then I'm leaving it".0 -
I think you need to go with your gut on this one. If he is already embarrassing you and making you feel uncomfortable, those are red flags that really shouldn't be ignored. He has shown you who he is. Now you have to decide if that person is someone you can be happy with. From what you have shared, it doesn't sound like it.
Good luck to you!!0 -
You're not being picky. This behavior will piss you in a very short time. Plus who talks to the girlfriend's dad that way?0
-
TheKitsune6 I do agree with what you're saying. I guess only I can tell if I think his behavior is a deal breaker for ME, but I definitely appreciate the general perspective which seems to be that a lot of his behavior has been inappropriate. Calling a 7 year old "sexy Lexi" is HIGHLY inappropriate, especially one that you don't know and had just met their parents. Maybe the pervy jokes after 6 months of knowing my family, yes. Not 12 hours!!!!! Granted, yes, my Dad did chuckle, but as soon as he knew I was uncomfortable with it, it would have been a good idea to apologize. It doesn't matter if my Dad finds it funny, what matters is how it makes ME feel, and sometimes I feel like he is more concerned with making a good impression on my family, assuming that if he does that then I will automatically be happy with him, which is NOT the case. And the condescending "I could say something right now but I won't because I am respecting you" is not respectful. Keeping his mouth shut is respecting me...and if he wants to be able to say what he wants with no consequences then I guess I am not the girl for him. Personally it doesn't seem unrealistic for me to expect him to try and filter himself a bit, but if he's going to filter himself then hold it against me, then I'd rather just move on.0
-
There's a time and a place for the off-beat humor... and it's NEVER around your new girlfriend's parents. He's an embarrassment to gentleman. Move along, you are gorgeous and can certainly find better.0
-
We'll just have to agree to disagree, I think there's a lot more than could have come into play as far as setting up that type of humor. We don't know the dynamic of everyone involved. Like I said, my dad would have found that hilarious because he makes jokes like that all the time. If boyfriend overhead someone making an inappropriate joke that opens the way for all the "That's what she said"'s they could handle.
OK, then forget about what the Dad thinks. Clearly the bf knows (because she's told him) that she does not appreciate this kind of humor. And yet he continues. I would imagine it's doubly unappreciated in front of her parents, making it even more embarrassing for her. So even if the bf is somehow bonding with the Dad (again, I disagree, but let's leave it aside), clearly he is upsetting her, and he knows this.
Ergo, there is just no excuse for that kind of behavior, even if Dad slaps him on the back and gets him another beer.
--P0 -
Hi Krissy, good to see you again!
I can empathize with your feeling of being uncomfortable. The "Sexy Lexi", "Sausage" and "Countertop" comments would make the majority of people feel comfortable.
I feel like you have a pretty good idea of where you want things and a vision of what you want for yourself. Stay true to that!
Best wishes! :bigsmile:0 -
0
-
I am all for not trying to change someone, that is not an option here. Clearly if this is how he is then I don't think it's going to work. I just don't want the friends and family who have already met him to think I am insane, but somehow I don't think that will be the case. I remembered something else that bothered me, last week we went to a bar to watch football with my sister and the guy she's seeing, and she was trash-talking a little because her team scored (normal banter between opposing teams, nothing obnoxious), and he says "you better stop talking s*** or you're not going to like me very much." That made me really uncomfortable too. Lighten up!0
-
...and he says "you better stop talking s*** or you're not going to like me very much." That made me really uncomfortable too.
Seriously, what are you waiting for? The CSI unit to show up?
--P0 -
...and he says "you better stop talking s*** or you're not going to like me very much." That made me really uncomfortable too.
Seriously, what are you waiting for? The CSI unit to show up?
--P
While my reaction is not quite as alarmist, I agree. You've already made up your mind and not a single person here disagrees with you for whatever reason.0 -
LOL - well he said it in his normal sarcastic tone, not in a really mean tone, but something tells me he wasn't truly joking. I know I know. I just HATE being in this position, I just wish I could find someone with a normal level of humor/seriousness. I find it really difficult, don't know if it's my location or what. It's getting frustrating! It's hard because yes, I am thinking his behavior is definitely a deal breaker, I guess it's the fact that the behavior only just surfaced in the last couple of weeks, after I'd already gotten my hopes up about the relationship. Guess it does go to show that I am not willing to settle just because I do want someone who wants to settle down and have a family like he does. I don't want to do it with someone like this.0
-
To be honest I am surprised your dad did not chase him away with a shot gun. Those comments are completely unacceptable. There is no excuse for his behavior. Get rid of him - he is a LOSER !!
And yes he is being immature, and NO you are not being picky.0 -
I am from a very conservative family, my dad would have asked him to leave. I would drop him as quick as you can...no question.0
-
Wow, no way would I put up with that.
I wouldn't try and change him I would have dumped him if not after the "hot wife and sausage comments" then certainly after calling a 7 yo girl sexy lexi..NOT at all appropriate. Wow. Why put up with that at all??0 -
This guy sounds like a friend of mine that ended up beating on his wife, and he always treated other girls he dated like crap in front of other people, but then some of the girls he was dating, that were also friends of mine would tell me how sweet he was and how different he treated them when they were alone.
I can't speak for this guy you are seeing, but he's pretty much already shown you who he is...do YOU want to deal with that crap the rest of your life? If not, you answered your own question.
Ditch the zero & find a hero!0
