Is he immature or am I being too picky?
Options
Replies
-
What is strikes me as is a lack of respect for you or your family. A person can be funny and make people laugh without being innapropriate. Referring to a man's wife as 'hot' or a 7 year old girl as sexy is utterly innapropriate and disrespectful (and kind of sick and scary). Furthermore, when asked to tone it down, he goes on the offensive. He should have apologized and assured you that he would be respectful from that point on, then gladly done it! Instead he constantly reminds you that you are ruining his fun by not appreciating the rude and disrespecttull comments.
If you think you can get used to this and have it stop bothering you and if you think your family will get used to it and not think badly of him or you, then go forward. But, if you think he's going to change, then you are wrong. . He doesn't want to behave properly, so he's going to keep saying these things. . I'd also hate to think what he says about you when you aren't around. If he'll make sexual comments about you TO YOUR PARENTS, what's he telling his friends!? I would not have any expectations of privacy with this guy. .
Good luck! .
It's too bad when you have to choose to give up something that seemed good, but sometimes people reveal things about themselves that simply can't be ignored.0 -
What is strikes me as is a lack of respect for you or your family. A person can be funny and make people laugh without being innapropriate. Referring to a man's wife as 'hot' or a 7 year old girl as sexy is utterly innapropriate and disrespectful (and kind of sick and scary). Furthermore, when asked to tone it down, he goes on the offensive. He should have apologized and assured you that he would be respectful from that point on, then gladly done it! Instead he constantly reminds you that you are ruining his fun by not appreciating the rude and disrespecttull comments.
If you think you can get used to this and have it stop bothering you and if you think your family will get used to it and not think badly of him or you, then go forward. But, if you think he's going to change, then you are wrong. . He doesn't want to behave properly, so he's going to keep saying these things. . I'd also hate to think what he says about you when you aren't around. If he'll make sexual comments about you TO YOUR PARENTS, what's he telling his friends!? I would not have any expectations of privacy with this guy. .
Good luck! .
It's too bad when you have to choose to give up something that seemed good, but sometimes people reveal things about themselves that simply can't be ignored.
Well said! Thank you for your input. You know the funny thing is, he touts himself on being the kind of guy who isn't a pig, who doesn't objectify women, etc. He is a blue collar worker who works with a lot of "pigs" who talk sexually about women all day and he once told me that they all make fun of him because he refuses to join in on the conversation. He also told me that he doesn't like skimpy/sexy Halloween costumes, and how respectful of his wife he will be someday, in terms of not looking at/flirting with other women when she is not around. Those things all made me happy but I couldn't help but be skeptical of them because of the way he jokes and the comments he makes. I just find it hard to believe that someone who jokes like that is not into sexual things, etc when they are with their friends. It also really makes me wonder what types of things he looks at online, how many girls he might flirt with etc, and regardless of whether or not he DOES, his behavior makes me trust him that much less. Almost like he says he isn't that way to make me think he isn't, when really he is a pig just like the rest of them. I really don't know what to think with guys anymore! It's getting way too tough to decipher the things they say.0 -
I really don't know what to think with guys anymore! It's getting way too tough to decipher the things they say.
Weigh their actions more heavily than their words.0 -
Weigh their actions more heavily than their words.
This is good advice. Good luck to you, OP.
0 -
Weigh their actions more heavily than their words.
This is good advice. Good luck to you, OP.
Well his actions have been fine...it's his words that are causing all the problems....so, should I still weight the actions more? These aren't just words, they are words that are making me see him differently and making me think differently of him as a person, and maybe he truly isn't a bad person, then why does he say such things? That's the confusing part!0 -
Why is there still a discussion? The advice is overwhelmingly one sided for varying reasons.0
-
His actions are the inappropriate comments in the company of your friends and family. His words are him telling you how respectful he is of women. You have observed his actions showing that he isn't quite how he has painted himself to be with his words. See?Weigh their actions more heavily than their words.
This is good advice. Good luck to you, OP.
Well his actions have been fine...it's his words that are causing all the problems....so, should I still weight the actions more? These aren't just words, they are words that are making me see him differently and making me think differently of him as a person, and maybe he truly isn't a bad person, then why does he say such things? That's the confusing part!0 -
His actions are the inappropriate comments in the company of your friends and family. His words are him telling you how respectful he is of women. You have observed his actions showing that he isn't quite how he has painted himself to be with his words. See?Weigh their actions more heavily than their words.
This is good advice. Good luck to you, OP.
Well his actions have been fine...it's his words that are causing all the problems....so, should I still weight the actions more? These aren't just words, they are words that are making me see him differently and making me think differently of him as a person, and maybe he truly isn't a bad person, then why does he say such things? That's the confusing part!
OK I see it more clearly now, lol. Guess I needed a different perspective. And TheKitsune6, there really isn't discussion, I know that staying with him is a bad idea. I just haven't talked to him yet nor had the opportunity, so I am just feeling the way I tend to feel and that is bad, because I have to hurt someone (no matter what he's said or done I still hate to hurt people). So, I am over-analyzing it. I know, I know, it is dumb. I was used to seeing him several nights a week for the last 6 weeks and now we haven't spoken since Sunday. Regardless of the crappy things he has said, I had been excited to have met someone who wanted a lot of the same things I want, and I am disappointed he turned out this way. That is not something that is easy for me to accept, so talking it out and coming to terms with it is easier for me. I wish I could just say "that's it, I'm done" and move on right away but it doesn't happen that easily for me.0 -
I only skimmed the original post and skipped every single reply.
I can probably guess that everyone is asking what I am thinking, though. Did your dad high-five him after the hot mom comment?0 -
^^^ ha ha.
But seriously girl, you're hot and he's a douche. It will get worse too...as he gets more "comfortable".
You can do way better.0 -
I wish I could just say "that's it, I'm done" and move on right away but it doesn't happen that easily for me.
If it makes you feel any better, not many people can just move on easily. We can all sit here and say "yeah, dump him" but I think it's easier said than done! Plus, we only know what you're telling us. You have to take in to account the whole relationship and decide what's best for you. The guy may very well mend his ways when given the alternative of losing you.........anyway,
I think the overriding consensus is No, you're not being too picky. So take it from there.........
Good Luck :flowerforyou:0 -
Honestly I think you have just scraped the surface of what this guy would actually be like in a years time if you stayed with him. I don't buy for a second that he doesn't jump in on the pig talk at work etc. he is just itching to unleash it.0
-
....Almost like he says he isn't that way to make me think he isn't, when really he is a pig just like the rest of them.
This is EXACTLY what I was thinking when I read your reply. Like he's telling you all that to make himself sound good to you when in reality he's just as bad as the coworkers he's talking about. And I agree with DM, actions speak way louder than the words he's speaking. Other than the words being inappropriate and disrepectful, he's being nothing but disrespectful in ignoring your previous request to tone it down.
I personally don't think you are being too picky. Be thankful that he showed his true colors only 6 weeks in and you aren't too emotionally invested in the guy. Big hugs!!! Throw this guy back and keep on looking for the one that suits you better overall. :flowerforyou:0 -
What is strikes me as is a lack of respect for you or your family. A person can be funny and make people laugh without being innapropriate. Referring to a man's wife as 'hot' or a 7 year old girl as sexy is utterly innapropriate and disrespectful (and kind of sick and scary). Furthermore, when asked to tone it down, he goes on the offensive. He should have apologized and assured you that he would be respectful from that point on, then gladly done it! Instead he constantly reminds you that you are ruining his fun by not appreciating the rude and disrespecttull comments.
If you think you can get used to this and have it stop bothering you and if you think your family will get used to it and not think badly of him or you, then go forward. But, if you think he's going to change, then you are wrong. . He doesn't want to behave properly, so he's going to keep saying these things. . I'd also hate to think what he says about you when you aren't around. If he'll make sexual comments about you TO YOUR PARENTS, what's he telling his friends!? I would not have any expectations of privacy with this guy. .
Good luck! .
It's too bad when you have to choose to give up something that seemed good, but sometimes people reveal things about themselves that simply can't be ignored.
Well said! Thank you for your input. You know the funny thing is, he touts himself on being the kind of guy who isn't a pig, who doesn't objectify women, etc. He is a blue collar worker who works with a lot of "pigs" who talk sexually about women all day and he once told me that they all make fun of him because he refuses to join in on the conversation. He also told me that he doesn't like skimpy/sexy Halloween costumes, and how respectful of his wife he will be someday, in terms of not looking at/flirting with other women when she is not around. Those things all made me happy but I couldn't help but be skeptical of them because of the way he jokes and the comments he makes. I just find it hard to believe that someone who jokes like that is not into sexual things, etc when they are with their friends. It also really makes me wonder what types of things he looks at online, how many girls he might flirt with etc, and regardless of whether or not he DOES, his behavior makes me trust him that much less. Almost like he says he isn't that way to make me think he isn't, when really he is a pig just like the rest of them. I really don't know what to think with guys anymore! It's getting way too tough to decipher the things they say.
He describes himself perfectly. . whatever he says, just remove the 'not' from the "I'm not". .
And don't worry about deciphering men. .just ask me. .I'll decipher them for you. . .:)0 -
Two words.
D. Bag.0
