Talk me off the edge...

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Replies

  • toots99
    toots99 Posts: 3,794 Member

    So I do understand that part. But hell, wouldn't a dead tired man still want to rub up on his 3rd date chick who he supposedly thinks is soooo hot and interesting???

    Has anyone suggested that, since you made it so clear that you don't hook up casually, maybe he was getting "excited" and didn't want to go any further knowing that you made yourself clear? Maybe he was getting too worked up and wanted, uh, time to himself. :laugh:

    While this is possible, most men when they see a green light they proceed to go.

    True. Maybe he has a bit of a conscience though.

    If a woman consented, as in suggested, that they should get physical, why would he feel guilty doing it?

    The signal was a sign of permission (or it should have been interpreted that way), he would have no reason to feel guilty.

    So I do not see how his "conscious" would be involved?

    Maybe because he knew she could be just getting caught up in the heat of the moment? I'm not saying that's true, but it could happen.
  • zachatta
    zachatta Posts: 1,364 Member
    Maybe because he knew she could be just getting caught up in the heat of the moment? I'm not saying that's true, but it could happen.

    While I appreciate what you are saying, you fail to realize that (gasp) men have emotions too.

    Men are not responsible for babysitting their women period. If you strongly believe in putting off

    physical contact for a lengthy period, do so. If you do not, don't make a big deal about it.

    It is not the man's job to police their date, their date is an adult and can make their own decisions.

    So no I totally disagree with this premise.
  • toots99
    toots99 Posts: 3,794 Member
    Maybe because he knew she could be just getting caught up in the heat of the moment? I'm not saying that's true, but it could happen.

    While I appreciate what you are saying, you fail to realize that (gasp) men have emotions too.

    Men are not responsible for babysitting their women period. If you strongly believe in putting off

    physical contact for a lengthy period, do so. If you do not, don't make a big deal about it.

    It is not the man's job to police their date, their date is an adult and can make their own decisions.

    So no I totally disagree with this premise.

    I know men have emotions, don't assume I don't.

    This is getting totally off topic, but I'll go with it. So you're saying that you're okay with going ahead and doing something with her that she might regret the next day, because she got caught up in the heat of the moment?
  • AnnaPixie
    AnnaPixie Posts: 7,444 Member
    Maybe because he knew she could be just getting caught up in the heat of the moment? I'm not saying that's true, but it could happen.

    While I appreciate what you are saying, you fail to realize that (gasp) men have emotions too.

    Men are not responsible for babysitting their women period. If you strongly believe in putting off

    physical contact for a lengthy period, do so. If you do not, don't make a big deal about it.

    It is not the man's job to police their date, their date is an adult and can make their own decisions.

    So no I totally disagree with this premise.

    The guy was tired, stinky, and aware of the fact he wan't going to get off!!!

    Even men can say no given the right circumstances!!??

    :flowerforyou:
  • zachatta
    zachatta Posts: 1,364 Member
    Maybe because he knew she could be just getting caught up in the heat of the moment? I'm not saying that's true, but it could happen.

    While I appreciate what you are saying, you fail to realize that (gasp) men have emotions too.

    Men are not responsible for babysitting their women period. If you strongly believe in putting off

    physical contact for a lengthy period, do so. If you do not, don't make a big deal about it.

    It is not the man's job to police their date, their date is an adult and can make their own decisions.

    So no I totally disagree with this premise.

    I know men have emotions, don't assume I don't.

    This is getting totally off topic, but I'll go with it. So you're saying that you're okay with going ahead and doing something with her that she might regret the next day, because she got caught up in the heat of the moment?

    If she is consenting she is consenting period.

    You should explain to me, at what point should he be allowed to have sex, since

    she could regret it at ANY time. They should never have sex then?
  • toots99
    toots99 Posts: 3,794 Member
    Maybe because he knew she could be just getting caught up in the heat of the moment? I'm not saying that's true, but it could happen.

    While I appreciate what you are saying, you fail to realize that (gasp) men have emotions too.

    Men are not responsible for babysitting their women period. If you strongly believe in putting off

    physical contact for a lengthy period, do so. If you do not, don't make a big deal about it.

    It is not the man's job to police their date, their date is an adult and can make their own decisions.

    So no I totally disagree with this premise.

    I know men have emotions, don't assume I don't.

    This is getting totally off topic, but I'll go with it. So you're saying that you're okay with going ahead and doing something with her that she might regret the next day, because she got caught up in the heat of the moment?

    If she is consenting she is consenting period.

    You should explain to me, at what point should he be allowed to have sex, since

    she could regret it at ANY time. They should never have sex then?

    As she explained, once she's in an exclusive relationship is when she wants to have sex.

    I can see your point (gasp!), but I'm just trying to make you see another point of view. :smile:
  • dbrightwell1270
    dbrightwell1270 Posts: 1,732 Member
    Maybe because he knew she could be just getting caught up in the heat of the moment? I'm not saying that's true, but it could happen.

    While I appreciate what you are saying, you fail to realize that (gasp) men have emotions too.

    Men are not responsible for babysitting their women period. If you strongly believe in putting off

    physical contact for a lengthy period, do so. If you do not, don't make a big deal about it.

    It is not the man's job to police their date, their date is an adult and can make their own decisions.

    So no I totally disagree with this premise.

    I disagree with most of your line of thinking. After 3 dates you can get an idea about whether a date is just a horndog wanting some flesh or sees you as a potential LTR and is upping the stakes. While it is not your job to police your date, it is your job to police yourself. You know your intentions and you know your thoughts a whole lot more than your date ever will. It is wholeheartedly disingenuous to say that you should not have to restrain yourself if it seems clear to you that the date wants more than you are willing to give just so you can get a piece of *kitten*.

    That being said, If I am with a girl who likes to leave me with blue balls, I'll wait her out and dump her immediately after doing the deed. That is just bullsh*t! Find another way to make yourself feel "special." These types of b*tches deserve far less respect than the chicks who will do you in the parking lot 5 minutes after buying them a shot.
  • zachatta
    zachatta Posts: 1,364 Member
    As she explained, once she's in an exclusive relationship is when she wants to have sex.

    I can see your point (gasp!), but I'm just trying to make you see another point of view. :smile:

    I understand, but this mentality that women do not have to be responsible for themselves

    because "they are emotional" is bologna.

    If you are an adult, you have to think reasonably period. This goes for males as well as females

    You cannot argue that men have to babysit females decision, because "they could get emotional".

    Besides, i thought we were all supporters of feminism here, that men are equal to women.

    With equal rights come equal responsibilities, women are not children they do not need a babysitter.
  • MissingMinnesota
    MissingMinnesota Posts: 7,486 Member
    Okay my question is what kind of job does he have? Is it something that he has to be at a high level on concentration for the complete 12 hour shift? Maybe just maybe it has nothing to do with sex and he knows he needs a certian amount of sleep to be able to do his job at the required level.
    Also the 12 hour shift at work, has he had another one of these while you have been dating? Did he still communicate while doing it or does he usually contact you after or before work?
  • zachatta
    zachatta Posts: 1,364 Member
    Maybe because he knew she could be just getting caught up in the heat of the moment? I'm not saying that's true, but it could happen.

    While I appreciate what you are saying, you fail to realize that (gasp) men have emotions too.

    Men are not responsible for babysitting their women period. If you strongly believe in putting off

    physical contact for a lengthy period, do so. If you do not, don't make a big deal about it.

    It is not the man's job to police their date, their date is an adult and can make their own decisions.

    So no I totally disagree with this premise.

    I disagree with most of your line of thinking. After 3 dates you can get an idea about whether a date is just a horndog wanting some flesh or sees you as a potential LTR and is upping the stakes. While it is not your job to police your date, it is your job to police yourself. You know your intentions and you know your thoughts a whole lot more than your date ever will. It is wholeheartedly disingenuous to say that you should not have to restrain yourself if it seems clear to you that the date wants more than you are willing to give just so you can get a piece of *kitten*.

    That being said, If I am with a girl who likes to leave me with blue balls, I'll wait her out and dump her immediately after doing the deed. That is just bullsh*t! Find another way to make yourself feel "special." These types of b*tches deserve far less respect than the chicks who will do you in the parking lot 5 minutes after buying them a shot.

    The sexual suggestion was from HER, it was consent from her?

    Stop trying to brown nose females on this board, this makes absolutely no sense.
  • JanieJack
    JanieJack Posts: 3,831 Member
    Has anyone suggested that, since you made it so clear that you don't hook up casually, maybe he was getting "excited" and didn't want to go any further knowing that you made yourself clear?

    While this is possible, most men when they see a green light they proceed to go.

    I'm under the impression that most men would back off if the girl who said she didn't hook up casually also represented someone he could see himself with over the long term. That he would only "proceed to go" this early on if this was someone he didn't see a future with.

    This is what I gathered from the "I'm testing you" thread.
  • zachatta
    zachatta Posts: 1,364 Member
    I'm under the impression that most men would back off if the girl who said she didn't hook up casually also represented someone he could see himself with over the long term. That he would only "proceed to go" this early on if this was someone he didn't see a future with.

    This is what I gathered from the "I'm testing you" thread.

    I am unaware of the thread.

    Generally, going back to what i said previously, women like to say

    "i am not that kind of girl" to rid guilt.

    If this was the case, and SHE (lets say it again) SHE made the move, then there would be

    no reason not to take the green light.

    I wouldn't back off period. If a women who i enjoy spending time with, and really like

    offers me sex, no I am not going to say no.

    Then again I don't buy into arbitrary time standards to wait before sex.
  • JanieJack
    JanieJack Posts: 3,831 Member
    While it is not your job to police your date, it is your job to police yourself. You know your intentions and you know your thoughts a whole lot more than your date ever will.

    This I agree with. If you don't want sex outside of a committed relationship, then don't initiate it. And don't get mad at the guy when you do take a step toward that (which for you is a baby step and doesn't necessarily lead to sex) yet he backs away (because hand under shirt of hot girl quickly leads to sex).
    That being said, If I am with a girl who likes to leave me with blue balls, I'll wait her out and dump her immediately after doing the deed.

    Wow. Just wow. This reminds me of all the guys who have cursed me out calling me a tease, even though I've been very upfront with them there will be no getting naked w/o commitment. You make it sound like the woman is purposely out to leave you in pain, and I suspect that's not truly the case.
  • dbrightwell1270
    dbrightwell1270 Posts: 1,732 Member
    Maybe because he knew she could be just getting caught up in the heat of the moment? I'm not saying that's true, but it could happen.

    While I appreciate what you are saying, you fail to realize that (gasp) men have emotions too.

    Men are not responsible for babysitting their women period. If you strongly believe in putting off

    physical contact for a lengthy period, do so. If you do not, don't make a big deal about it.

    It is not the man's job to police their date, their date is an adult and can make their own decisions.

    So no I totally disagree with this premise.

    I disagree with most of your line of thinking. After 3 dates you can get an idea about whether a date is just a horndog wanting some flesh or sees you as a potential LTR and is upping the stakes. While it is not your job to police your date, it is your job to police yourself. You know your intentions and you know your thoughts a whole lot more than your date ever will. It is wholeheartedly disingenuous to say that you should not have to restrain yourself if it seems clear to you that the date wants more than you are willing to give just so you can get a piece of *kitten*.

    That being said, If I am with a girl who likes to leave me with blue balls, I'll wait her out and dump her immediately after doing the deed. That is just bullsh*t! Find another way to make yourself feel "special." These types of b*tches deserve far less respect than the chicks who will do you in the parking lot 5 minutes after buying them a shot.

    The sexual suggestion was from HER, it was consent from her?

    Stop trying to brown nose females on this board, this makes absolutely no sense.

    I'm pretty sure most of the women on this board would not consider me a brown noser. There is a difference between consent and informed consent. If you suspect, she is looking for something more serious and you know you are not or you do not know what you are looking for, you are responsible for policing your own actions. Just as you say she is responsible for not letting emotions get the best of her.
  • zachatta
    zachatta Posts: 1,364 Member
    I'm pretty sure most of the women on this board would not consider me a brown noser. There is a difference between consent and informed consent. If you suspect, she is looking for something more serious and you know you are not or you do not know what you are looking for, you are responsible for policing your own actions. Just as you say she is responsible for not letting emotions get the best of her.

    Bull****. When you assume that when she gives consent, she is not responsible

    enough to give that consent and you must filter whether you can allow her to give

    you consent, you are essentially implying that women

    cannot take care of themselves. I entirely disagree.

    To counter this further, what if a "man" sees a half naked women on the

    street, and loses control of his emotions and decides to take her back to

    his place to have sex. Should we blame the woman because she wore

    clothes that made the man "lose control of his emotions"?

    No, just no.

    Adult females are adults, and are required to act as such.
  • JanieJack
    JanieJack Posts: 3,831 Member
    This is what I gathered from the "I'm testing you" thread.

    I am unaware of the thread.

    Generally, going back to what i said previously, women like to say

    "i am not that kind of girl" to rid guilt.

    If this was the case, and SHE (lets say it again) SHE made the move, then there would be

    no reason not to take the green light.

    I wouldn't back off period. If a women who i enjoy spending time with, and really like

    offers me sex, no I am not going to say no.

    I'm at a different computer, so I'm having trouble locating that thread... hopefully I can find it for you later. Basically my friend had a guy she always made leave after he started pushing things too far even though she, like me, is minded to wait for marriage (and the guy *said* he was ok with it). One night he pushed again and she said you know where I stand on this, and you know that every time you get too "riled up" I have to make you leave so why are you continuing to push on this? He said he was testing her. The general consensuses was he was just after sex, and that if he saw a future with her he'd back off.

    There were also some guys who thought it rude of her to make him leave when things get too heated, but I think this is the best option. If a man is super turned on, I'm not gonna have him keep sitting there and keep saying no. That's just torture and I think it sends mixed messages.

    Ladies, please pay attention to what the men are saying in this tread. Our actions speak louder than words. MOST women say "I'm not that kind of girl" or "I want to wait til we're exclusive" or something delaying sex... and then don't do it... and then get mad at the men later for taking it too far. It's time to put on (and keep on) our big girl panties and start meaning what we say, following our words up with matching behaviors.{/b]
  • La_Amazona
    La_Amazona Posts: 4,857 Member
    MM, he's working 12 hr shifts everyday. Ironically, he started the schedule right after we started talking.


    Okay I read everyone's responses.

    To me, kissing and stuff is just that because I know where I will stop (and I will because I always have) BUT I can see how this would frustrate my date. So no more mixed signals. I just wanted to move into the next base and stop. From what I'm reading, that's completely unfair.

    Also, someone said to just act normal. And you know what? I am. I've been doing great with him. What made me stop and go bonkers was my reaction to his reaction. I called him to make sure all was good. I probably should have not done that because I was looking for reassurance I didn't freak him out. Hey, I'm human and I get caught up in the moment as well. If that were to scare him off well so be it.

    So I'm back to cool and collected.

    And I'm back to our normal thing.

    I texted him good morning this am as sometimes I'd initiate that 1st text. He texted right back. Getting too deep in my thoughts isn't good! As you all know. When I don't think too much all is good.
  • dbrightwell1270
    dbrightwell1270 Posts: 1,732 Member
    Wow. Just wow. This reminds me of all the guys who have cursed me out calling me a tease, even though I've been very upfront with them there will be no getting naked w/o commitment. You make it sound like the woman is purposely out to leave you in pain, and I suspect that's not truly the case.

    I don't care. It's completely disrespectful. If you aren't willing to go very far then don't act like you are. I also remember you saying that you used to be afraid the guy wouldn't come back if he didn't think there was going to be sex soon so you used to suggest it was just a matter of time. Women like this deserve a poorer reputation than slum lords and used car slaesmen who know they are selling lemons. I have less respect for that type of behavior than the girl who says "i'm not like that" but then puts out on the 2nd or 3rd date.
  • zachatta
    zachatta Posts: 1,364 Member
    MM, he's working 12 hr shifts everyday. Ironically, he started the schedule right after we started talking.


    Okay I read everyone's responses.

    To me, kissing and stuff is just that because I know where I will stop (and I will because I always have) BUT I can see how this would frustrate my date. So no more mixed signals. I just wanted to move into the next base and stop. From what I'm reading, that's completely unfair.

    Also, someone said to just act normal. And you know what? I am. I've been doing great with him. What made me stop and go bonkers was my reaction to his reaction. I called him to make sure all was good. I probably should have not done that because I was looking for reassurance I didn't freak him out. Hey, I'm human and I get caught up in the moment as well. If that were to scare him off well so be it.

    So I'm back to cool and collected.

    And I'm back to our normal thing.

    I texted him good morning this am as sometimes I'd initiate that 1st text. He texted right back. Getting too deep in my thoughts isn't good! As you all know. When I don't think too much all is good.

    haha good well I am glad it is working out then, and I hope for the best for you two.
  • dbrightwell1270
    dbrightwell1270 Posts: 1,732 Member
    I'm pretty sure most of the women on this board would not consider me a brown noser. There is a difference between consent and informed consent. If you suspect, she is looking for something more serious and you know you are not or you do not know what you are looking for, you are responsible for policing your own actions. Just as you say she is responsible for not letting emotions get the best of her.

    Bull****. When you assume that when she gives consent, she is not responsible

    enough to give that consent and you must filter whether you can allow her to give

    you consent, you are essentially implying that women

    cannot take care of themselves. I entirely disagree.

    To counter this further, what if a "man" sees a half naked women on the

    street, and loses control of his emotions and decides to take her back to

    his place to have sex. Should we blame the woman because she wore

    clothes that made the man "lose control of his emotions"?

    No, just no.

    Adult females are adults, and are required to act as such.

    I didn't say she wasn't responsible. I said you know damn well know what the situation is and how it's going to turn out. If you don't want more or are not sure about what you want, It may get ugly down the road. You knew it was a possibility when you made the decision to go for the booty. You have plenty of reason to feel guilty later on in this situation. You misled the person through your omission of information. If you paused for a minute to say, "I'm not ready for the long term yet are you okay with this?" then you have no reason to feel guilty.