I have been dating a guy for about 5 weeks, although we have known each other for over 2 years. We seem to have great chemistry but the sex is lackluster. I found out that he lost his virginity to his wife and that I am number four- there was no way I was going to tell him my number after hearing that.

Anyway, my friends think it is cool because I can “teach” him the way I like things, groom him the way I want him. I’m not sure how to do that. I have suggested that he doesn’t need to be so gentle with the girls and yet I still get only light kisses. Do I just have to come right out and say, “Bite ‘em baby”?

Anyone have thoughts or been there done that?

I think everyone is overlooking something...someone else has already done that with what she liked or accepted and that was his wife.
That relationship is what established in his mind what the "proper" way to approach sex with a lady is.

You have to undo that first and that means taking a certain amount of a lead and that probably (imo) needs to start with discussions in times things are not hot and steamy rather then instructions when they are.

The British Medical Journal defines vanilla sex between homosexual couples as "sex that does not extend beyond affection, mutual *kitten*, and oral, vaginal and anal sex."

So no "nasal sex" then... Hmm interesting.

I was thinking the same thing, like where else do you put it?? :laugh:

I am none the wiser SB!! :flowerforyou:

I'm definitely 'vanilla'!! ( I think? Not really sure what the whole definition is) But certainly experienced!! :bigsmile:

Anna, When something (not just sex) is described as vanilla it just means it's basic or boring... I'm going out on a limb here, but I'm guessing you are anything but vanilla! :bigsmile:

Alcohol is your friend.

--P

I learned fairly early on that I should just be open about what I want from a sexual relationship. While some people frown on having sexual conversations before even meeting, it has helped me weed out those that I would not be compatible with, and has helped me find some fantastic experiences.

It helps me avoid situations like this particularly. I -hate- teaching people how to have sex. It's one thing if it's just fine tuning what already there but if they don't know more than missionary... well.

I believe Car (sorry I don't know what you prefer to go by) said it perfectly. Have him watch some porn of the stuff you are interested in and tell him that's what you want. The sex isn't going to get any better if you don't approach him honestly and openly about what you want - but DO be tactful! You don't want to hurt his ego or he might not want to have sex at all!

Mind you, the way you guys have used it on this forum it's more like "if you dont like being choked, bitten, spanked and handcuffed, you're vanilla" :noway:

There's plenty of other stuff not involving pain and humiliation that isn't boring...........................! :smokin:

I thought it was funny how this thread ranged from vanilla to dom talk too...I'm guessing it was the OP's "bite em" comment that sparked the latter.:laugh: There is definitely plenty of fun stuff in between those two points on a spectrum.

While some people frown on having sexual conversations before even meeting, it has helped me weed out those that I would not be compatible with, and has helped me find some fantastic experiences.

Even as recently as a few months ago I thought sexual conversations before meeting were a huge no-no. I'm starting to rethink that it can be fun, respectful and informative AS LONG AS both parties approach it in the same manner. But that's really a chemistry thing because you're either comfortable with that kind of discussion to a certain point or you're not - and it's ok either way if you're on the same page.

I'm definitely 'vanilla'!! ( I think? Not really sure what the whole definition is) But certainly experienced!! :bigsmile:

Anna, When something (not just sex) is described as vanilla it just means it's basic or boring... I'm going out on a limb here, but I'm guessing you are anything but vanilla! :bigsmile:

The funny thing about all the complaints about vanilla. I am certain that vanilla is the number 1 selling flavor of ice cream. Plain cheese is also the number 1 selling type of pizza. Apparently there are a lot of people out there that like the simple things.

I'm definitely 'vanilla'!! ( I think? Not really sure what the whole definition is) But certainly experienced!! :bigsmile:

Anna, When something (not just sex) is described as vanilla it just means it's basic or boring... I'm going out on a limb here, but I'm guessing you are anything but vanilla! :bigsmile:

The funny thing about all the complaints about vanilla. I am certain that vanilla is the number 1 selling flavor of ice cream. Plain cheese is also the number 1 selling type of pizza. Apparently there are a lot of people out there that like the simple things.

I'd venture to guess that's because you can't really go wrong with a classic. At the same time, the more basic something is, the easier it is to add to...for example, how often do people really eat vanilla ice cream alone, or do they usually serve it with pie or make a sundae with it? Simple things can be great, and made even better when combined with other simple things!

Mind you, the way you guys have used it on this forum it's more like "if you dont like being choked, bitten, spanked and handcuffed, you're vanilla" :noway:

There's plenty of other stuff not involving pain and humiliation that isn't boring...........................! :smokin:

I thought it was funny how this thread ranged from vanilla to dom talk too...I'm guessing it was the OP's "bite em" comment that sparked the latter.:laugh: There is definitely plenty of fun stuff in between those two points on a spectrum.

While some people frown on having sexual conversations before even meeting, it has helped me weed out those that I would not be compatible with, and has helped me find some fantastic experiences.

Even as recently as a few months ago I thought sexual conversations before meeting were a huge no-no. I'm starting to rethink that it can be fun, respectful and informative AS LONG AS both parties approach it in the same manner. But that's really a chemistry thing because you're either comfortable with that kind of discussion to a certain point or you're not - and it's ok either way if you're on the same page.

I think many people have changed what they think about things after discussions with each other here.

I'm definitely 'vanilla'!! ( I think? Not really sure what the whole definition is) But certainly experienced!! :bigsmile:

Anna, When something (not just sex) is described as vanilla it just means it's basic or boring... I'm going out on a limb here, but I'm guessing you are anything but vanilla! :bigsmile:

The funny thing about all the complaints about vanilla. I am certain that vanilla is the number 1 selling flavor of ice cream. Plain cheese is also the number 1 selling type of pizza. Apparently there are a lot of people out there that like the simple things.

I'd venture to guess that's because you can't really go wrong with a classic. At the same time, the more basic something is, the easier it is to add to...for example, how often do people really eat vanilla ice cream alone, or do they usually serve it with pie or make a sundae with it? Simple things can be great, and made even better when combined with other simple things!

This is something where maybe quality also counts. I don't care for the soft vanilla (Dairy Queen) but the hard stuff is great (mmmm.... Haagen-Dazs). There's definitely good vanilla that stands on its own and mediocre vanilla that is boring, too sweet and maybe a bit artificial.

Just because something is simple doesn't mean it has to be boring and low in quality!

Mind you, the way you guys have used it on this forum it's more like "if you dont like being choked, bitten, spanked and handcuffed, you're vanilla" :noway:

There's plenty of other stuff not involving pain and humiliation that isn't boring...........................! :smokin:

I thought it was funny how this thread ranged from vanilla to dom talk too...I'm guessing it was the OP's "bite em" comment that sparked the latter.:laugh: There is definitely plenty of fun stuff in between those two points on a spectrum.

While some people frown on having sexual conversations before even meeting, it has helped me weed out those that I would not be compatible with, and has helped me find some fantastic experiences.

Even as recently as a few months ago I thought sexual conversations before meeting were a huge no-no. I'm starting to rethink that it can be fun, respectful and informative AS LONG AS both parties approach it in the same manner. But that's really a chemistry thing because you're either comfortable with that kind of discussion to a certain point or you're not - and it's ok either way if you're on the same page.

I think many people have changed what they think about things after discussions with each other here.

I agree. Between discussions here and my own recent experience dating, I have a very different outlook on this stuff. :drinker: