Feeling down. :'(

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Just so disgusted with myself. I really am.

Was excited to get 3 "new" used shirts at a resale group yesterday. All were size 4X. Got home...all 4 of them are too tight for my liking.

When did I let myself get to a 5X? Why when I lose 5 lbs do I gain 7 lbs? Why does my insurance company refuse to cover weight help even though I've already had back surgery due to a herniated disc caused by my weight? Why?

I look in the mirror and it's NOT who I am. That's why I never look in the mirror. When I can't see myself, I am a happy person in a body that's too big. When I look at myself, it's not me. 392.6 lbs? Really? If I were to hit 400 lbs, I wouldn't know it - my scale doesn't go that high.

What happened? How did I get here? And to make it worse...I am ready for CHANGE but can't find Brandification's weight loss challenge group. When I click on her link, it takes me to my homepage. :(

Replies

  • Vanyao
    Vanyao Posts: 16 Member
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    Don't get discouraged. I've felt down many a day also. I started doing this at 387 and even though I've lost some weight, I still have those days when it's hard, but just try to remember that this is a journey and you have to take it one day at a time.
    I just recently bought a new shirt, got home to try it on, and it didn't fit. Instead of returning it to the store, I'm going to hold on to it and try it on again next month.
  • sheilanowell
    sheilanowell Posts: 15 Member
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    Thanks. I guess I need to look at it more positively. What can I do to turn this around? I had a birthday lunch today, and a planned meal out tonight with family. So...I planned ahead my meal. Was happy...still had 242 calories left...until lunch. I forgot to add birthday cake to the plan, and ate more nachos than I was supposed to because the hubby bought a large instead of a small. I split it in 1/2 with my daughter, but it's still a ton more calories. So...how to fix this? I could exercise...I really could...but I have to get schoolwork done, and I'm really tired. I need to break through the excuses! I will tell myself that I will start tomorrow...and then i repeat it every single day. :(
  • tdbad1
    tdbad1 Posts: 87 Member
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    I have been in those shoes. In feb of 2011 i was 394.6 lbs. I went for a lapband....lost 30 lbs befoer the surgery, and 20 after. two weeks ago i was at 383.7.

    I was at my lowest, emotionally. the band was supposed to work, and it woudl have, if i hadn't worked against it...i know that now.
    I couldn't figure out what happened at first. it took some deep soul searching(with a flashlight) to figure out that my emotioinal eating is my most difficult hurdle to overcome. Im not saying there is an excuse for my over eating, just that over eating is the symptom, not the disease.

    Im not saying you are an emotional eater. I don't know. I am suggesting it maybe something to look at.

    I now have a councellor that is assisting me with my maze of emotions. We are workign together to make my new weightloss program a success. It may or may not work...i don't know, im not looking that far into the future. Im dealing with today, this moment.
    If you can't afford a councellor, maybe trying a selfhelp book. Just don't be afraid to be honest with yourself. Ive found that is the key. Once i find out what my "issue" is i know i can deal with it, change it, adapt it or whatever. My over eating will never go away until i make it.
    I hope whatever drives your weight issues is something you can discover and work with to give you success. :)

    PS. ive lost 17 lbs int he last 2 weeks, with this approach and meal replacement shakes. Im working at the inner issues so i don't gain the weight back, orsabatage my weight loss.
  • Vanyao
    Vanyao Posts: 16 Member
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    Don't beat yourself up. It was a birthday and you celebrated! And it sounds like you did make some good choices- you gave half the nachos to your daughter (I know I'd prob would've had the whole thing) ;)

    Tomorrow is a new day. You don't have to let today affect it. Maybe do 10 extra min of exercise to balance out the cake if it's still on your mind. But keep moving forward!!!
  • alanabanana01
    alanabanana01 Posts: 297 Member
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    Sure do know the feeling! I have to really focus on my food.
    I have the MFP app on my phone, and I look things up before I eat, if I am going over my days allowance, I don't have it or I eliminate something else.

    I exercise every day---at almost 400 pounds, with bad knees--it aint easy! I started at 365. But I do it. I dance, I do dvd's.

    You just can't have 1/2 the nachos---that's how we got here! Portion control, counting every last calorie.....it is OK to be obsessive with it, because once you quit being diligent it starts to slip.
    But when you DO slip, forgive yourself and move on.

    You can do this, and we are here to support! There is a couple of 100+ pounds to lose and 300 pounds to lose in the groups. And you should be able to search for Brandi's challenge in the groups too.
    I am there and in a challenge in the 100+ group----come join!
  • RilantheFirebug
    RilantheFirebug Posts: 207 Member
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    You will have days like this. This is not the first, this will not be the last. Acknowlegde it and then move on. I was very sick all summer and most of fall and, even though I'm better, I've been using that as an excuse to not get out and exercise or count my calories. I'm sick again but I WILL be starting back on something, even if its just walking, Monday. Sometimes you have to be tough with yourself and I don't mean beating yourself up for your weight. Yes, most of could have and should have done things differently to prevent this from happening. But by joining MFP and counting your calories you have already said that you are ready to move on. So be tough with yourself and find the time to get out and do something, anything exercise wise. I started C25K at 320lbs, it was very hard but very worth it! You have to start somewhere, even if its just walking.
  • Cheryl188
    Cheryl188 Posts: 114 Member
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    I understand the "how did I let this happen feeling" all too well. Every time I looked in the mirror I thought "Who is that fat girl?" because in my head I wasn't that big. Even though the scale said 338lbs I didn't equate that with my size.
    I needed a "rock bottom" moment, an "A-ha" moment. That came when I was denied life insurance because of my weight (perfectly "healthy" otherwise). That same day I hired a personal trainer and went into serious debt.
    I would have spent 10x that amount because I was SO serious. If you are serious about being ready, then get serious and make it happen. I know that sounds kinda harsh, but it's the truth. No matter what route you take to lose weight, you need to get serious.
    I'm rooting for you!
  • EnchantedEvening
    EnchantedEvening Posts: 671 Member
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    If you go over a bit, don't beat yourself up. Remember that you're probably still eating at maintenance (or even lower), so it's not like you'll gain anything back. I keep myself to 1800-1900 calories per day, but if I eat 2500, I'm still under maintenance (which is 3200). See what I mean? So don't freak out about accidentally forgetting to log cake at a birthday party. It's a once in a while thing.

    Plus, you can always make up for it throughout the week. If I go over by 200 calories one day, I eat 50 fewer calories the next few days. You can also walk an extra mile or two or workout an extra half-hour, something like that.

    Nobody is perfect, even if they appear so on this site. Remember, you are seeing everyone's highlights - the weight loss, the workout calories, the pictures on the boards. What you don't see are those days when they might binge or feel too tired to exercise or don't lose any weight for a couple weeks even though they haven't done anything "wrong".

    As long as you do your VERY BEST, that's all you can do. You're going to have bad days; the trick is to accept it as part of life. After a while, this will be completely routine for you. Trust me. :) I've been at it since April, and it's a million times easier now because I hardly have to think about it. I just do it. It's like any other routine.

    If it's too hard right off the bat, try doing baby steps. I started by cutting out soda, then I reduced my calories by 250 per day, then 500, then 750, then 1000. I started out walking 20 minutes per day, then 30, then 45, then an hour. Eventually, I added in fitness DVDs. I would aim to complete half of it, then 3/4, then the entire DVD.

    You can't jump into the pool and expect to swim the 1600m freestyle. You have to start in the shallow end and learn to stroke first. :)
  • NipponBound
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    " What are stumbling blocks and defeat before you, can be stepping stones to victory if you remain determined. "