Advice...
Replies
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ETA - I don't think it's a bad thing to cross-threads when we are talking about dating advice. I'm trying to figure out why there is a double standard in dating....why an older man can date a younger woman, but an older woman cannot date a younger man.
There is no problem,some background and context is needed though to avoid confusion as to the reason.:flowerforyou:0 -
There is no problem,some background and context is needed though to avoid confusion as to the reason.:flowerforyou:
Thanks hon. :flowerforyou: :drinker:0 -
Isn't there someone in this group that is in a successful realtionship with a guy like 15 years younger then her? Name is right there in front of me but can't think of it. She had the non-boyfriend boyfriend.
Catherine
Yes yes that is it. Thank you.0 -
Guy #1 sounds like a doctor I was dating. You are wasting your time with him. Move on! These types are forever single....
Guy #2 is a maybe, but the age apparently bothers you.
I say find another one your age that is willing to commit.0 -
So.....let me get this straight. In a man's perspective:
If a 38 yr old man pursues a 26 yr old woman, there would be a possibility for a LTR.
But, if a 26 yr old man pursues a 38 yr old woman, he's just looking for a piece of *kitten*.
Good to know. Thanks guys.
I have to confess that even in re reading everything again I am not seeing any post that remotely even suggests this. :flowerforyou:
It hasn't been stated so blatantly in this thread, but in the past it has come up from the usual suspects.
It hasn`t been stated at all and why it kind of annoys me to be thrown out here.
There are lots of things that get suggested by lots of people in lots of threads over time but that still is not cause for trying to weave it into another where it does not exist.
It does nothing positive.
The reason I stated it is because anytime a relationship question is asked where a man is younger, the men are very quick to state that the relationship will only be that of a sexual nature. The OP stated that she and her "blue eyes" have both told each other they are looking for more than FWB, yet the men jumped right to the conclusion that this was all the relationship would amount to. Why is that? There are relationships that can get past the "age" boundaries. This is why I was annoyed.
I get very annoyed because this is not said about a man in his 30s dating a woman in her 20s. Why is ok to be so negative in responding to the women and not the men?
ETA - I don't think it's a bad thing to cross-threads when we are talking about dating advice. I'm trying to figure out why there is a double standard in dating....why an older man can date a younger woman, but an older woman cannot date a younger man.
It is what it is. All of us "usual suspects" have one thing in common, we were 26 year old men at one time. We know how 26 y/o men think and act. Most would jump at the chance to be a FWB with anyone they're attracted to, but if you ask them if there is any long term potential, most would say no.
And we're talking 12 years here, not 2-3 years.0 -
It is what it is. All of us "usual suspects" have one thing in common, we were 26 year old men at one time. We know how 26 y/o men think and act. Most would jump at the chance to be a FWB with anyone they're attracted to, but if you ask them if there is any long term potential, most would say no.
And we're talking 12 years here, not 2-3 years.
When men 25 and over are looking for someone with long term potential, most look for a younger woman. A part of the reason we do this is because women dictate we should do this. Women usually go for older men, so we want to position ourselves best for success. A lot of times, the explanation for why men behave the way that they do is because they took their cues from feedback from women on how to behave.0 -
just to play devil's advocate: what difference does it make if 3-4 guys on this forum think it's OK for 38 year old guys to date 26 year old women but not the other way around? it's not like they are going to crash through the OP's windows and call child protective services if she decided to go for the young'un :laugh:0
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It is what it is. All of us "usual suspects" have one thing in common, we were 26 year old men at one time. We know how 26 y/o men think and act. Most would jump at the chance to be a FWB with anyone they're attracted to, but if you ask them if there is any long term potential, most would say no.
And we're talking 12 years here, not 2-3 years.
When men 25 and over are looking for someone with long term potential, most look for a younger woman. A part of the reason we do this is because women dictate we should do this. Women usually go for older men, so we want to position ourselves best for success. A lot of times, the explanation for why men behave the way that they do is because they took their cues from feedback from women on how to behave.
The reason for women seeming to desire older men may be as a result of experiencing what Mike just said too so the whole thing becomes a chicken/egg circle. :laugh:0 -
I've pretty much assumed any time an older guy was with a younger woman, it was mainly for sex too. What else would he be interested in? If it had long term potential it was because he wanted sex and she wanted someone with more earning power. If I dated someone who was 24, one of my biggest fears was she still lived at home and I'd have to meet her dad while she was getting ready. There's a good chance I'm closer to the dad's age than to the 24-year old woman's age.0
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he seems uninterested he says he's just really busy, likes spending time with me, and is very quiet. We haven't actually gone on a real date. Mainly we hang out at his place
not a guy
but this means hes not intrested0 -
It's interesting all the guys say neither. :huh:
maybe we should listen to the guys
after all... they're...um... guys
guys telling us what many other guys think.0 -
So.....let me get this straight. In a man's perspective:
If a 38 yr old man pursues a 26 yr old woman, there would be a possibility for a LTR.
But, if a 26 yr old man pursues a 38 yr old woman, he's just looking for a piece of *kitten*.
Good to know. Thanks guys.
I have to confess that even in re reading everything again I am not seeing any post that remotely even suggests this. :flowerforyou:
couple of the threads above implied this
this is how i see it
r u saying this isnt true for most people?0 -
Isn't there someone in this group that is in a successful realtionship with a guy like 15 years younger then her? Name is right there in front of me but can't think of it. She had the non-boyfriend boyfriend.
Catherine
Yes yes that is it. Thank you.
Thanks Ruth. This was exactly what I was thinking and I was furiously looking through old post trying to figure out who it was. THe non-boyfriend boyfriend. They seem as happy as clams. So, it does work, if both people can get past the age difference.0 -
So.....let me get this straight. In a man's perspective:
If a 38 yr old man pursues a 26 yr old woman, there would be a possibility for a LTR.
But, if a 26 yr old man pursues a 38 yr old woman, he's just looking for a piece of *kitten*.
Good to know. Thanks guys.
I have to confess that even in re reading everything again I am not seeing any post that remotely even suggests this. :flowerforyou:
couple of the threads above implied this
this is how i see it
r u saying this isnt true for most people?
I had not seen it in this one and why I was confused as to why it was said.
As far as the issue goes...for me personally I would feel creepy.
Now granted there is no reality to it for me so that is my reaction,would that stay the same in the event a much younger lady entered the picture...who knows.
As is will stick with the feeling creepy thing.
In the bigger picture of the majority of men maybe it is the case and as I mentioned it seems most ladies here have to one degree or another discounted the younger man as being a serious LTR too.
They refer to it as a "have fun" with it thing.
Maybe my interpretation of those writings is off but how I took it.
In essence it probably is a societal outlook and as I said the young lady/older guy dynamic has its own stigma attached.0 -
Carl, Even if it is not on this particular thread, there are men on this board who feel the need to remind the ladies here that many of us are 'past our prime' repeatedly, so yes, what RunintheMud said absolutely fits into the larger conversation.
It hasn't been stated so blatantly in this thread, but in the past it has come up from the usual suspects.
I have to confess that even in re reading everything again I am not seeing any post that remotely even suggests this. :flowerforyou:So.....let me get this straight. In a man's perspective:
If a 38 yr old man pursues a 26 yr old woman, there would be a possibility for a LTR.
But, if a 26 yr old man pursues a 38 yr old woman, he's just looking for a piece of *kitten*.
Good to know. Thanks guys.
Not true, most of the women here have said that age is not as big a factor as men say it is.When men 25 and over are looking for someone with long term potential, most look for a younger woman. A part of the reason we do this is because women dictate we should do this. Women usually go for older men, so we want to position ourselves best for success.0 -
Carl, Even if it is not on this particular thread, there are men on this board who feel the need to remind the ladies here that many of us are 'past our prime' repeatedly, so yes, what RunintheMud said absolutely fits into the larger conversation.
It hasn't been stated so blatantly in this thread, but in the past it has come up from the usual suspects.
I have to confess that even in re reading everything again I am not seeing any post that remotely even suggests this. :flowerforyou:So.....let me get this straight. In a man's perspective:
If a 38 yr old man pursues a 26 yr old woman, there would be a possibility for a LTR.
But, if a 26 yr old man pursues a 38 yr old woman, he's just looking for a piece of *kitten*.
Good to know. Thanks guys.
Not true, most of the women here have said that age is not as big a factor as men say it is.When men 25 and over are looking for someone with long term potential, most look for a younger woman. A part of the reason we do this is because women dictate we should do this. Women usually go for older men, so we want to position ourselves best for success.
If we are going to carry grudges from thread to thread then we won`t do much more then endlessly argue.
Trust me,believe it or not,there are plenty of statements,snipes when not called for and such that occur that guys will notice from ladies while they won`t see them or will excuse/rationalize them and no doubt vice versa.
Getting hung up on them serves little purpose but if one is determined to then that is their thing.
It will be more productive to explain a position for context is all rather then presume some big picture will be universally seen or accepted as a fact.0 -
I've never been out with a guy older than me.....same age or younger.......just sayin :bigsmile:
I actually dont think that large age gaps, either way, are that common. But I dont think you can generalise it. Ego boosts, experience, money, power, virility, domination, right place/right time, father figure, mother figure...........etc
Oh, and OP, I dont think either of those guys are your ideal, so keep on searching :flowerforyou:0 -
#20
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Carl, Even if it is not on this particular thread, there are men on this board who feel the need to remind the ladies here that many of us are 'past our prime' repeatedly, so yes, what RunintheMud said absolutely fits into the larger conversation.
It hasn't been stated so blatantly in this thread, but in the past it has come up from the usual suspects.
I have to confess that even in re reading everything again I am not seeing any post that remotely even suggests this. :flowerforyou:So.....let me get this straight. In a man's perspective:
If a 38 yr old man pursues a 26 yr old woman, there would be a possibility for a LTR.
But, if a 26 yr old man pursues a 38 yr old woman, he's just looking for a piece of *kitten*.
Good to know. Thanks guys.
Not true, most of the women here have said that age is not as big a factor as men say it is.When men 25 and over are looking for someone with long term potential, most look for a younger woman. A part of the reason we do this is because women dictate we should do this. Women usually go for older men, so we want to position ourselves best for success.
If we are going to carry grudges from thread to thread then we won`t do much more then endlessly argue.
Trust me,believe it or not,there are plenty of statements,snipes when not called for and such that occur that guys will notice from ladies while they won`t see them or will excuse/rationalize them and no doubt vice versa.
Getting hung up on them serves little purpose but if one is determined to then that is their thing.
It will be more productive to explain a position for context is all rather then presume some big picture will be universally seen or accepted as a fact.
Carl, It isn't a grudge. But all the ladies immediately got the connection...kind of hard to miss when we hear it All.The.Time. Just sayin'.0 -
Ya this what I havebeen thinking too0
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In my opinion..
#1 You want him because he is high powered, successful and elusive. You want him because he doesn't want you. If you could just get him to do so, this would be the ultimate ego boost/conquest! It would feel like - look at what high calibre and type of man is interested in you! Sweet! But you have already said he's distracted, busy, boring and doesn't have the social skills you'd want. Say a firm NO to your ego and cut him loose.
#2 Cute, young guy - total ego boost! You want him because he wants you.. and because it is cute, flattering and exciting to have a handsome young man lusting after you. But 12 years? It's a lot. You are probably at VERY different places in life. You may also start to wonder if/when he'll start looking for a younger woman..and when the sweet and attentive side he has gets focused on someone else, or dies off.
Neither seem really dateable long term, and if that's what you are looking for..I would say goodbye to both.
With RW it has absolutely nothing to do with ego. He's not the first Business guy I've dated nor the best looking guy. He just intrigues me and I think this may have more to do with his emotional absence than his position in life. He's very nice and we have a nice time just being together. I'm not a take me out and do meaningless things together kind of girl. So the Date part of it is nice no pressure. Just Football, popcorn and a cuddle. That makes me happy. If he was flaunting his position by taking me out to fancy places or driving me around in his beamer I'd likely be turned off fully already. It's because he has such a high powered job yet seems so grounded and unaware of himself that I am curous about him,
as for blue eyes I have been telling him from the beginning that the age difference makes me uncomfortable. When we are together we don't seem that far off in age. Yes he's very mature was brought up with old fashioned values and doesn't act like a typical 26 year old guy. So even though my brain says you're crazy he's too young everything else says why not..0 -
I don't get why #1 is so shy. Generally, high powered business men don't get very far in work if they are too shy. You have to be able to talk to people, make deals, sales, etc.
Guy #2 sounds like a better catch IMO.
RW is not shy at work. It's the personal stuff he's leary about talking about, Always distracted always thinking. And he's a sag which only makes this worse. Eccentric and distant.0 -
I asked about age differences a while ago on this board, because I was interested in someone younger...it didn't work out, but the reason I considered it, was because although he was 12 yrs younger, he was at the same place as far as "life stage" as I am...both back in school, both working full time, both single, both childless....and I think that makes a huge difference that has to be taken into account when discussing age gaps.
My cousin is 40 and dating a woman that is 59....they are incredibly happy....so it can work......0 -
With RW it has absolutely nothing to do with ego. He's not the first Business guy I've dated nor the best looking guy. He just intrigues me and I think this may have more to do with his emotional absence than his position in life. He's very nice and we have a nice time just being together. I'm not a take me out and do meaningless things together kind of girl. So the Date part of it is nice no pressure. Just Football, popcorn and a cuddle. That makes me happy. If he was flaunting his position by taking me out to fancy places or driving me around in his beamer I'd likely be turned off fully already. It's because he has such a high powered job yet seems so grounded and unaware of himself that I am curous about him,
I wouldn't want a man that's "flaunting" me either. However, if you've been seeing him for two months, I'd expect to have left the house at least once or twice. I'd be wondering if he was afraid of you running into friends or family? Like I said earlier, it could be that he really is a homebody, but this is something to take into consideration.0 -
With RW it has absolutely nothing to do with ego. He's not the first Business guy I've dated nor the best looking guy. He just intrigues me and I think this may have more to do with his emotional absence than his position in life. He's very nice and we have a nice time just being together. I'm not a take me out and do meaningless things together kind of girl. So the Date part of it is nice no pressure. Just Football, popcorn and a cuddle. That makes me happy. If he was flaunting his position by taking me out to fancy places or driving me around in his beamer I'd likely be turned off fully already. It's because he has such a high powered job yet seems so grounded and unaware of himself that I am curous about him,
I wouldn't want a man that's "flaunting" me either. However, if you've been seeing him for two months, I'd expect to have left the house at least once or twice. I'd be wondering if he was afraid of you running into friends or family? Like I said earlier, it could be that he really is a homebody, but this is something to take into consideration.
he is very much a homebody. I am guessing this is due to his job. He travels pretty much every week for 3 or 4 days. So,
when he is home he always has a ton of things to accomplish before his next trip. I have told him that his traveling is not an issue, but his "wanting" to see is. I told him he needs to be more open about how he feels about spending time with me even if we can't see each other everyday.0
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