Menopausal Mad Hatters - We WILL be just FINE (Dec 17th)
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Snooozie
Posts: 3,447 Member
Good Morning Mad Hatters!
I know it’s been pretty quiet in our chatter the past few weeks, I don’t know about the rest of you but time seems to be flying towards Christmas and I’m finding myself going through a myriad of emotions as the days fly by; from panic over whether I’ll get all my shopping done, to happy and sad over various things, and frustrated and crazed and *****y and teary and warm and fuzzy and angry and testy and back to happy and then back to did I mention to panic?? And often times, I run the gamut of all of them within an hour!!!
And…along with THAT particular fun (not!) I’ve also noticed over the past few days.. that my eating is also going through pretty much the same roller coaster process; and after several days of poor choices and not eating well and basically sliding down that slippery slope to old habits..tonight at work it came to a head... I actually began to start thinking and worrying about whether I could actually go “back” to eating well because I was finding it much easier to just eat whatever was available …. Like the “old days”, you know what I mean.. and suddenly… I was starting to think that mind set of “what the hell, I’ve blown it for today already”… and it gave me a heck of a jolt to realize where my head was going!!! I suddenly realized those thoughts were creeping in and to be honest, it scared me.. for the first time since I started this journey I was seriously doubting myself because of a couple of days of reverting to old habits… and I thought oh my gosh.. what’s happening to me?? And yes.. I continued to eat the bag of M&M’s I was working on by the way…
I was sitting there trying to banish the “screw it” mindset that was setting in.. I think it scared me most because I really thought I had a handle on the changes I have been making, and it was disheartening to think I had “Screwed up”, and MORE disheartening to realize I was falling right back into the old mindset of having “blown a diet”. And so the mind games began… I’ll spare you all the details of the next few hours where I went back and forth trying to figure out what was going on with my head.. but on the way home (yup it took that long) I finally determined that I had to put on the brakes on the way I was thinking… to force myself to stop the negative thinking and focus instead on going back to the basics…. It was like I literally had to “shake off” where my head was going, and re focus.. I think I actually got a little angry too… I don’t even know why or what I was angry about.. but I was!!
In any case, I think I’ve straightened myself out now, and tomorrow I am simply going back to the basics.. I have come to far to let myself slide back into my old ways, and I’m sharing this because I no longer feel I have to “hide” my slips and falls, (which is part of what brought me to the years of being overweight!) and because sometimes, it helps just to know you can share some of your deepest fears and thoughts about losing weight and the stumbles you have along the way; part of my history with weight has been that I’ve often eaten things in “hiding”; so no one would see or judge me, and thankfully here, I feel safe and comfortable enough to be able to not do that any more. Which is why I’m typing this.
I think the answer for me for right now… lies in remembering to stay in the present. Not the past. Not the future. The present. I can’t change the past, and I can’t let myself worry about the future and the “what if’s”, so I have to let it all go. I’m not going to beat myself up. Those days of sliding are done and over with and I’m going to let it go and move on. I’m going to place my focus and concentration on what I can do now..one meal at a time, to make sure I succeed at my goal. One meal at a time, and I WILL be okay.
I also wanted to share this, in case anyone else might be having their own struggles or feelings right now… to just let them know that they aren’t alone, and that we are here for each other, and that we all WILL be JUST FINE! Because we CAN do this, and we have a wonderful group of friends here to help us when we need it.
And I’m grateful to have found every one of you - you have not only helped me so much, but each of you have added to my life with your friendship, support and laughter!! :flowerforyou:
I know it’s been pretty quiet in our chatter the past few weeks, I don’t know about the rest of you but time seems to be flying towards Christmas and I’m finding myself going through a myriad of emotions as the days fly by; from panic over whether I’ll get all my shopping done, to happy and sad over various things, and frustrated and crazed and *****y and teary and warm and fuzzy and angry and testy and back to happy and then back to did I mention to panic?? And often times, I run the gamut of all of them within an hour!!!
And…along with THAT particular fun (not!) I’ve also noticed over the past few days.. that my eating is also going through pretty much the same roller coaster process; and after several days of poor choices and not eating well and basically sliding down that slippery slope to old habits..tonight at work it came to a head... I actually began to start thinking and worrying about whether I could actually go “back” to eating well because I was finding it much easier to just eat whatever was available …. Like the “old days”, you know what I mean.. and suddenly… I was starting to think that mind set of “what the hell, I’ve blown it for today already”… and it gave me a heck of a jolt to realize where my head was going!!! I suddenly realized those thoughts were creeping in and to be honest, it scared me.. for the first time since I started this journey I was seriously doubting myself because of a couple of days of reverting to old habits… and I thought oh my gosh.. what’s happening to me?? And yes.. I continued to eat the bag of M&M’s I was working on by the way…
I was sitting there trying to banish the “screw it” mindset that was setting in.. I think it scared me most because I really thought I had a handle on the changes I have been making, and it was disheartening to think I had “Screwed up”, and MORE disheartening to realize I was falling right back into the old mindset of having “blown a diet”. And so the mind games began… I’ll spare you all the details of the next few hours where I went back and forth trying to figure out what was going on with my head.. but on the way home (yup it took that long) I finally determined that I had to put on the brakes on the way I was thinking… to force myself to stop the negative thinking and focus instead on going back to the basics…. It was like I literally had to “shake off” where my head was going, and re focus.. I think I actually got a little angry too… I don’t even know why or what I was angry about.. but I was!!
In any case, I think I’ve straightened myself out now, and tomorrow I am simply going back to the basics.. I have come to far to let myself slide back into my old ways, and I’m sharing this because I no longer feel I have to “hide” my slips and falls, (which is part of what brought me to the years of being overweight!) and because sometimes, it helps just to know you can share some of your deepest fears and thoughts about losing weight and the stumbles you have along the way; part of my history with weight has been that I’ve often eaten things in “hiding”; so no one would see or judge me, and thankfully here, I feel safe and comfortable enough to be able to not do that any more. Which is why I’m typing this.
I think the answer for me for right now… lies in remembering to stay in the present. Not the past. Not the future. The present. I can’t change the past, and I can’t let myself worry about the future and the “what if’s”, so I have to let it all go. I’m not going to beat myself up. Those days of sliding are done and over with and I’m going to let it go and move on. I’m going to place my focus and concentration on what I can do now..one meal at a time, to make sure I succeed at my goal. One meal at a time, and I WILL be okay.
I also wanted to share this, in case anyone else might be having their own struggles or feelings right now… to just let them know that they aren’t alone, and that we are here for each other, and that we all WILL be JUST FINE! Because we CAN do this, and we have a wonderful group of friends here to help us when we need it.
And I’m grateful to have found every one of you - you have not only helped me so much, but each of you have added to my life with your friendship, support and laughter!! :flowerforyou:
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Of course we will! :happy:0
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:bigsmile: :bigsmile: :bigsmile: :bigsmile:0
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I am here today in the present. I have spent the past few days in the past and even wondering about the future. Can I possibly make a difference in either one of those? Nope so I decided to just stay here. Its not long until we meet 1/1/2013 and I will be thankful.0
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Snoozie, I am so sorry you have been struggling. I think a lot of people are now, including me, with the eating, emotions, way of thinking, and even smoking for me. I haven't started smoking again, but have been struggling with that mindset of " oh to hell with it, I want to ______ and I'm tired of having to be so disciplined.." You can fill in that blank with just about anything, like eat all the movie popcorn I want, eat the bread at restaurants, eat whatever I want whenever I want, wherever I want, or have a cigarette.
Anyway, I can totally relate to how you are feeling. You are always so encouraging to everybody, so I thought I would share some of the things that help me through it in case something helps you, too.One thing that helps me when I catch myself saying sabotaging thoughts in my head, is to immediately replace it with a helpful one. For instance, when I think "I want a cigarette", I replace the thought with "I want to breathe" or "I want that bread on the table or desert or whatever" with "I really like how my clothes are fitting better". And when I think of throwing in the towel, I try to remind myself that I deserve to be the kindest person possible to myself,. and that part of being kind to myself is paying attention to my health. I have written up some personal goals, a few of which are:
• I will honor my body
• I will breathe deeply
• I will consistently get a restful night’s sleep
• I will be grateful and proud of how good I look today.
• I will acknowledge that I deserve to be healthy and fit.
Looking these over and saying them out-loud to myself helps me sometimes.
One meal at a time, one day at a time, we CAN and we WILL honor ourselves!0 -
Morning... should probably wait til my coffee kicks in before i try and type LOL...
Seehee ... loved your post and that's exactly what I need to do... its the mind games that do a number on me more than any actual food i eat LOL.. and i absolutely agree about the reminders and affirmations helping.. i changed my profile intro a few weeks back so that every monring when I log in, it reminds me of my goals first thing in the morning - im going to add a few after reading your post tho to help me thru the next 14 days LOL. Once your mind goes off on a tangent, its SO hard to wrench it back sometimes, but I think ithelps so much being able to talk about it, and especially hear that you aren't alone... i think part of it was as well that i haven't gained any weight, which sounds weird but it was almost like hmmm.. look... i have eaten all this crap (not necessarily been eating a LOT, just have reverted to eating garbarge instead of healthy) and i'm not gaining.. so i'll just have another bag of M&M's.. you know what I mean.. and I just had a moment where I thought omg.. your thinking like the "old" you; and I needed to remind myself as you said, exactly why I'm trying to change - it's not just about the weight anymore, it's about being able to enjoy life by becoming healthy and fit so i can do everything I want to do.. so thanks for the post!! And as you can guess, I totally get your own struggle.. but I know you can turn it around and as you said, look to your goals and hang in there, one day at a time.. and know we're here for you!!!
Tonya - well said, my friend. it's about today - and just for today... big hugs!!0 -
Good Morning Ladies,
I have been known to share way too much but I am not above laughing at myself and I I think we could all use a funny story today given the tragedy of Friday and the details over the weekend. I am going to share an embarrassing yet hilarious (to me) event. As many of you know I went to the DeKalb farmers market last weekend. With everything that has been going on this past week I haven't had time to cook many of veggies that I bought and they are something that Cassie is not familiar with...totally my fault for not exposing her to them. So, we had a roasted root vegetable medley last night. Red beets, golden beets, parsnips, turnips and purple potatoes. I roasted them with olive oil, herbs and s&p. They were delicious. Now, the hilarious comes this morning when I went to poo...and yes I really needed to! It was RED and for half a second I was freaked out. Then I realized what was going on and calmed down. Will I eat beets again? absolutely. Will I laugh my @ss off every time I do? You betcha...I hope this didn't gross you out but made you laugh even a little this morning...Have a great day0 -
I love these affirmations! I read a great article in Prevention magazine the other day about beating old habits/addictive behaviour. It was shown in studies that simply asking yourself, "Is this healthy?" before you grab something helps you make better choices. I always ask myself that now before I put it in my mouth!• I will honor my body
• I will breathe deeply
• I will consistently get a restful night’s sleep
• I will be grateful and proud of how good I look today.
• I will acknowledge that I deserve to be healthy and fit.
One meal at a time, one day at a time, we CAN and we WILL honor ourselves!0 -
Snooozie, I loved your post (as usual). You always manage to put into words the myriad of emotions that we all struggle with. I know this happened because you lost weight last week (there is clearly something subconscious happening!). The reality is, sometimes I feel like being disciplined is like holding my breath, and I can only do it for so long. When I see that drop on the scale, sometimes it's then I take a breath...and then choke on the pie I'm shoving into my mouth!
Remember where you've been, and the weight you've lost. A day or two (or even a week or two) will not undo all your hard work. BUT, I find the longer I don't eat properly, the harder it is to get myself back on track.
You CAN do this, and a slip or two will not change the outcome. It's what you CHOOSE to do after the slip...continue to slide, or pick yourself back up, walk around the lake, and put some healthy food into your body?
We have all been there, and I know it will be a struggle for me... probably for the rest of my life. But I think it's better than the alternative (and I know you do too!)
Thank you for being here, sharing your thoughts and your struggles, because it really does help to know we're not alone.
XXOO,
Melissa0 -
"When I see that drop on the scale, sometimes it's then I take a breath...and then choke on the pie I'm shoving into my mouth!" (Merobi)
Lord love a duck, Mel...!!! I read that line in your post and went OMG..that's ME!!!! It's like my head says woo hoo you lost some weight, now you can party..... ???? It's the MIND GAMES ... honestly....what's with that???
that's it.. in my next life i am SO COMING BACK AS A MAN!!!!!
:laugh:
Thanks for all the pep talks ladies.. I am totally back on track today and refusing to let my head mess with me today!!
and Tonya... keybaord is all cleaned up from me spewing my coffee reading your poop post.. but that visual of your first look is stuck in my head now... then again, that'll make sure no negative thoughts creep in too... LOLOL... still chuckling!!!0 -
@ Tonya - maybe should send you the infamous purple pants to match.......
@seehee - make a pic of me sending the pants to Tonya....in our ever famous spare time.....
or better yet 1 pant leg to hairspray and 1 pant leg to Tonya...:laugh: :bigsmile:
Carol0 -
Snoozie, As always you did an amazing job of explaining exactly what each of us have/are/will face. Just when we think we have things under control. Smack, something happens to remind us that our bodies and our brains have depended on food as a coping mechanism for a very long time and it would be easy to seek solace in food once again. This week I was struggling with being angry at DH. We have been a united front in dealing with the frustrations of caring for his parents and being able to express our anger at the circumstances to each other. This weekend we had a disagreement which left us both angry at each other. There was not anyone to share that anger with and I found myself craving food that I have not even thought about for months. The only candy that was around was his bag of Sour Kids, not something I would ever buy for myself, or be tempted to eat. But I found myself eating all of the red and yellow ones out of the bag. Then I started to think of making brownies. Fortunately, I did not have the ingredients in the house. Danger-warning bells went off. Instead of going to the store to get the ingredients for the brownies, I decided to go for a walk. I stopped and bought some apples and I was much calmer when I got home and was able to appreciate my apple and not think about the brownies. By Sunday morning, the disagreement had passed. But it was not easy. If the brownie stuff was in the house, I would have made them and ate most of them, even though I would have told myself that I was making them for my daughter. Maybe someday I will be able to co-exist with brownies without wanting to eat them all, but probably not.
For getting through the really rough and busy times, I rely on my 100 calorie bags of almonds. I keep them in my trunk for emergencies, if I kept them in the glove box I would be tempted (as I have in the past) to eat them all whether I am hungry or not.
Melissa, love your new pic! I am struggling with taking away the power of the scale. No matter what it says I can use it as an excuse to eat, If it goes up-despair why bother, might as well eat everything, if it goes down, a little extra food won't hurt.
Seehee, thanks for the great motivating thoughts, I will keep them printed on my desk.
Carol, I no longer need the purple size 16 pants. I have a pair of my own and they are getting baggy. At the consignment shop on Saturday, I shocked myself by finding a pair of size 14 wool pants (albeit with an elastic waistband) and a nice wool sweater with a snow flake design and together, I looked hot!
Tonya, those veggies sounded great! And the poo sounded shocking. But did anyone else notice a major difference in poo when you switch from a fatty diet to one that is filled with veggies and fruit?
TA, thinking of you and all of the teachers, you have an awesome job and I appreciate the efforts that you make with every child.
Speaking of food, I ordered all of the seafood for our Christmas eve feast. It is seafood because Bob’s mother is Polish and at her mother’s house we would have a full Polish feast and break oplatki Communion-like wafers to share with each other as a sign of family. MIL let that tradition go, but we will do this again, now that the celebration is at our house for the first time. One of the things I am trying to do is to think of ways to make the food just as good but healthier. For the first time I will be making the shrimp and we will grill them instead of smothering them in butter. Even if it is a white Christmas, Bob does not mind grilling outside.
**I want to do a dessert that involves apples and cinnamon in the oven while we are eating dinner, does anyone have a healthy suggestion?
Janet0 -
@ Janet - awesome - IPOU.... and will send the pants off to consignment next fall.... smiles.....
and how about apple pie - and just have small slices...
always a better alternative to chocolate - but then again... who am i to say - certified (or certifieable).. chocolate lover here...0 -
"Carol, I no longer need the purple size 16 pants. I have a pair of my own and they are getting baggy. At the consignment shop on Saturday, I shocked myself by finding a pair of size 14 wool pants (albeit with an elastic waistband) and a nice wool sweater with a snow flake design and together, I looked hot!" (Janet)
Running SO late for work, but HAD to pop in because Janet, reading that line in your post made my day!! AWESOMe!!
will do replies from work later but also have a recipe somewhere for a yummy apple crisp with oatmeal and pecans for part of the topping, low sugar high protein and totally yummy.. if i make it to the grocery store afore work gonna see if i can find some of those 100 cal snacks too!
STOP TYPING SUZANNE .... get yer butt in gear woman!!! :noway:0 -
Carol, I make the world's worst pies and no one in my family is crazy about pies.
Snoozie, your apple crisp sounds yummy, please send recipe.
As to chocolate, I now have a relationship with godiva truffles. For 50 calories I take one out of the freezer, slowly remove its wrappings and let all the wonderful chocolate melt languorously in my mouth, savoring every sensual moment. When finished I sigh contentedly and I am satisfied. I am not tempted to go back repeatedly as I would with a hershey kiss. Or pieces of unwrapped chocolate or brownies, or fill in the blank. I used to take those chewy calcium supplements. Then I decided why waste the calories, now I take a calcium pill and save myself for a piece of real chocolate.
Janet0 -
http://www.food.com/recipe/weight-watchers-apple-crisp-392221 I made this for Thanksgiving. I love apple pie, but didn't want to blow the diet for crust. I brought it to a family gathering and it all went while we had pie left over. Two weeks. We can do this! I allow myself to have one *cheat* a day. Something small. I won't lose weight, but I won't lose control. Meanwhile, I'm planning for January.0
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I am with you on the January thing. I know I have gained a bit but not as near the amount I normally gain this time of year. If I can make it through with a few pounds then I have scored big time. Come January I am going to hit it hard and lose another 30+ pounds!0
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"Ditto" what Tonya said.0
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Snoozie once again you hit the nail on the head at just the right time. BUT do tell me how you knew I had my hand in the M&M bag?? Just don't try the white chocolate peppermint, so refreshing
I have done what should be celebrated, lose during a time I have always gained, but it has been what I felt was soooo slow and have really felt down about it. Today I returned to the doctor again (even called in work for today and tomorrow) sick again :huh: That is 4 times since September.... he is questioning if there may be mold in the school at this point but also did blood work. The results show I am anemic and that he feels is part of the trouble. I left after 4 hours, 2 chest xrays, blood work, 2 shoots, and 3 scripts (including on pain med for the chest and back pain).
But the nicest thing occurred after getting home and small (3 plus hour nap) I was thinking about what I weighted in at today, 250... Now I know that's not where I want to finish but this was the first time in over 30 (birth of my first child) years that I have weighted in at 250 at the doctors. I did rush home strip down and weight on the home scales and I have lost 4 lbs this week, which verified what I have been telling myself "just stay on the path and the reward will show up" and it did.
All this said I totally relate how hard this is...I have craved warm, creamy foods. The CT tragedy has been so close to my heart since my daughter is the age of these innocent victims. I can not wrap my mind around how these parents must feel or are copping to have their worlds torn apart at this time of the year. I only pray they have their faith to draw on and know the comfort of the Lord.
So now looking at motivation I found
“Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds you plant.” ~Robert Louis Stevenson
“Great things are not done by impulse, but by a series of small things brought together.” ~Vincent Van Gogh
What this says to me is don't get caught up in the scale but in little steps you implement to make those changes. It is those small changes that will see us through the hard times. I will continue to take the steps regardless of what the scales says each week.
I love each and every one of you ladies and than God that I found such supportive group of ladies and friends. Take it one choice at a time, you can do this !!!!!!!!!!!!!!0 -
I have been on and off MFP lately without taking time to read many threads. This morning I decided to take some time and read this one. I've been frustrated not so much in my lack of control over food (though I have not been great in that arena) but in my slacking off in exercise. Things are very busy - as tradition in our family we choose one name for Christmas and make a gift for that person. Of course, I have waited til the last minute to do mine - not because I couldn't think of anything, but because I have made exercise a priority and then run out of time daily. So I decided to focus on making my gift and exercise went right out the window. How quickly our mindset can revert back to old habits! It's easier when it's cold and wet outside to forego the exercise and just sit by the fire.. Well, that has got to change! Today I will finish making my Christmas present AND go to the gym and work my *kitten* off on the elliptical. Please Lord, help me to accomplish both! I often pray for the strength to make these positive changes 'cause by myself it is impossible for me to do. Leaning on Him really helps me to get off my duff and do something. Plus writing it down makes me accountable to all of you as well!
That being said, time to get off my *kitten* and get moving!
Have a great day Hatters! We can do this! One day at a time. One meal at a time!
Merry Christmas to all!0 -
Patrice great timing. I was just reflecting on my own lack of exercise since the school year started back up and updating my blog. I was just coming here to post the reflection and the upcoming plan. Your post lets me know that others are also struggling with this and my hope is that we can support each other in this..By posting this I am hoping it will keep me more accountable on this new plan.
The Quickly Approaching New Year
Reflecting back on this past year, as the year started losing weight wasn't really on my mind thought I had dropped a few pounds over the months. It wasn't until the school year ended and someone happened to accidently make a post on facebook about mfp that I began thinking about my weight in terms of helping along the lose I had been experiencing.
This was the end of May and the beginning of the vacation season, but I didn't let that stop me. I started by tracking everything on mfp and increasing my water. I didn't know much a lot about what works for me and what doesn't at this point, so my first days, weeks, and months consisted of keeping my calories at my daily limit. I read daily and as I began to understand more about what works for my body I began to make changes. I didn't change everything at once but began with small achievable steps.
One of the first this I did was add exercise. Now I want say that was easy and I will never say it was fun. As a girl born and raised in the South if its not swimming of fun in the water I don't know that I will ever enjoy exercise. I absolutely hate sweating and for that reason have never enjoyed exercise either. But as I read I knew exercise needed to be a part of the new lifestyle. One of my first rewards was JM Shred dvd, sadly I have started it twice but have not made it past part one. I start of great but by the end of section one find myself overwhelmed with section two.
Next, I purchased a treadmill and ab-lounger. I actually enjoy the lounger but find I had to push myself to use the treadmill. I did great with both until the new school year begin. I give a lot to my teaching and sadly my family and myself to often pay the price for that. It was easy to let exercise slip and while I kept planning on getting back to it, I found myself letting each start day come and go without starting.
This past month I have really struggled with scale numbers. Now I know that I have don’t great losing at a time I would have normally gained. But the truth is that 1lb. a week has really had me down to be honest. This has pushed me to look at how I have gotten to this point.
I have been on MFP for 194 days and lost 67 lbs. I know that it could have been better, but am good with my choices. I have made so many goals with my challenge group that I never thought possible and yet I know that I have let exercise slide and feel the need to now push that area of my new lifestyle. School break begins this Saturday and I will start exercising again. The new plan is to keep going once I return the classroom in January. I know if I set the expectation to high it will quickly be cast away again so it will be small but achievable goals that I can live with while teaching and then once this year is over I will kick it up during the summer break.
Exercise Plans for the End of 2012 and First Month of the New Year
Saturday, Dec. 22: Goal is at least 30 minutes per day. I will measure today
100 crunches
Free weight exercises (will change the exercise daily)
1 mile on the treadmill
Saturday, Dec. 29: Goal is at least 30 minutes per day
125 crunches
Free weight exercise (will change the exercise daily)
1.25 miles on the treadmill
Saturday, Jan. 5: Goal is at least 30 minutes per day
150 crunches
Free weight exercise (will change the exercise daily)
1.50 miles on the treadmill
Saturday, Jan. 12: Goal is at least 30 minutes per day.
175 crunches
Free weight exercise (will change the exercise daily)
1.75 miles on the treadmill
Saturday, Jan. 19: Goal is at least 30 minutes per day.
200 crunches
Free weight exercise (will change the exercise daily)
2 miles on the treadmill
Saturday, Jan. 26: Goal is at least 30 minutes per day. I will measure today.
225 crunches
Free weight exercise (will change the exercise daily) increase weights today
2 miles on the treadmill (increase resistance)0
