They call me Mr. Advice.
MikeM53082
Posts: 1,199 Member
Interesting conversation happened last night. I went to my friend's house and ended up having a good talk with his younger brother, Matt. Matt is 20 years old, sophomore in college, and has been dating his current girlfriend, Sophia, for the past 5 months.
Naturally, I asked him how things are going with her. Matt said they have a great time together, but he can't get over one thing in Sophia's past. She use to be FWB with another guy last year. He feels like a sucker because he takes her out for dinner, buys her flowers, has taken her to concerts, and is Mr. White Knight to her. Meanwhile, when she was FWB with the other guy, she would just crash at his apartment and have sex with him every so often. He said he felt that he's giving so much to this girl and he's a bit appalled that she use to sleep with this other guy when he never really had to work for it. Even though Matt does enjoy spending time with her, he feels that she's kind of slutty for doing the FWB thing.
I told him if he isn't comfortable with Sophia's sexual history, to dump her. I told him he has a bunch of options and he doesn't deserve to be with a easy girl like Sophia. I really hope he breaks up with her, no guy deserves that.
Question to men and women out there, what would you have told Matt in this situation?
Naturally, I asked him how things are going with her. Matt said they have a great time together, but he can't get over one thing in Sophia's past. She use to be FWB with another guy last year. He feels like a sucker because he takes her out for dinner, buys her flowers, has taken her to concerts, and is Mr. White Knight to her. Meanwhile, when she was FWB with the other guy, she would just crash at his apartment and have sex with him every so often. He said he felt that he's giving so much to this girl and he's a bit appalled that she use to sleep with this other guy when he never really had to work for it. Even though Matt does enjoy spending time with her, he feels that she's kind of slutty for doing the FWB thing.
I told him if he isn't comfortable with Sophia's sexual history, to dump her. I told him he has a bunch of options and he doesn't deserve to be with a easy girl like Sophia. I really hope he breaks up with her, no guy deserves that.
Question to men and women out there, what would you have told Matt in this situation?
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Replies
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That's life. It's just sex. Get over it and get off your high horse and quit being a worthless douche.0
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Her past is her past and her choices are her choices. If he likes her it should be for who she is now.
He should be doing those things for her because he wants to make her happy, not to"work for it" to get to sleep with her.
Its 2 different situations, she didnt want or have an emotional connection with the other guy by the sounds of it but does and wants to with him. Its an easy decision for him to make. Can he accept her for who she is or not? If he can't he owes it to her to be honest.0 -
I told him he has a bunch of options and he doesn't deserve to be with a easy girl like Sophia. I really hope he breaks up with her, no guy deserves that.
So once a woman enters into a FWB situation she becomes "easy" and from what you're saying, ultimately tarnished and no guy deserves to be with her again?
Really?0 -
I told him he has a bunch of options and he doesn't deserve to be with a easy girl like Sophia. I really hope he breaks up with her, no guy deserves that.
So once a woman enters into a FWB situation she becomes "easy" and from what you're saying, ultimately tarnished and no guy deserves to be with her again?
Really?
If he isn't comfortable with it, then he doesn't deserve it.
They're dating and he's finding more about her that he doesn't like. Doesn't mean she's tarnished, but Sophia can't expect every guy to be cool with it either.0 -
I told him he has a bunch of options and he doesn't deserve to be with a easy girl like Sophia. I really hope he breaks up with her, no guy deserves that.
So once a woman enters into a FWB situation she becomes "easy" and from what you're saying, ultimately tarnished and no guy deserves to be with her again?
Really?
If he isn't comfortable with it, then he doesn't deserve it.
They're dating and he's finding more about her that he doesn't like. Doesn't mean she's tarnished, but Sophia can't expect every guy to be cool with it either.
You called her "easy" because she had a FWB. I don't consider that easy....but I'll make sure I make the guy buy me dinner next time so he thinks he has to work for it.... lol.0 -
If he isn't comfortable with it, then he doesn't deserve it.
They're dating and he's finding more about her that he doesn't like. Doesn't mean she's tarnished, but Sophia can't expect every guy to be cool with it either.
If thats how he feels then thats his choice, rightly or wrongly, but he has to be honest with her, should be speaking to her about it first rather than anyone else, owes her that much if theyve been together 5 months and he really does like her.0 -
I told him he has a bunch of options and he doesn't deserve to be with a easy girl like Sophia. I really hope he breaks up with her, no guy deserves that.
So once a woman enters into a FWB situation she becomes "easy" and from what you're saying, ultimately tarnished and no guy deserves to be with her again?
Really?
Seriously? Everyone has a past. I agree with the dumping her if he isn't comfortable part but the "easy girl" remarks? No, just no. If I was dating someone who has a FWB past personally it would not bug me one bit. The important thing for me is that she is with me and only me. Of course this changes if she were to go back to her FWB's WHILE still dating me. However, the past is the past.0 -
I told him he has a bunch of options and he doesn't deserve to be with a easy girl like Sophia. I really hope he breaks up with her, no guy deserves that.
So once a woman enters into a FWB situation she becomes "easy" and from what you're saying, ultimately tarnished and no guy deserves to be with her again?
Really?
If he isn't comfortable with it, then he doesn't deserve it.
They're dating and he's finding more about her that he doesn't like. Doesn't mean she's tarnished, but Sophia can't expect every guy to be cool with it either.
You called her "easy" because she had a FWB. I don't consider that easy....but I'll make sure I make the guy buy me dinner next time so he thinks he has to work for it.... lol.
I don't view being "easy" as a bad thing. Hell, I'm pretty damn easy! :laugh:
If you can sleep with a girl without having to do any work whatsoever, then yes, it'd consider it pretty easy.0 -
I would tell him that all women are vile money sucking parasites (not serious).
On a serious note, I would tell him a couple things:
1) If it is in her past (as in she didn't do it while she was with him) he needs to get over it. Newsflash: women have sex.
2) He already has the incorrect mentality of what men do for women. You don't "buy" sex from women
by taking them out etc etc, if he stays with that mentality he may find himself with someone that will allow
him to "treat her right" but enjoy a "man on the side".
Having the mentality that "you have spent X amount of dollars on a woman means you own a woman"
will inevitably lead to his downfall. Maybe he should stop spending so much money on the girl he is with.
Obviously, even if you assume he is just after sex (i assume this is wrong because he is in a "relationship"
with her) then it has been pointed out even by her that you don't need to invest a dime to enjoy being with her.
I think that "women having **** buddies automatically makes them sluts" is not only dumb,
but it is unrealistic. You have to be very naive to believe that women do not enjoy casual sex (to
a degree, inb4 every women posts about how moral they are).
Cliffs of comments:
- Stop thinking "money invested" means ownership
- Stop worrying about her past (which is lame)
- Evaluate his own relationship with her, his own mentality on women, if he feels he needs to "invest" in her to keep her0 -
I told him he has a bunch of options and he doesn't deserve to be with a easy girl like Sophia. I really hope he breaks up with her, no guy deserves that.
So once a woman enters into a FWB situation she becomes "easy" and from what you're saying, ultimately tarnished and no guy deserves to be with her again?
Really?
Seriously? Everyone has a past. I agree with the dumping her if he isn't comfortable part but the "easy girl" remarks? No, just no. If I was dating someone who has a FWB past personally it would not bug me one bit. The important thing for me is that she is with me and only me. Of course this changes if she were to go back to her FWB's WHILE still dating me. However, the past is the past.
He's also 20 and has never really been in a serious relationship before. Maybe he's a little naive when it comes to dating and relationships. Or maybe he's just pretty traditional.
Yes, everyone has a past. Doesn't mean that you have to accept it though. Would you date someone who cheated on their spouse in the past? Would you date a former heroin addict? At what point do you write someone else off just because of their past?0 -
You left out a key detail Mike. How's the frequency of sex between Matt and Sophia? That would have impact upon the way I perceive Matt should feel about the situation. If he's been Mr. White Knight and he has not had frequent sex with her in that 5 month time period while she did an FWB in the past, it is understandable why Matt would be a bit miffed.0
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He feels like a sucker because he takes her out for dinner, buys her flowers, has taken her to concerts, and is Mr. White Knight to her. Meanwhile, when she was FWB with the other guy, she would just crash at his apartment and have sex with him every so often. He said he felt that he's giving so much to this girl and he's a bit appalled that she use to sleep with this other guy when he never really had to work for it. Even though Matt does enjoy spending time with her, he feels that she's kind of slutty for doing the FWB thing.
I told him if he isn't comfortable with Sophia's sexual history, to dump her. I told him he has a bunch of options and he doesn't deserve to be with a easy girl like Sophia. I really hope he breaks up with her, no guy deserves that.
Question to men and women out there, what would you have told Matt in this situation?
I agree with you. Although I'd also tell him to pressure her into a boob job, and if she refuses, to dump her sorry *kitten* since she's clearly subhuman and doesn't deserve to be in the same room with this young man, much less on the same planet. Who does she think she is, sleeping around with other men before she even met her current boyfriend?? He should probably cover his tracks and save face amongst friends by planting false stories about her on Facebook right after he dumps her.
--P0 -
You left out a key detail Mike. How's the frequency of sex between Matt and Sophia? That would have impact upon the way I perceive Matt should feel about the situation. If he's been Mr. White Knight and he has not had frequent sex with her in that 5 month time period while she did an FWB in the past, it is understandable why Matt would be a bit miffed.
I didn't ask Matt how often the sex was between the two of them. I'd assume that sex between them is pretty regular.0 -
I agree with you. Although I'd also tell him to pressure her into a boob job, and if she refuses, to dump her sorry *kitten* since she's clearly subhuman and doesn't deserve to be in the same room with this young man, much less on the same planet. Who does she think she is, sleeping around with other men before she even met her current boyfriend?? He should probably cover his tracks and save face amongst friends by planting false stories about her on Facebook right after he dumps her.
--P
Omg, I love you, P! Lol. Still chuckling! Marry me? Hahaha!0 -
What is sticking with me is not the 'easy' part but the comment that he doesn't deserve to be with someone like this. What does deserving have anything to do with the situation? Is he more entitled to be with a virgin who has no sexual past? Is that what he deserves.
This is the reason I do not talk about these kinds of this with someone I am dating. Number one, it is none of his business. Number two, while I am not ashamed of my sexual past, it leads to sharing on both sides and truthfully, I do not want to know his past.0 -
I would tell him that all women are vile money sucking parasites (not serious).
On a serious note, I would tell him a couple things:
1) If it is in her past (as in she didn't do it while she was with him) he needs to get over it. Newsflash: women have sex.
2) He already has the incorrect mentality of what men do for women. You don't "buy" sex from women
by taking them out etc etc, if he stays with that mentality he may find himself with someone that will allow
him to "treat her right" but enjoy a "man on the side".
Having the mentality that "you have spent X amount of dollars on a woman means you own a woman"
will inevitably lead to his downfall. Maybe he should stop spending so much money on the girl he is with.
Obviously, even if you assume he is just after sex (i assume this is wrong because he is in a "relationship"
with her) then it has been pointed out even by her that you don't need to invest a dime to enjoy being with her.
I think that "women having **** buddies automatically makes them sluts" is not only dumb,
but it is unrealistic. You have to be very naive to believe that women do not enjoy casual sex (to
a degree, inb4 every women posts about how moral they are).
Cliffs of comments:
- Stop thinking "money invested" means ownership
- Stop worrying about her past (which is lame)
- Evaluate his own relationship with her, his own mentality on women, if he feels he needs to "invest" in her to keep her
^ I was going to add my own comment but this pretty much covers it, well said0 -
I don't really buy into the whole FWB thing to be honest. Mike, for once, I kinda get where your advice is coming from. Situations like this is why I believe sex is for relationships. Why would you freely have sex with one man or woman but make another wait x amount of dates or time before having sex? Why will a guy only have sex with Girl A but be willing to wine and dine Girl B? That goes for men and women.
If you're going to be a person who freely has sex like Sophia, I too would wonder "why do I have to invest this time and energy into dating her when that guy got to date/sleep with her without doing jack *kitten*?"0 -
What is sticking with me is not the 'easy' part but the comment that he doesn't deserve to be with someone like this. What does deserving have anything to do with the situation? Is he more entitled to be with a virgin who has no sexual past? Is that what he deserves.
This is the reason I do not talk about these kinds of this with someone I am dating. Number one, it is none of his business. Number two, while I am not ashamed of my sexual past, it leads to sharing on both sides and truthfully, I do not want to know his past.
He deserves someone who he feels comfortable around. In this case, he clearly doesn't feel comfortable with her sexual history. And, if he's thinking about building a future with someone, then he deserves to feel comfortable with Sophia's past.
All men are individuals too. Some guys wouldn't care if she had 1000 FWB's or if she was a porn star in her past. Others might care.0 -
Yes, everyone has a past. Doesn't mean that you have to accept it though. Would you date someone who cheated on their spouse in the past? Would you date a former heroin addict? At what point do you write someone else off just because of their past?
You're seriously comparing a girl having sex with someone before meeting her current boyfriend and herion addiction?
Perhaps that's a clue right there that you've lost the plot?
--P0 -
I don't really buy into the whole FWB thing to be honest. Mike, for once, I kinda get where your advice is coming from. Situations like this is why I believe sex is for relationships. Why would you freely have sex with one man or woman but make another wait x amount of dates or time before having sex? Why will a guy only have sex with Girl A but be willing to wine and dine Girl B? That goes for men and women.
Because it can be exactly what it says, you are already friends and have no stronger feelings than that, however you are both single, comfortable in each others company and can just help each other "scratch an itch" as they say. i think there is a difference between that and a **** buddy who can be completely no connection on any level.
but either way, peoples opinions of whether its right or wrong on here are irrelevant, its simply got to be whether he accepts her for who she is and what her past is, or he doesn't its as simple as that. She's the honest one here in reality.0 -
You left out a key detail Mike. How's the frequency of sex between Matt and Sophia? That would have impact upon the way I perceive Matt should feel about the situation. If he's been Mr. White Knight and he has not had frequent sex with her in that 5 month time period while she did an FWB in the past, it is understandable why Matt would be a bit miffed.
I didn't ask Matt how often the sex was between the two of them. I'd assume that sex between them is pretty regular.
That's the one detail that materially impacts the decision. If Matt was Mr. White Knight and things weren't going anywhere physically when she had a history of NSA sex, there's reason for him to be upset. If things are going well overall with the physical component of the relationship (as well as the non physical stuff), then he can sort of look past it all. Assuming that they are both 20 years old, she's going to have more options for sex/relationships than he is. So unless there's been a lack of sex currently, there's not a sure fire reason to leave.
I'd think the more important thing right now is if things are good, Matt should wonder how to keep things interesting/exciting to keep her around. He benefits if she sticks around.0 -
Yes, everyone has a past. Doesn't mean that you have to accept it though. Would you date someone who cheated on their spouse in the past? Would you date a former heroin addict? At what point do you write someone else off just because of their past?
You're seriously comparing a girl having sex with someone before meeting her current boyfriend and herion addiction?
Perhaps that's a clue right there that you've lost the plot?
--P
The point.. you missed it. The example was pretty extreme to show how far you would go to when it comes to accepting someones past.0 -
What is sticking with me is not the 'easy' part but the comment that he doesn't deserve to be with someone like this. What does deserving have anything to do with the situation? Is he more entitled to be with a virgin who has no sexual past? Is that what he deserves.
This is the reason I do not talk about these kinds of this with someone I am dating. Number one, it is none of his business. Number two, while I am not ashamed of my sexual past, it leads to sharing on both sides and truthfully, I do not want to know his past.
He deserves someone who he feels comfortable around. In this case, he clearly doesn't feel comfortable with her sexual history. And, if he's thinking about building a future with someone, then he deserves to feel comfortable with Sophia's past.
All men are individuals too. Some guys wouldn't care if she had 1000 FWB's or if she was a porn star in her past. Others might care.
So why call her "easy"? Was there something else in the conversation you had with Matt that made you come to this conclusion or just the one guy this woman felt comfortable enough with to have "friendly" sex. Easy to me means sleeping with pretty much anyone. Clearly this is not the case with this girl.
I don't consider myself easy as there are many guys I haven't slept with and have had the opportunity. However I've had a few fun encounters too where I've CHOSEN to be with the guy. Doesn't make me easy.0 -
All of this.I would tell him that all women are vile money sucking parasites (not serious).
On a serious note, I would tell him a couple things:
1) If it is in her past (as in she didn't do it while she was with him) he needs to get over it. Newsflash: women have sex.
2) He already has the incorrect mentality of what men do for women. You don't "buy" sex from women
by taking them out etc etc, if he stays with that mentality he may find himself with someone that will allow
him to "treat her right" but enjoy a "man on the side".
Having the mentality that "you have spent X amount of dollars on a woman means you own a woman"
will inevitably lead to his downfall. Maybe he should stop spending so much money on the girl he is with.
Obviously, even if you assume he is just after sex (i assume this is wrong because he is in a "relationship"
with her) then it has been pointed out even by her that you don't need to invest a dime to enjoy being with her.
I think that "women having **** buddies automatically makes them sluts" is not only dumb,
but it is unrealistic. You have to be very naive to believe that women do not enjoy casual sex (to
a degree, inb4 every women posts about how moral they are).
Cliffs of comments:
- Stop thinking "money invested" means ownership
- Stop worrying about her past (which is lame)
- Evaluate his own relationship with her, his own mentality on women, if he feels he needs to "invest" in her to keep her0 -
He deserves someone who he feels comfortable around. In this case, he clearly doesn't feel comfortable with her sexual history. And, if he's thinking about building a future with someone, then he deserves to feel comfortable with Sophia's past.
All men are individuals too. Some guys wouldn't care if she had 1000 FWB's or if she was a porn star in her past. Others might care.
You're missing the point though Mike, she has told him about this so is being totally open and honest about her past which suggests she really likes him and is willing to completely open up to him about her past so clearly trusts him. He on the other hand is going off talking to others about his feelings and telling them about her past which should be private and is not acting like a man and actually talking to her about it. Maybe it is right for him to dump her, but its nothing to do with him deserving better, its about her deserving to be given the truth.0 -
You left out a key detail Mike. How's the frequency of sex between Matt and Sophia? That would have impact upon the way I perceive Matt should feel about the situation. If he's been Mr. White Knight and he has not had frequent sex with her in that 5 month time period while she did an FWB in the past, it is understandable why Matt would be a bit miffed.
I didn't ask Matt how often the sex was between the two of them. I'd assume that sex between them is pretty regular.
That's the one detail that materially impacts the decision. If Matt was Mr. White Knight and things weren't going anywhere physically when she had a history of NSA sex, there's reason for him to be upset. If things are going well overall with the physical component of the relationship (as well as the non physical stuff), then he can sort of look past it all. Assuming that they are both 20 years old, she's going to have more options for sex/relationships than he is. So unless there's been a lack of sex currently, there's not a sure fire reason to leave.
I'd think the more important thing right now is if things are good, Matt should wonder how to keep things interesting/exciting to keep her around. He benefits if she sticks around.
DM good point. If they're not having sex frequently I feel like this is a friend zone-ish situation.0 -
He deserves someone who he feels comfortable around. In this case, he clearly doesn't feel comfortable with her sexual history. And, if he's thinking about building a future with someone, then he deserves to feel comfortable with Sophia's past.
All men are individuals too. Some guys wouldn't care if she had 1000 FWB's or if she was a porn star in her past. Others might care.
You're missing the point though Mike, she has told him about this so is being totally open and honest about her past which suggests she really likes him and is willing to completely open up to him about her past so clearly trusts him. He on the other hand is going off talking to others about his feelings and telling them about her past which should be private and is not acting like a man and actually talking to her about it. Maybe it is right for him to dump her, but its nothing to do with him deserving better, its about her deserving to be given the truth.
Point is not missed at all. She opened up to him about her past.. and he doesn't like what he's seeing. I'm not sure if he conveyed this to her yet (though I suspect he has). If he decides to break up with her, he'll tell her the truth as to why he is doing so.
He's just a young kid trying to wrap his mind around all of this and looking for some sage advice.0 -
He's also 20 and has never really been in a serious relationship before. Maybe he's a little naive when it comes to dating and relationships. Or maybe he's just pretty traditional.
Yes, everyone has a past. Doesn't mean that you have to accept it though. Would you date someone who cheated on their spouse in the past? Would you date a former heroin addict? At what point do you write someone else off just because of their past?
So where's the line is what you are asking?
It's pretty simple really. If she looks at other guys you should "take corrective action." Once she gets to two black eyes though, if she does it a third time he should break up with her. Let's face it, he done told the b*tch twice. If she didn't learn, she's just a dumb ho and it's so so embarrassing showing off a dumb ho to all his friends.
I mean come on. It's called class. She should have some.0 -
I don't really buy into the whole FWB thing to be honest. Mike, for once, I kinda get where your advice is coming from. Situations like this is why I believe sex is for relationships. Why would you freely have sex with one man or woman but make another wait x amount of dates or time before having sex? Why will a guy only have sex with Girl A but be willing to wine and dine Girl B? That goes for men and women.
If you're going to be a person who freely has sex like Sophia, I too would wonder "why do I have to invest this time and energy into dating her when that guy got to date/sleep with her without doing jack *kitten*?"
I would say that it's because one means more then the other? And sometimes people make mistakes, they aren't proud of their past and want to make a change.0 -
Yes, everyone has a past. Doesn't mean that you have to accept it though. Would you date someone who cheated on their spouse in the past? Would you date a former heroin addict? At what point do you write someone else off just because of their past?
You're seriously comparing a girl having sex with someone before meeting her current boyfriend and herion addiction?
Perhaps that's a clue right there that you've lost the plot?
--P
The point.. you missed it. The example was pretty extreme to show how far you would go to when it comes to accepting someones past.
To answer your earlier question, yes to former heroin addict and cheated on her spouse. Is there a limit? Yes, I probably wouldn't want to date someone who has killed puppies and/or kittens. I still stand by what I said earlier. The past is the past.0
