O.M.G....what was i thinking...
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I only have one rule when it comes to age. He has to be old enough to legally buy me a drink and not so old that he has forgotten my name by the time I've finished it.
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I never had a problem getting young guys to go for me... but they only wanted sex, no relationship. I never got any young guys who were actually interested in a relationship, which is what I, personally, was looking for.
But aren't you against sex before marriage? Doesn't that complicate your analysis a bit, making it much less black and white?
Perhaps many of those men were interested in both sex *and* a relationship? I think few men (and women) are willing to date someone for many, many months or even years, without sex. Many men (and women) want to have sex with a partner before getting married, just to make sure they are compatible in bed.
In 2012, a relationship between two adults almost always means sex. Doesn't mean it happens on the first date, perhaps not even on the 5th. But it typically does happen eventually. If that's out of the question, and the man (or woman) knows this at the start, it definitely impacts how they view the attractiveness of a relationship.
Perhaps it's not about them "only" wanting to have sex, but them wanting to have a typical adult relationship before marriage, with all that includes?
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valid point! :flowerforyou:0 -
I never had a problem getting young guys to go for me... but they only wanted sex, no relationship. I never got any young guys who were actually interested in a relationship, which is what I, personally, was looking for.
But aren't you against sex before marriage? Doesn't that complicate your analysis a bit, making it much less black and white?
Perhaps many of those men were interested in both sex *and* a relationship? I think few men (and women) are willing to date someone for many, many months or even years, without sex. Many men (and women) want to have sex with a partner before getting married, just to make sure they are compatible in bed.
In 2012, a relationship between two adults almost always means sex. Doesn't mean it happens on the first date, perhaps not even on the 5th. But it typically does happen eventually. If that's out of the question, and the man (or woman) knows this at the start, it definitely impacts how they view the attractiveness of a relationship.
Perhaps it's not about them "only" wanting to have sex, but them wanting to have a typical adult relationship before marriage, with all that includes?
--P
This is a very interesting point to consider for anyone who is anti-sex before marriage.0 -
I actually don't think it's a valid point. Not wanting sex before marriage limits the dating pool of men at any age in my range. That's not a young vs older guy problem.
As I said in the other post, I try not to be overly sexy (promise something I can't deliver) but I obviously do not appear frigid or men could look at me, determine its never going to happen and wouldn't approach me in the first place.
Until I became exclusive with BB, I never said "no" to anyone who asked me out. Most of the young guys never made it through the first date before I excused myself, if they even made it to a first date. I kept trying though, b/c it worked so well for my mom.
Many of the things guys do to show they're only after one thing happen before they've even tried to determine whether you're just selective with your partners or actually waiting for marriage. Things like trying to get you to their house first date, constantly going on about how hot you are but no real getting to know you conversation, talking too sexual during the first date, excessive kino, and other things like "do you think your old bones can handle me?" These incidences have happened with all the young guys who tried to get with me (and, admittedly, about half of the older ones).0 -
Well I dated a 32 year old , and I believe he was trying to use me for casual sex when I want a relationship. Go figure!0
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I actually don't think it's a valid point. Not wanting sex before marriage limits the dating pool of men at any age in my range. That's not a young vs older guy problem.
As I said in the other post, I try not to be overly sexy (promise something I can't deliver) but I obviously do not appear frigid or men could look at me, determine its never going to happen and wouldn't approach me in the first place.
Until I became exclusive with BB, I never said "no" to anyone who asked me out. Most of the young guys never made it through the first date before I excused myself, if they even made it to a first date. I kept trying though, b/c it worked so well for my mom.
Many of the things guys do to show they're only after one thing happen before they've even tried to determine whether you're just selective with your partners or actually waiting for marriage. Things like trying to get you to their house first date, constantly going on about how hot you are but no real getting to know you conversation, talking too sexual during the first date, excessive kino, and other things like "do you think your old bones can handle me?" These incidences have happened with all the young guys who tried to get with me (and, admittedly, about half of the older ones).
So you never said "no" to anyone who asked you out... And surprise, surprise, there were many men, especially young men, who wanted to sleep with you! Can't you see how you were perhaps giving off mixed signals?
If an older woman goes out with a younger man without knowing him at all beforehand, it shouldn't be a huge surprise that the younger man thinks it's probably about sex. Why else are you dating him? Because of his intelligence, worldliness, success at work? Highly unlikely for a young man, especially one you don't even know (and he knows you know practically nothing about him).
This is why I don't think your particular experience confirms that *all* young guys *only* want sex with older women. But I do believe that the vast majority of men, young and old, think sex before marriage is normal, and if that's not going to be the case, it definitely limits your possibilities, both from the older and younger crowd. And if a guy finds out on date #1 that you don't believe in sex before marriage, then him refusing to date you doesn't necessarily mean he *only* wanted sex.
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I actually don't think it's a valid point. Not wanting sex before marriage limits the dating pool of men at any age in my range. That's not a young vs older guy problem.
As I said in the other post, I try not to be overly sexy (promise something I can't deliver) but I obviously do not appear frigid or men could look at me, determine its never going to happen and wouldn't approach me in the first place.
Until I became exclusive with BB, I never said "no" to anyone who asked me out. Most of the young guys never made it through the first date before I excused myself, if they even made it to a first date. I kept trying though, b/c it worked so well for my mom.
Many of the things guys do to show they're only after one thing happen before they've even tried to determine whether you're just selective with your partners or actually waiting for marriage. Things like trying to get you to their house first date, constantly going on about how hot you are but no real getting to know you conversation, talking too sexual during the first date, excessive kino, and other things like "do you think your old bones can handle me?" These incidences have happened with all the young guys who tried to get with me (and, admittedly, about half of the older ones).
Starting from the premise that ALL men want sex (and MOST women too!), it's a bit of a shame that the internet has turned a lot of men into unmannerly douches! You seem to have dated a lot of them. We've had this conversation before. I would never meet a guy that I didnt speak to for some time before hand. If he mentions sex in the first phase of contact then there wouldnt be a date. You're right, a lot of men think that it's hip an cool to be so forward early on, but that's more a sign of internet dating than what I consider RL dating. As you've said in the past, you pretty much met anyone that asked without any prior vetting. So,you've left yourself wide open to the sex starved degenerate!
Still, there are millions of RL examples of decent guys forming relationships and enjoying a sex life too. So, I still think its rather sweeping of you to assume that all young men only want sex with older women. IOW Just cos a guy WANTS sex, doesnt mean he ONLY wants sex! Some do, some don't.0 -
I always forget this but my cousin just married someone 6 years older then him. He was 29 and she was 35. Before that he dated someone 12 years older then him.0
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I always forget this but my cousin just married someone 6 years older then him. He was 29 and she was 35. Before that he dated someone 12 years older then him.
Marvellous! :flowerforyou:
I've dated younger guys most of my life, so I know that sex isnt the only motivation. Older women have a lot to offer younger men :bigsmile:0 -
If an older woman goes out with a younger man without knowing him at all beforehand, it shouldn't be a huge surprise that the younger man thinks it's probably about sex. Why else are you dating him? Because of his intelligence, worldliness, success at work? Highly unlikely for a young man, especially one you don't even know (and he knows you know practically nothing about him).
This is why I don't think your particular experience confirms that *all* young guys *only* want sex with older women.
These two sentences contradict each other. You say on one hand of course it's about sex, why else am I dating the young guy. Then you say this is why you think my experience doesn't reinforce the notion that dating young guys is interpreted as being about sex?
News flash! Many women want sex too, but many of them could take it or leave it. This is why so many men complain that the woman they're involved in doesn't have sex like she used to. It wasn't about the sex for her. It was about the relationship. Once she got the relationship she wanted, her interest in the sex waned. Of course, guys do that too- once they get the sex, their interest in the relationship wanes. Not all guys. Not all women. But enough that comedians and movie makers profit well from these stereotypes.
@Anna, nowhere in my post did I say anything about all men being jerks. Not only am I dating a great guy, but I said time and time in reference to this post that my mom has a successful marriage with a younger man. Most guys my age have one foot already in the grave and I'm too vibrant and energetic for that. So if things don't work out with BB, I will continue to be open to a relationship with a younger man. I just prefer to go into each date being realistic about his intentions, not fooling myself and then crying about it later.
May not work for you, but I see nothing wrong with that.0 -
@Anna, nowhere in my post did I say anything about all men being jerks. Not only am I dating a great guy, but I said time and time in reference to this post that my mom has a successful marriage with a younger man. Most guys my age have one foot already in the grave and I'm too vibrant and energetic for that. So if things don't work out with BB, I will continue to be open to a relationship with a younger man. I just prefer to go into each date being realistic about his intentions, not fooling myself and then crying about it later.
May not work for you, but I see nothing wrong with that.
I know you didnt say ALL guys are jerks. I didnt either!. What I said was that the guys you have dated, that have mentioned sex in the early throws of meeting you, were douches!! I then went on to say that a lot of men have more manners than that!!
This whole conversation started because you said "all young guys only want sex". Patrick said that that statement is clouded by your anti sex stand, and I agreed. Now you're saying you would still date a younger guy. So now I'm thoroughly confused.....lol0 -
I can only speak from personal experience. My ex and I are good friends. She is 40 while I am 39. We live in a military town and she's had plenty of "dates" 21-25 age range. Every single one was only looking for one thing.
On the other hand, I've dated ladies in the 21-32 range and every one of them was wanting a relationship. As for what I wanted, I was wanting whatever blossomed out of that "relationship". I was willing to let it go anywhere our compatability led us. That being said, it usually led to these young ladies being overly posessive and jealous! I am not at all insinuating that all women in this age range are like this...just my luck of the draw.
So to me, the norm is that young man with an older woman is likely about sex and nothing else.
Have fun with it : )0 -
If an older woman goes out with a younger man without knowing him at all beforehand, it shouldn't be a huge surprise that the younger man thinks it's probably about sex. Why else are you dating him? Because of his intelligence, worldliness, success at work? Highly unlikely for a young man, especially one you don't even know (and he knows you know practically nothing about him).
This is why I don't think your particular experience confirms that *all* young guys *only* want sex with older women.
These two sentences contradict each other. You say on one hand of course it's about sex, why else am I dating the young guy. Then you say this is why you think my experience doesn't reinforce the notion that dating young guys is interpreted as being about sex?
News flash! Many women want sex too, but many of them could take it or leave it. This is why so many men complain that the woman they're involved in doesn't have sex like she used to. It wasn't about the sex for her. It was about the relationship. Once she got the relationship she wanted, her interest in the sex waned. Of course, guys do that too- once they get the sex, their interest in the relationship wanes. Not all guys. Not all women. But enough that comedians and movie makers profit well from these stereotypes.
No, they don't contradict each other. I said you shouldn't be surprised that young men assume you want sex. You have never met them, you meet on the internet, and you agree to a first date. That's not so typical (older woman, younger guy, no previous contact). I'm not saying it's wrong, I'm just saying many men, especially younger men, would - unsurprisingly - read that as an invitation for sex.
I go on to say that this does not mean ALL young guys ONLY want sex. Key words being ALL and ONLY, which is why I highlighted them in my post. I agree with you that younger guys will assume it's sex quite often. But again, your decision to date every man who asks you out, apparently with little or no contact beforehand, more or less guarantees this result. Had you done some pre-date filtering, and had you announced quite clearly before meeting any of them that you believe in sex after marriage, your dating prospects would have definitely dwindled. However, there are still men out there, even younger men, that would be willing to accept this. But the percentage is probably small. So not surprised you didn't meet any.
And the key point I was trying to make is that perhaps many of the men you see as "only wanting sex" perhaps want a relationship, but one that includes sex. That doesn't mean they ONLY want sex, but that they believe a proper, adult, healthy pre-marital relationship should include many things, including, but not limited to, sex (eventually).
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Ok wait... so many others in this thread can say a young guy approaching an older woman generally= fun, sex, don't expect more than FWB, but bc I'm against sex before marriage I'm not allowed to have the same opinion. Hm. Interesting.
FWIW, OP looks young and beautiful enough that a young guy might not just approach her for fb or fwb, though from what you posted subsequently, that does sound like his intention.0 -
Ok wait... so many others in this thread can say a young guy approaching an older woman generally= fun, sex, don't expect more than FWB, but bc I'm against sex before marriage I'm not allowed to have the same opinion. Hm. Interesting.
FWIW, OP looks young and beautiful enough that a young guy might not just approach her for fb or fwb, though from what you posted subsequently, that does sound like his intention.
I agree Janie...kinda think that it's a little odd that your words were "attacked" when others have said the same.
Look, folks, some people have different beliefs than you. Lets accept them.0 -
So... We all agree on this then? (apart from a few fools here and there)I go on to say that this does not mean ALL young guys ONLY want sex.
I agree with you that younger guys will assume it's sex quite often.
Young men will mostly want to be with an older woman for sex. But not every single one of them... Yes, yes, we all know ONE. I think that's the key thing here... People feel the need to tell others they know ONE, so clearly it's not the norm.
("Of course we like our black people here. Look, we even have a black president... if it isn't telling!")
I don't understand why a "young man" wanting sex with an "older woman" is called "a douche". Do we call the "older woman" who wants to have sex with a "younger man" a douche too? Can someone please explain?
And if a man still wants sex, but can also fall in love and even become exclusive after a while, does he stop being a douche then?
The opinion of women on MFP about casual sex? Of course I'm OK with it - as long as it's the other women doing it! :noway: Oh well.
(I guess that was more of rant than a real post... :laugh: but... reallyyyyyyy?)0 -
I don't understand why a "young man" wanting sex with an "older woman" is called "a douche". Do we call the "older woman" who wants to have sex with a "younger man" a douche too? Can someone please explain?
I would like an explanation on this too.0 -
I don't understand why a "young man" wanting sex with an "older woman" is called "a douche". Do we call the "older woman" who wants to have sex with a "younger man" a douche too? Can someone please explain?
I would like an explanation on this too.
I must scan too fast I haven't seen "young man" wanting sex with an "older woman" is called "a douche".0 -
As long as both parties go into the realationship at the begining with the same desires, FWB, casual sex, one night stand, or long term ect. that is all that matters. Once someone tries to hide their desires and tells the other person that they want what the other person wants that is when they become the douche/douchette. If a woman/guy enters a relationship where one is straight forward and saying it is all about sex but he/she thinks "that is what they say now but I can change that to a long term relationship" then they are the douche for hiding what they really want from the relationship. It goes the same with for someone that says they want a long term relationship but only really wants sex.
Moral of the story as long as both parties are up front at the begining there is nothing wrong with any situation be it casual sex, fwb or long term. Age has nothign to do with it.0 -
Ok wait... so many others in this thread can say a young guy approaching an older woman generally= fun, sex, don't expect more than FWB, but bc I'm against sex before marriage I'm not allowed to have the same opinion. Hm. Interesting.
No, that's not what I said. But I've explained it twice now, so I'm done.
--P0 -
I don't understand why a "young man" wanting sex with an "older woman" is called "a douche". Do we call the "older woman" who wants to have sex with a "younger man" a douche too? Can someone please explain?
I would like an explanation on this too.
I must scan too fast I haven't seen "young man" wanting sex with an "older woman" is called "a douche".
Me neither! :huh:
I think I used the word douche when referring to HOW a man approaches a woman on dating sites EG sending his junk pics, asking for sex before even establishing common ground, suggesting a meet round his house before a proper date..............etc
Perhaps thats where the confusion lies?
As for people wanting sex........ermm...........what's new?? **ONLY** wanting sex was the part that was in question. But everyone seems to think that young men and older women are only interested in fornication, when it's not NECESSARILY the case.
Anyone possibly think the young guy might just fancy an intelligent conversation with a self assured woman not hung up on marriage and kids?? AS WELL AS experience, company, laughs, cuddles, sex?? Anyone possibly think that the older woman fancies talking to a guy not bitter about their divorce, who is fun, flighty, sexy, cocky, adventurous, hard and not bald??
God forbid us to be human and interested in other things, apart from sex...........:huh:0 -
I don't understand why a "young man" wanting sex with an "older woman" is called "a douche". Do we call the "older woman" who wants to have sex with a "younger man" a douche too? Can someone please explain?
I would like an explanation on this too.
I must scan too fast I haven't seen "young man" wanting sex with an "older woman" is called "a douche".
Me neither. I certainly never said that.0 -
I don't understand why a "young man" wanting sex with an "older woman" is called "a douche". Do we call the "older woman" who wants to have sex with a "younger man" a douche too? Can someone please explain?
I would like an explanation on this too.
Clearly it's a typo. A young man wanting to have sex with an older woman is spelled a "blessing" B L E S S I N G. Blessing. :laugh:
Everybody in this thread got way too serious, lighten up guys!0 -
I used the term *kitten* to describe someone as a "user" but apparently it can only be addressed when it's taken out of context.0
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The irony of it all is that if it's just about sex. .than the poor OP is in for some serious disappointment. . .0
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Not every young person into older adults is a shallow *kitten* user out for just money or sex.
^^ Exactly. My last BF was 12 years younger than me - and he said when we initially met he thought I was maybe 4 years older than him but that was IT! He wasn't kidding either. Now he looked OLDER to me, and I guessed him closer to my age due to the way he carried himself and the way he spoke. He said he liked "older women" because they were less drama and typically were easier to get along with. We got along great and shared a lot of the same interests in music and sports, etc. He was the one that started going around introducing me as his GF to his friends, not the other way around. He started that part.... and oddly when I finally broke up with him (yes, he ended up moving in) HE was the one that got his heart ripped out - go figure!
BTW his mom married a guy 10 years younger... so he was used to an "older woman" being head of household when he grew up, so to him, it was "normal".....0 -
I always forget this but my cousin just married someone 6 years older then him. He was 29 and she was 35. Before that he dated someone 12 years older then him.
OMG lol.... uhm... that's my ex I just talked about to a "T".... LOL!!!
He got married? I just heard from him last week.
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D.T.F.0
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DM is right though, a 23 year old doesn't see a 40 year old as a potential serious mate.
Sorry ladies, but this is as true as it gets! You can ask him if he's serious, and he'll say he is.... BUT HE ISNT!!!!0 -
DM is right though, a 23 year old doesn't see a 40 year old as a potential serious mate.
Sorry ladies, but this is as true as it gets! You can ask him if he's serious, and he'll say he is.... BUT HE ISNT!!!!
Exactly. Guys will say whatever a woman wants to hear in order to get in their pants. I've used the line "I'm sick of younger women and their drama" many times to get to know older women.
Now, I'm not saying all men are liars and will say anything to get what they want. But, if a line sounds ridiculous like:
"I'm sick of these fake women and want a real women like you"
"younger women have too much drama, I want a mature woman like you"
"I'm sick of women who wear make-up, I want an all natural women like you"
They're so full of crap! The purpose of these lines is to solely boost a woman's ego and put her on a pedestal so that she gives it up much easier.0
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