Really Struggling...
Moxie42
Posts: 1,400 Member
So here's the situation and I apologize in advance for the length of this...
I quit in Feb 2012 for about 3 months. Then I started cheating. At that point I never actually felt a strong nicotine craving for no reason. I had NO problem not smoking at work, at home by myself, in the car, etc. I could go days without smoking, easily. But as soon as I was around smokers (inevitable since my fiance was smoking, most of my friends smoke, and everyone on my pool league team smokes), I would want a cig like no other. I know the addiction is in my head now- it's a mental thing.
My biggest problem has been staying strong when I've had a couple drinks. The solution seems obvious- don't drink. And I have definitely cut down. I only drink at get-togethers with friends (doesn't happen very often), and at pool league. But there's the problem. Pool league. It's twice a week and always at bars. Everyone drinks and almost everyone smokes. To not do either feels, idk, strange...I feel left out. I've asked friends to not let me bum but that never lasts. I've tried ecigs, the kind without nicotine, but I don't want to rely on those...I have asthma that has gotten out of control...ecigs are better than normal ones of course but even the water vapor causes some tightness in my lungs.
I feel like my will power just sucks...why can't I hang out with friends, or be on this team (something I absolutely love to be involved in) and be content not drinking or smoking at all? Why do I replace one bad habit with another and how do I get this cycle to stop? I know that's what this is. It's like I have all the control in the world to not smoke or drink when I'm alone...it's not even HARD...but as soon as I'm with friends or at league, I turn into this weak person.
I just don't know what to do. And all the carrot sticks and gum in the world hasn't been helping. I even wrote a list down of reasons to quit to try to stay motivated. Any thoughts would be appreciated... :ohwell:
I quit in Feb 2012 for about 3 months. Then I started cheating. At that point I never actually felt a strong nicotine craving for no reason. I had NO problem not smoking at work, at home by myself, in the car, etc. I could go days without smoking, easily. But as soon as I was around smokers (inevitable since my fiance was smoking, most of my friends smoke, and everyone on my pool league team smokes), I would want a cig like no other. I know the addiction is in my head now- it's a mental thing.
My biggest problem has been staying strong when I've had a couple drinks. The solution seems obvious- don't drink. And I have definitely cut down. I only drink at get-togethers with friends (doesn't happen very often), and at pool league. But there's the problem. Pool league. It's twice a week and always at bars. Everyone drinks and almost everyone smokes. To not do either feels, idk, strange...I feel left out. I've asked friends to not let me bum but that never lasts. I've tried ecigs, the kind without nicotine, but I don't want to rely on those...I have asthma that has gotten out of control...ecigs are better than normal ones of course but even the water vapor causes some tightness in my lungs.
I feel like my will power just sucks...why can't I hang out with friends, or be on this team (something I absolutely love to be involved in) and be content not drinking or smoking at all? Why do I replace one bad habit with another and how do I get this cycle to stop? I know that's what this is. It's like I have all the control in the world to not smoke or drink when I'm alone...it's not even HARD...but as soon as I'm with friends or at league, I turn into this weak person.
I just don't know what to do. And all the carrot sticks and gum in the world hasn't been helping. I even wrote a list down of reasons to quit to try to stay motivated. Any thoughts would be appreciated... :ohwell:
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I am sorry you are struggling. I am also a social drinker and it was very hard for me to say no when others that I usually smoked with went to have a cigarette. In the past, that's when I threw in the towel.
I don't have any words that are going to make you power through it any easier. It is tough, it isn't easy, but you can do it. I really found a lot of help using the Allen Carr book "Easy Way to Stop Smoking." My library has it so I am sure others do or you can buy it at any book store. It really gave me the kick in the butt that I needed and I know others on this board have had success with it too. It certainly can't hurt to give it a read.0 -
Thanks for the recommendation- I'll see if the library has it. I'll try anything at this point!
I think I answered my own question too. Drinking makes me want to smoke and therefore I need to take a break from drinking...that would be good for weight loss anyway. And I need to ask my friends and teammates not to offer me drinks or cigs, and ask them not to smoke in front of me (at league it's my choice to stay inside of course, but no more having friends smoke in the car or in our garage, where we hang out and play pool). Sucks but it's better than feeling like crap all the time because I keep letting myself down.0 -
I agree with that book. Its very repetative and takes a bit to get into but what harm can it do? If it helps its worth it if it doesnt least you read it
Seems to point out that your not giving anything up, your gaining and freeing yourself from being an addict. Im only on day 3 so i dont know much yet but you can do it!0 -
That's a good point too. I'm feeling left out because I'm not feeding an addiction or drinking empty calories? That doesn't even make sense. I'll definitely check out that book- it can't hurt and I've heard anyone say it hasn't helped them. I'll cut out the drinks too since it's clearly my brain's go-to excuse for smoking. I'm just so sick of being a slave to cigarettes! But I know the only way that will change is if I just STOP. I need to think of myself as a non-smoker, not someone trying to quit. That made a big difference when I did actually manage to get a few months under my belt.0
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I was a smoker for almost 20 years.I tried to quit smoking cold-turkey 3 months ago, but then I started using the patch. It worked for a while, so I took it off and carried nicotine gum.
I found myself craving cigarettes and I was also very moody. So I did some research and found the best electronic cigarette online. My doctor says it is 80% healthier than smoking (it's as harmful to the body as caffeine). He said that the nicotine wasn't the issue, it was the transport system: 500 degree burning cigarette with tar, tobacco, and all the chemicals they put into it to burn the paper evenly.
I carry it around (it charges via USB) and the cartridges are about $1.50 each, the equivalent to about 1 pack of smokes. It looks like a cigarette but you can smoke it anywhere. I used to smoke about 2 packs a day, but now I puff on the e-cig only a few times a day when I have a craving.
I recently quit drinking because I want to exercise and lose weight. the e-cig helps me a lot. I can still take my "smoking breaks" with my buddies so I don't feel left out. I can also "smoke" (or "vape") anywhere--subways, bars, even at work.
Not trying to push a product or anything but I tried quitting so many times and I was successful for a while but eventually went back to smoking. With my electronic cigarette, the coughing has stopped, I have more stamina during my workouts, and I don't stink like an ash tray anymore.
I tried to smoke a real cigarette the other day and I almost threw up! Hope this helps.0 -
Thanks alexdiachok! I did have a disposable one for a while. The vapor still caused a little "pang" in the lungs if I used it too much but I'd much rather have that than a real cig...it would help a LOT in situations where I'm around smokers, which is really the only time I'm even tempted to smoke anymore. What kind do you use? I've found that some are more realistic and effective than others. I'm interested in trying the non-nicotine ones too since my problems seems to be in my head (I can go days without craving a smoke if I'm not around smokers).0
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The company is called "V2", http://www.v2cigs.com/6041.html if you want to check them out. You can also get 10% off your order by using this coupon code: 10offecig or 15% off starter kits by using this coupon code: 15offkits .They have full nicotine, medium, light, and no-nicotine cartridges. They are very realistic, and a whole lot better than the disposable ones which I thought were horrible.
I live in NYC, and it's actually kinda fun using them in public areas. I even had a police officer come up to me for "smoking" on the subway platform apologize to me after I showed the V2 e-cig to him! Wish I had a video camera for that.
I am gradually cutting down on the nicotine vapor. Hopefully I will be ordering the non-nicotine cartridges by the summertime.0 -
Awesome, thanks for the recommendation!!!! Hopefully they have them at the gas station by my house but if not, I'll get a disposable for tonight, and just order the V2 or find a store that has them.0
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I tried the electronic cigs, menthol ones tasty lol. I did find i was using it as well as normal cigarettes but they def work for some people. If your taking something with nicotine your still an addict though0
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It's not you at all, we're REALLY prone to want to smoke in the presence of cues, like seeing other smokers (maybe especially friends or family). Our brains do this faster than we can help it. I think the way is total avoidance of these people until you build up alternative strategies.
Idk, I was unable to quit until the person I live with also agreed to quit. I would try for a day, and never make it to lunch.
I agree you should put yourself in nonsmoking environments exclusively as long as you need to. No ashtrays, nothing like that around, nothing to remind you smoking even happens.
Then also, try to stop thinking of smoking as a good time you're missing out on, that connects with memories from the past. It's not. It's cancer, emphysema, COPD, horrible stuff that could very easily happen to you if you keep on smoking. Don't envy them, feel sorry for them. They're hurting themselves.
Have you read Alan Carr's Easy Way to Stop Smoking? It helped me develop a real disgust for cigarettes, smoking, and even smokers (while they smoke).
Mind you, as I say, I hated the stink and everything for a good year before I was able to give it up, and that was ONLY when my immediate environment no longer included smoking.
I'm doing ok with avoidance for now, but if it looks like it might be an issue, I might try hypnosis, which actually has some support, apparently. I don't even care if it's a placebo, every bit helps.0 -
I do plan on reading it but haven't gotten to the library yet. Living with a smoker has definitely been one of the challenges. My fiance has been quitting on-and-off and for a long time, anytime he relapsed, I did too. I'm really determined not to let his lapse influence my decisions though. When I had quit for 3 months, he was still smoking the first two...then he said "if you can do it, so can I," and he quit for a month (until we both relapsed). Right now he's not smoking, which helps.
The ecig I have is menthol flavored (I smoked menthols) but I got the nicotine-free kind. Other than an occasional passing thought, I don't want to smoke if I'm not around it so I'm trying to avoid nicotine. The ecig just gives me something to go to when I feel desperate. I'm sure someday I won't even need that but I feel more confident in my ability to refuse a cig if I have something else to go to. It's all in my head I know.
Feeling much more confident today though. I got through pool league without smoking for the first time. I also got on an asthma-management medication so I'm really looking forward to feeling good and working out again.0 -
I have a stress ball on my key chain. Whenever I get the urge to smoke I just squeeze that a couple times. But, I am concerned that the ecig might lead you back to wanting a real cig. But it is good that you are doing the nicotine-free kind. Every once in a while I will get an urge when I smell smoke. But to be honest, when I smell others around me with cig smoke on them it makes me gag now.
Keep it up! If you stumble, just get back up and keep going. Everyone falls sometimes.0 -
Yeah, I can understand that concern for sure but so far so good. I've only used it, or even thought about it, at pool league or when I'm around a group of friends smoking. I don't even bring it to work or when I'm out and about. I'm sure it will help when I'm on vacation too, since my fiance and I always used to make exceptions when we were traveling (dumb, I know).
I have to admit I like the smell of cigs when someone is smoking (I hate the old, stale cig smell) but thankfully it doesn't trigger a craving too badly and I know what the "after-smell" is that I really hate that.0
