I try to remember to "breathe", keep positive in my thoughts and actions, because my triggers are also "my family". ..... the put downs, insults, the way that they act towards me....or so I thought....but really I've come to the realization that for me...it's my reaction and my poor self-esteem that keeps me reacting badly, and choosing to comfort myself with food.
I didn't know I was so full of repressed anger. I had no idea that I took the insults and pretended it didn't bother me, when it really did. I have been holding all of this repressed anger inside...and had no idea!!
It's terrible to go thru life, feeling so un-wanted and un-loved, the problem child, the one that made every situation "worse". I didn't see any value in myself, because I was told I was good for nothing, ugly, horrible, and worthless. The one that was made the example of.....because I was the oldest, I grew up like a modern day version of Cinderella...the maid/slave, the one never allowed anything, the one beaten and verbally abused for literally nothing by my overly narcisistic mother. My childhood, the one I really didn't have, was torture. I had no one to stand up for me, no one.
Forgiveness has set me free. I had to learn to love myself and be my own mother, best friend, and whatever else I needed....but those old wounds are still there. Why do I "myself" keep the abuse going by over-eating and not taking good care of myself? I abuse myself with food, I've become my abuser. If I really wanted to show them, I would stop stuffing myself with food and lose my weight and exercise. Become my best self. But I don't, instead I let myself emotionally crumble when people insult me about my weight and turn to some comfort food. My post is about me being really honest about what keeps me from reaching my goals and becoming the woman I want to be....from what my triggers are, to how I deal with them, to how I overcome them...completely. I'm still working on this and discovering, fine tuning what works and what doesn't. Your group and your input and support have helped me so very much!!

I think that I read somewhere that abused children a high percentage of the time become overweight adults, almost like the extra layers of fat are to insulate and protect us from any further harm. Oh....how childhood trauma, abuse, etc., ....how that baggage is carries into our adulthood with us and effects us. And it's not easy navigating our way out of it and learning to overcome it.
I don't like to think about the past, it makes me sad and feeling depressed. I only recall the past for the purpose of learning from it.
Sometimes certain things happen that will trigger a memory or a feeling. Sometimes things are said or done that will leave me feeling exactly the same way as when I was a child....those are triggers for me that make me an emotional eater. I use food to numb and comfort myself. Also, when I feel unloved, I'll fill myself up with food. Also, sweets trigger me to keep eating, and over-eating...those type of foods make me react like an addict. Sugar addict, I crave it, and can't get enough of it. Once I stop eating all sweets for 3 days, and stay away from it completely...I don't need it or want it, or crave it any longer.
My mother is my biggest perpetrator, she pushes my buttons and is a constant trigger for me...so i can completely understand how you feel. Lots of times, I need a break from my mother and I distance myself from her. I don't know what else to do, so this works temporarily. It's so important to love yourself, and to have the love of your husband, son, and other good friends. Don't let anyone destroy your happiness. Make yourself happy everyday...do small things for yourself and treat yourself to say a bubble bath or a book or paint your nails...anything no matter how small. Be the creator of your own happiness everyday. I know this sounds kind of corny but it does work. You know, I'm here for you, too! You're a really sweet person, and I'm always here to listen or offer my opinion or suggestions. And I really, really, really want us to accomplish our weightloss/fitness goals!!! So let's do it!!