So I feel into a wormhole on Men's Health dating blog. I don't even know how I ended up there but I found this article about the 5 Mistakes guys Make in Online Dating. I thought it was interesting and 100% true. What do you guys think?

http://blogs.menshealth.com/girl-next-door/5-mistakes-guys-make-in-online-dating/2010/09/23/


5 Mistakes Guys Make in Online Dating

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A few weeks ago, I signed up for an online dating website. I told myself I wouldn’t blog about my experiences – don’t need someone I’m chatting with to Google me and then read about himself. (I mean, honestly – wouldn’t you alter the way you behave if you knew that someone was going to pick apart your actions and words for an audience after the fact?)

But here’s the thing: You guys need this.

It’s a general rule that any moderately attractive woman on an online dating site will receive a near-avalanche of messages, winks, and IMs from men (and women!) on a pretty regular basis. So if you want to date someone you’ve found online, your first priority is to make sure you stand out from the (questionably literate) masses. And you want to do that in a positive way. Based on my brief experience so far, here are five mistakes guys make while online dating–and what to do instead.

Mistake 1: The “Wink” and “Add to Favorites”


Here’s what I think when I see a message in my inbox that says “HotGuy123 has winked at you” or “StudlyCakes555 has added you to his favorites”: Okay. Delete. Winking, or adding to favorites, is a sweet gesture in theory–it’s supposed to indicate that you think the girl is cute or interesting, or that you’ve enjoyed her profile. But it’s also lazy as hell and puts the onus on the woman to actually initiate contact. And unless you’ve got Shemar Moore looks or a profile so amusing it makes her snort milk out her nose, she’s likely not going to have impetus enough to do that. So you think she’s cute. So do all the other dudes winking at her and adding her to favorites.

Do this instead: Send a message. Use an original subject line, so it stands out from the crowd of “hey” and “hi” and “no subject”. Start with a friendly or humorous opening. Comment on one or several things she mentioned in her profile. Ask her a question about one of them, to give her extra incentive to write back. Include some information about yourself. And sign off kindly, ideally with your real first name. According to the OKCupid trends blog post about “Exactly What to Say in a First Message,” keep the whole thing under 200 words, use proper grammar and spelling, and avoid complimenting her on her appearance. (I know these rules make the whole process fairly formulaic, but again, there’s actual science behind most of it, not to mention quite a bit of personal experiential bias. There is little more annoying than a “hey girl ur hot lol” message).

Mistake 2: The Instant Message


It doesn’t matter if you’re hot, fascinating, hilarious, or someone I was planning on talking to anyway. When you send me an instant message, you annoy the hell out of me. The problem with online communication is that text is the only medium by which to interpret what someone says. There are no facial expressions, no tone changes, no pauses for inflection or dramatic effect. IMing with a complete stranger doesn’t teach you much about that person, other than the fact that maybe she or he is busy and only responds every three minutes, or maybe she or he uses “haha” too much, or maybe she or he has nothing to say to you, because you don’t actually know each other. IMing a woman, especially before you’ve had any contact with her, is a distracting imposition, more likely to get you blocked or ignored than a date.

Do this instead: Again, send a message (the e-mail version, not the chat version). If you really want to IM with a woman, ask, via message, if it’s okay to IM her. “This conversation might be easier to have in closer-to-real time… can I IM you?” But, again, if you’re already at the stage where you’re having full conversations, it would probably be better to ask for a date, instead. “This conversation might be easier to have in real time… are you free to grab coffee sometime this week?”

Mistake 3: The Lonely Photo


This should be obvious: First impressions are almost entirely about looks. Call me shallow, but if you only have one photo, or a string of photos that obscure your face, I’m likely not going to respond. I’m not looking for a studmuffin here, but I want to know that there’s at least some spark of attraction off the bat.

Do this instead: Include a number of photos. If you want to know what makes a good photo, check out the OKCupid trends blog posts, “Your Looks and Your Inbox,” “Don’t Be Ugly By Accident,” and “The 4 Big Myths of Profile Pictures.” These three posts alone should help you learn exactly what kind of camera to use, what lighting works best, what time of day to take your pictures, and whether you should smile, look at the camera, pose in a group, or keep your shirt on (or not). From me, you’ll get this: I like guys who smile, and who show both the front of their face and a profile shot. (Also, as I’ve said before, facial hair never hurts).

Mistake 4: The Profile Length Problem

Think of your ideal lady as Goldilocks. Your profile should be neither too long, nor too short–you’re aiming for just right. When I see a guy who’s written over 1,000 words on his profile, I think he’s self-centered, long-winded, and not nearly as interesting as he thinks he is. If I see a guy with only one to five words per “essay” box, I assume he’s lazy, not actually interested in meeting women, or has nothing of value to say.

Do this instead: Try to make your entire profile reach 500 words. Talk about things you like, things you do, and things you’d like to do. Be honest, and be yourself (I know, I know). And, just a little pet peeve–keep it positive! Negativity is an epic and somewhat scary turnoff.

Mistake 5: The Angry-Because-I-Neglected-You Follow-Up Message


I’ve been arguing with a male friend of mine about this one for longer than I’ve even been on the online dating site, so it’s possible that you guys are going to disagree with me vehemently (he sure does). Here’s the basic point: If a woman doesn’t respond to your message, don’t take it personally. And, more importantly, don’t send her an angry, spite-filled follow-up message demanding an explanation, apology, or rejection, because you somehow feel she owes you one. She doesn’t. Sure, it would be polite for her to send a kind rejection letter to every guy she’s not interested in (“Thanks for the message. I don’t feel the spark here, but good luck in your search.”). But she doesn’t owe you anything, and she certainly doesn’t deserve your guilt-tripping ire.

Do this instead: If she hasn’t responded at all to your first message, consider it a lost cause and find someone else to pursue. If she initially responded to one or more of your messages and has since dropped off the face of the planet, it’s perfectly acceptable for you to send a follow-up, simply saying, “Hi, there, hope you’re having a great week.” It’s even acceptable to send something more revealing, like, “I was excited to talk to you earlier, and would love to keep the conversation going if you’re interested.” See, it’s possible that she’s just become overwhelmed with winks and favorite adds and missed chats and insanely ineffective “hey ur hot let’s chat” messages that your old conversation has fallen downqueue and she needs a reminder. There was a reason she messaged you back in the first place, after all.