let's talk ... texting etiquette
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@ Cesar - I love the way you bounce!! :laugh:0
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Still working through the responses... but here's what I think so far....
Love the article about guys who exclusively text. I've found that when a man is really interested he will call or come see you. I hate wasting time on the phone (I have too much to do) so if you would have told me 5 months ago that BB and I would talk on the phone for an hour or two (almost) every night I'd have laughed at you. I never talk like that. But we have. For 5 months. Except for a week or so after I told him I wasn't sure this was gonna work out after I moved. It's funny how you make time to talk to the people that are really important to you.
What I DO like about texting is that it allows me to respond to someone whose call I can't take or when I'm otherwise occupied in a situation where it would be rude to call someone (such as standing in line at the store). I also like how if I don't want to talk to someone I can just let them text me what they want and get to it later. That way business still gets done. Or, if I know my friends would be busy getting dinner ready or running the kids around but I wanna tell them something I can shoot a quick text and they can get back with me when it's convenient.
That said, my jobs change every so often but I typically work in secure environments where I can't have my phone during the day so I don't like how texting has become the new standard for most relationships AND friendships.0 -
There's no excuse for asking a woman (or a man, as the case may be) out via text. There just isn't. It's not about needs or demands. It's about preferences, and I prefer to date men with proper manners.
This is something Janie has talked about a lot on here before, and it bears repeating: men talk a good game when it comes to not wanting to date women who have standards for how they expect to be treated, but the truth is that when you meet a woman who blows you away, you will forget all about the "I don't like needy and demanding women" crap. You will court her in whatever way she expects you to because you realize she's the exact opposite of needy, that she actually has a measure of self-respect that is uncommon among women today, and that she has CHOSEN you. And you will rise to the occasion because that's what men do for women they truly want to be with.
I resent the implication that just because a woman is chill and low maintenance that she has lower standards and therefore shouldn't be respected or appreciated as a woman. There are a lot of men who have been very pleased with my attitude, not because I'm "easy" but because I am simple.0 -
Now that I’ve read through the rest some more thoughts… I don’t mind if someone asks me out via text (especially if we met online) but if that’s ALL they do it’s usually been a sign he’s not that interested in me. One of my best guy friends used to send texts out to all the ladies in his phone “Wanna come to the Redskins game with me today at 1?” or, “Wanna grab dinner at XZY tonight?” He’d pick the best response and then tell the rest of us “I changed my mind” or “sorry, something came up.” I only found this out years after we’d dated and he’d moved on to the woman he’s about to marry. I sooooo thought those texts were just for me.
Another category of guy who has asked me out via text is the kind who has very low esteem and can’t stomach the possible face to face rejection. This kind of guy, IMNSHO, shouldn’t be dating until he’s more comfortable with himself. Maybe other ladies in this forum could date someone who lacks this much confidence but I’m not a good fit for that kind of guy.
And as to the asking out the right day/way/etc... well, if a guy only calls me at the last minute for a date then that tells me I'm the gap filler/back up plan. Not his first choice. I may still go out with him that night if I'm bored, but I keep in mind there's no "relationship" potential. He's just not that into me. In the 4 months when I was in Shreveport, BB never let a date end without setting up the next one. I was so flattered, and I knew he was serious. Now that I've moved, it's different, but even with his visits he's planned out the next visit before he gets on the plane to go back home.0 -
So it seems we've established this:
Women who text: should not be respected and have no standards.
Men who text: are rude control freaks
Women who do not text: high maintenance brats
Men who do not text: old fashioned and demanding.
Glad we got that cleared up. Too bad we couldn't just realize that we all have different communication preferences and that our match will have similar methods, or one/both parties would be willing to adapt. We couldn't realize that no one is wrong and that while each preference says something about the individual it boiled down to each side bashing the other.0 -
I resent the implication that just because a woman is chill and low maintenance that she has lower standards and therefore shouldn't be respected or appreciated as a woman. There are a lot of men who have been very pleased with my attitude, not because I'm "easy" but because I am simple.
I don't equate chill personality to having no standards. The right guy for you will certainly appreciate your chill personality. I think that's a great thing!
That said, I do note that many women I talk to (or read in the forums) who try to be "chill" and "cool" and let men get away with things like standing them up or asking them out at the last minute DO find themselves treated worse than "Miss high maintenance" that those non committal "I'm not ready for a relationship" guys put on a pedestal.0 -
Who's bashing? The feeling I got from this thread is that everyone's different in how they feel about texting.0
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Yes...really everyone is different. I interpret chronic texting as lacking in social skills or interest in me. I am probably wrong on many accounts. But that is exactly why I want someone with a similar communication style who also puts value in that.0
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That said, I do note that many women I talk to (or read in the forums) who try to be "chill" and "cool" and let men get away with things like standing them up or asking them out at the last minute DO find themselves treated worse than "Miss high maintenance" that those non committal "I'm not ready for a relationship" guys put on a pedestal.
haha this was the old Kim... I've been trying to change all this
I learned in my last relationship that sitting back and trying to play it cool (cool in my terms, not in others) just caused alot more resentment and nothing had changed. I was still upset with the lack of my needs being met, and he just got all he wanted.
I am learning to pipe up a bit!
So for some being cool and chill works for them as they have their standards... being cool and chill for me meant I would just let a guy do whatever he pleased and I would smile and say 'hey no worries, I understand you stood me up, let's try again'0 -
Being cool and chill doesn't mean being a doormat that will allow people to walk all over them. I am usually more chill about things like I don't require a guy to do all the old fashion things but if he stands me up he will be nexted. Actually if the guy is late and doesn't have a good excuse he will be nexted. I am up front by what is important to me but what I deem to be high maintenance where you put unnessecary requirements on others is just not me.0
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I hate talking on the phone and always have. Even before texting and smart phones and the internet (I didn't have internet until later in high school), I hated it. Now it's even worse, haha. I'd much prefer texting, emailing, or chatting online to talking on the phone. I'm perfectly fine (albeit shy and quiet until I get comfortable, and even then I sometimes come across as a bit socially awkward) with face-to-face communication, but I'm totally and completely weirded out talking on the phone.0
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Maybe I shouldn't say cool/chill, maybe I shoudl say I was too accomadating...0
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I like talking through text because I like to think of my own responses, but that first meeting/date after you've texted for a week like BFFs is normally kinda awkward. Suddenly, I don't know what to say, or how to act.... I become self conscious of the way I am drinking coffee out of a cup. LOL
I HATE when I am having a full blown conversation with someone and they just drop off. It's one thing if the conversation comes to a screeching halt (like ending in one word responses.) But... I will say that if I really like someone, I can be a little bit over eager to speak to them. So when a conversation is clearly dieing down, I will ignore the signs and try to liven it back up. LOL.. then I look like THAT crazy lady.0 -
That idea serves as a nice passage to say that I also disagree with your notion about texting being lazy and disrepectful. It's a new technology and has changed the options that are available. Imagine how absurd an argument similar to yours would sound regarding the telephone. At some point the phone was a new technology. Can you imagine hearing, "There is no excuse to call someone to ask them on a date. A proper gentleman will show up at a lady's house to ask her out?" At some point in history such a mindset may have occured but as time went on, it would now be considered laughable.
haha actually there was a time when courting was done in person and a proper gentleman would show up to a lady's house to ask her out, haha. I love this kinda thing that's why I love watching Downton Abbey and all those old time movies and shows
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I love being asked out by text. I can read it again and again and relive the moment. I've got time to think and react. I find texts really quite cool for confirming all sorts of engagements :bigsmile:
Agree with DavidB & Roadie - its 'new' technology (well, actually, it's getting old now) get with the 21st century ladies!! Your knight no longer wears shining Armour nor rides a white horse. He now carries a smart phone on his way to the gym where he can text you whiles he's running on the treadmill and thinking of you. Why is that such a bad thing??
And then, when I get home from work at about 10.30pm and cook something to eat, and he's fallen asleep on the sofa, I can text my acceptance and he has a nice text to wake up to in the morning.
Manners??? Sounds perfectly civil and mannerly to me :flowerforyou:
Perhaps the problem here is some people have more time on their hands than others??
Anna, I love your optimism
maybe you are right maybe some ppl have more time than others. but I think it also has to do with how much you like someone.
if its a friend, they can get back to you within a week and you don't mind, that would never bother you, in fact u may have forgotten what the hell you asked them to begin with.....but if its someone u like and just getting to know, you are probably anxious to hear back and rather not worry about being poofed on.
I don't think I'm that chill, that I think its ok for a guy to drop off mid conversation, I hate that too. I do rather a phone call like at night or on weekends or whatever to talk about something or make plans that way there is no misunderstandings (sometimes Its actually harder to explain something/discuss plans via text than to talk about it). but I don't think there's anything wrong with a guy asking you out via text, I would rather a phone call but I won't dismiss it.
Like Anna, I will probably look back at it and smile
You are 100% right. I don't doubt your comments for a moment. I spent most of today analyzing how me, myself, and I felt, and I realized a lot. I've never been in this type situation before, I have never moved forward from my past, still highly affected by something. I don't think I even realized how much I was affected by 'date 5 guy' until 'funny guy' came along. It's really too bad, becuase he was a nice guy, but at the end of the day it wasn't meant to be - I learned a lot. I have been hurt so much in my past, that I am so scared to missed the signs again, I am causing the signs myself & sabotaging. It's really a crappy feeling to sit here and realize this about yourself. Today was a day of discovery for me, and while I have no proof the guy has poofed on me, I have decided for myself that I need to move on.
Thanks guys....
^^^so glad you realized this. :flowerforyou:
I know what you mean by feeling scared to get hurt again so you become guarded. Its hard to balance being laid back and being careful without coming off as either a doormat or a control freak haha.0 -
That idea serves as a nice passage to say that I also disagree with your notion about texting being lazy and disrepectful. It's a new technology and has changed the options that are available. Imagine how absurd an argument similar to yours would sound regarding the telephone. At some point the phone was a new technology. Can you imagine hearing, "There is no excuse to call someone to ask them on a date. A proper gentleman will show up at a lady's house to ask her out?" At some point in history such a mindset may have occured but as time went on, it would now be considered laughable.
haha actually there was a time when courting was done in person and a proper gentleman would show up to a lady's house to ask her out, haha. I love this kinda thing that's why I love watching Downton Abbey and all those old time movies and shows
I just watched Pride and Prejudie over the weekend. My romance-o-meter was on high! No texting, phone calls, etc.. he had to come to your place. WOW. I'd be anxious 24/7 lol.0 -
That idea serves as a nice passage to say that I also disagree with your notion about texting being lazy and disrepectful. It's a new technology and has changed the options that are available. Imagine how absurd an argument similar to yours would sound regarding the telephone. At some point the phone was a new technology. Can you imagine hearing, "There is no excuse to call someone to ask them on a date. A proper gentleman will show up at a lady's house to ask her out?" At some point in history such a mindset may have occured but as time went on, it would now be considered laughable.
haha actually there was a time when courting was done in person and a proper gentleman would show up to a lady's house to ask her out, haha. I love this kinda thing that's why I love watching Downton Abbey and all those old time movies and shows
I just watched Pride and Prejudie over the weekend. My romance-o-meter was on high! No texting, phone calls, etc.. he had to come to your place. WOW. I'd be anxious 24/7 lol.
I love pride and prejudice! See I would be less anxious cuz if they went through the trouble of coming to your home and following all those formalities you know he was serious. Anyone can send a text/email/fb message nowadays
Also the rules of courting were more defined and more proper so you knew if a guy was courting you, usually, he wasn't just trying to get into your pants. that goes back to no s.e.x. before marriage days tho lol0 -
you know, that's true. i am just impatient but then again, it didn't take too long before a guy asked for your hand in marriage.0
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you know, that's true. i am just impatient but then again, it didn't take too long before a guy asked for your hand in marriage.
exactly! haha so no need to wonder or test your patience haha0 -
you know, that's true. i am just impatient but then again, it didn't take too long before a guy asked for your hand in marriage.
LOL I (partly) wish that we still lived in times of arranged marriages. Then I could just kick back and not deal with the emotional rollercoaster. That is, of course, if I got stuck with someone awesome. I retract this whole statement if it would mean I would be forced to marry a jerk.0 -
Yeah these days if I just showed up at somebody's house to ask them out I'd probably get slapped with a restraining order.That idea serves as a nice passage to say that I also disagree with your notion about texting being lazy and disrepectful. It's a new technology and has changed the options that are available. Imagine how absurd an argument similar to yours would sound regarding the telephone. At some point the phone was a new technology. Can you imagine hearing, "There is no excuse to call someone to ask them on a date. A proper gentleman will show up at a lady's house to ask her out?" At some point in history such a mindset may have occured but as time went on, it would now be considered laughable.
haha actually there was a time when courting was done in person and a proper gentleman would show up to a lady's house to ask her out, haha. I love this kinda thing that's why I love watching Downton Abbey and all those old time movies and shows0 -
LOL..... Yeah, I'd be a bit creeped out if a man showed up at my door to ask me out.
As someone already said, I do believe it comes down to personal communication styles. Just find someone that is compatible to you and go with it. Don't necessarily be "offended" if a man asks you out via text. Just understand that your communication skills are different. If that's your dealbreaker, move on to the next man.0 -
Yeah these days if I just showed up at somebody's house to ask them out I'd probably get slapped with a restraining order.
Nah, I wouldn't 0 -
you know, that's true. i am just impatient but then again, it didn't take too long before a guy asked for your hand in marriage.
LOL I (partly) wish that we still lived in times of arranged marriages. Then I could just kick back and not deal with the emotional rollercoaster. That is, of course, if I got stuck with someone awesome. I retract this whole statement if it would mean I would be forced to marry a jerk.
Yeah, that's the life. Being a piece of property, hoping that whoever bought you from your parents is a decent man and sees you as a human being instead of just livestock that he can procreate with.
Good, traditional romance right there. :laugh:0 -
you know, that's true. i am just impatient but then again, it didn't take too long before a guy asked for your hand in marriage.
LOL I (partly) wish that we still lived in times of arranged marriages. Then I could just kick back and not deal with the emotional rollercoaster. That is, of course, if I got stuck with someone awesome. I retract this whole statement if it would mean I would be forced to marry a jerk.
Yeah, that's the life. Being a piece of property, hoping that whoever bought you from your parents is a decent man and sees you as a human being instead of just livestock that he can procreate with.
Good, traditional romance right there. :laugh:
HAHAHA! Only if he turned out to be a good man, would I like this.0 -
"Thanks for rescuing me from that burning building, but it was awfully rude of you to not take your hat off first."
This reminds me of this boss I used to have, he'd get all pissy and say "there is a 100 ways to do that and you do something totally different!!" I'd always say... guess there is a 101 ways now!0 -
"Thanks for rescuing me from that burning building, but it was awfully rude of you to not take your hat off first."
This reminds me of this boss I used to have, he'd get all pissy and say "there is a 100 ways to do that and you do something totally different!!" I'd always say... guess there is a 101 ways now!
Best. Response. Ever.0 -
Seems that in general, men and women have different attitudes on this... 4 pages of responses, but of them, very few from men 0 and of the male responses, there is a generally "laisez faire" attitude towards "texting etiquette".
I think that guys might be a little tone deaf about how important text etiquette is to women - but on the other hand, women might be over-thinking the significance of the "format" of texting... like trying to "read the tea leaves" for what a guy is thinking, based on how he texts.
I've realized this long ago, after hearing conversations between women when out with friends. I've witnessed this several times - two women standing by, after their third friend has just texted a guy she's interested in... then they analyze the guy's intentions from the speed/length/frequency of his texts. Guys just don't do this (I'm sure there is the occasional exception). Makes me apprehensive about texting someone I'm interested in, knowing that I'm being scrutinized in this way.0 -
I also love Anna's outlook, the knight on the white horse made me LOL!!!0
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I also love Anna's outlook, the knight on the white horse made me LOL!!!
haha!! I saw your comment before the edit, so just thought I'd make one thing clear hun:
I dont touch on sensitive subjects in text!!!
While I think texts are an amazing tool for communication, to speak to a few people at once, to confirm plans, to share a thought, or a moment, to ask on a date or say thank you for a date etc............I really think it's a bad idea to argue or try and solve a gripe or dispute, or basically get overly emotional in text.
Whilst 'nice' texts are great to look back on, relive, smile and get all gooey over. Emotive texts have the opposite effect!! Tone is misread, words misconstrued, and when you re-read stuff like that, it just gets ugly. And you end up getting more angry and frustrated. And a 'no reply' is the most annoying of all!! Those kind of discussions need body language.......etc
I've been bitten this way before, and I just dont go there anymore.
Anything remotely sensitive or open to interpretation needs to be discussed in person. IMO :flowerforyou:0
