With my son (my first) I had my husband, my mom, 2 older sisters, one nurse, doc. I wouldn't change it for that time. My husband is the absolute best birth coach (and husband and daddy and man, love him) and is a force to be reckoned with in the delivery room. We read each other so well. I think with this birth, I am looking so forward to our teamwork again. It's exciting. Enough about him, back to the other people. I wanted my mom there at the time, I knew this may be her only chance to be at a birth with one of her daughters. I was happy for her. But she ended up being a distraction. I can't put my finger on why exactly, I remember her letting go of my leg so she could get a good look of the baby coming out, and it was horrible. I remember feeling mad and discouraged. I never want to feel that again. I remember tuning her out and just listening to my husband whisper to me, and I literally just stopped depending on her for assistance right then. Listening to my husband brought peace. My mom, not so much. My 2 sisters were off to my left with a good view of my lady parts 10 cm in diameter. They were soooo quite. My sisters are not quite people in the day-to-day. I remember seeing there faces, wide-eyed, a little white. I between pushes I yelled out at them, "how does it look?!?" My oldest sister, a nurse in cardiology who has attended numerous births, quietly says, "looks great.... Great. You are doing amazing." That was encouraging, a bit funny. My middle sister didn't say a peep!!! Deer in the headlights I remember thinking.

My son Palmer was born after 6.5 hours of labor and pushing for 30 minutes back in '07. It was awesome! We are doing a home birth/water birth with a midwife this time. I plan on just my husband, doula, midwife and midwife asst. and if my son and SS want to be there. I hope my mom and sisters will understand. This pregnancy is different, it feels more sacred. I'm not sure why. I look forward to support during the weeks and months following the birth. Postpartum support is so important. That is what I'll need most this time that my mom, sisters, and friends can offer.

This is my first and I'm planning on having only my DH there during L&D (along with midwife + nurses at hospital). He is the only person that I think will be helpful and help me manage the pain. I would like to go unmedicated and from what I've been told/read, I feel like I'll need to concentrate and don't want lots of distractions with visitors or feel like I need to chat with people. Immediately after birth, I still only want him there because I think it will be a very intimate bonding time for the 3 of us.

We live in a different state than any of our family, so all guests will be staying with us. However, I am optimistic that my mom & her husband as well as my MIL will be very helpful - they are already talking about doing cleaning, cooking, changing diapers, shopping, etc and NOT needing to be entertained. Plus I am close enough to them to ask for whatever help I need. For example, I was going to ask my mom to change the sheets in the guest bedroom + clean the bathroom so it's ready for my MIL if I'm not feeling like it at the time. The only thing I am worried about is struggling with postpartum blues, since it is common and I have been struggling with feeling depressed through a large part of my pregnancy. But it may be helpful to have other people around to talk to or go for a walk with, etc. Who knows - never done this before!

My mom just informed me last night that she is planning on taking a whole week off work the week the baby is born to come and stay with us and help take care of the baby. She lives 20 minutes away. We do not have room for another adult in our house and she would drive my husband crazy. I had to gently tell her that my husband will be taking 2 weeks off work to be home with us and I think it should just be the 3 of us while he's off work. Maybe she should take a few days off the week my husband goes back to work when I'm alone to come help during the day. Why do people think that you can't do anything? That you'll need them there 24/7? If I want or need your help, I'll ask for it.

My mom just informed me last night that she is planning on taking a whole week off work the week the baby is born to come and stay with us and help take care of the baby. She lives 20 minutes away. We do not have room for another adult in our house and she would drive my husband crazy. I had to gently tell her that my husband will be taking 2 weeks off work to be home with us and I think it should just be the 3 of us while he's off work. Maybe she should take a few days off the week my husband goes back to work when I'm alone to come help during the day. Why do people think that you can't do anything? That you'll need them there 24/7? If I want or need your help, I'll ask for it.

Dude, I would tell my mom no freaking way. I mean, I can handle my mother just fine in large-ish doses, but for the sake of my husband's sanity and the fact that I don't feel like having another person to whose needs I have to cater (even though she's a totally capable adult), I'd say no. When our son was born, I appreciated our being "allowed" to figure it out on our own. I don't know why others often assume you need in-house help and just lay it on you like you're supposed to be super psyched about it. There's a lot to be said for having that time together as a new family. I was happy to get the occasional visitor who usually brought food and allowed me 10 minutes of freedom to take a shower, but I would have been annoyed with someone who parked their butt in my house long-term.

After daughter number one was born, it became party central there. No one wanted to leave, everyone wanted to hold the baby, and we were too nice to ask for them to give us space and time. :frown: I was actually embarrassed because my family ate all of the food platters meant for the new mothers. Classy, right? :noway:

Say whaaaat?

They knew that wasn't free food, right? That it's part of your overall hospital bill, which you get to pay (or at least pay a hefty chunk of).

The hospital where I delivered last time (and will this time) has a code for kicking people out. You call up the nurse's station and ask for grape juice. They come in with some juice and say that mama and baby need their rest.

They are the type to take advantage of anything they don't have to open a wallet for. No one stopped them or told them it was reserved for the new parents only (it was set up in a kitchenette area), so they just chowed down. :noway:

I LOVE the secret code though! How useful that would have been back then!

My mom just informed me last night that she is planning on taking a whole week off work the week the baby is born to come and stay with us and help take care of the baby. She lives 20 minutes away. We do not have room for another adult in our house and she would drive my husband crazy. I had to gently tell her that my husband will be taking 2 weeks off work to be home with us and I think it should just be the 3 of us while he's off work. Maybe she should take a few days off the week my husband goes back to work when I'm alone to come help during the day. Why do people think that you can't do anything? That you'll need them there 24/7? If I want or need your help, I'll ask for it.

Dude, I would tell my mom no freaking way. I mean, I can handle my mother just fine in large-ish doses, but for the sake of my husband's sanity and the fact that I don't feel like having another person to whose needs I have to cater (even though she's a totally capable adult), I'd say no. When our son was born, I appreciated our being "allowed" to figure it out on our own. I don't know why others often assume you need in-house help and just lay it on you like you're supposed to be super psyched about it. There's a lot to be said for having that time together as a new family. I was happy to get the occasional visitor who usually brought food and allowed me 10 minutes of freedom to take a shower, but I would have been annoyed with someone who parked their butt in my house long-term.

I know! My husband would go completely crazy. I think it is so important for us to have the time to bond as a family and introduce the new little one to our fur baby. I also want to settle into our own schedule to prepare for when I go back to work. I would love my mom to come over and help out (clean up, cook/bring food, let me shower, etc.) but there is no reason to spend the night or be here every day. Honestly, I'm so sick of everyone telling me what to do or thinking that I have no idea what I'm getting into that I could scream. Just because this is my first child does not mean I'm completely clueless.
She did this with my sister, who actually needed the help because she was all alone (dad out of the picture). I have a wonderful supportive partner and I want my husband to be more involved and my mom to step aside and let us be the parents.

My mom just informed me last night that she is planning on taking a whole week off work the week the baby is born to come and stay with us and help take care of the baby. She lives 20 minutes away. We do not have room for another adult in our house and she would drive my husband crazy. I had to gently tell her that my husband will be taking 2 weeks off work to be home with us and I think it should just be the 3 of us while he's off work. Maybe she should take a few days off the week my husband goes back to work when I'm alone to come help during the day. Why do people think that you can't do anything? That you'll need them there 24/7? If I want or need your help, I'll ask for it.

Dude, I would tell my mom no freaking way. I mean, I can handle my mother just fine in large-ish doses, but for the sake of my husband's sanity and the fact that I don't feel like having another person to whose needs I have to cater (even though she's a totally capable adult), I'd say no. When our son was born, I appreciated our being "allowed" to figure it out on our own. I don't know why others often assume you need in-house help and just lay it on you like you're supposed to be super psyched about it. There's a lot to be said for having that time together as a new family. I was happy to get the occasional visitor who usually brought food and allowed me 10 minutes of freedom to take a shower, but I would have been annoyed with someone who parked their butt in my house long-term.

I know! My husband would go completely crazy. I think it is so important for us to have the time to bond as a family and introduce the new little one to our fur baby. I also want to settle into our own schedule to prepare for when I go back to work. I would love my mom to come over and help out (clean up, cook/bring food, let me shower, etc.) but there is no reason to spend the night or be here every day. Honestly, I'm so sick of everyone telling me what to do or thinking that I have no idea what I'm getting into that I could scream. Just because this is my first child does not mean I'm completely clueless.
She did this with my sister, who actually needed the help because she was all alone (dad out of the picture). I have a wonderful supportive partner and I want my husband to be more involved and my mom to step aside and let us be the parents.

She's not far away if you ask for help. No need to stay overnight, plus if you EBF, she's not going to be a help in the middle of the night anyway.

When you "gently" told her no, did she back off?

We have four dogs; that keeps most people from wanting to stay overnight. Occasionally potential overnight guests want to bring their own dog(s) and then realize that five or six dogs in one house is more than a little insane, plus one of ours doesn't do well with "outsider" dogs.

Hey Ladies... I hope you all are doing well! I just had to open this topic up again... so now that I am well into the second trimester (YEAY!) we have started to approach this topic with the in-laws etc... and it (so far) has not gone well. The subject came up and we thought it was a good time to let people know we would like our space during delivery, and some time as a new mom and dad after baby arrives to settle in....

I thought it would be nice if people came to say hello the day after (or if she is born in the am or night, later the same day) so we had some quality time to bond, rest and clean up. I also mentioned that we would prefer to be left alone, other than a quick hello/visit, for the first couple weeks as I get very little time off and we need time to get the baby, dogs, and ourselves into the new routine. I suggested that after a couple weeks we would make the trip up to them so everyone (extended family etc) could meet her - but that I didn't want 100000 people in and out of the house... becuase it is just too much.

So I think that is reasonable... right? ... ha... they want to be there during delivery (at least in the wating room) and want to stay at our house so they can "welcome her home"... ummm.... I really do love that they care so much and are so excited, but they really need to back the F-off... or I am going to have an anxiety attack. It is not just delivery, it is what we should register for, how I should feed her, where we should live (becuase we are too far away right now... ps we are only an hour away), that I must have this type of shower, and the list goes on... Sorry for the rant, I just don;t know what to do, I have been nice but firm and they know how I feel about all of this... but no one seems to respect our decisions as a couple... :explode:

Hey Ladies... I hope you all are doing well! I just had to open this topic up again... so now that I am well into the second trimester (YEAY!) we have started to approach this topic with the in-laws etc... and it (so far) has not gone well. The subject came up and we thought it was a good time to let people know we would like our space during delivery, and some time as a new mom and dad after baby arrives to settle in....

I thought it would be nice if people came to say hello the day after (or if she is born in the am or night, later the same day) so we had some quality time to bond, rest and clean up. I also mentioned that we would prefer to be left alone, other than a quick hello/visit, for the first couple weeks as I get very little time off and we need time to get the baby, dogs, and ourselves into the new routine. I suggested that after a couple weeks we would make the trip up to them so everyone (extended family etc) could meet her - but that I didn't want 100000 people in and out of the house... becuase it is just too much.

So I think that is reasonable... right? ... ha... they want to be there during delivery (at least in the wating room) and want to stay at our house so they can "welcome her home"... ummm.... I really do love that they care so much and are so excited, but they really need to back the F-off... or I am going to have an anxiety attack. It is not just delivery, it is what we should register for, how I should feed her, where we should live (becuase we are too far away right now... ps we are only an hour away), that I must have this type of shower, and the list goes on... Sorry for the rant, I just don;t know what to do, I have been nice but firm and they know how I feel about all of this... but no one seems to respect our decisions as a couple... :explode:

Stand your ground and be firm about you and your husband's wishes. Easier said than done, but it's YOUR delivery, YOUR baby, YOUR rules. If they don't like it, too bad.

Don't feel guilty, either!

Hey Ladies... I hope you all are doing well! I just had to open this topic up again... so now that I am well into the second trimester (YEAY!) we have started to approach this topic with the in-laws etc... and it (so far) has not gone well. The subject came up and we thought it was a good time to let people know we would like our space during delivery, and some time as a new mom and dad after baby arrives to settle in....

I thought it would be nice if people came to say hello the day after (or if she is born in the am or night, later the same day) so we had some quality time to bond, rest and clean up. I also mentioned that we would prefer to be left alone, other than a quick hello/visit, for the first couple weeks as I get very little time off and we need time to get the baby, dogs, and ourselves into the new routine. I suggested that after a couple weeks we would make the trip up to them so everyone (extended family etc) could meet her - but that I didn't want 100000 people in and out of the house... becuase it is just too much.

So I think that is reasonable... right? ... ha... they want to be there during delivery (at least in the wating room) and want to stay at our house so they can "welcome her home"... ummm.... I really do love that they care so much and are so excited, but they really need to back the F-off... or I am going to have an anxiety attack. It is not just delivery, it is what we should register for, how I should feed her, where we should live (becuase we are too far away right now... ps we are only an hour away), that I must have this type of shower, and the list goes on... Sorry for the rant, I just don;t know what to do, I have been nice but firm and they know how I feel about all of this... but no one seems to respect our decisions as a couple... :explode:

Stand your ground and be firm about you and your husband's wishes. Easier said than done, but it's YOUR delivery, YOUR baby, YOUR rules. If they don't like it, too bad.

Don't feel guilty, either!

I agree with this. Ditch the guilt now, it will be good practice!

Yup, I pretty much agree with this, too! Since they are your in-laws, too, I feel that it is your husband's place to be the doorman with this. Both my husband's family and mine have their own interesting idiosyncrasies, and so the way we work it is that for the most part we deal with our own families. (There are also a lot of people on both sides, so if my family depends on me for stuff and then his family does, I am dealing with WAY too many people!)

My in-laws annoy the living *kitten* out of me. Well, mostly my MIL, but since no one else can come around without her, I end up not wanting to hang out with any of my in-laws so as to avoid her. Sad, really. But my husband knows that he deals with them, and I deal with my family. He has no problem putting his foot down with them, and then they try to sidestep him and back me into a corner, which I can't stand! I literally tell them to deal with him. I honestly believe that they think I make him put his foot down with them (like he wouldn't do it but for me), so I'm the bad guy anyway, but whatever, it shuts them up.

DON'T let your in-laws bully you. Stand your ground as a couple, and make your husband the frontman, since it will sound better coming from someone they can't hate.

Edited for clarity. I had a really funky sentence in there!

It is a tough subject.

My husband will be the only one there when she's born. I have c-sections so others wouldn't be allowed anyway. My mom will probably have my kids again and bring them up as soon as possible to meet the baby. If baby waits for her scheduled date (my last one didn't) then they might even head up and sit in the waiting room during the c-section.

As for people staying at our house, that's never happened. DH will stay home a couple of days as his vacation days allow. Church friends will provide a few meals for us in the first couple of weeks. I generally bounce back from my c-sections quickly and don't have a lot of outside help.

These threads are so helpful I also need some advice. This is my first and I have no idea what to expect. Here's my dilemma. We live in Texas and all our family and friends live in NY. I have great friends in Texas but not any close enough to share the really personal/embarrassing stuff (ie- "Can you bring the frozen pad in the freezer to me in the bathroom?") With that said, my husband is a full-time student so taking a week or two off is not feasible in his senior year. I'm trying to find a delicate balance between having full-time visitors (even if they are not staying with us) and making family/friends wait until baby is a few weeks old and we've adjusted.

I guess I'm asking how hard those first few weeks are and can I do a majority of it on my own? (or do I even want to do it on my own?) What would you do?

Chances are that you can handle it on your own. Granted, I have never had a c-section, so if that's the way you end up giving birth, recovery might be more difficult, but since my husband and I are self-employed, his staying home for even a couple of days was not an option when our son was born. As such, I was on my own during the day (all of my family who live close by work full-time, so they were not there to help me, either). It was rough, but I did it, and I wouldn't say it was the worst or anything like that. Just busy and trying to get the hang of things. I don't recommend having people expect to spend tons of time with you right off the bat or even after a few weeks, depending on what you're doing. Frankly I'm not about to whip out a boob in front of anyone but my husband and maybe my sister, and I refuse to sequester myself to nurse or pump, so if I'm nursing and/or pumping, you need to find someplace else to be, sorry. My suggestion is that when people come to TX from NY, they need to make lots of plans to keep themselves busy and then pop by in short stints when you're able. Even my family who lives close by me would text before coming over to make sure it was cool if they did. Having people camped out at your house for several hours, unless you're close enough that their presence won't disrupt your settling routine, can add stress to an already stressful situation.

These threads are so helpful I also need some advice. This is my first and I have no idea what to expect. Here's my dilemma. We live in Texas and all our family and friends live in NY. I have great friends in Texas but not any close enough to share the really personal/embarrassing stuff (ie- "Can you bring the frozen pad in the freezer to me in the bathroom?") With that said, my husband is a full-time student so taking a week or two off is not feasible in his senior year. I'm trying to find a delicate balance between having full-time visitors (even if they are not staying with us) and making family/friends wait until baby is a few weeks old and we've adjusted.

I guess I'm asking how hard those first few weeks are and can I do a majority of it on my own? (or do I even want to do it on my own?) What would you do?

You will probably be ok on your own. With our oldest my husband was in college and working two part time jobs. He was a c-section and I did ok on my own. It got lonely a bit. I rented a TON of books and movies from the library because he wanted to snuggle and nurse all the time and I was really supposed to be sitting and healing anyway. That helped a lot. DH helped with the baby a lot when he was home and that definitely helped. It still does. With my 2nd son I had a VBAC and I had to much prodrominal labor that DH couldn't stay home with me more than a couple of days after he was born. Church friends came and visited and my mom came out when he was two or three weeks old for a week. I did fine. My 18 mo old probably watched too much tv during that time but we all survived.

I think that if you realize that your priorities are baby, you, and nothing else those first few weeks and your DH steps up during the hours that he is home you will be fine. Don't be thinking you're going to keep a spotless house those first weeks. Make ahead freezer meals before baby comes or plan crock pot meals the first couple of weeks. You won't want to cook at dinner time and I assure you that baby will not cooperate to let you cook at that time either. lol