Do you agree with the 3 month rule?
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I think 3 months is too fast to be considered a relationship.
I was asked once in my whole life after 3 months and i said it was too fast and that is where it ended.
:huh: What are you waiting for?? You either like someone or you don't!! You either want a relationship or you don't??0 -
I think we all put up fronts at first and it takes time to wear them down, not sure on the timeframe though.
I don't really agree with this. Maybe when I was youngeer this was true. Any more, I am who I am. My time is valuable enough that I am not going to waste it pretending to be something I am not in the hopes that someone I barely know will like me. If a person likes me, I'd rather it be because it is really me and not because I pulled a bait and switch. If they don't like me, I'd rather not wait 3 months and get more invested in the process.0 -
I think we all put up fronts at first and it takes time to wear them down, not sure on the timeframe though.
I don't really agree with this. Maybe when I was youngeer this was true. Any more, I am who I am. My time is valuable enough that I am not going to waste it pretending to be something I am not in the hopes that someone I barely know will like me. If a person likes me, I'd rather it be because it is really me and not because I pulled a bait and switch. If they don't like me, I'd rather not wait 3 months and get more invested in the process.
Same here. I'm me from the get go. I have enough quirks that they either find me endearing or annoying and it's better to get that out in the open straight away. Maybe this is why I haven't encountered the 3 month timeline.0 -
I think we all put up fronts at first and it takes time to wear them down, not sure on the timeframe though.
I don't really agree with this. Maybe when I was youngeer this was true. Any more, I am who I am. My time is valuable enough that I am not going to waste it pretending to be something I am not in the hopes that someone I barely know will like me. If a person likes me, I'd rather it be because it is really me and not because I pulled a bait and switch. If they don't like me, I'd rather not wait 3 months and get more invested in the process.
Same here. I'm me from the get go. I have enough quirks that they either find me endearing or annoying and it's better to get that out in the open straight away. Maybe this is why I haven't encountered the 3 month timeline.
I agree as well ... Was a bit confused with the other thread about this. Why would you pretend to be someone else for a few months and then go bam here I am!! He or she would feel blindsided.0 -
I think we all put up fronts at first and it takes time to wear them down, not sure on the timeframe though.
I don't really agree with this. Maybe when I was youngeer this was true. Any more, I am who I am. My time is valuable enough that I am not going to waste it pretending to be something I am not in the hopes that someone I barely know will like me. If a person likes me, I'd rather it be because it is really me and not because I pulled a bait and switch. If they don't like me, I'd rather not wait 3 months and get more invested in the process.
Same here. I'm me from the get go. I have enough quirks that they either find me endearing or annoying and it's better to get that out in the open straight away. Maybe this is why I haven't encountered the 3 month timeline.
I agree as well ... Was a bit confused with the other thread about this. Why would you pretend to be someone else for a few months and then go bam here I am!! He or she would feel blindsided.
But sometimes those quirks people have at 1 month seem cute but at 3 months are annoying as all get out.0 -
I've heard of the 7 month itch ... but never the 3 month rule. It's kind of funny because my ex just recently ended thigs with me at almost 8 months.0
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I've heard of the 7 month itch ... but never the 3 month rule. It's kind of funny because my ex just recently ended thigs with me at almost 8 months.
I thought it was the seven year itch?0 -
I've heard of the 7 month itch ... but never the 3 month rule. It's kind of funny because my ex just recently ended thigs with me at almost 8 months.
I thought it was the seven year itch?
Me too and with respect to marriage but I guess everything.0 -
I can see 8-12 months ... Some 'experts' say that men know by 1 year if they see you as marriage material. So if not I guess the relationship would start to break down then?! Just a thought. I made it 9 months with my gambling ex, that's when I was ready for things to evolve more (for us that meant more than 1-2 dates a week lol) and he didn't see me as the one. Thank god in hind site!! Addictions are a no no for me.0
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I completely agree. Not maybe exactly at 3 months but whenever it hits. I'd say it's around 2-4 months. That's why I was dumped by Smiley at 2 months, why I dumped Hulk at 2 months and why bf and I are still together after hitting the itch around month 4.
It hits me. I start to think, I get restless, scared, confused. I think about breaking up or could I possibly be with this person forever. When Smiley broke up with me, I remember Anna saying that I will have many 2 month relationships. And I've accepted that. Most relationships I have will end in failure. That's ok though because all I need is 1 really good one to stick.
Anyway, back to the point. It happens. Whether you talk about it with them, whether you think about it, whether you lose interest or they do.0 -
I think we all put up fronts at first and it takes time to wear them down, not sure on the timeframe though.
I don't really agree with this. Maybe when I was youngeer this was true. Any more, I am who I am.
My best friends are people who don't put up fronts- what you see is what you get. I'm the same way. That said, MOST people I've ever interacted in (ESPECIALLY those met in a romantic context) have put up a front that takes 3-6 months to wear down before I see the real him/her.
This is why I often recommend my friends not get their hearts too invested in the first couple months.0 -
Why would you pretend to be someone else for a few months and then go bam here I am!! He or she would feel blindsided.
Some people do this because being "who they are" runs the guys/gals off so fast that they are desperate for companionship and hope that by being "who I think this guy/gal wants me to be" they can get the other person to fall enough in love with them that when their true personality won't end the relationship.0 -
I agree that around the 2-3 month mark people tend to assess things differently than earlier in the relationship.
However, in the mind of pretty much everyone, "evolution" in a relationship means "vertical" evolution, as in: moving together -> engaged -> marriage -> children. A bit like being "promoted" in a job to a "superior" status/responsibility (vertical evolution).
If being engaged, marriage and children aren't an option for you in a relationship, how do you propose to offer this needed-by-most "evolution" in your relationship? How about "horizontal evolution" and more importantly, what would this mean in the context of a relationship?
I definitely think about relationship "evolution"- what does that mean and look like, why do I want what I want, and do I trust myself to pick the right person? I think there's probably some truth to the gender stereotypes that women are often more invested in the engagement-marriage trajectory, but obviously not everyone wants to move that way. I don't know what "horizontal evolution" would entail, though.0 -
Why would you pretend to be someone else for a few months and then go bam here I am!! He or she would feel blindsided.
Some people do this because being "who they are" runs the guys/gals off so fast that they are desperate for companionship and hope that by being "who I think this guy/gal wants me to be" they can get the other person to fall enough in love with them that when their true personality won't end the relationship.
Even "best foot forward" can sometimes be manipulating who you are to a degree, and everyone does this unconsciously at first. I do worry that vulnerability will be taken advantage of, so I'm sure I come off as being a lot more independent than I probably am.
I also think that some people are just kind of void, and end up playing a part in a relationship. A friend from my teen years is an example: she dated punk rockers and was a punk rocker, she dated a stoner and became a stoner, she dated and married a fundamentalist Christian and became a member of focus on the family. All in the name of "being a good girlfriend". I'm not sure she even know who she was in order to pretend to be something she wasn't.0 -
I think there IS a time period, but I'm not sure a 3-month target is the best way to think about it. I think it has more to do with how much time you spend around someone. If you're around someone 3 or 4 nights a week, you're going to hit that barricade faster than if you only see them once a week. My two pennies of experience, for the little that they are worth.0
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nope it seems like a really inorganic way to determine how the relationship should be.
it also takes away from the magi and fun of sex if you're thinking about it as something to be held back based on a calendar date.
it also seems like a fake way to avoid personal responsibility about any emotional shortcomings. if someone gets too emotionally invested in someone too quickly it has less to do about sex and more to do with that person needing to have their own full lives BEFORE trying to get into a relationship.0 -
nope it seems like a really inorganic way to determine how the relationship should be.
it also takes away from the magi and fun of sex if you're thinking about it as something to be held back based on a calendar date.
it also seems like a fake way to avoid personal responsibility about any emotional shortcomings. if someone gets too emotionally invested in someone too quickly it has less to do about sex and more to do with that person needing to have their own full lives BEFORE trying to get into a relationship.
where did holding back sex come into the topic?0 -
bumping for later 0
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I think there IS a time period, but I'm not sure a 3-month target is the best way to think about it. I think it has more to do with how much time you spend around someone. If you're around someone 3 or 4 nights a week, you're going to hit that barricade faster than if you only see them once a week. My two pennies of experience, for the little that they are worth.
I agree!0 -
I dont see it as a 'target' or even a conscious thought. It's just an approximate period of time that tends to happen naturally when you start seeing someone. If everything is rosy, then you dont even consider it at 3 months. It's just once you start seeing someone, if thing's aren't right then around that time is when you end it having given it a good shot,
Who said anything about holding back sex? Who would do such a thing?? :noway:
It's not a sex issue, more of a relationship issue. Is this person doing it for me long term? (Although if the sex is rubbish, as well as the person, then that's a double review!! :laugh: )0
