Feeling the feelings
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CoCoMa
Posts: 906 Member
Every time I hear this in a meeting, I cringe. Maybe because it's an uncomfortable place to be. I know that I need to go through the process of feeling and dealing instead of reaching for that forbidden food. I broke abstinence last night, so today I'm grateful to be listening in to a meeting, and accepting that I am not like a normal eater, that I cannot have a cheat day, although planned, and that I cannot use this program as a revolving door. The alternative for me is death, and i'm not yet ready to go!
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I'm sorry that you broke our abstinence last night, but today is a new day. A brand new start where your only goals are for today. Just one day at a time. EXACTLY like if you hadn't slipped last night!Every time I hear this in a meeting, I cringe. Maybe because it's an uncomfortable place to be. I know that I need to go through the process of feeling and dealing instead of reaching for that forbidden food. I broke abstinence last night, so today I'm grateful to be listening in to a meeting, and accepting that I am not like a normal eater, that I cannot have a cheat day, although planned, and that I cannot use this program as a revolving door. The alternative for me is death, and i'm not yet ready to go!
As for cheat days, though, it depends on how you define (a) your abstinence and (b) cheating.
For me, I don't have any real binge foods (I can binge on ANYTHING, even celery!) So my abstinence, for now, is strictly calorie based. As I get to handling that, I'll start incorporating the other goals my nutritionist has given me as part of my abstinence as well. So for me, I can "cheat" by making a choice I wouldn't normally/all the time (lunch at Olive Garden yesterday, for example) and accomodate it by limiting what else I eat that day to still meet my goal.
If you abstinence includes "Never eating X again", then yes, "cheating" by having even a normal serving of X would be a slip. And if it lead to a binge, a relapse. But I've found these last 4 weeks on here that I, personally, can eat most anything as long as I'm careful about the amount and work the rest of my day to balance it out.
YMMV0 -
Very good advice Shadowcub! I am watching calories as abstinence but, I also have some trigger foods that I am just not ready to eat not even a bite. Maybe someday.Time will tell. When I first started on this journey, I asked what is the definition of abstinence and found that it may vary alot.0
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Yes, our abstinence does vary. I have trigger foods, which are not diabetic friendly and cause my blood-sugar to spike, so to indulge in them would eventually lead to loss of limb, sight, etc..
I do take it one day at a time, but I know I need to work the steps and be honest and accountable with another OAer, and go to meetings. Without the grace of program, I couldn't get through 24 hours, so I'm grateful for OA, and for you all who show up to this forum and take the time to share your thoughts and experiences.0 -
I wish I could remember exactly the term used in my Saturday Morning group regarding Abstinence, but it is something along the line of "refraining from compulsive overeating and food behaviors while working towards or maintaining a health body weight." That is paraphrasing, at it's best!
When I returned to OA after a 16 year absence, that was a new term for me. And, in all honesty, they are words I remember every day, every time I decide to eat. My program is far from perfect; I want to attend more meetings, work the Steps and read my literature on a daily basis. I do, however, pretty consistently attend my Saturday morning meeting, read literature whenever possible and check in to MFP to track my food and visit the OA board, usually several times a day.
That is PROGRESS. Not Perfection. My HP knows I'm coming off of five days of being way off plan, including eating meat and drinking alcohol every day. Since I am working at being vegetarian, both for health and ethical reasons, God is gentle with me. God knows I took yesterday off from any kind of work; HP also knows I'm needing to get my butt in gear and get ready for a potluck that I really don't want to go to cause I'm tired still from over loading my system, but that I can potentially make some amazing heart connections. And, I'm bringing a vegan heart-friendly salad. So, it's time to get moving.
All in all, each moment is a new experience and choice. I think I have to feel a little humble when I slip. It reminds me of my humanity and how far I've come.
Hugs CoCoMa ... you are enfolded in our embrace. :smooched:
:flowerforyou:0 -
Thanks so much for your kind words and support, especially the hugs, cause I need it
I definitely need to attend more meetings, but I have been working on the recovery tools, mainly writing, and telephone, and checking in here. I've made a couple of outreach calls, and journal every day. It is a humbling experience coming out of a binge, as it reminds me that this disease will keep you if you let it. I'm feeling grateful today and commit to abstinence for the next 24 hours. 0 -
Feelings. Crap. Several months ago, I learned the therapist who has been instrumental in teaching our family how to BE a family (my now 17 year old daughter is adopted through CA Foster Care) had cancer. She fought a valiant battle, but on Monday I was told her race was nearly done. My heart tells me she's gone, I can no longer feel her spirit. And it sucks.
Without this angel, I truly believe we would not be where we are today. Telling my daughter this morning was one of the hardest things I've ever done -- and we have crossed some really crappy sucky bridges. I haven't been feeling much for the last year about her possible passing. It wasn't until I held my daughter today as she wept that the feelings began to encroach on my heart. And now I feel angry, sad and so confused. This is a woman who was instrumental in helping heal the wounds of children that have been through tremendous trauma -- not just my daughter, but countless others. It makes no flipping sense. She lived a clean life -- organic foods, meditation, loving. She gave my daughter footrubs and treated her to gummy worms as we left, took her out for peppermint ice cream and shared her homemade caramel.
And f'ing cancer ate her insides up.
My food has been questionable. Not bad except for the chocolate. Not sure how to log it, but will do my best.
Why is it that all the angels on earth keep gettin' called back home?
:brokenheart: :flowerforyou: 0 -
If you eat it, drink it, or do it (exercise)..... LOG IT. I've logged single bites of cheese before by weighing a couple after I caught myself and averaging out what I'd eaten.My food has been questionable. Not bad except for the chocolate. Not sure how to log it, but will do my best.
Together we can do what we could never do alone! :happy:0 -
I saw this unaccredited quote on a friend's profile:
"If hunger is not the problem, then eating is not the answer!"
It's become my mantra and I'm really starting to look at my problems to see exactly what they are.0 -
I saw this unaccredited quote on a friend's profile:
"If hunger is not the problem, then eating is not the answer!"
It's become my mantra and I'm really starting to look at my problems to see exactly what they are.
I really like that!0 -
I saw this unaccredited quote on a friend's profile:
"If hunger is not the problem, then eating is not the answer!"
It's become my mantra and I'm really starting to look at my problems to see exactly what they are.
I really like that!
So do I, thanks for sharing! Hunger hasn't been the problem for me in a long time.0 -
I saw this unaccredited quote on a friend's profile:
"If hunger is not the problem, then eating is not the answer!"
It's become my mantra and I'm really starting to look at my problems to see exactly what they are.
I really like that!
So do I, thanks for sharing! Hunger hasn't been the problem for me in a long time.
Me either, I've turned every feeling I have into a reason to eat and I am a very emotional person. Now I'm unlearning that, slowly.0 -
I don't really know what the feelings are. Pissed off. Sad. Allergies. Food changes (eating 85% vegetarian, so trying to figure out the protein thang). Tired. Not really crappy but certainly not perky.
My daughter's long-time therapist lost her year-long battle with colon cancer in early June and the Memorial is next Saturday, the 20th. It's also supposed to be the date of my oldest daughter's Baby Shower -- but now that she thinks she's having a boy instead of a girl (all depending on the way the ring swings on the thread, ya know), and my youngest daughter has started a job at the new Mall and we haven't even had time to connect in the last three days.
I don't know what's going on ... keep asking myself "why am I angry?" and some of it is that I cannot control my youngest. Haha. Like that works for a COE!!
All I know is that I DO NOT want to make FOOD the choice of Figuring It Out. Cause it figures out what I'm feeling about as much as a barrel of gasoline puts out a raging forest fire. Not the option.
So I'm writing in my journal, making a call, working the Steps (I have a Step Sponsor now!), and checking in her, vigilant that I log my food and stay on top of whatever is creating the craziness. One Day At A Time, One Bite At A Time, One Feeling At A Time.
:flowerforyou:0 -
I don't really know what the feelings are. Pissed off. Sad. Allergies. Food changes (eating 85% vegetarian, so trying to figure out the protein thang). Tired. Not really crappy but certainly not perky.
My daughter's long-time therapist lost her year-long battle with colon cancer in early June and the Memorial is next Saturday, the 20th. It's also supposed to be the date of my oldest daughter's Baby Shower -- but now that she thinks she's having a boy instead of a girl (all depending on the way the ring swings on the thread, ya know), and my youngest daughter has started a job at the new Mall and we haven't even had time to connect in the last three days.
I don't know what's going on ... keep asking myself "why am I angry?" and some of it is that I cannot control my youngest. Haha. Like that works for a COE!!
All I know is that I DO NOT want to make FOOD the choice of Figuring It Out. Cause it figures out what I'm feeling about as much as a barrel of gasoline puts out a raging forest fire. Not the option.
So I'm writing in my journal, making a call, working the Steps (I have a Step Sponsor now!), and checking in her, vigilant that I log my food and stay on top of whatever is creating the craziness. One Day At A Time, One Bite At A Time, One Feeling At A Time.
:flowerforyou:
Hi,
I can understand and relate to some of your feelings. Feelings pass. I know when you are in them they feel like they won't, and sometimes those feelings seem to swallow up your heart as it breaks into millions of pieces. A few years back my husband of 34 years asked for a divorce, just out of the blue, and it devastated me. And a few weeks ago my dearest and best friend died of cancer. So, anyways - I thought I'd share this "just for today" that someone shared with me:
Just for today Carry Me
"We believe that our Higher Power will take care of us"
Basic Text, p. 55 We all have times when it seems as though our lives are falling apart. There are days, or even weeks, when it seems that everything that can go wrong is going wrong. Whether it's the loss of a job, the death of a loved one, or the end of a relationship, we doubt that we'll survive the changes taking place in our lives.
It's during the times when the world is crashing down around our ears that we find our greatest faith in a loving Higher Power. No human being could relieve our suffering; we know that only God's care can provide the comfort we seek. We feel broken but we go on, knowing that our lives will be repaired.
As we progress in our recovery and our faith in our Higher Power grows, we are sure to greet the difficult times with a sense of hope, despite the pain we may be in. We need not despair, for we know that our Higher Power's care will carry us through when we can't walk on our own.
Just for today: I will rely on God's care through the painful times, knowing that my Higher Power will always be there.
Patti 0 -
Just totally totally sad today. Feeling angry too -- and anger and sadness do not normally go well with a COE. Made 3 outreach calls and received 1 text message from fellow MFP'er -- beautiful day here in Sonoma County, so everyone is out playing. Saturday is our therapist's memorial. God must have really needed her upstairs more than we needed her here. That's what I keep rationalizing. It makes no sense when good people -- people that are centered in service to their community with those most challenged -- are faced with bigger challenges than I can even imagine. I know it's God's will -- but it still pisses me off. And I MISS her SO much. Keep wanting to send her a text ... tell her how good my daughter is doing ... wondering what her questions meant about apricots and favorite colors.
Also talked to my now "baby" 50 year old brother yesterday, which was an interesting conversation. Won't take his inventory, but kept hearing Program coming through loud and clear as I spoke my truth, not worrying about how he would react. About 2/3rds thru the conversation I gleaned that he might be drinking cause he started to "chain" the conversation we'd had already. Can't save the world. Can only 12th step people and let them make their own choices.
The miracle is that -- although my food really wants to go off the rails -- I'm ok. Keep checking in -- here, phone and God -- and all will work out perfectly.
:flowerforyou:0 -
Just totally totally sad today. Feeling angry too -- and anger and sadness do not normally go well with a COE. Made 3 outreach calls and received 1 text message from fellow MFP'er -- beautiful day here in Sonoma County, so everyone is out playing. Saturday is our therapist's memorial. God must have really needed her upstairs more than we needed her here. That's what I keep rationalizing. It makes no sense when good people -- people that are centered in service to their community with those most challenged -- are faced with bigger challenges than I can even imagine. I know it's God's will -- but it still pisses me off. And I MISS her SO much. Keep wanting to send her a text ... tell her how good my daughter is doing ... wondering what her questions meant about apricots and favorite colors.
Also talked to my now "baby" 50 year old brother yesterday, which was an interesting conversation. Won't take his inventory, but kept hearing Program coming through loud and clear as I spoke my truth, not worrying about how he would react. About 2/3rds thru the conversation I gleaned that he might be drinking cause he started to "chain" the conversation we'd had already. Can't save the world. Can only 12th step people and let them make their own choices.
The miracle is that -- although my food really wants to go off the rails -- I'm ok. Keep checking in -- here, phone and God -- and all will work out perfectly.
:flowerforyou:
Good for you for making three outreach calls and attending the funeral. Letting go can feel difficult. I find when I become attached is when it's hardest to let go of someone or something. But does that mean I hold myself back from attachment because I don't want to get hurt? No. Life is full of different experiences that evoke different emotions. For me, the most important thing, is to love, to keep my heart open always, and to know and be myself. And...to rely on my HP to carry me through when it feels nearly impossible. Keep using your tools, you and your daughter are going to be just fine. Sending a hug.
Patti0 -
Just totally totally sad today. Feeling angry too -- and anger and sadness do not normally go well with a COE. Made 3 outreach calls and received 1 text message from fellow MFP'er -- beautiful day here in Sonoma County, so everyone is out playing. Saturday is our therapist's memorial. God must have really needed her upstairs more than we needed her here. That's what I keep rationalizing. It makes no sense when good people -- people that are centered in service to their community with those most challenged -- are faced with bigger challenges than I can even imagine. I know it's God's will -- but it still pisses me off. And I MISS her SO much. Keep wanting to send her a text ... tell her how good my daughter is doing ... wondering what her questions meant about apricots and favorite colors.
Also talked to my now "baby" 50 year old brother yesterday, which was an interesting conversation. Won't take his inventory, but kept hearing Program coming through loud and clear as I spoke my truth, not worrying about how he would react. About 2/3rds thru the conversation I gleaned that he might be drinking cause he started to "chain" the conversation we'd had already. Can't save the world. Can only 12th step people and let them make their own choices.
I have trouble feeling anger, much less acting it out. I know it's a weird thing to hear, but maybe your gratitude could be for having anger (and sadness). Exploring those feelings may be a gift you can give yourself. I find when I sit back and let those overpowering feelings (the ones I don't "like" to feel) wash over me and look at them as though I were an observer, there's some amazing wisdom in them. Journaling the thoughts that arise usually leaves me something that can guide me in the future. It's the hardest thing to sit in that "cloud of unknowing", but it produces great insights, if we let it. Sending caring thoughts and a wish for your journey.
The miracle is that -- although my food really wants to go off the rails -- I'm ok. Keep checking in -- here, phone and God -- and all will work out perfectly.
:flowerforyou:0 -
oops. Reply was all mixed in with the quote feature. Oh well. Learning the ins and outs of MFP. No instructions. What's a silly gal to do?0
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Feelings. Crap. Several months ago, I learned the therapist who has been instrumental in teaching our family how to BE a family (my now 17 year old daughter is adopted through CA Foster Care) had cancer. She fought a valiant battle, but on Monday I was told her race was nearly done. My heart tells me she's gone, I can no longer feel her spirit. And it sucks.
I lost a childhood friend to brain cancer about a month ago. He was only 45 and had a lifetime of clean living and eating. It just doesn't make any sense to me. Sadly over the past month I've been doing everything I possibly can to not feel the pain. I'm just coming down from the mother of all food binges. And even with my food and alcohol I still feel the terrible pain.
I know I've got to allow myself to feel it fully and not eat through it, but it's still just too painful.0 -
I saw this unaccredited quote on a friend's profile:
"If hunger is not the problem, then eating is not the answer!"
It's become my mantra and I'm really starting to look at my problems to see exactly what they are.
I really like that!
+1 - (I'm making that my mantra for today!)
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Today is the Celebration of the Life of my daughter's therapist, who passed all too soon at the age of 53 to colon cancer. Without this woman, we would not be blessed with the family that will be attending the Celebration. I would not be the Mom I am without her love, guidance, support and kicks in the @ss. She was instrumental in helping me forge a relationship with my adopted daughter and was the glue that held me together so many times that I screamed "I can't do this anymore!!!!!!!". I miss her terribly. I spoke about her and her impact in my Saturday Morning meeting and wasn't at all surprised at the tears; in fact, I'd grabbed tissues in expectation that they would come.
My sadness, anger and grief have not lessened. But, by God's Grace, today I can attend and truly be present. I made a healthy salad to take as my offering, so I know there is at least one thing there that is safe to eat. Will I slip backwards and eat too much? Maybe. I couldn't eat yesterday very much and was down on my calorie -- something that MFP gently reminded me of. But I had my protein shake (although without my greens it wasn't as satisfying) and my water bottle, and I think I'll tuck something in my purse as a fail-safe if I need to make an escape to the bathroom.
My daughter's grief is already enormous, and she's been putting it aside as she learns to be an employee at her first-ever job. But today ... today there is no escaping what lies before us. I know that my dear friend will be there (another client/friend will not be able to attend due to her children in extreme acting out mode, which is sad, but not surprising). I know Kim understands, too, and harbors only love from where she rests now. God must have needed this very special woman for a bigger purpose than my human psyche can understand and whomever she is loving now is extremely blessed. BUT that doesn't change the feelings of sadness, grief and anger. The three of us formed an intense bond that is not lost in her passing.
She's an angel on my shoulder -- and that of my daughter -- and her love is always with us. For that I am eternally grateful. :flowerforyou: 0
