My first day of admitting I have a problem
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sebedina
Posts: 161 Member
I am a 47 year old lady, living in London, working too hard, over-eating then over-eating again, a pattern so hard that it has become a habit.
In my 20s I was slim and pretty, but have continually destroyed that now I am obese, frequently angry and unhappy with myself. I avoid looking in mirrors and only go clothes shopping when I absolutely have to. I suffer from bouts of depression and low self-esteen.
I am on holiday now and have time to reflect. Last night I had eaten dinner, then was bored so decided to hit the chocolate, I had a large bar and a half of chocolate plus another selection after that. Feeling sick and heavy went to bed, didnt sleep well.
I am staying with my husband's family so other people are preparing my meals, offering me ice creams, cakes and biscuits. Ive eaten everything. This is ruining my holiday. I am nit picking and angry on this holiday, unhappy and the real reason is because I am "off the rails". I see a poor family here, working hard, everybody is slim and fit and here I am obese and out of control.
Today I have decided to join OA and start working the steps (online). I want to take "one segment" of each day at a time. I have to REMIND myself this is what I am doing because I FORGET and return to old habits. I have 3 segments in a day, breakfast, lunch and dinner. Dinner is from early evening to late night. I NEED one day of abstinance to get me started.
Seeing other people post their "bad days" is comforting because I can see a similar pattern and it helps knowing I am not alone in struggling, but that I can also live in abstinance and be "released" to live my life.
In my 20s I was slim and pretty, but have continually destroyed that now I am obese, frequently angry and unhappy with myself. I avoid looking in mirrors and only go clothes shopping when I absolutely have to. I suffer from bouts of depression and low self-esteen.
I am on holiday now and have time to reflect. Last night I had eaten dinner, then was bored so decided to hit the chocolate, I had a large bar and a half of chocolate plus another selection after that. Feeling sick and heavy went to bed, didnt sleep well.
I am staying with my husband's family so other people are preparing my meals, offering me ice creams, cakes and biscuits. Ive eaten everything. This is ruining my holiday. I am nit picking and angry on this holiday, unhappy and the real reason is because I am "off the rails". I see a poor family here, working hard, everybody is slim and fit and here I am obese and out of control.
Today I have decided to join OA and start working the steps (online). I want to take "one segment" of each day at a time. I have to REMIND myself this is what I am doing because I FORGET and return to old habits. I have 3 segments in a day, breakfast, lunch and dinner. Dinner is from early evening to late night. I NEED one day of abstinance to get me started.
Seeing other people post their "bad days" is comforting because I can see a similar pattern and it helps knowing I am not alone in struggling, but that I can also live in abstinance and be "released" to live my life.
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Replies
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I'm kind of new to OA myself, but I have found it to be an incredible program. Someone in my meeting yesterday said that people come to OA for the vanity, but stay for the sanity! I rather liked that!
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Operavagabond
I think "sanity" is the key word here, sanity, peace and serenity.
My day so far has been good...
My success so far has been that I have abstained. A tray of my trigger foods was offered to me but I turned it down. I am aware today that I am abstaining. success is nearly there for today.
Vanity doesn't come into it:)0 -
I am a 47 year old lady, living in London, working too hard, over-eating then over-eating again, a pattern so hard that it has become a habit.
In my 20s I was slim and pretty, but have continually destroyed that now I am obese, frequently angry and unhappy with myself. I avoid looking in mirrors and only go clothes shopping when I absolutely have to. I suffer from bouts of depression and low self-esteen.
I am on holiday now and have time to reflect. Last night I had eaten dinner, then was bored so decided to hit the chocolate, I had a large bar and a half of chocolate plus another selection after that. Feeling sick and heavy went to bed, didnt sleep well.
I am staying with my husband's family so other people are preparing my meals, offering me ice creams, cakes and biscuits. Ive eaten everything. This is ruining my holiday. I am nit picking and angry on this holiday, unhappy and the real reason is because I am "off the rails". I see a poor family here, working hard, everybody is slim and fit and here I am obese and out of control.
Today I have decided to join OA and start working the steps (online). I want to take "one segment" of each day at a time. I have to REMIND myself this is what I am doing because I FORGET and return to old habits. I have 3 segments in a day, breakfast, lunch and dinner. Dinner is from early evening to late night. I NEED one day of abstinance to get me started.
Seeing other people post their "bad days" is comforting because I can see a similar pattern and it helps knowing I am not alone in struggling, but that I can also live in abstinance and be "released" to live my life.
Hi, and welcome. I found this site helpful. There are daily recordings and special edition recordings that you can listen to. I've found that helpful because there is only one meeting face to face I can get to here in the town I live in.
http://www.avision4you.info/
I related to a lot of what you wrote. You are not alone. There is hope. I believe it is vital to get a sponsor. That way you are not simply abstaining from your foods, but truly recovering by working the 12 steps. Without that, for me, it just becomes another diet, or I am like a "dry drunk." Do you have a face to face meeting in your area you can attend?
Well, I just wanted to encourage you. Try to enjoy the rest of holiday, and know that you will recover, if you work it, and YOU ARE worth it.
:flowerforyou:
Patti0 -
I'm fairly new to OA, but have found it to be a lifeline like no other. Meetings help so much by creating a space where you can be safe to talk. No judgement, no crosstalk. It works if you work it. AND you ARE worth it!0
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Welcome to our OA family online! I've had a day of self-will run riot. I don't want to ... doesn't matter what "it" is, and it certainly includes my food plan.
This group of people (for me) is almost as good as a meeting. Almost, because nothing (again, for me) can take the place of the heart connections I make with people in meetings.
My does my day suck? I'm not using my tools. I haven't made a phone call. I missed my Saturday meeting AND my Thursday meeting. I did find grace in my morning reading and writing ritual.
My sponsor would ask me if I asked for help. My answer would be "no".
Keep coming back -- OA and the 12 Steps are a lifeline to sanity, serenity, something ohh so much better.
:flowerforyou:0 -
Many thanks all, I am feeling positive about it all:)0
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I also find my reading and writing ritual quite comforting. It helps me to centre and remind me what I am doing. You have done so well so far, you will continue to be successful.0
