Haters gonna hate?

Fitkiks
Fitkiks Posts: 15 Member
I feel like no one else is going to understand this besides the people in this group. Does anyone else get massive hate for saying you are trying to get in shape? People offer me snacks and chips and everything at work all the time and I politely turn them down. I am not rude about it or anything, I just say no thank you. Finally I was cornered by one of the people at work and grilled as to why I won't eat snacks and if I was ok. I told her straight up I was trying to get into better shape. She looked at me horrified like I was committing some crime. Now I am getting all these snide comments from bigger people in the office about how I am too skinny, or I anorexic or I am cold because I need to gain weight. People saying I am already 90lbs soaking wet. It's not compliments by any means, it's malicious.

Is anyone else getting this kind of treatment from people? Does anyone have tips for dealing with this kind of thing?

(Just to put in perspective, I was 140 when starting, at 132 now, 5'5" and I am not crash dieting. I am just not eating as many snacks/sweets and exercising. I work in an office where I sit an answer phones for 8+ hours.)
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Replies

  • teresand77
    teresand77 Posts: 34 Member
    I have before and I think it is mainly related to jealousy. I teach fitness as a side job (my full time job is an environmental engineer) and in my full-time office I constantly have people eating McDonald's and stuff for lunch and making excuses for it. Honestly I don't care if they eat McDonald's but I think they feel guilty so they have to over explain it to me. I would personally just keep doing what you're doing and keep explaining politely why you don't want to eat their junk food. Maybe some of your drive will rub off on them!
  • GiGiBeans
    GiGiBeans Posts: 1,062 Member
    How's your work relationship with them in general? Do you go to lunch with any of them? Chat or gossip with them? Sometimes food is more about bonding and socializing than eating. Make some chocolate dipped fruit and bring that in.
  • tayloryay
    tayloryay Posts: 378 Member
    For some reason people think it's totally okay to shame people about their bodies if they're not overweight. It's completely uncool, and you should try and find a way to explain to them that you don't appreciate it and that it's very rude of them. They wouldn't make comments in the opposite situation "You're having that snack? Oh my god but you're so big already!! That's why you're always so hot, because you're so fat. You need to lose weight!" Can you freakin' imagine?? I don't necessarily suggest trying to explain it to them that way as they'll likely just get offended and say it's not the same. If they're not complete *kitten*, saying it hurts your feelings should suffice.
  • Fitkiks
    Fitkiks Posts: 15 Member
    @teresand77: People don't make excuses where I am. Some people go out for poutine 4 times a week. So I don't know. Truth be told I think going out for food is way too expensive let alone the health reasons behind no eating out a lot.

    @GiGiBeans: I get along well with people but, I never eat at work. I live close enough I can walk home during meals and grab something quick which saves money as well as being healthier. People offer food I offer cute drawings of puppies and other silly doodles.

    @tmrw88: Thank you for the advice. I am just going to need to figure out how to word it.
  • CariS001
    CariS001 Posts: 169 Member
    I get that a LOT. I focus on the fact that I make healthy food choices because it makes me feel better (garbage makes me feel like garbage!) and workout because I love to be fit. I do think most of it is jealousy and/or a desire to make changes themselves, so I try to be encouraging.
  • rachelamber_x
    rachelamber_x Posts: 104 Member
    Yeah I get that.
    Because you aren't overweight people seem to assume that you must have some kind of eating disorder if you want to lose weight.
    It really gets on my nerves, especially when the guys I live with are saying things like "please don't deny yourself, have this piece of cake". I'm like sorry did you not notice me having a piece 20 mins ago along with the chocolates?
    Just because I prefer healthier food doesn't mean I'm depriving myself haha.
  • LINIA
    LINIA Posts: 1,159 Member
    So sorry you are experiencing this when you are just trying to be healthier.

    The workplace is one of the biggest reasons people won't or can't loose weight--in some instances it is because candy, doughnuts, cookies and other treats are always in the workroom---or in other cases it is an unhealthy environment because people exert peer-pressure when one person decides to "get healthy".

    it seems to me you are in a highly stressful place and i'm not sure that you have the power to change things---at his point, do what you have been doing............ continue to take care of yourself, most likely some of the people at your job are 30 to 60 pounds or more overweight, they've lost their way.....they are ruining their health.

    i was out for lunch today with a woman--probably 80 pounds over her normal weight, who started to make comments to me:

    "the other day you ate slowly and i thought you probably always eat slowly and that is why you are so thin". of course, we were 6 friends all out to eat lunch and i don't work with her.
    This is what i said to her, "at the age i am i have heard it all about why you or this one or that one thinks i am not fat and why you think you are watching me and how i eat, so unless you are paying for my lunch--i don't want to hear your opinion about how i eat"

    This was at lunch.....who would talk to someone like that---why did she dare to even mention how she sees my eating.

    Some people are unaware that good manners should be used, your coworkers are rude, impolite and yes, maybe jealous---but all things considered, unless you get an ally there, look for a new place of employment--that one is far too toxic!
  • dutchandkiwi
    dutchandkiwi Posts: 1,389 Member
    I don't get it a lot but if I do then it is often people that seem to be wanting to do what I want to do. Alternatively they are people that see food/snacks as a bonding experience but take that to extreme. I do agree with them to an extend. Sharing food is a bonding experience, and I will go to lunch with my co-workers (I have it pre-packed and we have a good reasonably healthy in-house cafeteria). So maybe they feel you are trying to be not part of their team by declining their food (=bonding offer).

    While I agree that the snacks etc are unhealthy and some jealousy may be involved the team and bonding part of it should not be underestimated. So instead of just declining, reciprocate and offer to some of your healthy snacks instead, would that be an option? It is what a co-worker and I have done and nothing is perfect, but there has been a shift. It won't stop the extreme haters though, I doubt anything will..
  • AvaWawa2008
    AvaWawa2008 Posts: 15 Member
    You sound like you are at a great weight! My sister is that size and she looks great. Next time someone says something, make a comment about them being fat, lol. I bet that will shut them up.

    Honestly though, they are probably jealous. I dealt with that back before I gained 25 pounds. People made comments about being too skinny and crap. I just ignored them. At the end of the day, you ARE a healthy weight and they most likely are not.
  • GSXRGIRL61
    GSXRGIRL61 Posts: 6,490 Member
    There are a group of us at the school at which I teach who are really more girlfriends than merely co-workers. We try to get out to lunch or dinner at least 3 or 4 times a year. The last time we went, I ordered grilled salmon and broccoli--no rice, hold the grill baste and the butter, please--and my BFF said, after I had ordered, "Wow. That was difficult." I didn't say anything that day, but it really bugged me. I would never, ever say anything to her about the fact that she was eating a second croissant with her fully loaded, candied-pecan, fried-chicken salad. The following week, I had to tell her how much she hurt my feelings. By her reaction, I don't think she had a clue that it was a snippy thing to say. The others made a few comments, too, like "Maybe if we ate like you, we'd be thin, too."

    The thing is I've worked hard to lose weight and be more healthy. I work out at least 6 days a week, and I try to eat cleanly most of the time. My BFF has made comments about wanting to lose weight, and so have some of the others, but none of them are motivated enough to do what has to be done. So, I figure that all the little comments are really about their issues. I'm tempted, though, to order what they order just to avoid the comments. But then I remember something Tyra Banks said:

    Never hide your shine for somebody else.

    I heard that the first time after my sister-in-law made a really caustic comment when we met to go running one day. She said, "I think you just want me to join you so that you can feel good about yourself." WTF? She had said she wanted to lose weight and take up running; I invited her to meet me for my run. When she got there, she was all defensive about how she was not going to try to keep up with me, etc. And then she said that. I've NEVER, EVER thought I wanted to be around someone just so I'll feel good about myself. I felt so bad about her comment that the thought crossed my mind that maybe I should gain weight to make her feel comfortable around me again. Then, as I was flipping channels, I heard Tyra's "Never hide your shine for somebody else." I refuse to allow other people's insecurities rule my life. I just keep on keeping on.
  • Angelz23
    Angelz23 Posts: 40 Member
    I get that ish all the time - "what?? You don't need to lose weight!" I guess it's because I'm tall and the weight 'distributes' more evenly, I dunno. But it does get old and annoying. I just tell them "believe me, I do".
  • dnamouse
    dnamouse Posts: 612 Member
    I get the usual "Please tell me you're not trying to lose more weight?!!" if I happen to mention I'm headed for a run/workout or order a salad (no dressing lol) for lunch.

    Um... no, I'm done losing weight, but I need to maintain it and build strength and 1. That means working out and 2. I actually like salad (and I hate dressings)!

    I don't discuss my weight numbers at all or even my routine much. I'm 145cm tall (4'9) so my numbers are obviously much, much smaller than anyone who is normal height. Even when I started to lose weight, people would be telling me they'd love to be that size. They didn't take into consideration they were nearly an entire foot taller than me :grumble: 10kg on me is an awful lot different to 10kg on someone of average height.
  • LTKeegan
    LTKeegan Posts: 354 Member
    Ugh. I've been getting this a lot. Mostly from close friends!!

    Its really hard and I'm having a hard time dealing with losing a small amount of weight (which is difficult to do!) AND balance not talking to good friends about it. I need support from SOMEONE! I know its my journey and all but its hard when you feel like you have no one in your corner.
  • GSXRGIRL61
    GSXRGIRL61 Posts: 6,490 Member
    Ugh. I've been getting this a lot. Mostly from close friends!!

    Its really hard and I'm having a hard time dealing with losing a small amount of weight (which is difficult to do!) AND balance not talking to good friends about it. I need support from SOMEONE! I know its my journey and all but its hard when you feel like you have no one in your corner.

    Try to find one accountability partner with whom you can be completely honest. Mine is a male who, like me, isn't overweight but is wanting to lose. (His reasons are an upcoming triathlon and health issues.) He's the only person who celebrates all my weight losses, just like I celebrate his. Even my husband isn't nearly as supportive, and forget telling any of my girlfriends about my weight or losses or gains. It's funny: since he's a male, there's no competition or judgment or sabatoging. Just an idea.
  • AkuaR
    AkuaR Posts: 6
    Hello. I'm new to this group but this discussion caught my attention. Definitely have heard and been through similar situations. Everyone gave good insight on this. Honestly, it baffles me how people volunteer their own critiques of each other-did you ask for it? No. But someone felt it necessary to spew them out. I know we have heard this a million times, but it's truly not you it's them. It's their own anger and frustrations that they are struggling with. Your ability to say "no" to something you feel is not good for you, is a reminder to them of their own struggles etc. with saying "no". It's a trigger that goes off and unfortunately they think it's okay to say what they say to you. I have gotten the eye roll, pushed, name calling, made fun of etc. because I mention I would like to better maintain my physique and so forth. I have also allowed OTHER people's comments, stop me from MY GOALS! Every corner you turn, there will be a road block-either we let it block us or we find a methodical way of dealing with it and continuing on with our journey. It's our journey and our right.

    My wanting to be fit is not a personal attack on anyone, it is my business and personal goal. People will always say something and it's not right! But that is people for you. I truly appreciate this post because it is an issue you can't always find someone to vent to about. Wanting to be fit wether you are145-355 is something we should aspire to. It helps us mentally and definitely physically. I utilize fitness more and more especially during my more anxious times. Thanks for sharing!
  • AkuaR
    AkuaR Posts: 6
    Ugh. I've been getting this a lot. Mostly from close friends!!

    Its really hard and I'm having a hard time dealing with losing a small amount of weight (which is difficult to do!) AND balance not talking to good friends about it. I need support from SOMEONE! I know its my journey and all but its hard when you feel like you have no one in your corner.

    I have always done a lot if things alone- don't know why just have. I usually look up quotes on fitness and strength or for my life in general. Inspiring words help me pull through. Yes, I do have a a supportive group of friends but I still try to rely on words I can recite over and over ( like a mantra). Something positive that aids me in tuning out the negative noise. It's not easy but it makes you even stronger in the end. I think forums like this one is also helpful. You can do it and dont give up. Set your goal and go for it. Your doing it for you and that's a damn good reason. Best!
  • icha3x
    icha3x Posts: 54 Member
    all of you are a great motivation. don't let the jealous ones bring you down. no matter what we do in life there is going to be those people that say stupid things. ever since i took up ballroom dancing, the non dancers are always asking when they will see me on dancing with the stars. ugh! never i hope.
    so keep doing what makes YOU feel good and just shake off the haters.
  • cutmd
    cutmd Posts: 1,168 Member
    Ok, I'll admit it, I'm kind of a hater.

    I was a fat kid during middle school then it went away after puberty. Afterwards I was "curvy" but never technically overweight as an adult, then I started getting increasingly into fitness and for years now my normal weight has been 10 lbs or so lighter with a lot of muscle and decent body fat. BUT it's like I'm a fat person in a small body! When people comment on how I'm so skinny or how I eat or this and than I'm never offended I just marvel at how I was somehow included in the skinny category. I have made comments to others about how skinny they are, etc. I have toned it down since finding out some find it offensive but I guess I do have some jealousy of skinny people even though some people think I'm one of them. Weird huh? I will continue to work towards being less hateful... :blushing:
  • stephaniefiteni
    stephaniefiteni Posts: 48 Member
    Yes I do at times, 'You look like you have lost - etc. You do not need to be at the gym'. My goal at the moment is definition - so that is actually what I tell them. Keep your mental focus strong and ignore.
  • brevislux
    brevislux Posts: 1,093 Member
    I get that too.

    It's astonishing how I can get "why won't you eat that, you're thin so you can allow it!" and "you're thin because of your genetics". People can't put two and two together...
  • Indiri13
    Indiri13 Posts: 104 Member
    I gained a little weight last year that I am now removing (about 5-7 pounds to go) and twice this week someone has told me that it's good I gained weight because I was looking too skinny and now I look better. They have no idea that I only weigh 5 pounds more right now so they probably can't even see an actual difference. The thing is I'm still at a 24ish% body fat so losing a little more to get down to 21% (my goal) doesn't seem unreasonable to me but my friends mostly all think I'm nuts.
  • Cakewalk25
    Cakewalk25 Posts: 71 Member
    I get this all the time whenever I try to lose weight. I don't mind the comments like "You don't need to lose weight, you're so thin!" because I think people are just trying to be nice and compliment you. However, a bunch of my friends ganged up on me recently during a party where I wouldn't eat the snacks provided (chips, cookies, etc.) and told me I was "anorexic" and that a 1200 calorie a day diet is a "starvation diet" and that the human body needs at least 3000 calories a day to survive. Then I was told I was an "idiot" for relying on an iphone app for my health, even after I told them I had cleared it with my doctor. Funny that it's a social taboo to say that someone's being unhealthy when they smoke or eat a ton of junk food, but for some reason it's okay to criticize someone for trying to have a healthier lifestyle?

    I also had a friend aggressively confront me by saying that me trying to lose weight is a "slap in the face to all my overweight friends, because I'm not overweight thereby by saying I need to lose weight I'm indirectly telling all of them I think they're fat pigs". Umm, that wasn't what I meant AT ALL (their weight is none of my business). I tried to see it from their point of view, but it did seem like an oversensitivity on their part.

    I try not to tell people I'm trying to lose weight, but when people get really pushy on trying to push snacks on me I'll mention it.
  • rhispect
    rhispect Posts: 9 Member
    Yep. Remind me to never mention my workout plans/progress on Facebook ever again. Lesson learned.
  • amysj303
    amysj303 Posts: 5,086 Member
    I don't get this. I mean, yeah, people might comment on what I am eating or say, "I should just order what you do, clearly, since you're thin." But if I don't take a snack, I don't think anyone notices and if I turn down a cookie they're like-more for me.

    But I don't even tell people if I am fasting, or not eating sugar/diary/alcohol/gluten. I think it's annoying to them:grumble:
  • RoseGoldDinosaur
    RoseGoldDinosaur Posts: 133 Member
    People at my office are friendly in general, but they do make back-handed remarks about my healthy eating and turning down their constant donuts and cupcakes and cookies, etc. They'll try to tempt me and tell me I can afford to eat it and things like that.

    If people are being malicious and it's truly making you uncomfortable, I'd suggest talking to HR or your manager. It's not okay to harass someone about their body at work. Period.

    When people make excuses for their bad habits to me or try to tempt me into eating junk, I usually just shrug it off. I pass on the cupcakes and say "maybe the next time" or "darn- I just ate". It seems obvious that heavy office workers are jealous of people who make the effort to eat healthy and exercise regularly. Living a healthy lifestyle is hard when you work long hours at a desk so it's understandable that people feel guilty about it and jealous of people with more time or fewer obligations. Don't mention your dieting or exercise routines. It's great to be proud of your body and health, but downplaying your efforts at work is usually best. Your body and shape speak for themselves :wink:
  • aimeealee
    aimeealee Posts: 36 Member
    Yes, I get the same thing all the time. It is exhausting listening and explaining all the time. When I find myself giving in and eating something that everyone is eating, I totally regret it later. Physically and emotionally. I remind myself that I eat the way I do because I want to and I like to. Stay Strong!! Good Luck!!
  • cjbrdh
    cjbrdh Posts: 3 Member
    I am so happy to come upon this because it happens to me all the time at work. They always comment about me not eating the ridiculous amount of snacks or not ordering in (pizza, subs) like they do everyday. And God forbid if I actually take 1 cookie and eat it I hear all about that. What they don't understand is that I am 5 ft tall so everything I eat will go directly to my hips and stomach and I also come from a long line of obese and unhealthy family members on my mom and dads side. My general answer to anybody else is I say my jeans are tight and I refuse to purchase a larger size. As soon as I go up those extra 5-8 lbs I immediately go on a modified diet. People can be rude but I'm sure in my office it's purely based on the fact that I am at an ideal weight and non of them are, misery loves company! Sometimes I sit and watch what they consume during lunch and would love to come back at them with a comment but I would never be rude.
  • Jenn19891
    Jenn19891 Posts: 20 Member
    I get this all the time too, it drives me nuts when someone always has something to say about what I'm eating. I usually get the "oh, you're actually eating something today, I'm proud of you", even though I have a reasonable lunch every day. If I happen to go up a couple pounds people sure love to comment on it too. I try not to let it bother me too much, people just tend to forget that thinner people can feel insecure sometimes too.
  • dnamouse
    dnamouse Posts: 612 Member
    Funny that this thread popped back up today lol

    I went out for lunch yesterday at the IL's house. This is what I got when I turned down a chocolate cupcake - "You'll put us all to shame if you keep this up!"

    uummm... I'd just eaten a rather large bbq lunch (think steak AND sausage, large salad, garlic bread - lots of yummy food, and I may have finished off my 6yo's plate as well :blushing: ) and I was full. I also turned down the fruit salad for dessert ("But it's healthy!"), because I don't like fruit and only eat it when I have no other choice lol

    I don't really watch calories any more, but I have simply worked out what things make me feel yuck. And eating when I'm already full simply makes no sense.
  • melissa3555
    melissa3555 Posts: 2 Member
    Once I was telling my friend about the MFP app's scanning device on my phone because it is super cool. Obviously I had to explain what MFP is. As soon as I said I am tracking my calories she got almost dumbstruck: "Wait, are you /trying/ to lose weight?!"

    I mean, I understand that I do not /need/ to lose weight. However, I do want to improve my eating habits, tone up, and be more healthy in general. In order to achieve these goals I need to behave in ways that will inevitably make me lose weight (a.k.a. exercising, eating less, and eating healthier food).

    Now I dread telling anyone that I track my calories even though I don't think it is something I should have to be ashamed of.

    Do you ever feel ashamed of using MFP?