Last night was the cooking lesson/dinner party, and I was very discouraged by how difficult it was for me to abstain from alcohol. I did make it through the night without falling off the wagon, but it was just extremely difficult. I received more peer pressure and kick back than I expected I would. Despite showing up with my bottle of alcohol free wine and making my intentions clear, people were still trying to get me to join in the drinking - which was difficult to pass up as they uncorked bottle after bottle of extremely fine wines.

The cooking lesson itself was frustrating, as they chose a rather hard lesson plan and everyone quit midway through except for one other person and myself (trust me, I wanted to throw in the towel too, but felt bad leaving her alone). So while everyone else relaxed on the patio enjoying the nice weather and fine wines, I was frantic in the kitchen for about 3 hours, and somewhat frustrated and exhausted by the time dinner was even ready to serve.

Of course, with or without wine, I enjoy the opportunity to spend time with close friends. However, I barely even got to to that, seeing as they left two of us in the kitchen to do the work, and by the time dinner was served, I was exhausted and they were all pretty drunk (or at least at my end of the table). The conversations consisted of philosophical revelations by some and slurred lines of thought I couldn't quite seem to understand or keep up with. All in all, I felt really left out. I just couldn't seem to be a part of the party or conversation. I tried to chime in and participate at one point, showing my friend pictures of the new house I am having inspected next week in hopes of buying. My boyfriend himself (who was supposed to be a sober buddy with me… and wasn't - he did pretend to drink Fre at one point. but it was really a nice glass of Malbec), chimed in telling me that "nobody wants to see that". At that point, I was just really ready to go. I couldn't seem to find my place in conversation or social interaction, and I was quite tired from all of the work to prepare the meal.

To top things off, my boyfriend had driven to the party which I didn't think would be an issue since he was participating in this sober exercise with me. I wasn't sure that he was in shape to drive home, but we had brought his rather large truck which I may have backed into a few things in the past… I drive a small car… you kinda forget about the whole 8 foot bed when you drive a truck only on occasion… He told me he only had 2 glasses of wine so I allowed him to drive anyway (after seeing his condition when we got home, I'm pretty sure he had FAR more than 2). Thankfully, we weren't going far, and I made him stay off of the interstate. The ride home included several rolling stops, lack of blinkers, going straight through turn lanes, etc. which made me very uneasy. At one point, he tried to stop next to a car at a red light and yell at the driver next to us who was talking on her cell phone while driving. I really don't think he had the right to be correcting anyone's driving at this point.

I know that my abstaining from alcohol was not the route cause of the majority of my frustrations from the evening, but somehow I tell myself that if I had been drinking it would have been so much better. And that is somewhat true - rather than feel like an outsider, unable to follow the illogical conversations taking place, I would've been mentally right there with the rest - slurred speech and all. I also probably wouldn't have been so concerned about the drive home, and wouldn't have even noticed.

Today, I have mixed feelings. Still somewhat frustrated with my boyfriend's drunken behavior and lack of responsibility. Upset that I feel like I missed out on a fun evening with friends - being unable to keep up with the social interactions at my end of the table. But at the same time, I am glad that I was able to make it through the evening successfully despite the many temptations and wake up clear headed today.

Thankfully, last night was the first night I really struggled, and hopefully the last one that proves so difficult! I grew up immersed in a culture where copious alcohol consumption was "the norm", and observed, first hand, much of the devastation you cite that alcohol abuse can lead to. It wasn't until I moved elsewhere that I realized that many of these behaviors were not just abnormal - but pretty unacceptable. Having lived outside of that culture for a few years, it has become much easier to live in better moderation. Even outside of that particular group, I concur that society, as a whole, has a pretty warped view of alcohol.

I have to agree with you that people who try to push you to drink are frequently insecure about their own habits and looking for justification. I am grateful that with the exception of last night, I have had an incredible support network, which is probably why abstaining from alcohol has not proved particularly difficult until then. My boyfriend has been the first in line to help me achieve my health goals and destress in alternative ways all along - he set up a "hot tea bar" in my apartment, has joined me on many relaxing walks, spent more time and money at the driving range than I probably care to admit, and drawn up hot baths for me when I have come home sore from a rough workout. Things just seemed to unravel a bit last night, but I was glad that my choices for my own health and welfare were good enough reason for me to stick by my decision, despite external pressure.

Going completely teetotal for Lent has certainly increased my awareness of how I, along with my social groups, use alcohol and the overwhelming misconceptions of its influence.