Thanks so much you guys, ill look into that book for sure! Yeah it really is a tough situation, I totally know what you mean about people who can love someone no matter what, I always thought of myself that way because logically it makes sense to me, but when it comes down to it I'm straight and I can't force myself to change. I'm going to talk to him about it soon. Still going with the term him for now until he says otherwise. I'll try to go about the conversation delicately, I absolutely don't want to give ultimatums but just want him to look at it from my point of view as well, and see that it's something we may both struggle with and have to make some sacrifices or changes along the way. I can understand the butch thing, honestly I do find more 'butch' girls attractive but that's about the extent of it. We like what we like, and I think if he were to make changes, in order to try to pull it off he'd really have to go more on the feminine side. I keep going back and forth, one part of the day thinking it doesn't bother me and I could still love him if he made a transition into a woman and that part doesn't matter, then later feeling like I'd always feel not entirely satisfied as I might lose the attraction I currently have. You're right I can't know for sure maybe he'll make the change and I really won't care, it's just hard to imagine right now. I'm going to be supportive but tell him how I'm feeling, and we can work through it slowly. I have some other worries as well but think I need to do more research, like if we want to have kids, he may have to use a sperm bank if he wanted to change before that, but things like that worry me because what if it's not enough? I know they expire, what if I want kids later and the expiry is too late? I'm only 22, he's 23 so there are just so many what ifs right now. Plus he said it's harder to transition after 25 so this could be something that happens soon. He still has no idea what he wants to do but I can tell if he had the choice he'd make the change, it's all the other factors that are weighing in. I also worry about things like a sex life, it's not the most important thing to me as ours hasn't been a big part of our relationship, I always suspected due to his depression but now I'm realizing it's likely been this all along, not feeling happy with his body.

I wish there was a simple solution here, I always saw us as a couple that it would be near impossible to ruin our relationship, he's my best friend, i can't see my life without him but this is the first time I've started questioning if this is something I'll be able to go with or if it might become too difficult, I want to be there for him, but I didn't realize how much it could affect me and my identity. We are who we are, and I'm sure many on here know what it's like trying to hide that for years, I've never had to and this makes me feel like he or I will have to based on whether or not he makes a transition if we stayed together. I'm a very faithful partner but I worry if he transitioned I'd always be looking at other guys and feeling like I was missing out. So many what ifs...

Thanks again though, It's really discouraging reading about these situations because most of the time it makes it sound like most couples can't work through it, and I would really like it if we could. I'm thinking I might sign us up for couples therapy to help with this. There are positives and negatives to both sides so I'll see if that's something he'd be interested in.