Doesn't it feel good though to be in control again? I know the Karen that first started here going to her water tai chai and moving toward a goal was a happier Karen. Deep down, food is just the temporary happy that leaves you feeling depressed and emotional all week. I don't want you to beat yourself up anymore. But no more free passes. This is it. I'm tempted to make you open your diary so I can make sure you are logging young lady. I'm watching you!

Thank you, your support and accountability are great, Heather. I think my food diary is already open. I made myself open it when I started despite misgivings because I'm trying to lose the SHAME.

I'm still trying to figure out whether the chicken comes before the egg... do I get depressed by eating crap? or do I eat crap because I'm depressed? All I know is that it is tough to pull out of it. The weather here is not helping at all. Heat is back ON again. Really. I just want to be warm and sit in the sun and swim in the lake!

Tomorrow I'll rise early. And go to aqua Zumba to set the tone for the weekend. I hope everyone has FUN this weekend and finds ways to be happy that don't cost money or add unwanted calories. Hurrah for healthy alternatives!

I'll be working on my first Bigfoot sex book... Something like this: Abigail first realized she must have blacked out when she awoke with a pounding headache in an enormous pile of dried leaves and moss. "What? Where am I?" She rubbed her fingertips across her temple, feeling a tender, raised bump underneath her waves of red-gold hair. The last moments she remembered were stumbling over a tree root on her favorite solo hiking path in the White Mountains. Now... Now she seemed to be in the entrance of a cave in a pile of... no, a nest, a giant nest that smelled like damp earth and musk. "And why am I naked?"

Hahahaha... I'm not ashamed of writing nasty, hairy, Bigfoot sex scenes, but I'm full of self-loathing over a cheeseburger? Yeah. Need to let it go. That's the crazy eating disorder talking!

Hi everybody. Today I am under in my calorie goal, but my eating was not healthy and it was compulsive too.

still no exercise so I'm feeling my usual tired and sluggish. Gotta start moving my body!

I ate sugar for the first time two weeks ago. Been eating some here and there, mostly here since then. It had been a year and a half since I consumed ANY sugar at all. So, I'm scared.

I'm a compulsive overeater with no control over my eating. The only time I am able to eat healthy is when I let go of my will, and am willing and surrendered to a power greater than myself. Sound crazy? I understand...but, 55 years of insanity over food and sugar was crazy, depressing, and resulted in obesity and me not wanting to show up for life.

So, I'm glad to be here, to be using the site and the logging as an added tool to what I am already doing, and so grateful for connecting with others who struggle in ways that I certainly relate to. Thanks for letting me share.

Maryellen in Florida.

Hello my friends. This has been one crazy day. Earlier today I got a phone call from the Catholic church I took my electric bill to and thank God they were able to help me so I don't have to worry about that. And yes Heather, you're right. We will get through the financial problems. I just wish it was sooner than later. I hate being broke and having to ask for help. Today was also my day at the food pantry. Sometimes I don't know where we would be without them. We only get to go once a month but that really helps fill the gaps. Today was really good because we got a lot of produce (spinach, cucumbers, tomatoes, dried cherries, raisins, watermelon, cauliflower).

Then came the crazy. You all remember the cyst on Cody's neck? Well the new round of antibiotics that the doctor finally gave him are doing nothing. The cyst has continued to get larger and larger. I called her again today and of course no return call. When I called back the fourth time (the cyst was getting larger by the hour), I was told I was at the top of her priority list but they had no idea when she would call me. Didn't sound like priority to me and I let them know it. Finally my mom and I made the decision to take him to the ER. They cyst was almost the size of a softball. At one point they were talking about keeping him overnight for IV antibiotics or possibly even operating. Cody was panicking. He was afraid he would have to spend the night there by himself. I reassured him that would not be the case. Eventually the doctor decided to drain the infection out with a needle and prescribed new antibiotics. We go back to see him in a couple of weeks to get the actual cyst removed. This doctor even gave me his pager number in case it gets worse this weekend instead of getting better. Hopefully he's on the road to recovery but it surely wasn't the way I was planning on spending my Friday afternoon/evening. When we left, we stopped at Denny's to eat because Mom and Cody were starving to death. I made a healthy choice and got something off the Fit & Fare menu for only 330 calories. Was pretty proud that I didn't give in to all those high calorie choices out of stress. Hopefully the remainder of the weekend is calm.