Letting my baby scream, am I a bad mom?
nicolemviolette
Posts: 105 Member
Sometimes when my baby wakes up, he gets very fussy. I feed him, burp him, change him and burp him again just to be safe. Then I usually snuggle him for a little bit before swaddling him in his SwaddleMe blanket and laying him down. Most of the time when I lay him down, allllllll he does is scream on and off for a good 10-15 minutes. I then give him his pacifier, which he will just keep spitting out and scream some more so eventually I just give up and let him cry himself to sleep. Is that bad?? I feel horrible, but I seriously dont know what else to do for him to calm him down.
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I don't think it makes you a bad mom. If you're getting frustrated it's better to step away and collect yourself. Crying isn't going to hurt the baby. Generally newborns and infants cry for a reason, not to manipulate you so try not to turn it into a battle of wills. That being said there are times when nothing you do will stop them from crying, just chalk it up to "building up the lungs".
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Is it possible that he has reflux? My son does and he would always cry for about 10 minutes after eating no matter what I did. Now he doesn't do that as much because he's outgrowing it a little bit.
As for crying, I was told if you've met all their needs, it's fine.0 -
My little girl is the same way. Her doctor recommended trying either Little Remedies Gripe Water or Colic Calm. I found the Gripe Water at Walmart and it has made a world of difference for us. Maybe check with your doctor if it is something you can try. I don't know if you breastfeed or noy , but it could also be your diet. I have had to remove dairy, caffeine, and alcohol which helped a little bit was not 100%. If formula feeding, have you tried a different formula?0
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I was wondering if he has colic. Infacol and gripe water are really good.
Sometimes babies just don't want to be put down. I often let my 7 week old fall asleep on me before putting her in her bed. I have a fluffy sheep called Ewan the dream sheep (not sure if they sell them where you live) that plays 'Womb sounds ' which helps settle her.0 -
I agree that sometimes they just don't want to be put down. My second baby was like that. He would only fall asleep on me. It could, of course, be something else like reflux.
People who put down "cry it out" usually don't understand it. Some do, for sure, but my point is that many think we all sit around playing Candy Crush while our babies scream their lungs out. Not true.
If your baby is full, clean, dry, and comfortable, then it's ok to let them cry for a bit. Follow your gut instinct. I never let my babies cry for more than a few minutes (say, 10) without going back in to comfort them, and I never let them cry, even for a minute, if it is that "world is ending" cry, when they're obviously distressed.
I literally let my one-year-old cry in his crib for every nap and every night at bedtime. He fusses for a minute or two because he's pissed that I left him. He's fine in a couple of minutes. If my older son is any indication, he doesn't appear to have been scarred for life.
I'm not saying my way is the best way or the only way, just that it worked for us. Remember, even tired babies resist sleep, so as long as all his other needs are met, he might just need to sleep 0 -
I don't think you are a bad mom. You didn't say how long you let the baby cry. I think a couple minutes isn't too big of a deal. It might be good though to investigate further. As another said young babies don't cry to manipulate. That is how they communicate. They can't say what's bothering them. My first daughter had a lot of trouble sleeping and after almost 2 years of asking a pediatrician why they did a sleep study and found out she had sleep apnea. My second refused to sleep in a crib. We used a rock n play and she still naps in it at 16 months. We recently put her in a toddler bed in the same room as her 6 year old sister and she likes it. She just never liked a crib. As others said reflux or colic could be the cause. If it's everyday baby may be experiencing a digestive issue or just still learning how to go to sleep with out the help of mommy. But either way if you keep investigating I bet you will figure out the cause.0
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Sometimes, putting the baby down, walking away and letting them cry is what you need to do.
I have people get mad at me saying what I do with my baby is bad for him - I mock him. He cries, I imitate his cry. He whimpers, I imitate his whimper. He screams blood murder - I laugh at him and tell him he is being ridiculous. I don't see how it is bad for him and it helps me keep my sanity when he won't stop crying and sometimes it even makes him stop.
I have always been told, and I believe, as long as you make sure all their needs are met then letting them cry for a bit won't hurt them. Personally, I would probably put a time limit on it - like if they have been screaming for 5 minutes straight (and you have had adequate time to calm yourself) then it is time to go back in and intervene again.
I never had a problem with a screaming baby with my first, she just never did scream. Give me a couple more months and I am sure I will be saying I have had more of it than I want and that I have let him alone to just scream at least once - my little guy is a bit dramatic!0
