Single and dating?

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  • melissajane83
    melissajane83 Posts: 54 Member
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    Well I have been single for 2 years. Sometimes I get upset about it and sometimes I am happy. My mom says I am too picky about guys but I get to be picky! I have a daughter and I am not going to bring just anyone around her :) I think Mr. Right will come into my life one day.... I hope..haha
  • b00b0084
    b00b0084 Posts: 729 Member
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    Just split up with my boyfriend after being single for 4 1/2 years before I met him. Add a 10 year old son to the mix and it gets really hard for me at 30 to find a guy to date.
  • ecove
    ecove Posts: 25 Member
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    Dating in your 30s is a lot more difficult. Generally, people have experienced quite a bit -- been married, had children, etc. so there can be some baggage or more selectiveness with the folks you do go out with. Some people also think that because they're in their 30s, they're running out of time to live the cookie cutter married, children, picket fence life that is idealized in our society so they're in a rush to get that done or are stressed out because they haven't done that. I've come to terms with the fact that that I'll never have any of that prepackaged life but in the dating world I've found that a lot more patience and compromise comes in to play.
  • LangBobo
    LangBobo Posts: 1
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    I wouldn't know cause I can't get anyone to date me! I feel like because I'm single in my 30s I missed the boat and I'm doomed for life. Doesn't help that I'm much overweight.

    It's like you spoke my mind.
  • marchellaz
    marchellaz Posts: 70 Member
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    Dating in my 30's has been terrible for me. Seems like married men are the only ones who come after me. I dont want that. And if they are single all they seem to want is to fool around. Nothing serious. I have been single for 3 years and just dated guys occasionally here and there. Nothing good haha
  • lee91356
    lee91356 Posts: 330 Member
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    I really wouldnt know lol and I want to. I never dated and always shyed away from it because of my myriad of excuses. My weight was always the best one - i.e. no one will love me because I'm over weight.

    the few times I tried online dating I got either really weird creeps or nothing. recently I tried it again after losing all my weight and being the smallest i have been since my teens and i got so overwhelmed by suddenly how many guys were "interested" in meeting me that i didnt really reply.

    i dont go out much or meet too many men but i will say its an esteem booster to know that i am looked at MORE now and that I look better (at least in clothes lol) than I did in my 20s.

    i am working to overcome my issues and really put myself into the dating pool, but i guess what doesnt help is that i was told on loveline (yes i called for advice) that i would have a hardtime finding someone because all of my excess then if i weighed more and it wawsnt so bad :frown: (though they did say its better then being in this situation in you 20s since men are more serious, blah, blah, blah) so yeah that doesnt help my self-confidence.

    but each day that i look in the mirror and see myself i feel better and more confident and hope to bestow myself on someone truly worth it.

    (oh yah did I mention i live in LA)
  • kansas_mom
    kansas_mom Posts: 16
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    I find that my hardest hurdle when it comes to dating is finding someone that understands the demands of my time. They just don't get that I'm not going to just invite them over for a quickie after my son goes to bed, especially when I don't even know them. I try to explain that I want to get to know them and after a few dates, maybe I can introduce them to my son. But, they get so tied up in the fact that I have such little time between work and having him full time as a single mom, that they run before we even get started.

    Not to mention, it's near impossible to meet good men my age these days. I've tried the online thing many many times, and it just doesn't seem to work out for me. They always turn out to be huge perverts and total creepers, and neither of which I want in my life. I work 12 hour shifts, and I have my son the majority of the time. I offer my time when he is with his dad one night a week and every other weekend, but most guys don't think that's enough time to offer them. When I try to explain that once they have met my son and I trust them around him, then my time opens up exponentially... They just don't have the patience to wait for all that.

    On top of those issues, being overweight doesn't help. I have tried to be comfortable and confident in my own skin, but being rejected so many times can really dampen your confidence. I try to take the first step and make the first contact online, but none of them ever answer. I know there are men out there that appreciate large women, but they usually turn out to only be looking for one thing, and I'm looking for the complete opposite.

    If there are still great men left out there for me, then I would love to know how and where to find them!!!! :)
  • kansas_mom
    kansas_mom Posts: 16
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    The hardest thing for me is learning to trust people again... I miss dating and I do want to settle down have a family etc but after finding out at 5 months pregnant not only was my fiancee still married but also had another women pregnant trust is a big issue and has ruined my relationship since then.

    Also time is a big issue I work full time in a high demanding job in advertising and have a 2 year old monkey to run after... right now I have other priorities and need to learn to be me again. Taking steps to regain my confidence through both my work and now getting more active is helping and I know it will happen when its right just not out to force it to happen.



    I totally relate to you!!! Trust has been a huge issue for me!!! Once someone's trust has been squashed, it takes forever to get that back.
  • twisparklepunk
    twisparklepunk Posts: 4 Member
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    i've been single for about a year and a half now, after being in two back to back relationships which total about six and a half years.
    i was kind of enjoying getting back to being me and enjoying doing all those single girl things, but i am reaching that point where i'd like to reconnect with someone at that intimate level again. I find internet dating really shallow and impersonal, and i am not meeting people who i connect with at all so i'm not even sure how it's going to happen haha. i am still going to keep most of my focus on working on getting myself together first though.
  • girlviernes
    girlviernes Posts: 2,402 Member
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    Very single! I'm trying to commit sufficient effort to online dating, but I find it frustrating! I want the right guy just to fall into my lap, is that too much to ask? ;)
  • Running_From_Zombies
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    Where in the world to people in their thirties go to find someone?

    I wonder the same! :)

    me too

    Me too!
  • mrgraywood
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    30something partner requirements summed up:
    Her: Where is my prince charming?
    Him: Where is my insatiable slut?

    Everyone - stop being so damn picky!

    Just realize that everyone that's single and in their thirties are just like you. Been in relationships, uncomfortable with themselves, trust issues, frustrated and dealing with their own life - just as you are!
    Understand that it's a different game now, and don't expect the wonderful lightness of 20something dating anymore, where life was cheap and sex was easy. Or the other way round..
    Also, expect alot of bitterness...
  • MysteriousMerlin
    MysteriousMerlin Posts: 2,270 Member
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    I'm not single, and haven't been since age 20. I honestly don't know how I would even approach it. I think I would have to be friends with someone first, then go from there. Dating someone who's virtually a stranger gives me the creeps.
  • lisawinning4losing
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    I'm kind of dating a little bit but there's really no point in it until I lose this weight. Until then you can have the oldies, the uglies and the fatties. Or you can still have sex with hot guys as long as you don't mind being a moped. (Fun to ride but they don't want to be seen on one in public.)
  • lisawinning4losing
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    Also, I feel more objectified as a chubby woman than I ever did as a thin woman. Seems like the only men who are interested now are the chubby chasers. Every time a guy says "I like em thick" it makes me feel like a pork chop on a plate. I swear next time a guy calls me "thick" like it's a compliment I'm going to punch him in the face. I just can't wait to be thin again so I can feel like a human being again.
  • MysteriousMerlin
    MysteriousMerlin Posts: 2,270 Member
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    I'm kind of dating a little bit but there's really no point in it until I lose this weight. Until then you can have the oldies, the uglies and the fatties. Or you can still have sex with hot guys as long as you don't mind being a moped. (Fun to ride but they don't want to be seen on one in public.)

    Wow...I met an handsome, amazing guy, and married him 13 years ago, and have been overweight the entire time.
  • girlviernes
    girlviernes Posts: 2,402 Member
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    I find my mind gets in the way, because I want someone who will really care for me and want to be with me at my current size as well as if I am smaller. It's okay if he has a preference one way or another, but there needs to be some flexibility there. I don't want to be wtih a guy who hates my body, and I don't want to be with someone who fetishizes size and would want me to stay overweight.

    So it's tricky! But I think I make it trickier than it needs to be by trying to figure out what a guy wants without giving things a change without trusting that if he is showing he is into me then he is probably actually into me :P