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One day, bay-beeee!

JenH1550
JenH1550 Posts: 46
in Social Groups
I made it an entire day without binging.

I'm totally celebrating!

I didn't excessive to death to make sure I had more calories.

I didn't go nuts trying to compensate for whatever crazy "missing out" emotion I have.

Sidetrack: There's a part of me that seems to feel like I'm missing out on something, or that everyone gets more and better than I do, if I don't eat a large portion of INSERT JUNK HERE.

I also didn't turn into shark-woman.

After dinner, I turn into a shark, mindlessly pacing back and forth between the office-kitchen-living room-kitchen-kitchen-kitchen-kitchen... and mindlessly eating everything. Every. Thing.

Didn't eat my emotions.

Last night I ate a good dinner.

I had some hot tea.

I had a reasonable dessert.

I read, watched television, and enjoyed the night.

That's a huge victory in my life, and I woke up feeling like I could slay dragons with a clothespin. INVINCIBLE!

Then I walked in the door at work and some well-meaning butthead brought in an enormous sheet cake for a staff of 20.

Someone give me a clothespin.

Here there be dragons!
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Replies

  • battling_binge
    battling_binge Posts: 16
    Eeeee! Way to go :) I recognise those superhuman feelings when you manage a binge free day. Awesome job x

    And life has a way of bringing you sheet cakes when all you wanted was dragons....
  • JenH1550
    JenH1550 Posts: 46
    A-freakin-men!

    TWO days in a row without binging. If I make it through today ... not IF, WHEN I make it through today, I will have gone three full days without binging. In a row. That's the longest I will have gone without a binge since January.

    Today is the day. I will make it through today.

    BRING ON YOUR CAKE. I LAUGH AT IT!

    HA!

    HA HA!

    Actually, I take that back. Please universe, don't tempt me. Let there be no cake, no stress and no drama. Just a nice Friday in which I'm content with my food and proud of myself.
  • crepes_
    crepes_ Posts: 583 Member
    That's wonderful! Make sure to update us after you make it through today. You're awesome!
  • battling_binge
    battling_binge Posts: 16
    Amazing! You're inspiring me today. After the worst binge ever yesterday, I've been doing really well. Was up late but had a normal lunch, and a couple of small snacks. Now planning a healthy dinner, a nice cup of tea and bed :)

    I hope I can make it one day binge free. It's been too damn long. I'm sure you can keep up your winning streak. I curse the cake-mongerers!
  • JenH1550
    JenH1550 Posts: 46
    Today is hard man.

    Today is draaagggin and I'm hungry.

    My last two-day bender in Little Debbie/Cereal/Peanut Butter/Eggo world set me up to want a lot of food and my body is starting to resist.

    It KNOWS that I can't make it this long without giving in.

    I prelogged most of my food for today, so I know what to expect and when.

    All I can think of is food. My stomach is growling.

    I set a timer and I'm literally just sitting at my desk, doing no work, reading success stories, chewing gum and drinking water.

    I can do this.

    I can do this.

    Lunch is 12 minutes away and it will be filling, healtful and satisfying.

    ARRRGGG!

    I can do this.

    (I might throat punch someone if any sweets show up in the break room. Today is hurting. )

    How are you guys doing?

    Battling_bing, keep hanging on — yesterday cannot matter. It just can't. So today you are kicking buns, and I'm so happy for you. It's a great feeling.

    Crepes, love your pic!
  • battling_binge
    battling_binge Posts: 16
    You can do it Jen :) How are things now? Does gum work for you? Sometimes it makes my stomach more unsettled so I want to eat more.... Drinking water is always a good plan though. Sometimes trying to do something active like a few stretches/squats/lunges re-energises me a bit and dampens the eating urge. Obviously at work you'd have to do that in the toilet though! Unless you don't mind funny looks :P

    I've just had dinner and it seems to have set off the food monster, but currently distracting myself with dvds, and completing my food diary on here. I'm going to manage this day however hard it is! Evening is my worst time though.

    Everyone has cute doggies!
  • JenH1550
    JenH1550 Posts: 46
    Yeah the after-dinner time. The Time of the Binge.

    Here is an 80s video to help bolster you during these dark moments.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZzQ3eBerHfM

    I'm holding on.

    The gum is 50-50, you know?

    Distracting myself is the key. An email, a text, typing, making a list... just anything that takes my attention.

    I've gotten NO work done, but I've done good sticking to my food.

    I have the before dinner gauntlet and the after dinner gauntlet to pass, and I'm feeling so much better.

    I had water, and a couple of cups of coffee. That helped a lot.

    Sending good vibes your way!

    One day at a time, right?!
  • battling_binge
    battling_binge Posts: 16
    Thanks for the good vibes...I did slip up after dinner as it turned out. But I stopped before it got too ridiculous, and even though I feel disappointed and too full, I did WAY better than yesterday. Here's to a better day tomorrow...

    Hope you're riding out those dinner cravings. It's hard to get anything done when you're fighting cravings! It's a full time job!
  • JenH1550
    JenH1550 Posts: 46
    Hey battling,

    GO YOU! A smaller binge is a really big deal, you know?

    You took control of it, and owned it.

    Any day where I go to bed not hating myself is a win.

    Day three of feeling emotions instead of eating them.

    I went to the high school football game because my kid is in the band, and I snuck in my own no-calorie tea and plain air-popped popcorn. Didn't go NEAR the snack stand.

    Managing cravings is exhausting. I thought about nothing but my next meal for a total of 10 hours. I set timers. Used two different phone aps. Haunted here and several other sites.

    I did nothing but protect today from a binge, and I'm tired.

    I will be going to bed soon, so I just have a little farther to go and it'll be three days in a row.

    Thanks for the support.

    I'll see you in the morning!

    Tomorrow is going to be a great day for us.
  • Pudding1980
    Pudding1980 Posts: 1,264 Member
    You're both doing amazing!!!
  • JenH1550
    JenH1550 Posts: 46
    Thanks!

    SOMEONE DROP THE BALLOONS AND CONFETTI!

    I'm so happy I'm seriously tearing up.

    I went THREE DAYS.

    Read that: THREE DAYS without a binge.

    It's the first time this year I've done that.

    (Crap, I really am going to start weeping in a sec.)

    It's the first time in all of 2014 that I ate like a sane human three days in a row.

    It's the first time this year I went three days without hating myself for being disgusting, and weak, and greedy, and horrible.

    (And there go the waterworks.)

    Big deal for me.

    Thanks for being there.

    On to day 4!
  • girlviernes
    girlviernes Posts: 2,402 Member
    Balloons, confetti, and a big-*kitten* smile :)

    You are kicking butt!!
  • zericaaaaa
    zericaaaaa Posts: 313 Member
    Today is hard man.

    Today is draaagggin and I'm hungry.

    My last two-day bender in Little Debbie/Cereal/Peanut Butter/Eggo world set me up to want a lot of food and my body is starting to resist.

    It KNOWS that I can't make it this long without giving in.

    I prelogged most of my food for today, so I know what to expect and when.

    All I can think of is food. My stomach is growling.

    I set a timer and I'm literally just sitting at my desk, doing no work, reading success stories, chewing gum and drinking water.

    I can do this.

    I can do this.

    Lunch is 12 minutes away and it will be filling, healtful and satisfying.

    ARRRGGG!

    I can do this.

    (I might throat punch someone if any sweets show up in the break room. Today is hurting. )

    How are you guys doing?

    Battling_bing, keep hanging on — yesterday cannot matter. It just can't. So today you are kicking buns, and I'm so happy for you. It's a great feeling.

    Crepes, love your pic!

    I love this!! this is exactly what I'm doing right now! work 8-5 today and I packed a lunch, wanted to eat it at 8:05 lol but so far I've only eaten the few snacks I brought along! still have a sandwich, pretzel thins, cheese AND a fiber one brownie! the waiting game is so hard lol
  • zericaaaaa
    zericaaaaa Posts: 313 Member
    p.s. a HUGE congrats on your 3 days binge free!!!! ah-freakin-mazing!!!!
  • layla_luvyah
    layla_luvyah Posts: 107 Member
    Way to go!!:flowerforyou:
  • Pudding1980
    Pudding1980 Posts: 1,264 Member
    Hope today was a success!
  • JenH1550
    JenH1550 Posts: 46
    Yesterday I started to lose it.

    I had a granola bar... then some peanut butter... I had cookies...

    Then I stuffed gum in my mouth, drank water, popped plain hot air popcorn, made a cup of herbal tea and reigned it back in.

    I'd taught a class and taken a class so I had a lot of calories to eat back, which meant it was all OK . I didn't screw up and then give up and gorge.

    I. Felt. Like. A. Ninja.

    FOUR days in a row.

    I'm going to a birthday party for a friend's kid today.

    There will be cake. And food. And merriment.

    I'm worried, but I feel good. Being worried should keep me on my toes.

    How's everyone else doing this weekend?
  • JenH1550
    JenH1550 Posts: 46
    I have a new goal!

    Yesterday I stayed in calorie range but made some bad choices for food. I picked cake.

    BUT ONLY A LITTLE CAKE.

    Cake in any form has lots of fat and sugar though (sigh)

    I did make it all day without binging. So that's a world record.

    Five. Days.

    When I look at the reports for net calories for the week, I am almost to a place where the entire week is under that red line.

    That's my goal.

    Today and tomorrow binge free.

    I'm literally holding my breath. I think I can do this.
  • jen_zz
    jen_zz Posts: 1,011 Member
    JenH you can do this! Rooting for ya. Keep writing back!
  • crepes_
    crepes_ Posts: 583 Member
    I'm so crazy proud of you! This is an amazing victory. Please let us know!
  • JenH1550
    JenH1550 Posts: 46
    WAHOOO!

    I started to roam last night.

    That restless stalk in the kitchen, were I go in and wander, look at stuff, go out...

    The roam ALWAYS precedes a binge. I'm scoping stuff out in preparation for eating it ALLLLL.

    And I didn't.

    I worked out really hard last night. I built in dessert first and shaped the rest of my day arournd a Klondike bar.

    AND, when I had calories left over and felt the binge ready to pounce, I ate portion-controlled fruit and cereal, stayed under my calories limit, made a cup of tea and WALKED OUT OF THE KITCHEN.

    It was awesome. I felt like a million bucks.

    Today I'm so happy, and honestly everything seems brighter. I was staring at the sky, just grinning like a loon.

    Food tastes better. I had a big (healthy breakfast) and it tasted amazing. Then, I felt full.

    I am filled with gratitude for having six days of freedom from the binge. I appreciate every single one.

    How's everyone else doing on this beautiful day.
  • JenH1550
    JenH1550 Posts: 46
    BONUS!

    I am one day away from having a full week report in the "good" range.

    When you do the reports at the top, and do the weekly net calories report... every single day this week has met net calories, or been below. I have nothing above the red bar.

    If I can make it through today, then it'll be a whole week.

    I joined in the beginning of May. I've lost weight, gained weight, gave up, came back.

    I have never, not once, had an entire week where every single day was binge free and under (or at) net calories.

    Today is my day.

    If I can make it through today on track, I can do anything.
  • jen_zz
    jen_zz Posts: 1,011 Member
    Yay!!
  • girlviernes
    girlviernes Posts: 2,402 Member
    This is awesome, you are doing awesome. Yay!!
  • Pudding1980
    Pudding1980 Posts: 1,264 Member
    Jen. You are my new idol. I'm waiting with bated breath to see how you do. Amazing!
  • JenH1550
    JenH1550 Posts: 46
    ONE. FRICKIN'. WEEK. BAY-BEEEEEEEE.

    One. Fickin' WEEK! EEEEPPPPPPP!

    I'm like, overjoyed.

    Yesterday was the hardest day yet. PArt of me was like, "I can't do this anymore when every day gets more and more difficult."

    I'm returning to college after more than a decade, and the club I'm in had a "welcome back" night.

    I'd pre-logged everything but dinner, and there I am with only like, 200 calories for my dinner. Which was cool. I could eat really light and sit on my butt, or I could eat heartier and go for a quick walk. No. Worries. I had this. I had a pre-logged ice cream waiting for me, too, so I could make it through anything.

    Nope.

    Welcome back night was handing out snacks to students. I had to man a table of crumb cakes, chex mix and wise potato chips. My PORES were drooling. I was SWEATING because I was so stressed out handling this food and trying to control myself.

    On bitty bag of Chex Mix would have been my dinner, you know?

    I got home late, and I'm starving. I make a reasonable dinner. Only a little over my goal. I can do a little yoga in the back room and maybe not even break a sweat. I'm exhausted, and I don't want to go out for a walk/run.

    Then a tree falls on my house and punches a hole in the roof.

    This will not be covered by insurance.... because we're right in the middle of changing insurance, and our NEW insurance company just scheduled our home inspection for October. They will be looking for things like roof-holes in order to cover us.

    And I don't need to tell you what my emotional response was.

    It all crashed down. I was tired.

    I was tired of fighting myself. I wanted to not think. I just wanted to not think and feel OK.

    I grabbed cereal and started eating it while eyeballing the rest of the snacks in the pantry...

    My poor husband drags in, and I ask if he needs help...

    Then, I logged my calories, strapped on my music and shoes, and went out waking/running until I'd burned off the extra calories.

    It was awful. Then, it wasn't so awful. Then it was amazing, and everything was a little better.

    I made it one week, and I don't even know how.

    Yeah, I do. I made it because you are all here.

    Bingeing is so lonely. So, so lonely.

    Being here with you makes it feel less so.

    I love youse guys!
  • JenH1550
    JenH1550 Posts: 46
    PS.

    I told my husband about my binge eating problem.

    Showed him last week, where I averaged 4,000 calories a day. Including the two days I was sick as a dog and could barely walk.

    Showed him this week.

    He took it well, probably didn't understand it at all, but said he was proud of me, and that's what I needed to hear.

    So in the spirit of healing ourselves in the open, I want you to know that I'm proud of YOU. No matter what small victory you have, I know how hard it was to get that victory, and I'm so happy that you did it.

    PEACE!


    (PS. I think I'm going to move to a blog after this. Posting daily helps me tremendously, but I don't want to be a thread-hog. What do you think?)
  • crepes_
    crepes_ Posts: 583 Member
    I like the blog idea, just because I see your posts in my newsfeed and it's easier to keep track of your amazing progress. I'm so incredibly proud of you. I'll blame hormones, but you had me tearing up. You're inspirational. It's so good to see one of us getting so many amazing victories and taking so much control. You're entirely capable of beating this thing and I can't wait to see you progress even more.

    While your husband may not understand the intricacies of what you're going through, he does know what it's like when you feed good vs when you feed bad. He also knows that your calorie range recently has been fantastic. He may not know just how much that means to you, but you know he's proud of you for what you've accomplished so far. You're awesome!
  • BoubouChan
    BoubouChan Posts: 163 Member
    Jen, your posts are really motivational. You're doing great! It's been tough for me these days and I'm starting to feel like I can turn things around.

    When you said "Bingeing is so lonely", I got a bit emotional. That is so true. There is no comfort in bingeing.
  • Pudding1980
    Pudding1980 Posts: 1,264 Member
    That is so, so amazing. Good for you!

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