Anyone else waiting for marriage equality?
peacehawk
Posts: 421 Member
My partner and I recently celebrated our 20 year anniversary. We are still waiting to get married though. I want it to be legal, not pretend and not partly maybe possibly recognized in some places and not others (including our home state of Michigan). There are several lawsuits pending in our state alone. We have gone to the federal court in Detroit several times to witness history in the making. It has been really exciting at times, infuriating at others, and a bit boring at others.
My church has been holding marriage equality rallies every month at our county courthouse. The county clerk even stops by to support us. He isn't allowed to give us licenses yet, but seems as excited as my partner and I at the prospect.
What is the state of matrimony in your part of the world?
Oh, yeah, and I should mention that this traveling to D kills the caloric and monetary budget between gas and eating out, but it is worth it. (mentioned that because, after all, this is a weight loss website.)
My church has been holding marriage equality rallies every month at our county courthouse. The county clerk even stops by to support us. He isn't allowed to give us licenses yet, but seems as excited as my partner and I at the prospect.
What is the state of matrimony in your part of the world?
Oh, yeah, and I should mention that this traveling to D kills the caloric and monetary budget between gas and eating out, but it is worth it. (mentioned that because, after all, this is a weight loss website.)
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I live in Australia and we don't have marriage equality here. Personally, I don't support the state needing to legitimise a partnership between myself and another, I believe that personal relationships should not be interfered with by the state (Wether to legitimise or ban it) HOWEVER, due to the ongoing discrimination of sex, sexuality and gender diverse people in Australia, Marriage equality is an important step that we as a nation need to take. In Australia, suicide, suicidal ideation, and other forms of self harm are up to 14% higher in the LGBTI community than the mainstream community. Research shows that the poor mental health outcomes are related to social determinants, in particular the experiences of discrimination, social exclusion, isolation and the failure of generic health service interventions and prevention strategies to be inclusive of sex, sexuality and gender diverse people and their needs. The most likely time for an LGBTI person to commit suicide is when "coming out". Marriage equality will be an indicator that it is "ok to be gay", and if all "queers" were able to get married today, well, the little ones growing up would know too, that being gay is not only ok for the likes of Ellen & Portia, but the everyday people too.0
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I hear you about not wanting the state involved. I used to be set against getting married, but since my partner and I have both faced health challenges, and she lives with an incurable immune disorder which could kill her, I realize that getting married is the only way to ensure that we can make medical decisions, make arrangements for the disposition of each other's bodies when we die, and keep our stuff. It seems like kind of a lame reason to get married, but it is important to us for several reasons...
When my partner's dad died, her sister didn't tell her for 4 days, which allowed her enough time to get him creamated and set him on her mantle. Their dad was a Mormon, and this is against his religion. He already had everything paid for and arranged, right down to the sacred underware. This shows me that her family would have no regard or respect for her wishes. She doesn't want to get stuck on her sister's mantle, alongside her dad. She wants to be sprinkled in the mountains and set free, or have a green burial and return nourishment to the Earth.
Also, a good friend of ours died 5 years ago. She and her wife had been together 33 years, they got married in Canada, and also had every t crossed and i dotted in terms of possible legal protection. Even with this, her wife could not sign the cremation order. The state said only her sick, elderly father or her 8 year old daughters could do that. The father did. Then, when her wife went to renew the license plates on their car, the state of Michigan said it was not her car. Both names were on the title, but when one died, the state automatically transferred ownership to her closest living relative-her father. Luckily, he signed it right back over. This old conservative white Catholic republican was spitting mad that the state had so disregarded his daughter's life and wife that they erased her from legal existance. Even he now thinks marriage equality is necessary!
Even though we haven't had a ceremony, time, stress, strain and history have shown that we are already committed to one another. A piece of paper is just a piece of paper, except when it is not.0 -
My partner and I were married through a handfasting 6 years ago. however we are waiting to get married here in Kansas, USA. We are waiting on the 10th circuit to clear things but as far as as circuit goes our state and Oklahoma will be among the last of the 10th circuit. We have a state constitutional ban that also violates national constitution in that they are denying equal protections. I would love to do a renewal of vows and make our relationship legal if nothing else so that should I pass or need to go inpatient, he won't be destitute or could visit me in the psych ward.
every year here someone tries to pass a religious freedom bill... pity they won't ever sign their name.0 -
my partner and I have been together for 3 years now. and we are still waiting for marriage equality to come to the state we live in now. Florida is currently very close to legalizing marriage! I am very anxious and excited to finally get to call my F2M faience my husband! it has been a long and emotional process for us both. I wish this wasn't a issue like it is. but the end result will be so much sweeter once it is all done.0
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I'm in the UK. My partner and I have been together for 15 years and had a Civil Partnership in 2008. Now that the law has finally changed, marriage is possible here for same sex couples, but the Government still hasn't decided how people in a Civil Partnership can "upgrade" to a marriage.
I'm hoping that some information will be available later this year...I'm not holding my breath though!0 -
I'm in California. My wife and I have been together for 14 years and got married in that brief window we had in 2008. When Prop 8 passed, we were scared we'd be divorced by the state. Luckily, we ended up being one of the limited-edition marriages which helped throw a wrench in the Prop 8 people's soup. So we are very legally married. And I have to say that even as civil partners, the state recognized us and gave us the same rights and responsibilities as regular married folk, for the most part. (It was the federal rights that were being held out of reach, and companies based outside CA that could discriminate against us.)
However, even though we are protected and safe, we have been stuck in CA for years. For most of them we only had Massachusetts as a possible place to live outside CA. Now we have a few more choices, but, damn it, we're Americans and should be free to move about the country. Folks shouldn't have to move states (or countries!) to be seen as real citizens, and others shouldn't be trapped and have to refuse job and college offers because they're only "legal" in select places. Marriage equality should be universal.0 -
I'm getting married in NJ in 10 days. Looking forward to it.0
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My wife and I were legally married in New York. However, we recently relocated to Missouri (for professional and financial reasons as well as to be closer to family). I don't think marriage equality is coming to this state for a long time, and it's weird to have people look at me strangely when I mention "my wife" (they're not being mean, they are just genuinely confused. I have to relearn to say "my partner," I guess!).0
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Now we have a few more choices, but, damn it, we're Americans and should be free to move about the country. Folks shouldn't have to move states (or countries!) to be seen as real citizens, and others shouldn't be trapped and have to refuse job and college offers because they're only "legal" in select places. Marriage equality should be universal.
I couldn't have said it better. this week has been one heck of a ride on the national marriage equality bus, hasn't it? My sister and her wife were one of the 360 couples in Michigan that got married. Still no recognition for them here though. 8 Michigan couples fought for recognition in federal district court. My partner and I went to the hearing, even though my sister wasn't one of the 8. The judge sounded like he didn't want to be the one to make any decision. He wanted the supreme court or the voters or the 6th circuit to do it. the last words he mumbled as he stood to leave were "Well, we'll be making some decisions." and he left. The entire courtroom sat stunned in silence at his abrupt exit. I may have been the first one to talk when I said (after he retreated to his chamber), "when, in 5 minutes or 5 months?" everyone laughed and started talking. that was about 2 months ago. still no ruling.0 -
My wife and I were legally married in New York. However, we recently relocated to Missouri (for professional and financial reasons as well as to be closer to family). I don't think marriage equality is coming to this state for a long time, and it's weird to have people look at me strangely when I mention "my wife" (they're not being mean, they are just genuinely confused. I have to relearn to say "my partner," I guess!).
Well, now is as good a time as any for them to get used to it. Marriage Equality will soon come to a state near you! Have you experienced any threats or harm down there? Or are you more selective about who you reveal yourself to?0 -
One of the things I'm concerned about with all of this patchwork equality is that millitary families who have no choice about where they are stationed are being relocated to states where their marriages and two parent adoptions are being declared legally null and void. This doesn't apply to me directly, but it is a huge concern for many. I have met people who resigned from long careers because they were about to0 be stationed somewhere that their marriage would be dissolved by the state.0
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Marriage equality just came to NC! Now we just have to save up the money lol0
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I had a civil partnership (a civil gay "marriage" before the Govt would allow the term) six years ago. Now gay marriage is legal, I will "upgrade" as soon as it the mechanism is decided upon.0
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I am all for gay marriage but I doubt my partner and I would ever get married simply because we do not trust it would still give us the same rights. e.g. I was in the hospital once and it was clear that she was my partner. They refused to talk to her, instead, giving my release instructions to my mother. Thankfully, my mother is very supportive and spoke up, telling them that she wasn't the one going home with me. I am very wary that that sort of thing wouldn't change regardless of whether it is legal or not.
![:\](https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/resources/emoji/confused.png ":\")
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babygatorgirl wrote: »Marriage equality just came to NC! Now we just have to save up the money lol
YAY! I'm so excited for you!
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Saratini76 wrote: »I am all for gay marriage but I doubt my partner and I would ever get married simply because we do not trust it would still give us the same rights. e.g. I was in the hospital once and it was clear that she was my partner. They refused to talk to her, instead, giving my release instructions to my mother. Thankfully, my mother is very supportive and spoke up, telling them that she wasn't the one going home with me. I am very wary that that sort of thing wouldn't change regardless of whether it is legal or not.
Anyone has the right to designate their legal medical power of attorney. All hospitals have the forms on hand. Ask for one.
I also encourage everyone to get a form called "Five Wishes". You can designate your POA with it, and detail end of life and funeral wishes. I don't have the website handy, but I will try to find it to post it here.
I'm glad your mom understood what you needed.
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Here is a link for five wishes: www.agingwithdignity.org0
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Thank you peacehawk! I will definitely look into it. That is the only place in life that we find it hard....anything medical.0
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We are waiting for it down here in Florida.0
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We are waiting for it down here in Florida.
I think you are closer than us. It kills me that conservative states like Wyoming and Utah have it before Michigan and Ohio, which are more moderate. Michigan's AG says he will appeal all the way to the supreme court if the 6th circuit rules in our favor. Unfortunately, hardly anyone knows he even has an opponent next month who will immediately stop the appeals.0 -
I'm from New Mexico originally and an old high school friend got married to her partner there last year - the first gay couple in the county. And it was brilliant, not just seeing how happy she was, but also hearing how it went down (in an 'in your face' kind of way).
Because when the bigots see people getting equal rights and they speak up and share their stupidity, everybody gets to see just how crazy and meaningless their bigotry really is.
New Mexico had a couple of court cases in different counties that okayed gay marriage - without making any new laws - because the state had gender neutral marriage laws, the way it was written, so it shouldn't be illegal. Some of the other counties start writing marriage licenses right away, even though the decisions didn't affect their county specifically.
My old county, though, WAS in the set of counties where a decision was made that gay marriage was legal. And still, the county wouldn't give my friend and her wife-to-be a license. They had to take it to court (which thankfully was decided in less than a week).
The best part was when the judge is listening to the arguments. He didn't seem to care one way or the other UNTIL the county gave its arguments. The #1 argument - the paperwork for the marriage certificate that the courts had only had male-female options, so they couldn't possibly issue a marriage license. 0.o
The judge's response was perfect, disgusted look on his face and all. "In this state, oddly enough, we make decisions based on the actual law rather than what our forms have printed on them."
Kodak moment, seriously.
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Yeah!! NV we can now do it. Just waiting for the perfect time!0
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I'm from New Mexico originally and an old high school friend got married to her partner there last year - the first gay couple in the county. And it was brilliant, not just seeing how happy she was, but also hearing how it went down (in an 'in your face' kind of way).
Because when the bigots see people getting equal rights and they speak up and share their stupidity, everybody gets to see just how crazy and meaningless their bigotry really is.
New Mexico had a couple of court cases in different counties that okayed gay marriage - without making any new laws - because the state had gender neutral marriage laws, the way it was written, so it shouldn't be illegal. Some of the other counties start writing marriage licenses right away, even though the decisions didn't affect their county specifically.
My old county, though, WAS in the set of counties where a decision was made that gay marriage was legal. And still, the county wouldn't give my friend and her wife-to-be a license. They had to take it to court (which thankfully was decided in less than a week).
The best part was when the judge is listening to the arguments. He didn't seem to care one way or the other UNTIL the county gave its arguments. The #1 argument - the paperwork for the marriage certificate that the courts had only had male-female options, so they couldn't possibly issue a marriage license. 0.o
The judge's response was perfect, disgusted look on his face and all. "In this state, oddly enough, we make decisions based on the actual law rather than what our forms have printed on them."
Kodak moment, seriously.
Love that. In Michigan, the big argument is about marriage being important for the state to regulate procreation. you would think that means that older people, or barren couples also can't get married, but nope, only us queers can't procreate.
One argument was also the forms though. in the Deboer-Rowse case though, Oakland County Clerk, Lisa Brown, who was a defendant in the case was brilliant. she said, yup, I'm wrong for not issuing them a marriage license, but I have to follow the law and I've already submitted a gender neutral form to the state for approval, but they refused it. She also said that she was eager and willing to issue marriage licenses as soon as she can. Oakland county was one of 4 counties in Michigan that opened for Saturday hours to get people married. My sister and her wife were one of around 360 couples married that day. They got their license in Oakland County. The licenses were hand altered to be gender neutral.
I live in Genesee County. The county commissioners refused to allow our county clerk to open that day. My partner and I were in his office, after hours when the ruling went through. He was really heartbroken that he couldn't issue a license then and there. Now he is being sued by a couple for not recognizing their out of state marriage. He is upset and out of frustration, he filed a response to get the suit dropped. He is now catching crap from his own party from that. He is a democrat, and has been late to being on board with marriage equality, but now that he is in, he is very committed and his feelings are hurt by the lawsuit. He has become a friend through this experience.
We are anxiously awaiting equality.0 -
Sad tonight, listening to election results. May have to eat my grief in baby carrots.0
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My partner and I are getting married in December in Chicago. We also live in Michigan, and were planning to move to a state with marriage equality but fate has given us a new direction. I trust that Michigan and the rest of the county will not be far behind, it is only a matter of time.0
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Mourning in Michigan today. The appeals court ruled against us. I'm headed to the Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Flint to regroup, party and plan the next step. If you are in the area, come on over.0
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My wife and I got married in D.C. in May, on our 10th anniversary of being together. Then we came back home to Georgia and lost all our rights as we crossed state borders.
I am confident, though, that marriage equality will be the law of the land before long. Unfortunately, backward states like Georgia will have to be dragged kicking and screaming into it, just as they were with civil rights in the 1960's.
In the meantime, we had wills, healthcare proxies, and powers of attorney drawn up by our lawyer, so we have some protection (though even with these documents, it is not absolute). Of course, this was all so much more expensive than being able to just go to the local court and pay $15 for a marriage license! But I wouldn't change it for the world. We had a lovely, private ceremony that I will treasure forever. 0
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