I am new here and am nervous. I am just happy I found this community bc I fear judgment from people so much. I recently realized how bad out of control my eating has become. I binge eat daily and I sneak food so people don't see how much I truly eat. I never think about how much I'm eating and have made myself numb to it. I am a major emotional eater and depend on it as my coping strategy. My therapist is currently helping me with self worth and self compassion.
My weight is taking it's toll, I am 5'9, 32 yrs old, and (gulp) 220lbs my heaviest ever. I am constantly fatigued, no self confidence, and can't stand looking at myself in a mirror, in pictures, or even do Facetime with my dear friend. I also have hypothyroidism and am getting my medication regulated after I had my daughter as it came back really low (probably due to the excessive weight gain).
I feel I have lost all ambition and motivation to fix myself. I like vegetables (don't care much for fruit) but there's something that triggers when I am fixing meals that disgusts me with healthy food. Maybe it's the fact I'm not a good cook or maybe it's that I've fallen so far off the wagon I am bitter about it, I have no clue but it's almost as if I rebel against healthy stuff and binge on anything and everything I can get ahold of. I never cared for chocolate growing up but now can put down the giant sized symphony bar plus a king size kitkat with a Pepsi, then after all the sweet I counteract the sugar with sour or salty like fried chicken.
I bought some steamables veggies and fish and chicken to bake. I'm ready to stop binging and being so overweight. I plan on starting walking but am intimidated by that even at this point. I don't have money or access to a gym as I live in a rural area.
I would love to get advice on how to lose the whole 70lbs and stay motivated and how to avoid eating when emotions take over. Thank you in advance to any help!