It's adults way of being bullies. Passive aggressive snide comments. usually caused by the persons own internal issues are struggles.
Maybe someone could come and give a workshop on WLS or who knows, but educating and knowledge can go a long way in getting past those negativities.

Most of my coworkers didn't know that I had VSG surgery when it happened.

At nearly 60 lbs lost since my June surgery, by this point, people are constantly asking what I did to lose my weight. I chose not to share the surgery information with everyone. That position has evolved. To date, the people in my office who know are those who I trusted to be respectful and those I thought genuinely wanted to know how I did it and would benefit from that information because of their own issues.

To tell you the truth, I haven't told any of my male coworkers, and none of them have asked. I didn't tell my employers what surgery I was having (though they knew I was out because I took sick time for the surgery and recovery), because I feared they would talk about it without my permission, and because I didn't want to have to deal with anyone suggesting that my surgery was anything less than 100% medically necessary. As you suggested, some people think that the surgery is "the easy way" or the lazy way or unnecessary. I don't agree with that position.

Every person and workplace is different, but I know there was an incident at my workplace shortly before I started working here 7+ years ago, where the entire office learned from one of the bosses that a female staff member was out for breast reduction surgery, and certain of the men in the office felt at liberty to discuss her proportions and to lament that they would be changing. The thought of being discussed by my male coworkers over the lunch table made me want to yak, so I decided to keep it mum.

You make your own decision. Give it some thought. Just remember, you can never untell someone your medical information, and once told, you can't restrict their ability to retell your story for you (and G-d only knows what they might add outside of your presence).

I agree fully, While the closest people in my life- family, closest friends are well aware of my surgery and all of the hard work that it has taken to maintain, I have chosen not to openly discuss my medical information with every person I know, as Katematt313 said, once that info is out there...you can stop people from sharing it.
- My thing is this...I know I've worked really hard, and still do...there are days its a big struggle...but for someone to take that away from you/us is not fair...so I don't allow it...comments like that roll right off my shoulder...and i use it for motivation...! Let them hate.

ruqayyahsmum wrote: »

i was recently asked how i lost weight. when i said i had gastric bypass i was told i had cheated. my response was...
" listen love the only thing i cheated was death"
and then i walked away

Fantastic response!!!

sleepingarby wrote: »

Using a ride on mower is "the easy way out" no one criticizes people for those things because it's common to take the "easy way out" on those things without making others self conscious. Never do you hear, "Well sure Ralph's lawn looks good. He took the easy way out by getting a ride-on mower". Yeah, but Ralph had to pay for that mower and take care of that mower and store that mower plus he still has to do other work to keep the lawn looking good. The point is, these people feel like their failure vs. your success is due to a perceived unfair advantage. It's really a veiled excuse for their failures. You could comfort them by reassuring them that they probably have a nice lawn instead.

Love this, and it is spot-on. Comments like that ARE a veiled excuse for the failures of the speaker.

One of the things that gets me is that most of the people I know who've had WLS have lived a life with major impediments to maintaining a healthy weight - they can be physical, emotional, or social impediments. These people start out with a disadvantage that makes it harder to be healthy.

Using your analogy, it is like having a yard the size of a baseball field, or one with very hilly topography - if you're going to mow it and make it look good, it takes more effort and you're more likely to need that ride-on lawnmower than the guy next door, who can maintain his little patch of grass with a weed whacker.

That guy might look at you and think, "what a lazy guy, all he needs to do is _____ and he'd be all set." Little does he know your prior struggles, and all of the effort you've expended, often with little to show for it.

I think that the pre-op struggle to get to and maintain a healthy weight, for many of us, was probably akin to mowing a baseball field with a weed whacker. Backbreaking effort, with little to show for it, despite all of the work that you put in. You never make any real headway. Before long, you think that making any effort at all is an exercise in futility, and you just quit. The grass continues to grow, and things just get worse.

All along, all you needed was the right tool for the job.

The unfortunate difference between the analogy and real life is that your neighbor would see you, ineffectually swiping at your baseball field, and he would shout over the fence, "Hey, Bob! Time to buy that ride-on lawnmower, eh!?"

Not so with obesity. Don't know why it is, but there are a lot of people out there who can look at an obese person, and judge them to be a lazy slob, without knowing anything else about them other what can be seen with the naked eye.

Laurac727 wrote: »

this is wonderful!!! made my night reading them and I will stock them up for use later. Right now I am just getting kick back from certain family member in such as oh I don't believe that at all. so are you really going to have the surgery. just starting to really piss me off and I get to have this one live in my house for the holidays OH FLIPPING JOY to me!! [or maybe it is day 4 caffeine free talking and being witchy!! naaaaaaaaaaaaa couldn't be that ]

At some point, you will rise above the pettiness and recognize that it only speaks to the person with the negativity. If you are confident in your decision and the path you have chosen, smile serenely and thank the person for their concern. It will make you feel good, and likely really piss the other person off (which is a slightly petty bonus!).

Rob

very good article thank you

To the people who say omg but you can die from the surgery...guess what you have the risk of dying anytime you go under for any procedure. Who would of thought someone would die from getting an endoscopy?? Joan sure didn't.

Great thread. I just reinforces my decision to keep things private. I plan on telling no one at work and have only confided in 2 friends. One who has had WLS and one who is going through pre-op with me. I have a very supportive husband and 2 teenage daughters who are totally on board. As for the rest of my family - they may or may not be told post-surgery. It depends on how difficult it might be to keep it under wraps at family gatherings where all we do is eat! Is that difficult to disguise?

I have not hid any of what I am going through. Not saying it is right or wrong. I am completely comfortable and willing to discuss this kind of topic with ignorant or uneducated individuals. I have had in depth conversations with coworkers about the surgery, what it entails, struggles and reasons. I look at this as a way to start to educate the general public on the procedure. I do not think anyone should do this if they are not comfortable or easily have their feelings hurt. All of you hang in there and I am sorry you have had to hear those negative things, when you did not invite them.

I'm only a little over 2mo post op. But so far I've gotten "oh is that all you lost?" "I bet you would of felt better if you could of just lost it on your own." And my favorite.... "You can't eat (incert something bad here), sucks to be you!"
All by my friends. Awesome huh!!!